Inappropriate

This is going to be an inappropriate post, on a couple different levels. But then again, breast cancer is an inappropriate cancer. I was reading a 'You know you're a breast cancer patient when...' on the breastcancer.org web site, and someone wrote that you know you're a breast cancer patient when you go to the dentist and accidentally start unbuttoning your shirt, because you're so used to showing people your boobs. LOL.

Anyway. I thought maybe this depressing and gross blog needed a funny story.

I wrote in my last entry that when I asked Dr. T to meet my mom, he poured on the charm, because I told him that she was afraid of doctors. Afterwards, I was certain he must have left a good impression, and the baby in me still seeks my mom's approval. So when we got out to the car and she hadn't said anything, I was anxious.

Finally, she was like, 'Okay...' Pause. Then followed with, 'There goes your theory.'

'Huh?' I asked, confused. 'What theory?'

* * * * *

Let me explain.

I've mentioned before that I was adopted. I was born in Thailand, although I've been told by Thai people that I don't look Thai, and by Chinese people that I look Chinese. Anyway, I'm Asian.

I've mentioned that Dr. T is Korean, and so is his wife, who, like me, was also adopted.

I don't know of any appropriate way to say this, so I'll just say it: I don't find Asian men attractive. I never have. Not that there are many Asians where I grew up, so it was kind of a non-issue. It's not as if there were hoards of Asian guys wanting to date me, and I refused because I thought they were ugly. But apparently I did tell my mom that I hoped I didn't have boys when I had kids, because then they would be ugly. (I know you aren't supposed to say mean, shallow things like that, and there is a lot of diversity in Asia, and yada yada yada, I'm just telling it like it is. LOL.)

* * * * *

'Your theory,' my mom said, 'that Asian boys are ugly.'

Eventually my mom added, for clarification, 'Oh my God, Waning, he is gorgeous!'

I contemplated this, and then was like, 'He is?!' I guess I'd always thought he looked like Glenn, from The Walking Dead, who is, I suppose, attractive? I mean, for an Asian dude. Honestly, I hadn't really thought about it. I mean, of course, I'm in love with Dr. T, you know that. Ha. But it never occurred to me it was because he was gorgeous. I mean, I'm in love with Dr. L, too. LOL. I soon found myself contemplating whether Dr. L was attractive or not. I've never really been able to separate personality from actual looks, so I just figured I love her because she is probably the most lovely woman I've ever met. I tried to picture Dr. L in my mind, then thought, yep. She's attractive. OMG, DO I ONLY LOVE THESE PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY ARE DROP-DEAD GORGEOUS?! Am I THAT SHALLOW?! Then again, there are actual real studies that show how it really pays to be attractive; attractive people even get lighter jail sentences than ugly people! ( = random fact that I remember from introductory psychology)

I could say that because I'm married, and not dating, I don't spend a lot of time thinking about whether people are attractive. (Not to mention, trying to get over a strange man seeing you naked and feeling your breasts on a regular basis would be far more awkward if you were consciously aware that said strange man is apparently the The Hottest Man On Earth.) And yet... my mom is also married, and not dating, and will be 67 tomorrow, and went on and on and on and on the whole 65 miles home about how darling and gorgeous Dr. T is, and do you think his wife is as good-looking as he is? And, 'I was expecting someone much older and chubbier, with glasses, but he is beautiful!' OMG, eeeeeeeeewwww, my mom is lusting after my surgeon! I felt like I was in junior high. I don't know if it is horrifying or hilarious. Horrifyingly hilarious.

In the end, all that charm, all those compliments, the passionate I became a doctor to help people monologue to try to convince my mom that doctors are okay, and all my mom was doing was thinking inappropriate thoughts the whole time. Oh. mygod. I will never be able to open my eyes ever again at an appointment.