Happy!

I had a surprisingly great day today, so I just have to document it. I worry that this blog is too much WOE IS ME, so I should make an effort to write about the good days, lest you get the impression I'm all gloom and doom (even though I am, hahaha).

I can't begin to describe the level of exhaustion I've felt over the past week. My body is still adjusting to going back to work, and on top of this, it's exam week, so I've been grading, grading, grading, and more grading. Also, yesterday, I had to cover a class for a colleague. The class was one that was originally mine, but that I passed off to aforementioned colleague, so when she asked me to sit in for her due to a family issue, I could hardly say no. Even though it was just an exam - so literally, all I had to do was SIT there - it exhausted me, and I came home and took an hour-long nap.

Then, today, I had to go back to another class that another colleague has been covering for me. So basically this was my first FULL week back. I was super nervous about going back to this particular class, because it's my nemesis class, and no matter what I do the students seem to hate me or the class or both. Also, the colleague who was covering it for me gets way better teaching evaluations than I do (granted, she has never taught this particular class before), so I was nervous the students would be bummed I was back. Plus, I'm not exactly feeling super confident clunking into the class on crutches and all, ya know? AND on top of all of this, today's material was possibly theeeee most boring material I cover in the entire course. I can't think of a worse way to come back than to show up on crutches, return exams (which always pisses some people off), and then talk about cell membranes and free energy change and entropy and thermodynamics for three freaking hours. >:-(

BUT! The class went really well, and my students seemed super enthusiastic and engaged - or at least as engaged as you can be about thermodynamics. (Snore.) At the end of class, a couple students sort of shouted out, 'Thank you, Waning!' Like... for what? Showing up to class and lecturing? Last I checked, that's my job. LOL. But it was very sweet, like they were really happy I was back. (This class is second semester intro biology, so I've had many of them before. And to be fair to myself, I did my very hardest to make the lecture as entertaining as humanly possible, complete with pictures of divers, my son at the top of a climbing wall, myself jumping out of a swing, and failed human towers.) My students' enthusiasm totally made my day! It actually energized me and made me feel happy to be back, rather than counting down the days until the end of the semester, which is what I'm normally doing around this time in the semester.

And OMG, despite the morale boost, I came home and graded and graded, then took an hour-long nap. And then I graded some more. And now I'm soooooo ready for bed, but I'm feeling very happy and optimistic nonetheless.

As self-conscious as I feel about my situation, I'm learning to accept it, and even embrace some aspects of it. I don't have an openly warm fuzzy personality, and a lot of times my students find me somewhat cold and standoffish. Not that I want to play the WOE IS ME card, but... sometimes you need some extra help. LOL. While I'm feeling vulnerable, they're seeing me as more human. They don't necessarily know a lot of details about my ordeal, but they do know it was enough that I missed a month of class and now I still can't walk, yet I'm there for them anyway. What's humbling for me might just be a good thing.

Silver linings, silver linings. It's at least something to cling to for the moment.