- My hip still feels good! Given that I was feeling good the last time I saw my orthopedist, and that I'm still feeling good, I must be going on almost four weeks of feeling good. I still have low-level pain, and pain when I get up after sitting for a while (déjà vu all over again), but it is so much better than it has been, and even better than it was before surgery (um, finally). It seems sort of ridiculous to be excited over the fact that almost four months after surgery, I feel better than before the surgery, but, hey, whatever.
- Of all the things I've tried post-surgery, it seems like the best thing I've done for my hips is to stop physical therapy. (LOL - What's wrong with this picture?)
- My surgeon's MA called me last week, on Friday. My cell phone told me it was from ABC Orthopedics, which immediately made me nervous. It was my orthopedist's MA, who seems like a super sweet woman. I don't know if it's because she really cares a lot or if it's because it's her job to clean up after unresponsive orthopedists and she's just really good at her job, but either way, she's always super nice and seems extremely competent as well. I was relieved it was her and not my orthopedist (although who are we kidding - why would it be him?). She said she had gotten 'another e-mail' from me and went on to say that she was sorry my doctor hadn't responded to me, that she had given him my results, and said that she would have stayed on him if she knew he hadn't gotten back to me. Eventually I figured out that she was talking about the nastygram I sent on Tuesday, and I told her that my doctor had in fact gotten back to me. She seemed relieved, and when I told her, 'Yes, I finally worked a response out of him,' she laughed somewhat knowingly and said apologetically, 'I'm sorry you feel like we aren't taking care of you.' She actually sounded very sincere and not snarky or anything. Since I was at work and didn't really want to get into it with her (it's not her fault), plus I was shocked by her apology and didn't know how to respond, I just said, 'Oh, well, thank you for that,' and confirmed that I would see them on November 7th. And that was that.
- In other other news, I've been having some GI issues. I'll spare you the details. LOL. They started about two weeks ago after having sushi, which can always be a cause for concern - though I've never gotten sick from sushi, even sushi that I've eaten in a strip mall in Nevada. (I can't say the same for McDonald's.) However, since no one else in my family got sick, I ruled out the sushi. Of course my next concern was that it is the medication I'm on, as both the Xarelto and the meloxicam are causes for concern. And then there is always the concern that I'm just a hypochondriac, and the anxiety I cause myself by being a hypochondriac either causes or exacerbates symptoms I already have (which may be due to anxiety from hypochondria or 'real' reasons). I do have some experience with GI stuff, and GI stuff is tricky. Eventually I concluded that anxiety and hypochondria alone were unlikely to produce such nasty symptoms for so long. (In my experience, anxiety can produce pain, but not usually bleeding.) So, I stopped taking meloxicam on Friday because of concern over my GI tract, plus the fact that my hip is still feeling pretty good. I figured it would be a good test for my hip, and not taking meloxicam hasn't had any effect on my hip. Granted, it has also not had much of an effect on my GI tract, but I have to figure if it's having zero effect, good or bad, I might as well not take it.
- I've been feeling sort of crappy overall, so I added Vitamin D back in to my pill-taking regimen. So now instead of taking Xarelto + meloxicam in the morning, I take Xarelto + Vitamin D. So far it doesn't seem to be helping, when I subtract out the possible placebo effect. Which leads me back to my original diagnosis of anxiety and hypochondria. HA!
Showing posts with label pt after hip arthroscopy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pt after hip arthroscopy. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
No News is Good News (16 Weeks + 1 Day)
I don't have a lot to say, and that is a GOOD thing. Very good!
Friday, October 3, 2014
Baby Steps (12 Weeks + 4 Days)
So back to more practical matters.
Ever since the semester started, I've only been able to make it to PT once a week, even though my orthopedist was still recommending twice a week at my last visit. Honestly, I could make twice a week work, but with my old PT, AJ, it wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth the time or the money. Also, back in August, I mentioned to AJ that I would be cutting back to once a week once the semester started and he thought that was fine. At the time, he said I was doing great, and he actually thought that pretty soon I wouldn't need to come in at all.
Ha.
Several weeks ago, I wrote about how AJ broke up with me. For the past few weeks, I have been seeing Beth, who, despite being 'just' a PTA, is, like, 100x better than AJ. Okay so maybe not 100x, but at least 2 or 3 and maybe even 10. She's just a lot more hands on than AJ, which has actually been pretty helpful. At least, I leave PT with a sense of accomplishment rather than a feeling of extreme depression. I left PT yesterday feeling positive enough about PT that I actually made two appointments for next week.
Something I haven't discussed a lot recently is the pain in my left hip (the non-operated side). This is mostly because Isort of totally can't
deal with this right now, so I've tried to block it out. Unfortunately,
the pain has recently become un-ignorable because it is preventing me
from comfortably sleeping on my left side, and since I can't sleep on my
right side, either, this has led to a lot of sleepless nights, which
reeeeaaaalllly gets to me. I can't stand not getting enough sleep -
although it happens frequently, which probably goes a long way toward
explaining my bad personality, lol.
After a consultation with Dr. Google, I diagnosed myself with bursitis. (This doesn't take a rocket scientist.) And honestly, it doesn't seem to matter what any of any of this is, as non-surgical options for most conditions are the same: rest and ice. (And trust me, I'm 110% anti-surgery at this point.) Unfortunately, 'rest' in a lot of cases means crutches, just like AJ suggested, but let's not go there right now. However, one recommendation for bursitis is a cortisone injection into the bursa - LOL, sound familiar? The up side to this is that it is both diagnostic and therapeutic, just like a cortisone injection into the hip. If it takes away the pain, you know what you're dealing with; if it doesn't help, you can eliminate bursitis as a cause of pain. The down side is, of course, that as I've learned from experience, cortisone injections hurt like fucking hell and are also pretty pricey. Plus, the more I read about cortisone, the more I'm convinced that it's got to be really bad for you or at least not good for you, especially if you use it a lot; after all, it's a steroid. So I wasn't exactly jazzed about a cortisone injection; nonetheless, my left hip has become quite painful and I realize I will have to deal with it at some point.
Yesterday I mentioned to Beth that my left hip hurt quite a bit. She massaged it for a while and suggested that we try a cortisone patch, which basically delivers cortisone to a site without the need for an injection. Instead, the cortisone is delivered via iontophoresis, which is driven by a small battery in the patch. (I looked all of this up after the fact.) Although I've used patches for back pain before (which I'm pretty sure were just numbing/painkilling medications), the idea of the cortisone patch was new to me, and sort of exciting. A cortisone shot without the shot!
And... I have to say... two thumbs up for the cortisone patch. My left hip feels so much better today, I can't even tell you. The sort of funny thing is that I woke up and was like OMG my hip feels amazing! only to realize that my groin area was killing me. It was as if the pain just moved from my bursa into my groin. LOL. However, after a day full of activity, I'm pretty sure the current pain is actually just soreness from all the stuff I did in PT yesterday.
Beth also suggested trying a patch on my right side, and I figured why not. After all, what is one more dose of steroids in the large scheme of things? And as long as it doesn't involve a needle, it seems relatively free of risk. Basically the patch didn't do anything for my right side, but that is at least good information. So it's likely not bursitis on my right side. And actually, at my last appointment with my orthopedist, he did 'check' for bursitis, and he concluded that bursitis was not the problem. I say 'check' in quotes, because I have little faith in his physical examination skills, but I at least agree with him now. :) Unfortunately, when it comes to my right side, crossing bursitis off the list leaves me with much less palatable possibilities, which, in accordance with my last post, I am not going to worry about for the time being. I'm just happy to have some relief in my left hip.
Baby steps, baby steps. :)
Ever since the semester started, I've only been able to make it to PT once a week, even though my orthopedist was still recommending twice a week at my last visit. Honestly, I could make twice a week work, but with my old PT, AJ, it wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth the time or the money. Also, back in August, I mentioned to AJ that I would be cutting back to once a week once the semester started and he thought that was fine. At the time, he said I was doing great, and he actually thought that pretty soon I wouldn't need to come in at all.
Ha.
Several weeks ago, I wrote about how AJ broke up with me. For the past few weeks, I have been seeing Beth, who, despite being 'just' a PTA, is, like, 100x better than AJ. Okay so maybe not 100x, but at least 2 or 3 and maybe even 10. She's just a lot more hands on than AJ, which has actually been pretty helpful. At least, I leave PT with a sense of accomplishment rather than a feeling of extreme depression. I left PT yesterday feeling positive enough about PT that I actually made two appointments for next week.
Something I haven't discussed a lot recently is the pain in my left hip (the non-operated side). This is mostly because I
After a consultation with Dr. Google, I diagnosed myself with bursitis. (This doesn't take a rocket scientist.) And honestly, it doesn't seem to matter what any of any of this is, as non-surgical options for most conditions are the same: rest and ice. (And trust me, I'm 110% anti-surgery at this point.) Unfortunately, 'rest' in a lot of cases means crutches, just like AJ suggested, but let's not go there right now. However, one recommendation for bursitis is a cortisone injection into the bursa - LOL, sound familiar? The up side to this is that it is both diagnostic and therapeutic, just like a cortisone injection into the hip. If it takes away the pain, you know what you're dealing with; if it doesn't help, you can eliminate bursitis as a cause of pain. The down side is, of course, that as I've learned from experience, cortisone injections hurt like fucking hell and are also pretty pricey. Plus, the more I read about cortisone, the more I'm convinced that it's got to be really bad for you or at least not good for you, especially if you use it a lot; after all, it's a steroid. So I wasn't exactly jazzed about a cortisone injection; nonetheless, my left hip has become quite painful and I realize I will have to deal with it at some point.
Yesterday I mentioned to Beth that my left hip hurt quite a bit. She massaged it for a while and suggested that we try a cortisone patch, which basically delivers cortisone to a site without the need for an injection. Instead, the cortisone is delivered via iontophoresis, which is driven by a small battery in the patch. (I looked all of this up after the fact.) Although I've used patches for back pain before (which I'm pretty sure were just numbing/painkilling medications), the idea of the cortisone patch was new to me, and sort of exciting. A cortisone shot without the shot!
And... I have to say... two thumbs up for the cortisone patch. My left hip feels so much better today, I can't even tell you. The sort of funny thing is that I woke up and was like OMG my hip feels amazing! only to realize that my groin area was killing me. It was as if the pain just moved from my bursa into my groin. LOL. However, after a day full of activity, I'm pretty sure the current pain is actually just soreness from all the stuff I did in PT yesterday.
Beth also suggested trying a patch on my right side, and I figured why not. After all, what is one more dose of steroids in the large scheme of things? And as long as it doesn't involve a needle, it seems relatively free of risk. Basically the patch didn't do anything for my right side, but that is at least good information. So it's likely not bursitis on my right side. And actually, at my last appointment with my orthopedist, he did 'check' for bursitis, and he concluded that bursitis was not the problem. I say 'check' in quotes, because I have little faith in his physical examination skills, but I at least agree with him now. :) Unfortunately, when it comes to my right side, crossing bursitis off the list leaves me with much less palatable possibilities, which, in accordance with my last post, I am not going to worry about for the time being. I'm just happy to have some relief in my left hip.
Baby steps, baby steps. :)
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Obviously work is the problem. (11 Weeks + 3 Days)
The good news: My leg feels a lot better, which I hope means my blood clot is gone, or at least going away. Aside from remembering to take my Xarelto every morning, I rarely think about DVT anymore.
The bad news: My hip pain is back. With a vengeance. Ugh. No matter how many people tell me I just have to be patient, it just doesn't feel right. I feel like it is way too long after surgery to still be feeling this much pain.
Today at PT, I was explaining to AJ how I went hiking over the weekend and felt great, but that the pain returned midday on Monday, after my first class. He replied definitively, 'I know what the problem is!' Even though he has never even really tried to give me an explanation for any of the problems I've presented to him over the past 10 weeks, I was actually stupid enough to believe him. LOL. After all, even my new therapist - who is actually a PT Assistant - suggested maybe it had something to do with hiking and then sitting in a car for so long. My own idea is that it is the effects of the cortisone wearing off already.
However, AJ went on to say, 'Obviously work is the problem!'
I had to laugh at that one. He may be on to something. But I'll save that discussion for my other blog.
Just for the record, my current pain is very specific. It is the combination of flexing my hip, bending my leg, and putting weight on it, that is killing me. Examples of activities that require this combination of motions: going up stairs, going down stairs, getting into my car, sitting down, standing up, and bending over. Interestingly enough, I was able to do a fair amount of exercises at PT today without much pain because none of them required all three of these motions together.
I know I sound like a broken record, but ohmygosh when is this going to end?!
The bad news: My hip pain is back. With a vengeance. Ugh. No matter how many people tell me I just have to be patient, it just doesn't feel right. I feel like it is way too long after surgery to still be feeling this much pain.
Today at PT, I was explaining to AJ how I went hiking over the weekend and felt great, but that the pain returned midday on Monday, after my first class. He replied definitively, 'I know what the problem is!' Even though he has never even really tried to give me an explanation for any of the problems I've presented to him over the past 10 weeks, I was actually stupid enough to believe him. LOL. After all, even my new therapist - who is actually a PT Assistant - suggested maybe it had something to do with hiking and then sitting in a car for so long. My own idea is that it is the effects of the cortisone wearing off already.
However, AJ went on to say, 'Obviously work is the problem!'
I had to laugh at that one. He may be on to something. But I'll save that discussion for my other blog.
Just for the record, my current pain is very specific. It is the combination of flexing my hip, bending my leg, and putting weight on it, that is killing me. Examples of activities that require this combination of motions: going up stairs, going down stairs, getting into my car, sitting down, standing up, and bending over. Interestingly enough, I was able to do a fair amount of exercises at PT today without much pain because none of them required all three of these motions together.
I know I sound like a broken record, but ohmygosh when is this going to end?!
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Breaking Up is Hard to Do (10 Weeks + 1 Day)
I realize that my incessant whining is probably pretty tiresome at this point - I'm even tired of listening to myself - but I know that I have crossed some sort of threshold when there is zero charge for my latest visit to the orthopedist, and even my physical therapist has given up on me. Okay, so the latter is not exactly true, but I did see a different therapist today (and quite frankly, it was awesome).
The sort of funny/sad part about this is that my whining is not nearly what it could have been. When I last saw my therapist on Thursday, I was feeling okay. However, I apparently had a terrible reaction to the cortisone injection that I got last Wednesday. Although the injection itself didn't hurt as much as it did the first time, the post-injection elation was pretty short, and not only that, I was in horrific pain on Friday and Saturday. On Friday, I could not walk without extreme pain, and since I was home alone with my son for most of the day, I decided to save myself the agony of limping around all day and just use a crutch. But only me and my son knew about this; it was our little secret. After a heavy duty pain pill on Friday night, I was feeling a little better by Saturday, and since my husband was around, I was able to take it pretty easy.
Dr. Google told me that I was likely experiencing a 'cortisone flare,' which is when the steroid crystallizes in the joint and causes intense pain. I knew this was a possibility after consulting Dr. Google prior to my first injection, but it wasn't really on my mind since it didn't happen the first time. Fortunately, I was back to normal, or at least 'normal' on Sunday, and by Monday I felt pretty good. So WHATEVER it was on Friday and Saturday, it is now gone, thank God.
Anyway.
I've been planning on going out of town this week/weekend with my parents and my son for a long time. It is my dad's birthday, and my parents originally invited the whole family, but my husband and daughter are going on a trip, so it is just me and my son. As I've been quite busy, the trip sort of snuck up on me, plus I did not realize that we were leaving on Thursday instead of Friday. To make a long story short, I had to rearrange my schedule for the week sort of last-minute, including PT, which I've been going to on Thursday afternoons. My orthopedist has recommended continuing PT twice a week, but since I started back to work, I just can't seem to fit it into my schedule twice a week, plus it's not so awesome that I'm that motivated to make it fit into my schedule. I could have just cancelled PT this week, but... it seemed like a long time to go without it. So I moved my appointment to today, Tuesday, instead.
Now, for reasons I won't go into here, I've been doing some 'research' on physical therapy places in town, and it has made me realize that the clinic I am going to is sort of the 'big box store' version of PT clinics: limited one-on-one time with an actual therapist and a lot of time with aides. Other PT clinics boast that you will never spend time with 'unskilled' aides or assistants, and your whole appointment will be one-on-one with your PT. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about this. I mean I GET why this is a good thing, but I've mentioned I'm not crazy about my therapist, and the thought of spending 45 minutes with him one-on-one sort of gives me the heebie jeebies. LOL. I actually enjoy some of the aides quite a bit, and most of them are perfectly capable of hooking me up to the electrical stim machine. (Hell, I'm capable of hooking myself up by now.) And it was because of an 'unskilled' PT assistant that my blood clot was finally diagnosed after I spent a month whining about how much my leg hurt, including to both my orthopedist and physical therapist. Nevertheless, I am sort of confused about how appointments work and how patients are distributed amongst the physical therapists at the clinic I'm currently going to. My therapist often has, like, three or even four people he is trying to take care of at once, which can get frustrating. Meanwhile, it seems as if most of the other therapists aren't nearly as busy. I don't know if there is some pecking order as far as who gets to see patients or what, but it's not as if I requested my therapist in the first place, so if he's that booked, why didn't they just put me with someone else from the beginning?
At any rate, I was sort of annoyed this morning when AJ came out into the waiting room and there were two of us booked for the same time, plus two people already inside he was also working with. I realize that I changed my appointment at the last minute, but if he was busy, they should have just told me so, and I would have just cancelled. (Again: Big Box Store. Appointments = Money.) However, after AJ got one of the other guys going, he came back out and sat down next to me. He looked like a boyfriend getting ready to dump his girlfriend. LOL. He sort of sheepishly said that there were some 'scheduling issues' and that he had a proposal. He seemed a little nervous, so I was thinking he was going to ask me to, like, jump out the window or something, haha. He then went on to say that my issues at this point were mostly soft tissue issues and that one of the other therapists had an open schedule right now and could work with me one-on-one for the whole time today, and would take me into a more private place to be able to do a little more than out in the open. (It is hard to work on hips in a clinic with an open floor plan; I've had to plan my wardrobe around this.) Then he added, 'And actually, she's a lot better than I am with soft tissue,' and went on to say that he had already filled her in on my history. It was as if he were giving me a sales pitch. LOL. The smart aleck in me had a hard time resisting saying something along the lines of, 'You mean you are breaking up with me?!' but since I'm not sure he has the greatest sense of humor, I just agreed. The funny thing is that it's not as if I even like him that much, so... I honestly didn't really care. I do have issues with change, which is probably why I've stuck with him for so long, but it's not as if I minded the idea of working with someone else.
So... my appointment was with Beth today, and she was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. She told me that unfortunately, the private treatment room in the PT clinic was currently being used for storage, and took me into the casting room in the orthopedic area. She then massaged my hip, thigh, and back for a good 20-30 minutes, which was reeeealllly good in that semi-painful type of way. But AJ was right; she was A LOT better than he is. HA! And she was very pleasant, too, which was a pleasant surprise. (She just never struck me as pleasant before, but after today I feel she is probably a lot like me - not super outgoing or overly friendly on a superficial level, but perfectly lovely on a personal level.) Of course, in my mind, there is basically no amount of unpleasantness that can't be overcome by a good massage, but it is icing on the cake to be able to have a good conversation while you are simultaneously getting massive pain relief.
When I left PT today, it was a bit awkward because I soooo wanted to complete the break up with AJ, but I felt like I needed his permission. LOL. I quickly debriefed with him and told him that Beth had been extremely helpful. I then said that I was going to make an appointment for next week on my way out and wondered if he thought it would be a good idea for me to see Beth again. He pretended to hesitate and then said he thought it would be a good idea, that he thought this might be helpful for me.
I skipped all the way out. And I thought that maybe, after all, I can fit PT in twice a week like my orthopedist recommended. :)
The sort of funny/sad part about this is that my whining is not nearly what it could have been. When I last saw my therapist on Thursday, I was feeling okay. However, I apparently had a terrible reaction to the cortisone injection that I got last Wednesday. Although the injection itself didn't hurt as much as it did the first time, the post-injection elation was pretty short, and not only that, I was in horrific pain on Friday and Saturday. On Friday, I could not walk without extreme pain, and since I was home alone with my son for most of the day, I decided to save myself the agony of limping around all day and just use a crutch. But only me and my son knew about this; it was our little secret. After a heavy duty pain pill on Friday night, I was feeling a little better by Saturday, and since my husband was around, I was able to take it pretty easy.
Dr. Google told me that I was likely experiencing a 'cortisone flare,' which is when the steroid crystallizes in the joint and causes intense pain. I knew this was a possibility after consulting Dr. Google prior to my first injection, but it wasn't really on my mind since it didn't happen the first time. Fortunately, I was back to normal, or at least 'normal' on Sunday, and by Monday I felt pretty good. So WHATEVER it was on Friday and Saturday, it is now gone, thank God.
Anyway.
I've been planning on going out of town this week/weekend with my parents and my son for a long time. It is my dad's birthday, and my parents originally invited the whole family, but my husband and daughter are going on a trip, so it is just me and my son. As I've been quite busy, the trip sort of snuck up on me, plus I did not realize that we were leaving on Thursday instead of Friday. To make a long story short, I had to rearrange my schedule for the week sort of last-minute, including PT, which I've been going to on Thursday afternoons. My orthopedist has recommended continuing PT twice a week, but since I started back to work, I just can't seem to fit it into my schedule twice a week, plus it's not so awesome that I'm that motivated to make it fit into my schedule. I could have just cancelled PT this week, but... it seemed like a long time to go without it. So I moved my appointment to today, Tuesday, instead.
Now, for reasons I won't go into here, I've been doing some 'research' on physical therapy places in town, and it has made me realize that the clinic I am going to is sort of the 'big box store' version of PT clinics: limited one-on-one time with an actual therapist and a lot of time with aides. Other PT clinics boast that you will never spend time with 'unskilled' aides or assistants, and your whole appointment will be one-on-one with your PT. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about this. I mean I GET why this is a good thing, but I've mentioned I'm not crazy about my therapist, and the thought of spending 45 minutes with him one-on-one sort of gives me the heebie jeebies. LOL. I actually enjoy some of the aides quite a bit, and most of them are perfectly capable of hooking me up to the electrical stim machine. (Hell, I'm capable of hooking myself up by now.) And it was because of an 'unskilled' PT assistant that my blood clot was finally diagnosed after I spent a month whining about how much my leg hurt, including to both my orthopedist and physical therapist. Nevertheless, I am sort of confused about how appointments work and how patients are distributed amongst the physical therapists at the clinic I'm currently going to. My therapist often has, like, three or even four people he is trying to take care of at once, which can get frustrating. Meanwhile, it seems as if most of the other therapists aren't nearly as busy. I don't know if there is some pecking order as far as who gets to see patients or what, but it's not as if I requested my therapist in the first place, so if he's that booked, why didn't they just put me with someone else from the beginning?
At any rate, I was sort of annoyed this morning when AJ came out into the waiting room and there were two of us booked for the same time, plus two people already inside he was also working with. I realize that I changed my appointment at the last minute, but if he was busy, they should have just told me so, and I would have just cancelled. (Again: Big Box Store. Appointments = Money.) However, after AJ got one of the other guys going, he came back out and sat down next to me. He looked like a boyfriend getting ready to dump his girlfriend. LOL. He sort of sheepishly said that there were some 'scheduling issues' and that he had a proposal. He seemed a little nervous, so I was thinking he was going to ask me to, like, jump out the window or something, haha. He then went on to say that my issues at this point were mostly soft tissue issues and that one of the other therapists had an open schedule right now and could work with me one-on-one for the whole time today, and would take me into a more private place to be able to do a little more than out in the open. (It is hard to work on hips in a clinic with an open floor plan; I've had to plan my wardrobe around this.) Then he added, 'And actually, she's a lot better than I am with soft tissue,' and went on to say that he had already filled her in on my history. It was as if he were giving me a sales pitch. LOL. The smart aleck in me had a hard time resisting saying something along the lines of, 'You mean you are breaking up with me?!' but since I'm not sure he has the greatest sense of humor, I just agreed. The funny thing is that it's not as if I even like him that much, so... I honestly didn't really care. I do have issues with change, which is probably why I've stuck with him for so long, but it's not as if I minded the idea of working with someone else.
So... my appointment was with Beth today, and she was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. She told me that unfortunately, the private treatment room in the PT clinic was currently being used for storage, and took me into the casting room in the orthopedic area. She then massaged my hip, thigh, and back for a good 20-30 minutes, which was reeeealllly good in that semi-painful type of way. But AJ was right; she was A LOT better than he is. HA! And she was very pleasant, too, which was a pleasant surprise. (She just never struck me as pleasant before, but after today I feel she is probably a lot like me - not super outgoing or overly friendly on a superficial level, but perfectly lovely on a personal level.) Of course, in my mind, there is basically no amount of unpleasantness that can't be overcome by a good massage, but it is icing on the cake to be able to have a good conversation while you are simultaneously getting massive pain relief.
When I left PT today, it was a bit awkward because I soooo wanted to complete the break up with AJ, but I felt like I needed his permission. LOL. I quickly debriefed with him and told him that Beth had been extremely helpful. I then said that I was going to make an appointment for next week on my way out and wondered if he thought it would be a good idea for me to see Beth again. He pretended to hesitate and then said he thought it would be a good idea, that he thought this might be helpful for me.
I skipped all the way out. And I thought that maybe, after all, I can fit PT in twice a week like my orthopedist recommended. :)
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Roller Coaster (8 Weeks + 2 Days)
I feel as if I am on some insane roller coaster ride, which I at least know is not uncommon, from reading other people's hip surgery blogs. The irony is that I've seen enough terrible things happen that I really don't take much for granted. I thank the powers that be every day for my children and for their health and for my health and for the jobs that my husband and I have that keep a roof over our heads and on and on. Yet even after reading a bunch of hip blogs, most of which were pretty much hip horror stories, I really didn't think that would be me. I worry about all sorts of things - like my kids being snatched off the playground or having a fatal allergic reaction, and ever since a friend of mine and her three kids died after being swept away by a flash flood and drowning, I worry about us being swept away by a flash flood and drowning. And considering that a few days before surgery I found out that one of my daughter's classmate's mom died during routine surgery, it did cross my mind to worry that I might actually die. But once I woke up from surgery and realized I wasn't dead, it never occurred to me I might be one of those people who didn't actually benefit from surgery, who might have to go on and have more and more surgeries, who kept a blog that lasted for five years when it should have only lasted for five months. I mean, I'm not saying I'm there yet, but over the past few days I've been having to come to terms with the possibility that this surgery didn't actually do anything for me. Because for the past few days, I have been feeling, well, exactly like I did before the surgery - the only difference being that now, in addition to hip pain, I also have a massive blood clot. Awesome.
At any rate, in case you couldn't tell, I'm in a lot of pain right now, and I am extremely unhappy about it. I know that it is possible I am feeling a lot of pain because over the past two weeks I have not only returned to work, but also tried to return to normal by doing a lot of 'normal' stuff. For example, I spent all of Monday - in honor of 'Labor Day' - working in the yard. Admittedly, this included taking a tumble off of my husband's camping stool that I was trying to use to weed, seeing as how I can still not squat down, and maybe that has something to do with my current pain, but still. It has been over eight weeks since the surgery and my gut is telling me that I shouldn't be having this much pain over eight weeks post-surgery. I also feel like my hip should be healed to the point where a little stress here and there should not result in agony. It's not as if I crashed on my bike, which despite all my temptations, I have still not tried to ride. But then again, what do I know?
I just sent an e-mail to my orthopedist telling him some of these frustrations, but I guess part of why I feel so discouraged is because I have no faith that he can do anything about it. I have no faith that anyone can do anything for me right now. I've sort of talked myself into having a good relationship with my physical therapist, and I appreciate a lot of what he has done for me, but at the same time, he's not extremely helpful with anything that pushes the limits of his rather small comfort zone. He just tells me to talk to my doctor about it. I also don't feel as if he has any sort of long-term plan for my rehab; it seems to be a lot of day-to-day improvisation. It's an unsettling feeling to know that no one is going to help you. I could completely handle the pain right now if I had faith that there was something that could be done for it, or there were at least some plan.
If I sound very bitter... well, I'm not. Not exactly, anyway. I actually really like my doctor, and his medical assistant is super sweet, which is what makes some of this frustration even more difficult for me to handle. I do actually want to feel ANGRY over a lot of this, but... I understand. I touched on this a little on my other blog, where I wrote about the similarities between my job and my orthopedist's job. When I decided to have this surgery, I had full faith in the surgeon - otherwise I'm sure I wouldn't have gone through with the surgery. I still believe he is pretty brilliant, and a very competent surgeon. Unfortunately, things haven't gone as planned, and he seems to be a little lacking in the area of 'when things don't go as planned.' Maybe this is lack of experience or something else, but whatever it is, I can relate. I'm sure he sees a ton of patients every week, just as I have a ton of students every semester. By necessity, I teach with a 'one size fits all' mentality. Medicine, in my experience, is also like this - not because practitioners don't realize that one size doesn't actually fit all, but because they don't have time for the outliers. As much as I tell students to come see me if they need help, I honestly don't know how much help I can give them if they just don't get it. I try, just as my orthopedist tries and my PT tries, but at times I fail. I can go on living with myself because I figure that what I do works for probably 70-ish % of my students, and WOULD work for another 20-ish % if they did their part, and thus, I'm only failing to meet the needs of 10-ish %. It's not a bad statistic from my point of view, it just sucks if you're in that small minority. And I seem to be in my orthopedist's minority of 'people he cannot deal with.' Like I've said before, karma is a bitch.
At any rate, in case you couldn't tell, I'm in a lot of pain right now, and I am extremely unhappy about it. I know that it is possible I am feeling a lot of pain because over the past two weeks I have not only returned to work, but also tried to return to normal by doing a lot of 'normal' stuff. For example, I spent all of Monday - in honor of 'Labor Day' - working in the yard. Admittedly, this included taking a tumble off of my husband's camping stool that I was trying to use to weed, seeing as how I can still not squat down, and maybe that has something to do with my current pain, but still. It has been over eight weeks since the surgery and my gut is telling me that I shouldn't be having this much pain over eight weeks post-surgery. I also feel like my hip should be healed to the point where a little stress here and there should not result in agony. It's not as if I crashed on my bike, which despite all my temptations, I have still not tried to ride. But then again, what do I know?
I just sent an e-mail to my orthopedist telling him some of these frustrations, but I guess part of why I feel so discouraged is because I have no faith that he can do anything about it. I have no faith that anyone can do anything for me right now. I've sort of talked myself into having a good relationship with my physical therapist, and I appreciate a lot of what he has done for me, but at the same time, he's not extremely helpful with anything that pushes the limits of his rather small comfort zone. He just tells me to talk to my doctor about it. I also don't feel as if he has any sort of long-term plan for my rehab; it seems to be a lot of day-to-day improvisation. It's an unsettling feeling to know that no one is going to help you. I could completely handle the pain right now if I had faith that there was something that could be done for it, or there were at least some plan.
If I sound very bitter... well, I'm not. Not exactly, anyway. I actually really like my doctor, and his medical assistant is super sweet, which is what makes some of this frustration even more difficult for me to handle. I do actually want to feel ANGRY over a lot of this, but... I understand. I touched on this a little on my other blog, where I wrote about the similarities between my job and my orthopedist's job. When I decided to have this surgery, I had full faith in the surgeon - otherwise I'm sure I wouldn't have gone through with the surgery. I still believe he is pretty brilliant, and a very competent surgeon. Unfortunately, things haven't gone as planned, and he seems to be a little lacking in the area of 'when things don't go as planned.' Maybe this is lack of experience or something else, but whatever it is, I can relate. I'm sure he sees a ton of patients every week, just as I have a ton of students every semester. By necessity, I teach with a 'one size fits all' mentality. Medicine, in my experience, is also like this - not because practitioners don't realize that one size doesn't actually fit all, but because they don't have time for the outliers. As much as I tell students to come see me if they need help, I honestly don't know how much help I can give them if they just don't get it. I try, just as my orthopedist tries and my PT tries, but at times I fail. I can go on living with myself because I figure that what I do works for probably 70-ish % of my students, and WOULD work for another 20-ish % if they did their part, and thus, I'm only failing to meet the needs of 10-ish %. It's not a bad statistic from my point of view, it just sucks if you're in that small minority. And I seem to be in my orthopedist's minority of 'people he cannot deal with.' Like I've said before, karma is a bitch.
Friday, August 29, 2014
Happy Friday! (7 Weeks + 4 Days)
It truly is a happy Friday, and I'm so grateful for that. I feel really good right now, better than I have in a long time. In fact, I just walked home from my parents' house - three blocks - with virtually no pain and no limp.
This is after a very up and down week. On Tuesday, I was extremely sore and in so much pain after a full day of work. My hip flexors in both hips were so tight, I could barely do anything at PT, so my therapist had me do some stretching and then did some massage. He had me dangle my leg off the side of the table to stretch while he was massaging my hip, which was extremely uncomfortable, but seemed to help a lot. After that, we tried electrical stimulation with heat, which seemed to release some of the tightness. I also spoke with my orthopedist's medical assistant about a pain medication that I could take that would not make me bleed, but that was also not a narcotic. She suggested that I start taking the diclofenac again. I had stopped because my post-op instructions were to take it for four weeks after surgery, which I did. However, I felt like it might be making me feel sort of crappy, and I am positive it gave me GI distress, so I stopped as soon as the instructions said I could. But on Tuesday, I was feeling sort of desperate, so I resumed. And... I definitely had GI distress on Wednesday and Thursday. Maybe it was just coincidence, but maybe not. Ugh. I have had such horrible stomachaches all week that I decided not to take it today. I remember when I first started taking it after surgery, it caused GI distress that went away after about a week, but at this point I just can't put up with that. Hip pain is easier for me to deal with than abdominal pain.
PT and a day of rest on Tuesday were very helpful, and I actually felt pretty good on Wednesday, which was another full day of work for me. I felt even better on Thursday, which was encouraging since it was after a tiring day. Compared to Tuesday, I was a whole world better on Thursday. Unfortunately, Thursday was the height of my GI distress, and although my hips and leg felt good, I was extremely nauseous throughout PT. I sort of mentioned it to my therapist, but I really didn't dwell on it just because I feel like I've been Ms. Gloom and Doom, and I hate that this is the only side of me he has ever seen. I just don't feel like that's me, and I feel like I need to be better than this, especially as I'm reaching the final stage of my rehab. So I tried to focus on how much better my hips felt. Despite my horrid stomachache, I gritted my way through a very full PT session - bike, weights, walking, marching, stretching, stretching and massage, electrical stim... I feel sort of bad because when my therapist was trying to talk to me before I left, I seriously thought I was going to throw up, so I was barely responding to any of what he said. After I got home, I lay down for an hour to let my stomach calm down, and when my stomach pain subsided, I realized that my hip felt awesome.
And today, my hips feel even better. Am I over the 'hump'? Of course, there is still the blood clot, and while my leg is still very swollen, the pain has decreased in my leg as well. There are still some motions that hurt my hip quite a bit that are slightly worrisome, given that the pain is the same sort of pain I had before the surgery, but I am trying not to think about those right now. A very hopeful thing I noticed today is that when I stand up after sitting for a while, my hip doesn't hurt the way that it used to. Before the surgery, one of the hardest things was going from sitting to standing (which I do a lot). After sitting for just 10 minutes or so, I would have to stretch for a good 2-3 minutes before I could even walk at all. Now, sort of by habit, whenever I stand up after sitting, I immediately start to stretch. But I realized today that's not necessary anymore. I do feel a little stiff still, but it's nothing like it was before. So... progress?
Also, it has been three weeks since the blood clot was diagnosed and I started taking Xarelto. This means that I get to move from taking 15 mg twice a day to 20 mg once a day, which is really nice, because I'm not good at remembering to take medication, and it was hard for me to remember to take the second dose at night. I have to hold onto the hope that the decreased pain in my leg means that the medication is working.
Happy Friday, and I hope you all have a great Labor Day weekend. :)
This is after a very up and down week. On Tuesday, I was extremely sore and in so much pain after a full day of work. My hip flexors in both hips were so tight, I could barely do anything at PT, so my therapist had me do some stretching and then did some massage. He had me dangle my leg off the side of the table to stretch while he was massaging my hip, which was extremely uncomfortable, but seemed to help a lot. After that, we tried electrical stimulation with heat, which seemed to release some of the tightness. I also spoke with my orthopedist's medical assistant about a pain medication that I could take that would not make me bleed, but that was also not a narcotic. She suggested that I start taking the diclofenac again. I had stopped because my post-op instructions were to take it for four weeks after surgery, which I did. However, I felt like it might be making me feel sort of crappy, and I am positive it gave me GI distress, so I stopped as soon as the instructions said I could. But on Tuesday, I was feeling sort of desperate, so I resumed. And... I definitely had GI distress on Wednesday and Thursday. Maybe it was just coincidence, but maybe not. Ugh. I have had such horrible stomachaches all week that I decided not to take it today. I remember when I first started taking it after surgery, it caused GI distress that went away after about a week, but at this point I just can't put up with that. Hip pain is easier for me to deal with than abdominal pain.
PT and a day of rest on Tuesday were very helpful, and I actually felt pretty good on Wednesday, which was another full day of work for me. I felt even better on Thursday, which was encouraging since it was after a tiring day. Compared to Tuesday, I was a whole world better on Thursday. Unfortunately, Thursday was the height of my GI distress, and although my hips and leg felt good, I was extremely nauseous throughout PT. I sort of mentioned it to my therapist, but I really didn't dwell on it just because I feel like I've been Ms. Gloom and Doom, and I hate that this is the only side of me he has ever seen. I just don't feel like that's me, and I feel like I need to be better than this, especially as I'm reaching the final stage of my rehab. So I tried to focus on how much better my hips felt. Despite my horrid stomachache, I gritted my way through a very full PT session - bike, weights, walking, marching, stretching, stretching and massage, electrical stim... I feel sort of bad because when my therapist was trying to talk to me before I left, I seriously thought I was going to throw up, so I was barely responding to any of what he said. After I got home, I lay down for an hour to let my stomach calm down, and when my stomach pain subsided, I realized that my hip felt awesome.
And today, my hips feel even better. Am I over the 'hump'? Of course, there is still the blood clot, and while my leg is still very swollen, the pain has decreased in my leg as well. There are still some motions that hurt my hip quite a bit that are slightly worrisome, given that the pain is the same sort of pain I had before the surgery, but I am trying not to think about those right now. A very hopeful thing I noticed today is that when I stand up after sitting for a while, my hip doesn't hurt the way that it used to. Before the surgery, one of the hardest things was going from sitting to standing (which I do a lot). After sitting for just 10 minutes or so, I would have to stretch for a good 2-3 minutes before I could even walk at all. Now, sort of by habit, whenever I stand up after sitting, I immediately start to stretch. But I realized today that's not necessary anymore. I do feel a little stiff still, but it's nothing like it was before. So... progress?
Also, it has been three weeks since the blood clot was diagnosed and I started taking Xarelto. This means that I get to move from taking 15 mg twice a day to 20 mg once a day, which is really nice, because I'm not good at remembering to take medication, and it was hard for me to remember to take the second dose at night. I have to hold onto the hope that the decreased pain in my leg means that the medication is working.
Happy Friday, and I hope you all have a great Labor Day weekend. :)
Thursday, August 21, 2014
Post Surgery: 6 Weeks + 3 Days / 4 Days UIRTW
I had a really great PT session today. It took me a while to feel good about my therapist, but I really like him now. Now, of course, when I'm almost done with PT. Go figure. I was thinking about it, and it must be sort of weird being a therapist. You get to know your patients pretty well over the course of a few months, then they go away and you never see them again. I guess my job is sort of the same, only I don't really get to know my students THAT well, plus I often do see them again. Even if I don't have them in class, they are still around.
Anyway, I did a lot of stuff with weights and resistance, and I really felt like I was getting a good workout. Then AJ did his Miracle Massage on my hip, and it was amazing. Unfortunately, after PT I was in a world of hurt. It didn't help that because of PT, I got to work very late in the morning and thus had to park about half a mile from my office. Needless to say, walking that distance up a lot of stairs and hills did not make my hips happy. (I used my cane. Seriously, that's rather embarrassing for me, but I wouldn't have made it without it.) Then I sat at my desk for about six hours, and even though I had my leg propped up somewhat (not above my heart - that is really hard for a number of reasons) my leg still swelled up. Also, my left hip throbbed for most of the afternoon. Ugh. I noticed it hurt a bit during PT but I just sucked it up because it felt so good to actually work out. I'm definitely paying for it now though.
Also, this is sort of funny. I requested a refill for my Xarelto through the patient portal on Tuesday night. I currently have to take 15 mg tablets twice a day, but after reading about Xarelto, it seems that after 21 days I can switch to 20 mg once a day, which I explained in my e-mail (you know, in case my surgeon isn't as up on Xarelto as I am, lol). I was not expecting a prompt response, as the last time I requested a refill for a prescription I had to do it twice before finally getting it. However, my surgeon's medical assistant called me on Wednesday morning just to tell me that my surgeon wasn't in, but she wanted to be sure I knew she wasn't ignoring me. Ha! I told her it wasn't a big deal - I still have about a week to go with my current prescription. I was sort of hoping I could pick the script up today, but whatever. (Something I don't understand is how the patient portal can creepily communicate with pharmacies to pull up a list of all the medications I'm currently taking, but yet cannot request refills electronically. Whatever.) However, today during PT, the MA actually came in and hand delivered the script to me. She also asked if I wanted the surgeon to come in and say hi. I replied, 'Ummmm, I guess... if he wants to,' which was obviously not a rousing endorsement, because he didn't, ha ha. I think my crying fit last week must have them really freaked out. LOL
So all in all it was not a bad day. I'm pretty much working in full crisis mode right now, which is bad for my stress but good for my productivity. Only four more days until the shit hits the fan.
Anyway, I did a lot of stuff with weights and resistance, and I really felt like I was getting a good workout. Then AJ did his Miracle Massage on my hip, and it was amazing. Unfortunately, after PT I was in a world of hurt. It didn't help that because of PT, I got to work very late in the morning and thus had to park about half a mile from my office. Needless to say, walking that distance up a lot of stairs and hills did not make my hips happy. (I used my cane. Seriously, that's rather embarrassing for me, but I wouldn't have made it without it.) Then I sat at my desk for about six hours, and even though I had my leg propped up somewhat (not above my heart - that is really hard for a number of reasons) my leg still swelled up. Also, my left hip throbbed for most of the afternoon. Ugh. I noticed it hurt a bit during PT but I just sucked it up because it felt so good to actually work out. I'm definitely paying for it now though.
Also, this is sort of funny. I requested a refill for my Xarelto through the patient portal on Tuesday night. I currently have to take 15 mg tablets twice a day, but after reading about Xarelto, it seems that after 21 days I can switch to 20 mg once a day, which I explained in my e-mail (you know, in case my surgeon isn't as up on Xarelto as I am, lol). I was not expecting a prompt response, as the last time I requested a refill for a prescription I had to do it twice before finally getting it. However, my surgeon's medical assistant called me on Wednesday morning just to tell me that my surgeon wasn't in, but she wanted to be sure I knew she wasn't ignoring me. Ha! I told her it wasn't a big deal - I still have about a week to go with my current prescription. I was sort of hoping I could pick the script up today, but whatever. (Something I don't understand is how the patient portal can creepily communicate with pharmacies to pull up a list of all the medications I'm currently taking, but yet cannot request refills electronically. Whatever.) However, today during PT, the MA actually came in and hand delivered the script to me. She also asked if I wanted the surgeon to come in and say hi. I replied, 'Ummmm, I guess... if he wants to,' which was obviously not a rousing endorsement, because he didn't, ha ha. I think my crying fit last week must have them really freaked out. LOL
So all in all it was not a bad day. I'm pretty much working in full crisis mode right now, which is bad for my stress but good for my productivity. Only four more days until the shit hits the fan.
Friday, August 15, 2014
Post Surgery: 5 Weeks + 4 Days / 10 Days UIRTW
Oh the ups and downs. I just had a fantastic PT session, and am feeling very happy right now. I know I'm going to sound completely bipolar by writing this, but since most of my recent entries have been gloom and doom, I thought perhaps it was time for something more upbeat. It's a relief to actually feel happy again; I had forgotten what that was like. :)
I wasn't actually feeling too good this morning, as I barely slept last night. I have had a pesky cough for about 10 days that will not go away and is really bad when I'm lying down. Of course, given my risk of pulmonary embolism, coughing sets off my thromboneurosis, but I really think it's just a cold. (But WTF? A cold in the middle of the summer?) Anyway, I worked from home all morning and went to PT in the early afternoon. I was surprised how good I felt when I got there, plus everyone else (PTs, PTAs, PT aides) seemed to be in a really good mood, perhaps because it's Friday.
I rode the bike for six minutes, with resistance, and it was sooo tiring for my poor, pathetic, weak legs, but it felt pretty good. Then I did my standing up exercises and some stretching, and they also felt pretty good. Stair exercises - good. Balancing exercise - good. My left hip actually feels pretty good; it is my right hip that hurts more now. But that's okay, it should hurt, right? And it still feels way better than it did before the surgery. And as AJ pointed out, it's normal that my right hip is sore - I just had surgery on it five weeks ago and am just getting back into walking again. So it's not like my right leg and left hip, which should really not be hurting. And the pain isn't awful or anything; in fact, I actually managed to walk across the entire room without limping, which seemed to genuinely impress AJ.
So...... yay.
Here's the sort of funny thing. I mentioned my bleeding to AJ the other day amidst my hysterics. In my normal state, I would have probably been too embarrassed to say anything, but my mental state was anything but normal on Tuesday. Plus, yeah, he's a guy and all, and not one of my very favorites in the world, lol, but he has a wife and three kids, so I'm sure he knows a few things about female parts. So today, we had a conversation that went something like this.
Him: So I talked to one of our nurse practitioners about your, uh, other problem.
Me: Mmmm, yeah?
Him: She was actually familiar with your case.
Me: Oh man, was I that bad?
Him (sheepishly): She thinks you really need to go see an OB. Besides, at your age and being a mom and all, you really should have one anyway.
Me: Mmmm, yeah, okay.
LOL
We were having this conversation as I was standing on the balance board, and it wasn't exactly private. Not that I care that much, because nothing is private in this PT place, so obviously if I were that sensitive about it, I wouldn't have brought it up in the first place.
BUT THEN, in the middle of it, I saw my orthopedist in the doorway. I immediately looked away and stared at the floor because I sooooo did not want to see him, nor did I want him to see me. I figured it was possible he was just walking by, although admittedly, in almost five weeks of PT, I have never seen him 'just walk by' before. So he walked in and tried to act all casual, saying something like, 'Hey! I just thought I'd pop in and say hi.' Yeah... riiiiiight. (OMG, he was totally checking up on me! And probably doing some CYA by trying show me some love. Either way - sooooo embarrassing!) I kept staring at the floor while holding totally still on the balance board, as if that might prevent him from seeing me. Unfortunately, he came straight over to me, and actually complimented me on my balancing skills. Ha. Then he asked how I was doing. I mumbled something along the lines of 'fine,' still without looking at him. Finally AJ jumped to the rescue.
AJ: She's doing very well functionally, but she isn't feeling that great. (To me) Is that about right?
Me: Mmmmm, yeah.
AJ: She's a little freaked out.
Doc: I know, but you're on medication now, so it's going to be okay. We'll get this taken care of.
Me: Mmmmm, yeah. (Dude, you sound like Tony Soprano, who gets things 'taken care of.' LOL)
AJ: Did you want to talk to him about your other problem?
I had no words at that point, but I just about died on the spot. So I just looked down at the floor harder, if that is even possible, and shook my head vigorously. I couldn't even find my voice enough to say, 'No, thank you.' So much for my teaching persona!
AJ: Oh, okay.
Doc: Okay, well, I was just stopping in to see how things were going... Bye.
And he raced off.
After he left, I told AJ, 'He knows about my problem. He can't deal with it; he's a young, male, orthopedist.'
AJ (sheepishly): Oh... sorry!
Ha ha ha, I know AJ was just trying to be helpful, and in retrospect it's sort of amusing. I wonder how my doctor made it through the OB/GYN rotation in med school.
Anyway, after that little debacle, AJ did some massage on my hip, and it was amazing. I usually prefer the hard core deep tissue massage as far as massage goes, and AJ is extremely gentle, which doesn't usually do much for me. But today he somehow managed to find knots and tender spots that he worked on, and it was actually extremely helpful.
Afterwards, I iced my hip, and while I was icing, one of the PT aides came over to talk to me. She is adorable and super sweet (and is one of the people who is praying for me :)). She told me she had had a birthday that week - which I knew because I was at PT on her actual birthday, and she was telling everyone, lol. So I asked her old she was and she said 22, which was about what I would have guessed because it seems like she just graduated from college, and she had talked to me before about some additional biology courses she would need to apply to PT school (unfortunately I don't teach any of them). I said that I remembered being 22 and it was a very fun time of my life (although thinking back, 22 actually sucked, but 23 and 24 were a lot of fun... oh well). She replied, 'What was that, like, 5 years ago?' HA HA! I informed her that I was 39 and she declared, with genuine surprise, 'WOW! I hope I look like you when I'm 39!' Then she said, 'Can I ask you something?' and sort of leaned in so the whole room didn't hear our conversation. 'What do you do for exercise? You seem really fit for someone who's 39.' She said 39 as if it were practically the same as, like, 60 or 70. LOL. At that point, I could have about died laughing. Hello! I am lying on a table icing my hip, recovering from hip surgery, I have a giant blood clot in my leg, and I just got winded walking across the room! It was as if, at the fresh, young age of 22, 39 seems so old that a 39-year-old who is able to recover from hip surgery and walk normally again 'seems really fit.' It brought me back to my first visit to the orthopedist about my hip problems when I was around her age. I didn't think twice when he told me I was going to need a double hip replacement by the age of 30, because 30 seemed so far away I just figured... whatever. Regardless, she was very genuine and said it so innocently, it just made my day... no matter how misguided she was. It was a much needed dose of unintentional humor.
I left walking sooo much better than I've been able to walk in, like, forever, and that was a really great feeling. Not bad for a 39-year-old. :)
I wasn't actually feeling too good this morning, as I barely slept last night. I have had a pesky cough for about 10 days that will not go away and is really bad when I'm lying down. Of course, given my risk of pulmonary embolism, coughing sets off my thromboneurosis, but I really think it's just a cold. (But WTF? A cold in the middle of the summer?) Anyway, I worked from home all morning and went to PT in the early afternoon. I was surprised how good I felt when I got there, plus everyone else (PTs, PTAs, PT aides) seemed to be in a really good mood, perhaps because it's Friday.
I rode the bike for six minutes, with resistance, and it was sooo tiring for my poor, pathetic, weak legs, but it felt pretty good. Then I did my standing up exercises and some stretching, and they also felt pretty good. Stair exercises - good. Balancing exercise - good. My left hip actually feels pretty good; it is my right hip that hurts more now. But that's okay, it should hurt, right? And it still feels way better than it did before the surgery. And as AJ pointed out, it's normal that my right hip is sore - I just had surgery on it five weeks ago and am just getting back into walking again. So it's not like my right leg and left hip, which should really not be hurting. And the pain isn't awful or anything; in fact, I actually managed to walk across the entire room without limping, which seemed to genuinely impress AJ.
So...... yay.
Here's the sort of funny thing. I mentioned my bleeding to AJ the other day amidst my hysterics. In my normal state, I would have probably been too embarrassed to say anything, but my mental state was anything but normal on Tuesday. Plus, yeah, he's a guy and all, and not one of my very favorites in the world, lol, but he has a wife and three kids, so I'm sure he knows a few things about female parts. So today, we had a conversation that went something like this.
Him: So I talked to one of our nurse practitioners about your, uh, other problem.
Me: Mmmm, yeah?
Him: She was actually familiar with your case.
Me: Oh man, was I that bad?
Him (sheepishly): She thinks you really need to go see an OB. Besides, at your age and being a mom and all, you really should have one anyway.
Me: Mmmm, yeah, okay.
LOL
We were having this conversation as I was standing on the balance board, and it wasn't exactly private. Not that I care that much, because nothing is private in this PT place, so obviously if I were that sensitive about it, I wouldn't have brought it up in the first place.
BUT THEN, in the middle of it, I saw my orthopedist in the doorway. I immediately looked away and stared at the floor because I sooooo did not want to see him, nor did I want him to see me. I figured it was possible he was just walking by, although admittedly, in almost five weeks of PT, I have never seen him 'just walk by' before. So he walked in and tried to act all casual, saying something like, 'Hey! I just thought I'd pop in and say hi.' Yeah... riiiiiight. (OMG, he was totally checking up on me! And probably doing some CYA by trying show me some love. Either way - sooooo embarrassing!) I kept staring at the floor while holding totally still on the balance board, as if that might prevent him from seeing me. Unfortunately, he came straight over to me, and actually complimented me on my balancing skills. Ha. Then he asked how I was doing. I mumbled something along the lines of 'fine,' still without looking at him. Finally AJ jumped to the rescue.
AJ: She's doing very well functionally, but she isn't feeling that great. (To me) Is that about right?
Me: Mmmmm, yeah.
AJ: She's a little freaked out.
Doc: I know, but you're on medication now, so it's going to be okay. We'll get this taken care of.
Me: Mmmmm, yeah. (Dude, you sound like Tony Soprano, who gets things 'taken care of.' LOL)
AJ: Did you want to talk to him about your other problem?
I had no words at that point, but I just about died on the spot. So I just looked down at the floor harder, if that is even possible, and shook my head vigorously. I couldn't even find my voice enough to say, 'No, thank you.' So much for my teaching persona!
AJ: Oh, okay.
Doc: Okay, well, I was just stopping in to see how things were going... Bye.
And he raced off.
After he left, I told AJ, 'He knows about my problem. He can't deal with it; he's a young, male, orthopedist.'
AJ (sheepishly): Oh... sorry!
Ha ha ha, I know AJ was just trying to be helpful, and in retrospect it's sort of amusing. I wonder how my doctor made it through the OB/GYN rotation in med school.
Anyway, after that little debacle, AJ did some massage on my hip, and it was amazing. I usually prefer the hard core deep tissue massage as far as massage goes, and AJ is extremely gentle, which doesn't usually do much for me. But today he somehow managed to find knots and tender spots that he worked on, and it was actually extremely helpful.
Afterwards, I iced my hip, and while I was icing, one of the PT aides came over to talk to me. She is adorable and super sweet (and is one of the people who is praying for me :)). She told me she had had a birthday that week - which I knew because I was at PT on her actual birthday, and she was telling everyone, lol. So I asked her old she was and she said 22, which was about what I would have guessed because it seems like she just graduated from college, and she had talked to me before about some additional biology courses she would need to apply to PT school (unfortunately I don't teach any of them). I said that I remembered being 22 and it was a very fun time of my life (although thinking back, 22 actually sucked, but 23 and 24 were a lot of fun... oh well). She replied, 'What was that, like, 5 years ago?' HA HA! I informed her that I was 39 and she declared, with genuine surprise, 'WOW! I hope I look like you when I'm 39!' Then she said, 'Can I ask you something?' and sort of leaned in so the whole room didn't hear our conversation. 'What do you do for exercise? You seem really fit for someone who's 39.' She said 39 as if it were practically the same as, like, 60 or 70. LOL. At that point, I could have about died laughing. Hello! I am lying on a table icing my hip, recovering from hip surgery, I have a giant blood clot in my leg, and I just got winded walking across the room! It was as if, at the fresh, young age of 22, 39 seems so old that a 39-year-old who is able to recover from hip surgery and walk normally again 'seems really fit.' It brought me back to my first visit to the orthopedist about my hip problems when I was around her age. I didn't think twice when he told me I was going to need a double hip replacement by the age of 30, because 30 seemed so far away I just figured... whatever. Regardless, she was very genuine and said it so innocently, it just made my day... no matter how misguided she was. It was a much needed dose of unintentional humor.
I left walking sooo much better than I've been able to walk in, like, forever, and that was a really great feeling. Not bad for a 39-year-old. :)
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
I AM okay! (5 Weeks + 2 Days / 12 Days UIRTW)
I've never been so happy to be wrong before. So I live to tell about another day. :)
I'm still bleeding, but not alarmingly so. However, I lost so much blood over the past 24 hours I looked like a Geisha girl this morning. Three different people told me before 10 AM that they would pray for me. Seriously, did I look that bad?!
I went to PT this morning, and it felt good to try to get back into the swing of things. Unfortunately, my hip (oh yeah, remember my hip?) is not stellar. It's not terrible, either, but it is actually noticeably sore. Maybe it is just because the pain in my leg is actually improving so now I notice my hip pain more. At any rate, my therapist suggested taking it easy and not pushing things too hard. I was able to do a reasonable amount of exercises; the only thing I can absolutely not do right now is go up on my toes. That causes excruciating pain in my calf.
My day-to-day plan is to just go about my daily routine, but not do anything crazy. I should try to be active, but not hard core. My PT also advised against long shopping trips to the mall. Fortunately, I don't really like shopping and I definitely don't like the mall. Ha. It's logical to think that rigorous activity might make a blood clot break loose, although there are no data that I can find about this one way or another. But better safe than sorry. Not that I have anything hard core planned considering my hip still limits me significantly (oh yeah, remember my hip?). Apparently the idea of bed rest versus ambulation is unresolved in the management of DVT, but there is little evidence to suggest that just walking around increases the chances of pulmonary embolism. And bed rest may actually make the clot grow. So... moderation seems to be the best plan.
Also, my additional consultation with Dr. Google made me realize that the ultrasound tech was right when she said it was a good thing we caught this. I mean, duh, of course it is, but when she said it, she really meant it. Given where the blood clot begins, in the proximal femoral vein, I had a huge risk of pulmonary embolism. According to this article: It has been suggested that about one half of patients with an untreated proximal DVT will develop a pulmonary embolism (PE) within 3 months. Yikes. I've been trying to find literature on the risk of PE while on an anticoagulant, and while it's obviously much improved over a 50% chance of PE, some of the articles aren't that encouraging about the long-term prognosis. It's not like once you're on medication you're totally fine. But for now I'm just trying to stay in the present, and praying all the prayers will send some healing powers my way. :)
I'm still bleeding, but not alarmingly so. However, I lost so much blood over the past 24 hours I looked like a Geisha girl this morning. Three different people told me before 10 AM that they would pray for me. Seriously, did I look that bad?!
I went to PT this morning, and it felt good to try to get back into the swing of things. Unfortunately, my hip (oh yeah, remember my hip?) is not stellar. It's not terrible, either, but it is actually noticeably sore. Maybe it is just because the pain in my leg is actually improving so now I notice my hip pain more. At any rate, my therapist suggested taking it easy and not pushing things too hard. I was able to do a reasonable amount of exercises; the only thing I can absolutely not do right now is go up on my toes. That causes excruciating pain in my calf.
My day-to-day plan is to just go about my daily routine, but not do anything crazy. I should try to be active, but not hard core. My PT also advised against long shopping trips to the mall. Fortunately, I don't really like shopping and I definitely don't like the mall. Ha. It's logical to think that rigorous activity might make a blood clot break loose, although there are no data that I can find about this one way or another. But better safe than sorry. Not that I have anything hard core planned considering my hip still limits me significantly (oh yeah, remember my hip?). Apparently the idea of bed rest versus ambulation is unresolved in the management of DVT, but there is little evidence to suggest that just walking around increases the chances of pulmonary embolism. And bed rest may actually make the clot grow. So... moderation seems to be the best plan.
Also, my additional consultation with Dr. Google made me realize that the ultrasound tech was right when she said it was a good thing we caught this. I mean, duh, of course it is, but when she said it, she really meant it. Given where the blood clot begins, in the proximal femoral vein, I had a huge risk of pulmonary embolism. According to this article: It has been suggested that about one half of patients with an untreated proximal DVT will develop a pulmonary embolism (PE) within 3 months. Yikes. I've been trying to find literature on the risk of PE while on an anticoagulant, and while it's obviously much improved over a 50% chance of PE, some of the articles aren't that encouraging about the long-term prognosis. It's not like once you're on medication you're totally fine. But for now I'm just trying to stay in the present, and praying all the prayers will send some healing powers my way. :)
Thursday, August 7, 2014
Post Surgery: 4 Weeks + 3 Days / 6 Days UIRTW
This damn pain in my right leg.
A while back, while my husband was working on my calf muscle, he mentioned that my calf muscle was really hot. He acted all freaked out and told me I should call my surgeon. Of course, this is my husband, who freaks out worse than I do over teeny tiny things. I told him I would, but then I didn't, and fortunately my husband has a short memory. I have to admit that my calf did feel warm to the touch, but that didn't seem like something my surgeon needed to know about.
Anyway, fast forward to today. My husband and daughter left yesterday to go camping with some friends, and this morning I drove my son up to drop him off at the camp site. (The camp site is right next to the river, and we thought two nights with an almost three year old next to a river would be a bit much, but that one night would be okay.) When I woke up, I noticed that the pain in my leg was probably a little worse than yesterday, but still manageable. I did a lot of walking yesterday, so I was thinking I was just sore. Or whatever.
I got back from dropping my son off this afternoon and realized I needed to eat something before going to PT. I decided to fix myself some potatoes, only I went into the pantry to discover that my husband had taken the whole freaking bag of potatoes with him. Since my stomach was set on potatoes, I decided to dig some out of my garden; after all, the restrictions on my thigh flexion have been lifted, so I can squat now as long as it doesn't hurt. Unfortunately, as I squatted down, I noticed that it did hurt, and quite a bit, but not because of my hip. It hurt when the back of my thigh pushed up against my calf, which I quickly realized was because the back of my leg, and especially the back of my knee, are totally swollen. Nevertheless, I managed to dig the potatoes out and grab a bite to eat before heading off to PT. While I was eating, I iced the back of my knee, because I really wanted to have a great PT session.
My appointment today was with the friendly PT assistant, Jay, whom I just adore. (I'm pretty sure everyone does.) However, I was a little worried because although he is the life of the PT room, I've only worked with him once before, so I wasn't sure how aware he was of my ongoing leg pain, and I felt like it was important for him to at least know. My regular PT knows about this pain and although he has never specifically done anything about it, he is aware of it. So I told Jay about the pain and swelling first thing, and he took a 'let's proceed with caution' attitude, which was fine. I rode the bike and then did some standing up exercises and felt okay. However, while I was doing them, Jay commented, 'Your right ankle is really swollen.' I looked down, and sure enough, it really was. WTF? My ankle doesn't even hurt, yet it was definitely ballooned out to the point that Jay noticed it from across the room.
After that, I went to do some stretching, and there was one particular stretch that was soooo uncomfortable, I actually started crying. I don't know why I started crying; honestly, it didn't hurt that bad. I think it was more just because I am soooo stressed out right about now and also frustrated because I feel like this damn leg pain is the only thing that is really holding me back. And while the pain is not horrendous, it just won't let up no matter what I do, and no one seems to know what it is. Fortunately no one actually saw me crying, but Jay could tell I was in pain and told me to stop. Then he said that he was going to try to do some soft tissue work, AKA massage, on my leg, to see if that would help.
So I rolled over, and he put some massage cream on the back of my knee and on my calf, asked me a few questions about where my pain was, and then said he would be right back. A few minutes later, he returned with AJ, my 'regular' PT. They both stood there for a minute, then AJ asked me to roll over, and poked around a little bit, and asked me a few more questions. Eventually, Jay apologized, and said he would be right back, and he and AJ stepped around the corner. At that point I was thinking, Just give me my damn massage so we can get this show on the road. LOL. When Jay came back, it was him, AJ, and some other guy, who introduced himself as Kevin, a physician assistant. Kevin repeated a lot of what Jay and AJ had done, then spoke briefly with AJ. They asked me to sit up, and then told me that while they did not want alarm me, they all agreed that I needed to go to the hospital and have an ultrasound to rule out the possibility that I had a blood clot. As Kevin explained (which I sort of already knew), there are three huge risk factors for blood clots: smoking, birth control, and surgery. And I had two of the three, plus pain and swelling in the most common area for blood clots. So while they did not really think this is what it was, and were hopeful that the ultrasound would 'just be a waste of my time,' they could not rule it out, and were not okay proceeding with any sort of treatment until this had been ruled out.
I mentioned that I had told my doctor about my pain at my two-week post-op appointment, and he seemed confident it wasn't a blood clot. Although, interestingly enough, the stretching exercise that I was doing with the PTA that brought me to tears was very similar to the 'test' that my surgeon did on me at my post-op appointment. And one of the reasons he definitively concluded that it was not a blood clot was because 'If it were a blood clot, that would have hurt a lot.' (These are times when I worry about a high pain tolerance.) Anyways, both AJ and Kevin said that although my doctor wasn't in this afternoon, they were certain this was what he would have wanted as well. They repeated that they really didn't think it was a blood clot, and that I should not freak out, but that they needed to rule it out for sure. Because if it's not a blood clot, it's just a waste of time (and money, I add), but if it IS a blood clot, it is a potentially life-threatening situation, so it is worth it to know for sure.
Apparently it was too late in the afternoon to schedule an ultrasound, so I am going in tomorrow at 7:45 AM. This was actually good news for me, because I have book club tonight, which I sooo look forward to, and I did not want to miss book club while stuck in the hospital waiting to have some ultrasound for a condition I probably don't have. And with that said, I am off to book club. It is five blocks away, and I am attempting to walk there, so wish me luck.
A while back, while my husband was working on my calf muscle, he mentioned that my calf muscle was really hot. He acted all freaked out and told me I should call my surgeon. Of course, this is my husband, who freaks out worse than I do over teeny tiny things. I told him I would, but then I didn't, and fortunately my husband has a short memory. I have to admit that my calf did feel warm to the touch, but that didn't seem like something my surgeon needed to know about.
Anyway, fast forward to today. My husband and daughter left yesterday to go camping with some friends, and this morning I drove my son up to drop him off at the camp site. (The camp site is right next to the river, and we thought two nights with an almost three year old next to a river would be a bit much, but that one night would be okay.) When I woke up, I noticed that the pain in my leg was probably a little worse than yesterday, but still manageable. I did a lot of walking yesterday, so I was thinking I was just sore. Or whatever.
I got back from dropping my son off this afternoon and realized I needed to eat something before going to PT. I decided to fix myself some potatoes, only I went into the pantry to discover that my husband had taken the whole freaking bag of potatoes with him. Since my stomach was set on potatoes, I decided to dig some out of my garden; after all, the restrictions on my thigh flexion have been lifted, so I can squat now as long as it doesn't hurt. Unfortunately, as I squatted down, I noticed that it did hurt, and quite a bit, but not because of my hip. It hurt when the back of my thigh pushed up against my calf, which I quickly realized was because the back of my leg, and especially the back of my knee, are totally swollen. Nevertheless, I managed to dig the potatoes out and grab a bite to eat before heading off to PT. While I was eating, I iced the back of my knee, because I really wanted to have a great PT session.
My appointment today was with the friendly PT assistant, Jay, whom I just adore. (I'm pretty sure everyone does.) However, I was a little worried because although he is the life of the PT room, I've only worked with him once before, so I wasn't sure how aware he was of my ongoing leg pain, and I felt like it was important for him to at least know. My regular PT knows about this pain and although he has never specifically done anything about it, he is aware of it. So I told Jay about the pain and swelling first thing, and he took a 'let's proceed with caution' attitude, which was fine. I rode the bike and then did some standing up exercises and felt okay. However, while I was doing them, Jay commented, 'Your right ankle is really swollen.' I looked down, and sure enough, it really was. WTF? My ankle doesn't even hurt, yet it was definitely ballooned out to the point that Jay noticed it from across the room.
After that, I went to do some stretching, and there was one particular stretch that was soooo uncomfortable, I actually started crying. I don't know why I started crying; honestly, it didn't hurt that bad. I think it was more just because I am soooo stressed out right about now and also frustrated because I feel like this damn leg pain is the only thing that is really holding me back. And while the pain is not horrendous, it just won't let up no matter what I do, and no one seems to know what it is. Fortunately no one actually saw me crying, but Jay could tell I was in pain and told me to stop. Then he said that he was going to try to do some soft tissue work, AKA massage, on my leg, to see if that would help.
So I rolled over, and he put some massage cream on the back of my knee and on my calf, asked me a few questions about where my pain was, and then said he would be right back. A few minutes later, he returned with AJ, my 'regular' PT. They both stood there for a minute, then AJ asked me to roll over, and poked around a little bit, and asked me a few more questions. Eventually, Jay apologized, and said he would be right back, and he and AJ stepped around the corner. At that point I was thinking, Just give me my damn massage so we can get this show on the road. LOL. When Jay came back, it was him, AJ, and some other guy, who introduced himself as Kevin, a physician assistant. Kevin repeated a lot of what Jay and AJ had done, then spoke briefly with AJ. They asked me to sit up, and then told me that while they did not want alarm me, they all agreed that I needed to go to the hospital and have an ultrasound to rule out the possibility that I had a blood clot. As Kevin explained (which I sort of already knew), there are three huge risk factors for blood clots: smoking, birth control, and surgery. And I had two of the three, plus pain and swelling in the most common area for blood clots. So while they did not really think this is what it was, and were hopeful that the ultrasound would 'just be a waste of my time,' they could not rule it out, and were not okay proceeding with any sort of treatment until this had been ruled out.
I mentioned that I had told my doctor about my pain at my two-week post-op appointment, and he seemed confident it wasn't a blood clot. Although, interestingly enough, the stretching exercise that I was doing with the PTA that brought me to tears was very similar to the 'test' that my surgeon did on me at my post-op appointment. And one of the reasons he definitively concluded that it was not a blood clot was because 'If it were a blood clot, that would have hurt a lot.' (These are times when I worry about a high pain tolerance.) Anyways, both AJ and Kevin said that although my doctor wasn't in this afternoon, they were certain this was what he would have wanted as well. They repeated that they really didn't think it was a blood clot, and that I should not freak out, but that they needed to rule it out for sure. Because if it's not a blood clot, it's just a waste of time (and money, I add), but if it IS a blood clot, it is a potentially life-threatening situation, so it is worth it to know for sure.
Apparently it was too late in the afternoon to schedule an ultrasound, so I am going in tomorrow at 7:45 AM. This was actually good news for me, because I have book club tonight, which I sooo look forward to, and I did not want to miss book club while stuck in the hospital waiting to have some ultrasound for a condition I probably don't have. And with that said, I am off to book club. It is five blocks away, and I am attempting to walk there, so wish me luck.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Post Surgery: 4 Weeks + 1 Day
The highlights of today:
- I took my daughter to get a back-to-school hair cut, and I also got a hair cut. For the first time in a long time, I got bangs cut. I haven't had bangs in a long time, but I decided I needed a change. Here is why: the reason I haven't had bangs in long time is because I've always felt that bangs make me look a lot younger. Apparently I already look young for my age, and back in my bang days, I was actually asked for ID to buy a can of spray paint when I was in my 30s. (In California, you have to be 18 to buy spray paint, as I learned.) I know I must officially be old now, because I actually feel a compelling need to look and feel younger. Since I started my current job, I've acquired a massive amount of gray hair (which my old hairdresser affectionately referred to as 'hair bling'). Somehow all this gray hair plus having hip surgery before my 40th birthday has made me feel a little uneasy. I'm not ready to be a gray-haired old lady with a limp.
- So yesterday, while I was picking up a refill for my pain medication, I bought some hair dye as well. I mean, what the heck? I have never dyed my hair before, aside from one brief dabble with henna when I was in college, which did nothing because, hello, my hair is black as black can be. But my current mental state is telling me that the gray hair has to go. Like I said before, I'm not ready to be a gray-haired old lady with a limp. And since it is a real possibility that I will be a lady with a limp or a crutch (or both) once school starts, I should at least have a cute hair cut and no gray hair? I don't know. Whatever.
- I made up my mind a while ago that I needed a hair cut, and had imagined this as my getting off crutches reward. But, it couldn't wait. While I am 'allowed' to walk as much as I can, retraining my body to walk again is going to take longer than I had hoped, no matter how well my physical therapist tells me I'm doing. I get my hair cut at the mall, which is somewhat of a trek (at least, more than 3-4 feet, lol), so I used a crutch. Just one, though. Progress!
- I bought a cane. I can't believe I'm even admitting to this; canes definitely fit into the same category as raised toilet seats in my mind. And because my daughter was with me, I bought a ridiculous zebra cover for it, because having a cane when you look like you are 20-something isn't attention-grabbing enough. LOL. However, the cane is really to use around the house. The thing is that I'm finding that there is a big difference between walking with even one crutch and walking totally crutch free. I feel like I need something in between. When I was at PT, I had to do all my walking in front of a mirror to make sure I had good posture and wasn't limping, but it's harder to do that when you're trying to navigate through a house. Without a crutch, it's really hard for me to have good posture and not limp. Not because of pain, but because of muscle weakness, and because either the surgery or being on crutches so long has really thrown off my sense of balance. And since limping is something that I'm not allowed to do, I feel like I need some sort of aid to help me not limp that is not a major as a crutch. So there you go.
- This does sort of bring me to another worry. You always hear people say, 'Well so and so is totally using this as a crutch.' I feel sort of alarmed right about now that I'm not having a little easier time walking, and I'm worried I'm using my crutch (literally) as a... crutch (figuratively). I know I am only one day past my official 100% weight bearing date, but I am feeling anxious about how tentative I feel on two legs with no support. I feel like if I just suck it up and force myself to walk around with no walking aids, my body will remember how to walk, yet at the same time, I don't want to overdo it. As my PT said, the one thing I really don't want is any pain. It is just hard to find that balance between pushing yourself enough and pushing yourself too hard.
- I'm sure I'll figure it out, though, one way or another. :)
Monday, August 4, 2014
Post Surgery: 4 Weeks!
Today was the big day I've been thinking about before I even had this surgery. I have to say, it was somewhat anti-climatic, but at least my PT had prepared me for the fact that it would be, so that I knew that I couldn't just jump out of bed and start walking. In fact, I feel like I've been on crutches for so long that I was sort of scared to walk without them, so I waited for PT to even try. I guess I needed some moral support.
I started PT by riding a stationary bike for six minutes, which made me realize just how out of shape I am. At first it felt awesome, and I was riding sort of fast, but after about three minutes I realized I needed to save some leg strength for the rest of the session. Next I worked on walking forward and backward with one crutch, trying not to put too much weight on the crutch, but just using it for balance as needed. Wow. My balance felt waaaaay off, although the PT told me I was doing 'great' and that I was going to 'make this easy.' This was encouraging, although it felt far from easy. To be honest, I was kind of surprised by how weird it felt to walk. But the most exciting thing is that it didn't hurt my hip at all. And I mean at all. My left hip still hurts, but held its own, and I still have pain down my right leg, but it is manageable, and to walk and not have pain in my right hip is so amazing I can't even put it in words.
After my walking exercise, I did a bunch of standing exercises - marching in place, shifting weight from one side to another, and kicking my legs around. All of this felt pretty much fine, although my legs were shaking the whole time because they are so weak it's sort of alarming. I cannot believe how much strength I've lost in my legs (both legs!) after just four weeks of 50% weight bearing. I've been able to stand ever since I could do so without pain, so I was never even totally non-weight bearing. I guess it's because in addition to the crutches, I've been lying around and sitting around a lot more than normal.
After my standing exercises, the PT asked me if I was up for more, and I said I was, so I went and did a couple of balancing exercises and then worked on conquering the stairs. Let me just say that stairs are going to be, hands down, the hardest part of this recovery. There are so. many. stairs. in my life. Even the aide working with me commented how she had noticed that the ABC College campus was soooo hilly and had so many stairs. I worked on going up and down a 4-inch stair (apparently standard stairs are 8 inches) forward and backward and sideways, and it was... work. I was holding onto the rail for dear life most of the time. LOL.
However, overall it went well and was as good as I could have realistically hoped for, even if not stellar ( = an unreasonable expectation). My PT was very pleased and kept repeating that this was really good for my first day of full weight bearing considering the type of surgery I had. I'm sure he tells everyone that no matter what, but whatever. LOL. Like I said, moral support never hurts. He told me to try walking without crutches around my house, and that I can do this as long as I am not in pain and/or limping. If I feel pain (in my right hip) or start to limp, I have to stop, because neither of these are okay at this point.
So... I've walked around a little, and I still feel no pain, which is awesome. However, it is sooooo hard to not limp. My right side is so incredibly weak it feels as if my right leg weighs 100 pounds. And I'm not allowed to drag my leg around. Needless to say, this limits my current walking radius to, oh, 3 or 4 feet. LOL. BUT, I am trying not to freak out about this. One day at a time. One day at a time. And that said, I did wash the dishes and clean up the kitchen (including sweeping! for the first time in forever!) tonight, completely without crutches. Of course our kitchen is pretty teeny and has an island in the middle of it, so you are never more than an arm's length away from something to lean on, but still. It felt good. And now, I'm off to take a shower without having to lean on the shower chair to get in. I'm just going to step right in and enjoy the warm water. :)
I started PT by riding a stationary bike for six minutes, which made me realize just how out of shape I am. At first it felt awesome, and I was riding sort of fast, but after about three minutes I realized I needed to save some leg strength for the rest of the session. Next I worked on walking forward and backward with one crutch, trying not to put too much weight on the crutch, but just using it for balance as needed. Wow. My balance felt waaaaay off, although the PT told me I was doing 'great' and that I was going to 'make this easy.' This was encouraging, although it felt far from easy. To be honest, I was kind of surprised by how weird it felt to walk. But the most exciting thing is that it didn't hurt my hip at all. And I mean at all. My left hip still hurts, but held its own, and I still have pain down my right leg, but it is manageable, and to walk and not have pain in my right hip is so amazing I can't even put it in words.
After my walking exercise, I did a bunch of standing exercises - marching in place, shifting weight from one side to another, and kicking my legs around. All of this felt pretty much fine, although my legs were shaking the whole time because they are so weak it's sort of alarming. I cannot believe how much strength I've lost in my legs (both legs!) after just four weeks of 50% weight bearing. I've been able to stand ever since I could do so without pain, so I was never even totally non-weight bearing. I guess it's because in addition to the crutches, I've been lying around and sitting around a lot more than normal.
After my standing exercises, the PT asked me if I was up for more, and I said I was, so I went and did a couple of balancing exercises and then worked on conquering the stairs. Let me just say that stairs are going to be, hands down, the hardest part of this recovery. There are so. many. stairs. in my life. Even the aide working with me commented how she had noticed that the ABC College campus was soooo hilly and had so many stairs. I worked on going up and down a 4-inch stair (apparently standard stairs are 8 inches) forward and backward and sideways, and it was... work. I was holding onto the rail for dear life most of the time. LOL.
However, overall it went well and was as good as I could have realistically hoped for, even if not stellar ( = an unreasonable expectation). My PT was very pleased and kept repeating that this was really good for my first day of full weight bearing considering the type of surgery I had. I'm sure he tells everyone that no matter what, but whatever. LOL. Like I said, moral support never hurts. He told me to try walking without crutches around my house, and that I can do this as long as I am not in pain and/or limping. If I feel pain (in my right hip) or start to limp, I have to stop, because neither of these are okay at this point.
So... I've walked around a little, and I still feel no pain, which is awesome. However, it is sooooo hard to not limp. My right side is so incredibly weak it feels as if my right leg weighs 100 pounds. And I'm not allowed to drag my leg around. Needless to say, this limits my current walking radius to, oh, 3 or 4 feet. LOL. BUT, I am trying not to freak out about this. One day at a time. One day at a time. And that said, I did wash the dishes and clean up the kitchen (including sweeping! for the first time in forever!) tonight, completely without crutches. Of course our kitchen is pretty teeny and has an island in the middle of it, so you are never more than an arm's length away from something to lean on, but still. It felt good. And now, I'm off to take a shower without having to lean on the shower chair to get in. I'm just going to step right in and enjoy the warm water. :)
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Post Surgery: 3 Weeks + 3 Days
I'm having a terrible day. Both of my hips are hurting - my left more than my right. My husband thinks this is a good thing. When I talked to him on the phone last night, I told him my hip had hurt quite a bit all day. 'Which one?!' he asked, sounding alarmed. My left one, I told him. 'Oh, phew, well that's okay,' he declared. LOL. I mean I guess I sort of get where he is coming from. If my right hip were hurting that much, it would be sort of alarming in that I'd worry I had re-torn the cartilage or something. But still, it is annoying, especially considering how great I felt very early after the surgery. It's discouraging to be feeling worse now than three weeks ago. And the thing is that the pain is constant - it doesn't matter if I'm sitting, standing, lying down, bearing weight, not bearing weight or floating around in space weightless (ha ha). It also doesn't help that it rained all day today for the second day in a row, and rain puts me in a bad mood, and then my bad mood negatively affects my ability to deal with pain and discomfort.
Super kudos to my physical therapist for dealing with me in a very compassionate and appropriate way today. I sort of love him for it. I didn't even try to hide my bad mood or act upbeat when I got to PT. The thing is that I have a teaching persona that I'm pretty good at putting on when I teach - I feel like I have to appear confident and put together and emotionally stable. (Even if I appear 'distant and hateful,' as one student described me, no one has ever figured out that I'm an emotional basket case with imposter syndrome.) When I go out in public, I tend to put on my teaching persona, because I'm very frequently running into current and former students (in liquor stores, in pet stores, in grocery stores, in restaurants, you name it), plus, like most people, I just don't want to look like a wreck in public. Putting on my teaching persona is just a habit. But today, I just didn't feel like it. Because I am not feeling confident or put together or emotionally stable. And as I was in the elevator heading up to PT trying to put on my teaching persona, it occurred to me that I don't have to do this. It is role reversal time. My PT is the one who had to wake up this morning and put on his PT persona. I, on the other hand, am on the other side of the desk so to speak. In this situation, I'm the one who is allowed to be unsure and unhappy and vulnerable. So I put myself out there and told him first thing that I had had a rough couple of days, that I was really starting to worry about my pain, and that I was freaking out. There, I said it. It just came out, just like that.
So, he told me not to freak out, then started reformulating his plan for the day. We didn't do any standing up exercises; we went over to the table and did some lying down exercises and a little bit of stretching. Then he asked me if it was okay if he tried some massage, which honestly, was the perfect thing right about then. The sort of funny thing is that he was a little timid about it, I guess because... you know, I'm female and he's male and hips are, well, sort of a sensitive area (not like a knee or shoulder), requiring his hands in my pants to access. LOL. He actually worked on both (!) sides, and it helped a little. The muscles are just soooo tight, though, which he commented on. Also, a lot of the pain on my left side is actually in my groin area, which I did NOT tell him about, ha ha. However, he worked on my psoas and iliotibial band and that did provide some relief. He suggested that I might want to try massage therapy; he said he had just finished working with another guy who had the same surgery who had found massage therapy to be very helpful. I definitely love the idea, I just have to see if it's a doable splurge financially. He also asked if I had tried heat rather than ice, which I hadn't. After the massage, he put heat on my right side, which actually felt good, so I'm going to try it on my left side tonight, assuming I can dig out a heating pad from... somewhere.
I also reminded him that Monday would be four weeks post-op - I can't let him forget that! He asked if I was coming in on Monday. I said yes, but did not volunteer that I had made the appointment last week to be sure I could get in in the morning and get this show on the road ASAP. (So far I've only been coming in in the afternoons.) I must have had my The Crutches Have To Go look on, because he gave me an overview of how the weaning was going to work, and said that it needed to be somewhat gradual, and I would need to be somewhat patient. Then he added, 'in case you were planning on getting up on Monday morning and going for a three-mile run.' Ha!
I think I really need to stay positive despite my current pain. The semester is quickly approaching, and the clock is ticking. Physiologically, things are what they are, but I feel like a positive attitude will make a big difference in how I feel going into the school year. And I had a really bad year last year, so I need this one to be better. I asked my doctor for a refill for pain medication, and I decided that I'm going to try taking half a pill at night to see if that can at least take the edge off some of my pain. After all, this isn't a competition to see who can handle the most pain without medication, like some women view giving birth. (If you've had a baby recently, I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about.) I need to be ready to do some kick-ass rehab next week, and I can't have pain getting in the way of it. To do this, I have to drop the Tough Girl act and stop seeing medication as going backwards. I keep telling myself I am going forward; I am going forward. I might not be able to see it right now, but I am.
Super kudos to my physical therapist for dealing with me in a very compassionate and appropriate way today. I sort of love him for it. I didn't even try to hide my bad mood or act upbeat when I got to PT. The thing is that I have a teaching persona that I'm pretty good at putting on when I teach - I feel like I have to appear confident and put together and emotionally stable. (Even if I appear 'distant and hateful,' as one student described me, no one has ever figured out that I'm an emotional basket case with imposter syndrome.) When I go out in public, I tend to put on my teaching persona, because I'm very frequently running into current and former students (in liquor stores, in pet stores, in grocery stores, in restaurants, you name it), plus, like most people, I just don't want to look like a wreck in public. Putting on my teaching persona is just a habit. But today, I just didn't feel like it. Because I am not feeling confident or put together or emotionally stable. And as I was in the elevator heading up to PT trying to put on my teaching persona, it occurred to me that I don't have to do this. It is role reversal time. My PT is the one who had to wake up this morning and put on his PT persona. I, on the other hand, am on the other side of the desk so to speak. In this situation, I'm the one who is allowed to be unsure and unhappy and vulnerable. So I put myself out there and told him first thing that I had had a rough couple of days, that I was really starting to worry about my pain, and that I was freaking out. There, I said it. It just came out, just like that.
So, he told me not to freak out, then started reformulating his plan for the day. We didn't do any standing up exercises; we went over to the table and did some lying down exercises and a little bit of stretching. Then he asked me if it was okay if he tried some massage, which honestly, was the perfect thing right about then. The sort of funny thing is that he was a little timid about it, I guess because... you know, I'm female and he's male and hips are, well, sort of a sensitive area (not like a knee or shoulder), requiring his hands in my pants to access. LOL. He actually worked on both (!) sides, and it helped a little. The muscles are just soooo tight, though, which he commented on. Also, a lot of the pain on my left side is actually in my groin area, which I did NOT tell him about, ha ha. However, he worked on my psoas and iliotibial band and that did provide some relief. He suggested that I might want to try massage therapy; he said he had just finished working with another guy who had the same surgery who had found massage therapy to be very helpful. I definitely love the idea, I just have to see if it's a doable splurge financially. He also asked if I had tried heat rather than ice, which I hadn't. After the massage, he put heat on my right side, which actually felt good, so I'm going to try it on my left side tonight, assuming I can dig out a heating pad from... somewhere.
I also reminded him that Monday would be four weeks post-op - I can't let him forget that! He asked if I was coming in on Monday. I said yes, but did not volunteer that I had made the appointment last week to be sure I could get in in the morning and get this show on the road ASAP. (So far I've only been coming in in the afternoons.) I must have had my The Crutches Have To Go look on, because he gave me an overview of how the weaning was going to work, and said that it needed to be somewhat gradual, and I would need to be somewhat patient. Then he added, 'in case you were planning on getting up on Monday morning and going for a three-mile run.' Ha!
I think I really need to stay positive despite my current pain. The semester is quickly approaching, and the clock is ticking. Physiologically, things are what they are, but I feel like a positive attitude will make a big difference in how I feel going into the school year. And I had a really bad year last year, so I need this one to be better. I asked my doctor for a refill for pain medication, and I decided that I'm going to try taking half a pill at night to see if that can at least take the edge off some of my pain. After all, this isn't a competition to see who can handle the most pain without medication, like some women view giving birth. (If you've had a baby recently, I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about.) I need to be ready to do some kick-ass rehab next week, and I can't have pain getting in the way of it. To do this, I have to drop the Tough Girl act and stop seeing medication as going backwards. I keep telling myself I am going forward; I am going forward. I might not be able to see it right now, but I am.
Friday, July 25, 2014
Post Surgery: 2 Weeks + 3 Days
Highlights:
- That muscle relaxant I took seems to have done away with the pain in my leg.
- So far, anyway.
- Fingers crossed!
- It was a super tiring day! My husband had to work early so I had to take my son to daycare. He woke up on the wrong side of the bed and was being soooo difficult that I didn't drop him off until 10:00. I had to leave him upstairs in the midst of his hissy fit because he was flipping out because I would not put his poopy diaper back on him nor let him take it out of the trash. I told him to come downstairs when he calmed down, but unfortunately, he never did. And I did not have it in me to go back upstairs. So I sent my daughter up. She eventually managed to get him downstairs where he semi pretended to eat breakfast between irrational temper tantrums about anything and everything. I hate to say it, but boy was I happy to get rid of him.
- My daughter was happy to have me to herself, so we played games all morning, then I made her practice piano before her afternoon lesson. There is one song that I just hate that she can't seem to get past; she calls it the Boogie Woogie Stupid Song and I agree so much I can't even tell her not to use the word stupid. I told her I was sick of hearing it and that she needed to practice it so she could move on after today's lesson and never have to play it again. (Fortunately, she did.)
- After her piano lesson, I took her out to my mother-in-law's and then went to PT.
- I did a ton of stuff in PT today, and my leg feels absolutely fine.
- So far, anyway.
- Fingers crossed!
- I had a pretty good session with my therapist. He's growing on me. I told him the story of my adventures with pharmaceuticals and he seemed slightly amused. There may be a real person inside the shell after all.
- He asked me how my appointment with the doctor had gone, which surprised me because I hadn't told him I had the appointment.
- The rest of the conversation went something like this. Him: 'Did you ask him about your left hip?' Me: 'Yes.' Him: 'What did he say?' Me: 'Not a whole lot. He said 10-15% of people have bilaterally tears, so it's possible I do, too.' Him: 'Did you ask him about the pain in your leg?' Me: 'Yes.' Him: 'What did he say?' Me: 'Not a whole lot. He really doesn't know what it is.' Him: 'What did he say about your progress so far?' Pause. 'Let me guess, not a whole lot.' LOL. Then he mentioned that when he had talked to the doctor, they both agreed that I was doing well.
- The absolute best part of PT today was when the therapist took something that was basically like a rolling pin and rolled it all along my thigh to try to work some of the tightness out. Amazing. In that semi-masochistic way.
- After PT, I picked my son up at daycare and managed to avoid any major meltdowns. I swear, he used to be the Sweetest Boy Ever, so I'm not sure if this recent bout of Bad Behavior is just a new I'm almost three phase or if it's because of this surgery ordeal and being in daycare and things being different, or some combination of everything.
- My husband had to work tonight, so I had to do dinner and baths and bedtime and then I took a shower and now I'm exhausted.
- But the pain in my leg has not returned.
- So far, anyway.
- Fingers crossed!
Post Surgery: Two Weeks!
Time flies! It has been two full weeks since surgery, so... onto week 3! This is the halfway point to
walking again, which is the only thing I really care about. What can I
say, I have a one-track mind. :)
Unfortunately, as I try to summarize the day, three words keep coming to mind: House. Of. Pain. Ugh. That terrible pain I had all the way down my right leg last week returned with a vengeance and I've been miserable.
It was a busy day. My husband had a morning teleconference, so I took the kids to daycare/summer camp. I had a meeting with my Chair, so after dropping the kids off, I went up to my office, which is a trek from the parking lot. So. many. stairs. I met with the Chair for about 45 minutes and then did some work in my office for about 45 minutes before heading off to PT. The meeting went well, and without going into specific detail (I'm trying to keep this mostly about my hip), I did bring up how difficult the past semester had been for me because of the chronic pain from my hip. I mean, I'm not sure I even realized at the time just how much it was affecting me - my mood, my energy level, my general demeanor... My Chair mentioned in a roundabout way that I should have said something, and maybe I should have, but it's sort of an awkward subject, and I'm not the type of person who expresses my emotions outwardly.
Anyway.
PT was okay. The therapist was still sort of, eh, so-so, but I'm getting used to him. We cut out exercises that would require me to stand with all my weight on my left side, and that has helped my left hip. I also added in a new exercise that pretty much kicked my ass; it was basically like doing squats, only lying down. I'm so weak, this definitely inspires me to hit the weight room again once this ordeal is over. I told the therapist about my knee pain when I sit, and although he had absolutely no idea what it might be, he did show me how I can stretch out my quadriceps lying down, and that actually helped (or at least felt good at the time). That said, I definitely feel like it is something in PT that causes the pain down my leg, because both times now it has been after PT that it started. Or maybe it is just something about Mondays.
After PT, I stopped by my parents' house. By the time I got home, I was pretty exhausted - both physically and emotionally - and tried to catch a quick nap before the kids got back.
Unfortunately, as I try to summarize the day, three words keep coming to mind: House. Of. Pain. Ugh. That terrible pain I had all the way down my right leg last week returned with a vengeance and I've been miserable.
It was a busy day. My husband had a morning teleconference, so I took the kids to daycare/summer camp. I had a meeting with my Chair, so after dropping the kids off, I went up to my office, which is a trek from the parking lot. So. many. stairs. I met with the Chair for about 45 minutes and then did some work in my office for about 45 minutes before heading off to PT. The meeting went well, and without going into specific detail (I'm trying to keep this mostly about my hip), I did bring up how difficult the past semester had been for me because of the chronic pain from my hip. I mean, I'm not sure I even realized at the time just how much it was affecting me - my mood, my energy level, my general demeanor... My Chair mentioned in a roundabout way that I should have said something, and maybe I should have, but it's sort of an awkward subject, and I'm not the type of person who expresses my emotions outwardly.
Anyway.
PT was okay. The therapist was still sort of, eh, so-so, but I'm getting used to him. We cut out exercises that would require me to stand with all my weight on my left side, and that has helped my left hip. I also added in a new exercise that pretty much kicked my ass; it was basically like doing squats, only lying down. I'm so weak, this definitely inspires me to hit the weight room again once this ordeal is over. I told the therapist about my knee pain when I sit, and although he had absolutely no idea what it might be, he did show me how I can stretch out my quadriceps lying down, and that actually helped (or at least felt good at the time). That said, I definitely feel like it is something in PT that causes the pain down my leg, because both times now it has been after PT that it started. Or maybe it is just something about Mondays.
After PT, I stopped by my parents' house. By the time I got home, I was pretty exhausted - both physically and emotionally - and tried to catch a quick nap before the kids got back.
Post Surgery: 1 Week + 2 Days
Today was a much better day. My leg felt much better,
and I heard back from my surgeon's assistant this afternoon, who told me
to be sure to drink a lot of water. Argh, dehydration. I've never been very good about drinking enough water, and it has only gotten worse since surgery
because A. it is very hard to carry liquids around; and B. going to the bathroom is a huge pain! Maybe I'm subconsciously dehydrating myself to avoid having to pee all
the time. I actually had a conversation about this with my daughter's piano teacher, who also happens to be the music teacher at my daughter's school. She said she never drinks water during the day simply because she doesn't get a break until lunchtime so she can't be having to pee all morning.
I think I actually did okay staying hydrated the first two days after surgery because my throat was soooo sore that drinking water made it much more comfortable to swallow, plus at that point I was out of it enough that people were waiting on me, and I just asked for water rather than having to get it myself. Not so much anymore. :_( lol
On a different yet related note, after my son was born, we decided to move out of our two-bedroom house. Since our kids are young, we wanted a house with three bedrooms all on the same level, which was harder to find than it sounds. We wanted to stay in our neighborhood - an older neighborhood with houses built mostly in the early 1900s. Most of the houses with three bedrooms on the same floor are large Victorians, and out of our price range, so we had very limited options. At any rate, there was a house that we seriously considered that met our bedroom criterion, only it didn't have a bathroom on the main level. This ended up being a deal breaker because my mother-in-law has limited mobility, especially when it comes to stairs, and because I was envisioning potty training in the near future, and thought it would be a pain to have to go upstairs to the bathroom with a little one all the time. Little did I know that a few years later, I'd be the one so dependent on a main-level bathroom.
Anyway.
The highlight of today was PT. In case it wasn't obvious, I have been feeling very negative about PT, but decided that I need to go in with a more positive attitude. I do feel like a lot the stuff I am doing is stuff I could do on my own, but at the same time, I think it is good for my mood to get out of the house and have social interaction. And to be fair, the reality is there's not much you can do without putting full weight on your hip or flexing your thigh past 90 degrees. I don't want to give up on PT totally because I do think that a few weeks down the road I'm really going to need some guidance - coming off crutches (seriously that's going to be weird after a month - do you just go cold turkey or what?) and trying to get myself ready for my week-long course (a major source of stress, but I'm trying not to think about it). If nothing else, I'm going to need some kick ass inspiration.
If there is one thing I have learned from reading blogs by people who deal with medical issues, it's that you have to be your own advocate. I mean, I knew this already, but reading blogs has really driven this point home. It's sort of sad that people who can't be their own advocates (or kids who don't have parents who are good advocates) don't get the best care, but in reflecting upon this, I think it works the same way in education, particularly at large, public institutions. I always tell students - in fact I even have a spiel about it in my syllabus - that they have to take responsibility for their own education. If they are confused or unhappy or angry or hate me or whatever, it's their job to let me know, otherwise how am I supposed to read their minds? I follow this up by telling them that I took a psychological test where you try to identify the emotions on people's faces, and apparently I can't even do that, so at any given point, I have no F-ing idea what they are thinking. (Okay, so I omit the F-ing part.) They think this is funny. So I guess advocating for one's self is just the reality of human existence - either that or karma biting me in the ass big time.
With this in mind, I had pre-formulated explanations for a bunch of different scenarios if PT didn't work out for me today. The major options are: A. not do PT (which I decided against for reasons previously discussed); B. do PT, but at a different place (which is a crap shoot; no guarantee it's going to be better, although I did have a great therapist at a different place who worked on my knee several years ago); or C. do PT at the same place but with a different therapist (which can be awkward, especially in a PT center with a completely open floor plan). I really wanted to avoid any of these, but again, you have to do what is best for yourself. However, I also had to keep in mind what I tell my students, and that is that you get out of something what you put into it.
Fortunately, PT was much better; I feel like the therapist was much less distracted and able to at least talk to me about... stuff. Not that I'm even super needy in that way - I'm not too into random chit-chat, and as a student once wrote about me on an evaluation, Whenever I tried to talk to her about something I thought was interesting, she seemed distant and hateful. LOL. I really do not think of myself this way, but it is probably an indication that I am not a warm, fuzzy, super friendly type. At the same time, I do enjoy social interaction, and probably the only thing worse than being alone in my house all day is going to PT and being in room full of people and still feeling completely alone, which is the way I felt the past two sessions.
The sort of funny thing is that when I went in today, a different therapist came and got me and I thought that the one I had worked with on Monday must have felt the same way about me as I did about him and was ditching me, which was okay with me. The 'new' therapist was not very attentive, so I spent the first 20 minutes sort of sitting around waiting for someone to tell me what to do in between heel raises and calf stretches. I seriously almost left at one point. I mean, come on, they tell you to do two sets of 20 of all these exercises; how long do they really think that takes?! Most things they tell you to hold for 3-5 seconds; at the longest, that's 20 x 5 = 100 x 2 = 200 seconds, which is just over three minutes. Fortunately, after 20 minutes of doing pretty much nothing, the original therapist came over; apparently he was just running behind and had asked another PT to get me started, only she didn't really know what I was supposed to be doing. I feel like the therapist was making an extra effort to connect, and since I was too, it was much better.
Things we talked about:
I think I actually did okay staying hydrated the first two days after surgery because my throat was soooo sore that drinking water made it much more comfortable to swallow, plus at that point I was out of it enough that people were waiting on me, and I just asked for water rather than having to get it myself. Not so much anymore. :_( lol
On a different yet related note, after my son was born, we decided to move out of our two-bedroom house. Since our kids are young, we wanted a house with three bedrooms all on the same level, which was harder to find than it sounds. We wanted to stay in our neighborhood - an older neighborhood with houses built mostly in the early 1900s. Most of the houses with three bedrooms on the same floor are large Victorians, and out of our price range, so we had very limited options. At any rate, there was a house that we seriously considered that met our bedroom criterion, only it didn't have a bathroom on the main level. This ended up being a deal breaker because my mother-in-law has limited mobility, especially when it comes to stairs, and because I was envisioning potty training in the near future, and thought it would be a pain to have to go upstairs to the bathroom with a little one all the time. Little did I know that a few years later, I'd be the one so dependent on a main-level bathroom.
Anyway.
The highlight of today was PT. In case it wasn't obvious, I have been feeling very negative about PT, but decided that I need to go in with a more positive attitude. I do feel like a lot the stuff I am doing is stuff I could do on my own, but at the same time, I think it is good for my mood to get out of the house and have social interaction. And to be fair, the reality is there's not much you can do without putting full weight on your hip or flexing your thigh past 90 degrees. I don't want to give up on PT totally because I do think that a few weeks down the road I'm really going to need some guidance - coming off crutches (seriously that's going to be weird after a month - do you just go cold turkey or what?) and trying to get myself ready for my week-long course (a major source of stress, but I'm trying not to think about it). If nothing else, I'm going to need some kick ass inspiration.
If there is one thing I have learned from reading blogs by people who deal with medical issues, it's that you have to be your own advocate. I mean, I knew this already, but reading blogs has really driven this point home. It's sort of sad that people who can't be their own advocates (or kids who don't have parents who are good advocates) don't get the best care, but in reflecting upon this, I think it works the same way in education, particularly at large, public institutions. I always tell students - in fact I even have a spiel about it in my syllabus - that they have to take responsibility for their own education. If they are confused or unhappy or angry or hate me or whatever, it's their job to let me know, otherwise how am I supposed to read their minds? I follow this up by telling them that I took a psychological test where you try to identify the emotions on people's faces, and apparently I can't even do that, so at any given point, I have no F-ing idea what they are thinking. (Okay, so I omit the F-ing part.) They think this is funny. So I guess advocating for one's self is just the reality of human existence - either that or karma biting me in the ass big time.
With this in mind, I had pre-formulated explanations for a bunch of different scenarios if PT didn't work out for me today. The major options are: A. not do PT (which I decided against for reasons previously discussed); B. do PT, but at a different place (which is a crap shoot; no guarantee it's going to be better, although I did have a great therapist at a different place who worked on my knee several years ago); or C. do PT at the same place but with a different therapist (which can be awkward, especially in a PT center with a completely open floor plan). I really wanted to avoid any of these, but again, you have to do what is best for yourself. However, I also had to keep in mind what I tell my students, and that is that you get out of something what you put into it.
Fortunately, PT was much better; I feel like the therapist was much less distracted and able to at least talk to me about... stuff. Not that I'm even super needy in that way - I'm not too into random chit-chat, and as a student once wrote about me on an evaluation, Whenever I tried to talk to her about something I thought was interesting, she seemed distant and hateful. LOL. I really do not think of myself this way, but it is probably an indication that I am not a warm, fuzzy, super friendly type. At the same time, I do enjoy social interaction, and probably the only thing worse than being alone in my house all day is going to PT and being in room full of people and still feeling completely alone, which is the way I felt the past two sessions.
The sort of funny thing is that when I went in today, a different therapist came and got me and I thought that the one I had worked with on Monday must have felt the same way about me as I did about him and was ditching me, which was okay with me. The 'new' therapist was not very attentive, so I spent the first 20 minutes sort of sitting around waiting for someone to tell me what to do in between heel raises and calf stretches. I seriously almost left at one point. I mean, come on, they tell you to do two sets of 20 of all these exercises; how long do they really think that takes?! Most things they tell you to hold for 3-5 seconds; at the longest, that's 20 x 5 = 100 x 2 = 200 seconds, which is just over three minutes. Fortunately, after 20 minutes of doing pretty much nothing, the original therapist came over; apparently he was just running behind and had asked another PT to get me started, only she didn't really know what I was supposed to be doing. I feel like the therapist was making an extra effort to connect, and since I was too, it was much better.
Things we talked about:
- He mentioned he knew PT was not very 'exciting' at this point, but there wasn't a lot we could do right now due to my restrictions. However, he said it would get better. He also said a lot of people were feeling really good by four weeks and most didn't have much problem making the transition from crutches to walking. I told him about my class starting on August 13th so he at least has that in his head now as my deadline. I mean, I know I'm not going to be 100% by then, in fact far from it, but I do want to aim for that as a 100% walking-without-crutches date for sure.
- I talked to him about the pain I felt yesterday, and he said we should keep an eye on it. He wasn't overly concerned but he didn't blow me off, either. And since I feel much better today, I don't feel overly concerned anymore. He said it could just be that my body was freaking out a little because surgery can do that; it could be pain itself that was causing more pain. He mentioned that even people with high pain tolerances could experience 'weird things' as a result of the pain cycle, even if they didn't feel like they were in pain to begin with (if that makes sense - it did to me, anyway). He also said that while he wasn't pushing pain medication, I should consider it in this case. Somehow taking pain medication at this point seems like going backwards, but I'm trying not to be Irrational Tough Girl.
- I mentioned that some of the exercises hurt my other hip. He asked if I thought I might have the same issue in my left hip as my right. I must have given him A Look, because he quickly said, 'You don't want to go there, do you?' I said I couldn't even think about that right now, even though I know it is a real possibility. I also mentioned my knee problems, but then told him I didn't want to think about it right now, either. He respected that. At the same time, I think it's good for him to be aware of my other issues.
- At the end of the session, I get to ice and that's my favorite part. Plus they have this high tech (and I'm sure very expensive) machine that provides cold and compresses you as well. It feels soooo nice, and it's really relaxing. I just lie there and try to de-stress and go to my happy place and enjoy the relief of the cold. The funny thing is that today while I was icing the therapist came over and said he felt bad because everyone else in the room was in one area and I was all by myself. It's as if he read my mind (or my blog, ha ha). I don't mind being by myself and ignored while I'm lying there icing, but it was nice of him.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Post Surgery: One Week
It is actually sort of hard for me to believe it has only been a week
post-surgery. Although I have been feeling good, generally speaking, the last week seemed
reeeaaaaallly long. The weekend in particular seemed to be very, very
long after the depressive funk that set in on Friday.
Anyway, today was uneventful and unproductive considering how unmotivated I am to do work. Both kids went to daycare/summer camp and my husband was working, so I was alone for most of the day, which never does much for one's morale. I ended up reading a blog by a woman just a few years younger than I am, who tore her labrum about five years ago and has basically been living Hell on Earth ever since. It concludes with her getting a total hip replacement and then photo-blogging her year-long recovery on Flickr. There's a semi-happy ending in that she got engaged during the ordeal and now has a baby, but still. Phew. It made me feel very lucky. On the other hand, her story started off something like mine - active woman in her 30s undergoes what she believes to be routine hip arthroscopy to fix a torn labrum, expecting to be fully recovered in 3-6 months. And then... it doesn't turn out that way. So perhaps I should not be congratulating myself just yet. LOL. By the time I finished reading her blog, I was happy to have to go to PT just to get out of the house. Don't get me wrong, her attitude was actually very inspirational, otherwise I'm sure I couldn't have read through her five years of trauma, it's just freaky to think that one moment you can be working out in a gym and the next you are starting down the road to permanent disability/pain. I pray that is not my fate. But if it is, then it is.
FYI: http://meandmyhipster-sj.blogspot.com/
Physical therapy was okay, although I liked the therapist even less than the one I had on Friday. Either this place I'm going to now hires really awful PTs or I've just gotten insanely lucky with the PTs I've had in the past. At any rate, the session pretty much kicked my ass. The PT kept telling me that if something hurt I shouldn't do it. The thing is that it didn't hurt exactly, it just made me feel weird and/or hurt other parts of my body that were not my operated upon hip. Not to mention, it just fatigued me in general. I don't know if that's okay or not? And I feel like that's sort of the PT's job - to tell me what's okay and what's not.
For example, I did a bunch of standing up exercises. I could only do these on one side because I can't put full weight on my right side. It ended up with my left hip and knee really hurting (My left knee has a history of Bad Behavior, which I know makes me sound like a complete wreck, but I can assure you that most people who know me would describe me as pretty active and healthy person.). My left side, especially my hip, already hurt quite a bit, hopefully just because I have been favoring my left side for so long, but... who knows? I know I have very shallow hip sockets, which led an orthopedist in the past to tell me I'd need a total hip replacement in both hips by the time I was 30 (see: The History of my Hips), so there's not necessarily any reason to think I won't have the same problems on my left side as on my right - though I certainly hope that isn't the case! Whatever the case may be, I don't want to over-stress my left side because I'd hate to think that rehabbing my right hip would lead to me needing surgery on my left hip. But at the same time, if the pain is normal, then I can deal with it. Also, I mentioned that I had major back pain after the surgery. This isn't new; I've had major back pain for a long time, and in fact it is back pain that finally drove me out of diving for good. Since the surgery, some of the worst pain has been in my back. Some of the exercises I did today really hurt my back, and either the PT didn't want to deal with this or didn't know how. He sort of chalked it up to, 'Well once your hip is healed your back pain will go away.' So... okay? Does this mean I should push through the back pain or not? I think this is why I enjoyed reading the blog I mentioned earlier; this woman has severe pain in her back and shoulder and arm, which she KNOWS is related to her hip pain, yet no one will deal with this. I feel the frustration. I mean, I get that people are now highly specialized to just deal with one body part, but I also know that everything is connected, and if neither orthopedists nor PTs are willing to address this, then who?
On a different note, I knew that I was limited to '50% weight bearing' for four weeks, which is why I have to be on crutches so stinking long. However, I guess I never really thought about what '50%' meant before. In my mind, I had sort of concluded that it meant '50% of normal.' However, as the therapist explained today, if I am standing with equal weight on both legs, that's '50%,' which, duh, is logical, that's just not the way I thought of it. (I felt better after telling both my mom and husband about this, and neither one of them interpreted '50%' in this way, either. Seriously, patient education is really lacking in a lot of cases. I know I'm not a genius, but I think I have at least average intelligence, which means that if I can't figure something out, about half of the rest of the people in my situation can't either.)
Considering it has hurt really bad to put weight on my right hip for I don't even know how long, I think it has probably been almost a year since I've stood with equal weight on both legs. I was forced to do so for the first time in foooorreeeever today, and it actually felt okay. Now I am making a conscious effort to stand with equal weight on both legs.
Anyway, I feel like overall I feel so good and so optimistic, yet physical therapy makes me come home feeling depressed, and I cry on and off for the evening. Maybe it's just coincidence, but at the same time I feel like PT should not be making me feel worse. In my dream world, I'd hope for it to make me feel better, but at the very least it should make me feel nothing in particular.
On a different note, I thought my GI tract had returned to normal this morning, although shortly afterward I realized I was still having distress. Ugh. That distress continued into this evening. I'll spare you the details.
Also, I have had no appetite all day. Right before PT, I forced myself to eat something because I figured I'd probably pass out if I didn't eat anything. I ate about four bites, but it was very difficult. I don't know if the lack of appetite is due to stress or related to the GI distress or how difficult it is to actually feed oneself while on crutches or something else. The really hard thing is that I've gained a lot weight since this ordeal began because I've been really inactive for the past seven months or so. So in a way, I welcome this lack of appetite, because I'd really love to lose about seven pounds. I know that's vain and not a healthy attitude, but I'm just being honest.
This concludes tonight's pity party. Really, it hasn't been this bad all day. Something just happened tonight that really set me off, and I have no idea what it was. However, tomorrow is a new day, and hopefully I'll be better by then.
Anyway, today was uneventful and unproductive considering how unmotivated I am to do work. Both kids went to daycare/summer camp and my husband was working, so I was alone for most of the day, which never does much for one's morale. I ended up reading a blog by a woman just a few years younger than I am, who tore her labrum about five years ago and has basically been living Hell on Earth ever since. It concludes with her getting a total hip replacement and then photo-blogging her year-long recovery on Flickr. There's a semi-happy ending in that she got engaged during the ordeal and now has a baby, but still. Phew. It made me feel very lucky. On the other hand, her story started off something like mine - active woman in her 30s undergoes what she believes to be routine hip arthroscopy to fix a torn labrum, expecting to be fully recovered in 3-6 months. And then... it doesn't turn out that way. So perhaps I should not be congratulating myself just yet. LOL. By the time I finished reading her blog, I was happy to have to go to PT just to get out of the house. Don't get me wrong, her attitude was actually very inspirational, otherwise I'm sure I couldn't have read through her five years of trauma, it's just freaky to think that one moment you can be working out in a gym and the next you are starting down the road to permanent disability/pain. I pray that is not my fate. But if it is, then it is.
FYI: http://meandmyhipster-sj.blogspot.com/
Physical therapy was okay, although I liked the therapist even less than the one I had on Friday. Either this place I'm going to now hires really awful PTs or I've just gotten insanely lucky with the PTs I've had in the past. At any rate, the session pretty much kicked my ass. The PT kept telling me that if something hurt I shouldn't do it. The thing is that it didn't hurt exactly, it just made me feel weird and/or hurt other parts of my body that were not my operated upon hip. Not to mention, it just fatigued me in general. I don't know if that's okay or not? And I feel like that's sort of the PT's job - to tell me what's okay and what's not.
For example, I did a bunch of standing up exercises. I could only do these on one side because I can't put full weight on my right side. It ended up with my left hip and knee really hurting (My left knee has a history of Bad Behavior, which I know makes me sound like a complete wreck, but I can assure you that most people who know me would describe me as pretty active and healthy person.). My left side, especially my hip, already hurt quite a bit, hopefully just because I have been favoring my left side for so long, but... who knows? I know I have very shallow hip sockets, which led an orthopedist in the past to tell me I'd need a total hip replacement in both hips by the time I was 30 (see: The History of my Hips), so there's not necessarily any reason to think I won't have the same problems on my left side as on my right - though I certainly hope that isn't the case! Whatever the case may be, I don't want to over-stress my left side because I'd hate to think that rehabbing my right hip would lead to me needing surgery on my left hip. But at the same time, if the pain is normal, then I can deal with it. Also, I mentioned that I had major back pain after the surgery. This isn't new; I've had major back pain for a long time, and in fact it is back pain that finally drove me out of diving for good. Since the surgery, some of the worst pain has been in my back. Some of the exercises I did today really hurt my back, and either the PT didn't want to deal with this or didn't know how. He sort of chalked it up to, 'Well once your hip is healed your back pain will go away.' So... okay? Does this mean I should push through the back pain or not? I think this is why I enjoyed reading the blog I mentioned earlier; this woman has severe pain in her back and shoulder and arm, which she KNOWS is related to her hip pain, yet no one will deal with this. I feel the frustration. I mean, I get that people are now highly specialized to just deal with one body part, but I also know that everything is connected, and if neither orthopedists nor PTs are willing to address this, then who?
On a different note, I knew that I was limited to '50% weight bearing' for four weeks, which is why I have to be on crutches so stinking long. However, I guess I never really thought about what '50%' meant before. In my mind, I had sort of concluded that it meant '50% of normal.' However, as the therapist explained today, if I am standing with equal weight on both legs, that's '50%,' which, duh, is logical, that's just not the way I thought of it. (I felt better after telling both my mom and husband about this, and neither one of them interpreted '50%' in this way, either. Seriously, patient education is really lacking in a lot of cases. I know I'm not a genius, but I think I have at least average intelligence, which means that if I can't figure something out, about half of the rest of the people in my situation can't either.)
Considering it has hurt really bad to put weight on my right hip for I don't even know how long, I think it has probably been almost a year since I've stood with equal weight on both legs. I was forced to do so for the first time in foooorreeeever today, and it actually felt okay. Now I am making a conscious effort to stand with equal weight on both legs.
Anyway, I feel like overall I feel so good and so optimistic, yet physical therapy makes me come home feeling depressed, and I cry on and off for the evening. Maybe it's just coincidence, but at the same time I feel like PT should not be making me feel worse. In my dream world, I'd hope for it to make me feel better, but at the very least it should make me feel nothing in particular.
On a different note, I thought my GI tract had returned to normal this morning, although shortly afterward I realized I was still having distress. Ugh. That distress continued into this evening. I'll spare you the details.
Also, I have had no appetite all day. Right before PT, I forced myself to eat something because I figured I'd probably pass out if I didn't eat anything. I ate about four bites, but it was very difficult. I don't know if the lack of appetite is due to stress or related to the GI distress or how difficult it is to actually feed oneself while on crutches or something else. The really hard thing is that I've gained a lot weight since this ordeal began because I've been really inactive for the past seven months or so. So in a way, I welcome this lack of appetite, because I'd really love to lose about seven pounds. I know that's vain and not a healthy attitude, but I'm just being honest.
This concludes tonight's pity party. Really, it hasn't been this bad all day. Something just happened tonight that really set me off, and I have no idea what it was. However, tomorrow is a new day, and hopefully I'll be better by then.
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Post Surgery: Day 4
Highlights:
- I drove today!
- It didn't hurt. At least, it didn't hurt that much. Driving had already become sort of painful for me before surgery and I don't think it was any worse today than before.
- I got the kids to daycare/summer camp. This was out of necessity due to my husband's work schedule, but it was a feeling of accomplishment nonetheless. My doctor had said that I could drive once I was off the pain meds, and I haven't taken a pain pill since Tuesday morning.
- I started physical therapy.
- After I dropped the kids off, I went to work, since the kids go to daycare/summer camp at the university, and the university is halfway between my house and physical therapy. At the beginning of the summer, I had not planned on having hip surgery, so all my stuff was up in my office. In my last-minute frenzy to prepare for surgery, the one thing I forgot to do was go up to the university and get all my stuff so I could work from home.
- Because I teach science, and science books weigh, like, 30 pounds each, I needed help getting four books plus all my notebooks from my office to my car. If that sounds super wimpy, keep in mind this is a college campus, and there is long, hilly trek involved between where I can park and where my office is.
- Fortunately, I have a couple of awesome colleagues who helped me carry everything down to my car. I hate asking for help, but sometimes you just have to.
- We left my office promptly at 11:30, and I didn't pull out of the parking lot until 11:50, that's how slow I am and how long things take.
- As a result, I was sort of late for PT. I mean, I was supposed to be there at noon to do paperwork, although my appointment wasn't until 12:15 so I'm not sure how late I actually ended up being. I think I pulled into the parking lot at a little past noon, then I'm sure it took me at least ten minutes to get up to the third floor, then go the bathroom, and get a drink of water. I totally had to go to the bathroom when I left work, but I didn't because the bathroom is about 200 yards from my office and it was too much work. (Okay, so I guess I am super wimpy, LOL.) We did go past it on the way out, but I didn't want to go while my colleagues were waiting for me. Stupid, but some things are just embarrassing.
- Physical therapy was okay. I have mixed feelings about PT. In some cases, I've felt like PT is glorified training room stuff, and in others, I've had really great and knowledgeable therapists who were definitely the main factor in my recovery. I mean, coming from an athletic background, I've gone through a lot of PT sessions where we didn't do anything that I wasn't doing on my own already just from working with my coaches. Today was one of those sessions, although I guess it is hard to do much more than isometric exercises when you aren't bearing full weight on the affected limb. However, the therapist was just sort of so-so. She told me she only worked on Fridays, so I was sure not to schedule any more appointments on Fridays, which aren't the best for me anyway.
- The therapist encouraged me to take my pain meds and told me I should not be driving, which didn't sit that well with me. For one, my doctor specifically said it was okay if I drove if I was not taking pain meds, which is actually one reason I stop taking them as soon as I felt my pain was manageable. Don't get me wrong, I am not anti-pain medication; pain medication is a godsend when the alternative is being in a massive amount of unbearable pain. I've just never been huge into any sorts of medication, and I'm somewhat paranoid about becoming addicted to a medication the same way I'm paranoid about falling down stairs. Thus, I tend not to take a medication unless something is really horrid, or taking the medication can make something annoying go away very quickly (e.g., antibiotics for strep throat).
- If I'm doing an exercise and the therapist asks me how it feels, and I say it 'hurts a little,' I don't think it merits a lecture on taking my pain meds. I'm pretty sure I know when I need them. I did take them the first day just because I was afraid of what would happen when the feeling returned to my leg, and I wanted to be ahead of the game, but I think that risk of severe pain is over.
- When I got home, I was sooooo tired. Or sooooo something not good. I've been in sort of a funk (including a few minutes of private tears) all afternoon and evening.
- I'm not sure why. I don't know if it is just fatigue or work depression (that is a different story, but never mind that, this is just about my hip :)). I think part of it is that I feel good enough to get back into doing some of my normal stuff, which a few days ago was awesome. However, now that I'm over the initial euphoria of OMG I FEEL GREAT! life is just ho-hum normal crappy stuff, only with the added inconvenience of the fact that all of this ho-hum normal crappy stuff is 20x harder and more tiring for me and I accomplish 1/20th of what I would normally. Like, I feel way too good to lie around just reading or watching DVDs or doing whatever, but at the same time, trying to live normally and accomplish a normal day's worth of work is exhausting.
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Getting a Formal Diagnosis
Even though I've been pretty sure of my labral tear for about 15 years, I obviously needed a formal diagnosis. Although the orthopedist I saw in my 20s was wrong about me needing a double hip replacement by 30 (I'm happy to say I still have both of my original hips), he was right about the labral tear. That is pretty impressive considering he spent about five minutes with me, and apparently this can actually be a tricky diagnosis.
The time between me deciding that I couldn't take my hip pain anymore and actually seeing an orthopedist was ridiculously long, mostly due to me and my inexplicable fear of making doctor's appointments. I initially saw my PA about it, in January 2014, even though I knew she would just order X-rays. That is exactly what she did, and of course they didn't show anything (which is actually good - I felt like I was in trouble if the X-rays showed anything). After I got the X-rays, I started to feel better, so there was a long gap between the X-rays and the MRI. I have this weird thing where I will go around in pain for a long time and put off doing anything about it, then when I finally do, I start to feel better. I used to joke that all my orthopedic problems seem to go away when I schedule doctor appointments, so apparently that's all I need to do to cure myself. I call it my reverse placebo effect. I actually saw a great orthopedist about my knee about five years ago who told me it was okay if I just wanted to keep making appointments with him to keep my knee from hurting. Ha. Anyway, my PA did make me feel a lot better, assuring me that treatment options had come a long way in 15 years. (Most of what my PA does with me is hand-holding, because as I mentioned earlier, I freak out really easily.)
* * * * *
I limped through the semester; I had good days and bad days and days in between. Eventually enough bad days built up and I scheduled an MRI. This was in May. By then it had gotten to a point where I couldn't even walk normally, and I could actually barely walk at all after sitting for a long time, and I found all of this to be really embarrassing. I am sort of weird in that I get super easily embarrassed by some things, but not other things that others find appalling. Having done a lot of sports and spent a lot of time in locker rooms, I don't think twice about undressing in front of total strangers. Apparently this isn't normal. At the same time, both my kids spent a fair amount of time in the hospital after birth, and I found pumping milk in a hospital room without total privacy to be super embarrassing, to the point where I could actually not do it. And here is another contradiction: teaching biology, I have to talk about all sorts of stuff that even my students giggle and turn red over - peeing, pooping, farting, erections, intercourse, you name it. It's not that embarrassing, it's just part of my job. On the other hand, I found it way too embarrassing to ask my orthopedist when it is okay to have sex after surgery. So... I Googled it. That's what led me to discover the cool bunch of 'hip sisters' that exist on the Internet.
By the way: http://susie711.blogspot.com/2007/07/learn-from-my-experiences-mistakes.html
So onto the MRI. Here's how I described it in my journal:
I had my MRI today. It didn't actually take as long as I thought it would. I hardly had to wait at all, and then the MRI itself only took about 30 minutes even though I was told it would be closer to an hour. I got a nice nap in, lol. Seriously, I was soooo tired, and what else is there to do in that teeny tube? The sort of funny thing is that the tech asked me what type of music I wanted to listen to, then rattled off a bunch of choices. I told him classic rock would be fine. I caught a little bit of the music in between dozing and waking up, and most of it was '80s music, like what I listened to in middle school. OMG, I can't believe that's now considered 'classic.' Maybe I am old enough to have to have a hip replacement.
Speaking of which, the MRI itself was pretty horrible. When I lay down, the tech strapped me to the table and taped my feet together, which was actually helpful, so I didn't have to worry about trying to hold still. Unfortunately, my hip started throbbing at that point, and never stopped, which made it a pretty uncomfortable half hour. When it was over, I was groggy, not to mention in a massive amount of pain, and I'm sure I was a ridiculous sight. When the tech asked me if I had any questions before I left, I asked if he had seen anything interesting. He replied, 'Well, there's definitely a lot of swelling, but legally I'm not allowed to say anything' (which I knew - but [my husband] always manages to work things out of people who 'aren't allowed to say anything,' so I figured it was worth a shot). I told him I knew he wasn't technically allowed to say anything, but I figured he must know a little something from looking at this stuff all day. He then responded vaguely, 'There's definitely something going on in there.' I guess that's good? Because at least now I can be fairly certain it won't be a case of there supposedly being nothing wrong, like with my knee, which supposedly has nothing wrong with it but yet gives out on me randomly at least three times a day. Regardless, I think I've been feeling very depressed and uneasy about the idea that some drastic measure might be necessary in my near future if I want to be able to, like, walk when I'm in my 40s. UGH!! Like [my best friend] said, I guess I always knew this was a reality, but I always hoped and prayed that it wouldn't be. At the same time, as I get older, I'm becoming more sensitive to aging in general, realizing that I'm approaching 'middle age.' I do not want to be that decrepit woman-in-her-50s who seems likes she's 70. On the other hand, I don't want to have surgery, either.
Ugh, enough of that. I don't like thinking about it.
* * * * *
Not surprisingly, my PA called me post-MRI and said that I needed to go see an orthopedist because it seemed that I had a torn labrum. I would not exactly say this was good news, but at the same time, it was not a surprise, and it was good news in that I was happy the MRI showed SOMETHING. The only other MRI I'd had before was on my knee, and it didn't show anything. But that does not change the fact that my knee often hurts A LOT and, more annoyingly, gives out on me at random and unpredictable times, which can be embarrassing.
* * * * *
I'm going to finish this post with an amusing story about getting a correct diagnosis. In my early 20s, I moved across the country to train for diving. At the time I didn't have health insurance because I was no longer a student and not on my parents' plan, either, and it was pre-Obama, so I didn't have to have insurance. I had a really awful pain near my Achilles tendon, which I assumed to be tendonitis, so... what can you do? I mean, even if I had had health insurance, I doubt I would have seen the doctor for something like that. However, one of the other divers had the exact same pain; we used to sit and ice together before and after practice. Eventually he went to see an orthopedist, so I joked that whatever he had, I would just self-diagnose myself as having the same thing. When he came back from his appointment, I asked him what the orthopedist had said, and he smiled slyly and said, 'I'm evolving.' I was like, huh? He then told me that he had an extra bone in his foot, which was causing the pain. At that point, I was like, okay, I seriously doubt that's my problem, too, lol. But... several years later, after quitting diving and getting a job and insurance and experiencing mildly debilitating foot and ankle pain on and off for several months, I finally went to an orthopedist. Who told me... that I have an extra bone in my foot. Ha - too funny!
By the way, this extra bone has a name and an associated syndrome. (There is a name and a syndrome for everything, isn't there?) Apparently we both suffered from accessory navicular syndrome: http://www.foothealthfacts.org/footankleinfo/accessory_navicular_syndrome.htm
The time between me deciding that I couldn't take my hip pain anymore and actually seeing an orthopedist was ridiculously long, mostly due to me and my inexplicable fear of making doctor's appointments. I initially saw my PA about it, in January 2014, even though I knew she would just order X-rays. That is exactly what she did, and of course they didn't show anything (which is actually good - I felt like I was in trouble if the X-rays showed anything). After I got the X-rays, I started to feel better, so there was a long gap between the X-rays and the MRI. I have this weird thing where I will go around in pain for a long time and put off doing anything about it, then when I finally do, I start to feel better. I used to joke that all my orthopedic problems seem to go away when I schedule doctor appointments, so apparently that's all I need to do to cure myself. I call it my reverse placebo effect. I actually saw a great orthopedist about my knee about five years ago who told me it was okay if I just wanted to keep making appointments with him to keep my knee from hurting. Ha. Anyway, my PA did make me feel a lot better, assuring me that treatment options had come a long way in 15 years. (Most of what my PA does with me is hand-holding, because as I mentioned earlier, I freak out really easily.)
* * * * *
I limped through the semester; I had good days and bad days and days in between. Eventually enough bad days built up and I scheduled an MRI. This was in May. By then it had gotten to a point where I couldn't even walk normally, and I could actually barely walk at all after sitting for a long time, and I found all of this to be really embarrassing. I am sort of weird in that I get super easily embarrassed by some things, but not other things that others find appalling. Having done a lot of sports and spent a lot of time in locker rooms, I don't think twice about undressing in front of total strangers. Apparently this isn't normal. At the same time, both my kids spent a fair amount of time in the hospital after birth, and I found pumping milk in a hospital room without total privacy to be super embarrassing, to the point where I could actually not do it. And here is another contradiction: teaching biology, I have to talk about all sorts of stuff that even my students giggle and turn red over - peeing, pooping, farting, erections, intercourse, you name it. It's not that embarrassing, it's just part of my job. On the other hand, I found it way too embarrassing to ask my orthopedist when it is okay to have sex after surgery. So... I Googled it. That's what led me to discover the cool bunch of 'hip sisters' that exist on the Internet.
By the way: http://susie711.blogspot.com/2007/07/learn-from-my-experiences-mistakes.html
So onto the MRI. Here's how I described it in my journal:
I had my MRI today. It didn't actually take as long as I thought it would. I hardly had to wait at all, and then the MRI itself only took about 30 minutes even though I was told it would be closer to an hour. I got a nice nap in, lol. Seriously, I was soooo tired, and what else is there to do in that teeny tube? The sort of funny thing is that the tech asked me what type of music I wanted to listen to, then rattled off a bunch of choices. I told him classic rock would be fine. I caught a little bit of the music in between dozing and waking up, and most of it was '80s music, like what I listened to in middle school. OMG, I can't believe that's now considered 'classic.' Maybe I am old enough to have to have a hip replacement.
Speaking of which, the MRI itself was pretty horrible. When I lay down, the tech strapped me to the table and taped my feet together, which was actually helpful, so I didn't have to worry about trying to hold still. Unfortunately, my hip started throbbing at that point, and never stopped, which made it a pretty uncomfortable half hour. When it was over, I was groggy, not to mention in a massive amount of pain, and I'm sure I was a ridiculous sight. When the tech asked me if I had any questions before I left, I asked if he had seen anything interesting. He replied, 'Well, there's definitely a lot of swelling, but legally I'm not allowed to say anything' (which I knew - but [my husband] always manages to work things out of people who 'aren't allowed to say anything,' so I figured it was worth a shot). I told him I knew he wasn't technically allowed to say anything, but I figured he must know a little something from looking at this stuff all day. He then responded vaguely, 'There's definitely something going on in there.' I guess that's good? Because at least now I can be fairly certain it won't be a case of there supposedly being nothing wrong, like with my knee, which supposedly has nothing wrong with it but yet gives out on me randomly at least three times a day. Regardless, I think I've been feeling very depressed and uneasy about the idea that some drastic measure might be necessary in my near future if I want to be able to, like, walk when I'm in my 40s. UGH!! Like [my best friend] said, I guess I always knew this was a reality, but I always hoped and prayed that it wouldn't be. At the same time, as I get older, I'm becoming more sensitive to aging in general, realizing that I'm approaching 'middle age.' I do not want to be that decrepit woman-in-her-50s who seems likes she's 70. On the other hand, I don't want to have surgery, either.
Ugh, enough of that. I don't like thinking about it.
* * * * *
Not surprisingly, my PA called me post-MRI and said that I needed to go see an orthopedist because it seemed that I had a torn labrum. I would not exactly say this was good news, but at the same time, it was not a surprise, and it was good news in that I was happy the MRI showed SOMETHING. The only other MRI I'd had before was on my knee, and it didn't show anything. But that does not change the fact that my knee often hurts A LOT and, more annoyingly, gives out on me at random and unpredictable times, which can be embarrassing.
* * * * *
I'm going to finish this post with an amusing story about getting a correct diagnosis. In my early 20s, I moved across the country to train for diving. At the time I didn't have health insurance because I was no longer a student and not on my parents' plan, either, and it was pre-Obama, so I didn't have to have insurance. I had a really awful pain near my Achilles tendon, which I assumed to be tendonitis, so... what can you do? I mean, even if I had had health insurance, I doubt I would have seen the doctor for something like that. However, one of the other divers had the exact same pain; we used to sit and ice together before and after practice. Eventually he went to see an orthopedist, so I joked that whatever he had, I would just self-diagnose myself as having the same thing. When he came back from his appointment, I asked him what the orthopedist had said, and he smiled slyly and said, 'I'm evolving.' I was like, huh? He then told me that he had an extra bone in his foot, which was causing the pain. At that point, I was like, okay, I seriously doubt that's my problem, too, lol. But... several years later, after quitting diving and getting a job and insurance and experiencing mildly debilitating foot and ankle pain on and off for several months, I finally went to an orthopedist. Who told me... that I have an extra bone in my foot. Ha - too funny!
By the way, this extra bone has a name and an associated syndrome. (There is a name and a syndrome for everything, isn't there?) Apparently we both suffered from accessory navicular syndrome: http://www.foothealthfacts.org/footankleinfo/accessory_navicular_syndrome.htm
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