When kids are little, people often talk about how old they are in terms of months. That seems to last until they are two, at which point they just become two, and not 24 months; then they are 'just turned two,' then 'almost 2 1/2,' then 'almost three.' In typing out that I'm almost 25 weeks post-surgery, it struck me that I should really be talking in terms of months and not weeks. It has been almost six months. Six months. Somehow that seems much longer than 25 weeks.
The past month has been rough. I had a sinus infection turned respiratory infection followed by a GI bug followed by the flu, and everyone else in my family also had the latter two, which was fun. Not. This basically kept my son out of daycare for two weeks, during the most hectic time of the year for both me and my husband. There is just nothing like your body ejecting anything and everything out both ends AND having to clean up after two kids doing the same AND THEN having to drag yourself into work because it's finals week. (I can teach with a cough, with a sore throat, with a fever, with a headache, with a blood clot, with a painful hip, and even while loopy on pain meds, but being in class with a GI bug is The. Worst.) Nevertheless, my husband and I rallied, and recovered soon enough to do a little bit of Christmas shopping the last two days before Christmas, and we had a lovely Christmas. I feel so lucky. I truly have a blessed life, which makes me feel bad when I do what I am about to do, which is complain.
In the midst of so many horrible things happening in the world, it seems sort of petty to still be pissing and moaning about my hips, yet I realized the other day that even nearly six months post-surgery, my hips are always on my mind. The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is wiggle my legs around to see how my hip is feeling, and there really isn't anything I do during the day during which I do not think about my hip at least once while doing it - even if it is just trying to get into a comfortable position to sit and watch TV. And it is the worst at night, trying to get comfortable so I can go to sleep. Granted, I have trouble falling asleep in general, but the pain in my hips and especially my inability to lie on my side without pain just makes my insomnia worse (which is why I am writing this entry at 1:30 in the morning). I feel like the chronic pain is really taking a toll on me. It's not life-threatening or even life-altering, but it's always there and it's always on my mind and is somewhat exhausting, both physically and mentally. I've really tried to accept the pain for what it is, and that has actually helped, but I hate that it is always there, that it is something I have to think about 100 times a day, even if just for a few seconds. I am completely aware that this is a 'first world problem,' and while I'm thankful I don't have something more urgent to take my mind off of my painful hips, I'm also wishing they would feel better already. I mean jeez.
In more positive news:
1. The pain seems to be about the same no matter what I do, which is a good thing in a twisted sort of way. LOL. I figure if my hip hurts the same whether I'm lying down or sitting down or riding my bike, I might as well, like, do stuff, right? We had planned a ski trip, which was supposed to happen a week ago, and I was anxious to see how my hip would hold up. Unfortunately, we had to cancel the trip because of the flu, but hopefully we can squeeze in a make-up trip sometime within the next month. At any rate, I went skiing last spring, when my hip was at the height of its painfulness, and skiing honestly hurt less than walking, so I figure if I am going to be in pain, it might as well be while doing something fun.
2. The meloxicam definitely helps. I mentioned that I had stopped taking it for a brief period while I was taking so many other meds, and I noticed that my hip started to hurt a lot more. I started to take it again, then ran out. When I got the prescription refilled, I also dropped off the script for naproxen/Aleve that my orthopedist had suggested I try as an alternative to the other meds. I tried it for about a week and it didn't help nearly as much. While I really don't like having to take an anti-inflammatory regularly, I definitely feel better now that I started taking the meloxicam regularly again.
3. My left hip feels mostly better. Aside from the fact that I can't really lie on my left side and fall asleep, it doesn't bother me too much during the day. This is a small victory considering my left hip didn't hurt much at all until I started physical therapy, but... oh well. WCYD?
4. My leg feels pretty much entirely better, even when I squat down. I am hopeful this means that the blood clot is gone, because I would really love to get off the Xarelto in February, which is when I'm going to go in for another ultrasound.
I'm going in to see my orthopedist on January 8th, and I basically have zero expectations. I'm undecided on the path I want to take after he tells me to wait another few months, and everything will be okay. But, I still have a while to contemplate this. In the meantime, I still hold out hope for a less painful 2015. Happy New Year!
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