Today was another blah day. I feel tired, sore, and unmotivated. My pain is actually manageable; it's the drain that is bothering me the most. When I take a deep breath or do movements involving twisting, I can feel the drain pushing against my chest wall or pinching my skin. It's not overly painful, but awkward. I've also developed minor bouts of phantom itching, which is maddening, and hopefully temporary.
But I think the hardest part right now is emotional. It's hard to get motivated to do try to fully recover - to start going on walks, for example - when I know that recovery much worse than this one looms ahead. Unfortunately, I feel like this has sort of been the story of my summer. I've never fully recovered from anything because there has always been something bigger looming. Eventually I will need to escape from this trap, given that there is no end in sight. This is a forever condition.
Bleck.
I hate this.
Hang in there woman. It sounds miserable. I'm thinking of you.
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