Limping Forward

I have a really unpleasant situation at work right now, which leaves me wondering just how much longer I can stand my job. I've been toying with the idea of leaving for a while now, and making a plan to do so, although I haven't quite managed to yet. But in a way, the current situation is a good thing because it makes me more certain of my choice. My relationship with my job is love/hate, with not a lot in between. Unfortunately, a few of the items in the hate column are out of my control and unlikely to ever change. Ultimately, I cannot put up with this long-term, and feel that, at the age of 40, it is time to stop languishing and just get my butt on a different career path already. The intensity of the current situation is lighting a fire to get me moving toward that path at a faster pace.

Along with the roller coaster ride of work, I've also been having some horrible hip days, which leave me wondering how much longer I can stand it. But interspersed with those bad days, I've also had a number of good days, and when I have a good day, I can't even wrap my mind around having surgery. When I have a bad day, I'm ready to check myself into the hospital and get it done already. Both hips at the same time. I'll be in a wheelchair for three months if that's what it takes. LOL. I think it's the ups and downs that are the hardest to deal with emotionally. It's crazy to think that intermittent good days are worse than constant pain, but just like with work, sometimes I feel like those good days are causing me to cling to false hope and keeping me from moving forward toward some long-term solution. Instead, I just languish. The problem is, I don't know what that solution is. But I'm also not sure I want to wait until things are really bad before moving forward, even though that would certainly give me clarity and certainty about a long-term solution, whatever that solution may be.

And so... I'm trying to keep moving forward. Slowly. It's more like... I'm limping forward, both literally and figuratively.

That said, I had an arthrogram of my left hip (my 'good' hip) last Friday, April 10th. I was having a really good hip day that day, so I kept asking myself WHY am I doing this?! Not to worry, though. The injection triggered a massive amount of pain that lasted for a good 48 hours. Although it has subsided significantly since then, my hip still hurts. So, good, at least the pain makes me feel more justified in having the arthrogram in the first place. I don't know the results because I have been really, really busy and have not called for a follow-up appointment simply because I cannot think of a time when I could actually make it to an appointment, and I feel bad when I call for an appointment and turn down pretty much every option they give me. That, and I am really bad about making appointments. I don't know why it's so hard for me, it just is. And I'm wary of new doctors, which is a bad thing, because it means I put up with crap doctors for way too long, especially if they are nice like my old orthopedist.

However, yesterday a scheduler from the doctor who does the PAO surgery called to let me know that she received a referral for a surgery consult, and did I want to make an appointment?  Like I said, I was fairly frazzled at my last appointment with the new orthopedist, and I wasn't exactly sure how we had left things. But since they were calling me, I figured what the heck. It's just like with the arthrogram. I know I wouldn't have called and scheduled it on my own, but since they called me, I figured what the heck. I might as well know what's going on with my left hip, even if I don't do anything about it. And I might as well get the low down on PAO surgery, even if I don't have it done. I have to keep reminding myself that just because I am going to an informational appointment doesn't mean I have to have the surgery. I seriously don't know why I dread these appointments so much.

At any rate, I already feel so much better about the new orthopedist and his NP than I did about my old orthopedist. I mentioned that one thing that bugged me about my old orthopedist is that he never wrote any reports about our visits and never responded to any communication I sent via the patient portal. All these big practices make this huge deal about having a patient portal to facilitate communication between patients and providers, but all my old ortho ever wrote for a 'care summary' was All of the patient's questions were answered and they state they understand and agree with the discussed treatment plan. They will follow up as planned, sooner if any problems. So, when I got an e-mail today from the new practice inviting me to register for the patient portal, I did, but mostly just because portals are convenient for making payments. I decided to click on the 'visit summary' from my last appointment just to see if the doctor and/or NP had actually written anything, and was surprised that the NP had. I read the report, and it was actually very useful. I know we talked about all of it, but a lot of it was a blur to me at the time, and it helped to see it again in writing. She wrote:

Waning's history, symptoms, exam, and imaging consistent with bilateral hip femoral acetabular impingement syndrome and acetabular dysplasia, with recurrent right-sided acetabular labral tear following a hip arthroscopy and labral repair done by another orthopedist within the last 8 months. I reviewed the etiology of the condition, natural course of the disease, and potential treatment options. I reviewed exam imaging findings. The patient is now aware that she has a more complex problem, considering her acetabular dysplasia. We discussed the conservative options, including physical therapy and continued corticosteroid injections. We discussed surgical intervention, which would include revision hip arthroscopy with possible revision labral repair, versus reconstruction. Due to the severity of the patient's acetabular dysplasia, we discussed the potential of undergoing a 2 part surgical intervention, which would include periacetabular osteotomy, followed by hip arthroscopy with labral repair. She is aware that the 2 part surgical intervention would be the most reliable, secondary to structural issues in her hips. As such, we are going to send her to a colleague, Dr. Not Friendly, for evaluation regarding possible PAO. Her left hip has not undergone recent MR arthrogram, and we are going to send her for that. In either case, we would need to coordinate with her primary care provider regarding her coagulopathic issues and how we would prophylax the patient during the time of surgery. We will see her back when results are available. All questions were answered.

That's way more than my orthopedist ever wrote in eight months of caring for me. I will add this to my lessons learned from this journey so far: Second opinions are a good thing. They should be done BEFORE surgery.

FYI, here is a link to a page that describes PAO surgery in all of its gory detail: http://www.clohisyhipsurgeon.com/treatment-options/periacetabular-osteotomy-pao-for-acetabular-dysplasia

MR Arthrogram (Almost 8 Months)

Well, that was unpleasant. I knew it would be, and was prepared for it, but it was still unpleasant. I guess I was hoping it would be better than I was expecting. It wasn't. But, it wasn't worse than I thought it would be, either. It was pretty much what I had prepared for.

It didn't help that I stayed up way too late last night and didn't get to sleep until around 2 AM. I am taking a night class that goes from 6-10 PM, and after psyching up to stay awake through four hours of lecture, I have a hard time winding down. So, I was reeaaallly tired this morning. I practically sleep-talked my way through my morning class, and took off immediately afterward to get to my 11:15 appointment.

Before the MRI, I went in to get the contrast dye (gadolinium) injected. Getting the dye injected was about like getting a cortisone injection. I would say it was somewhere in between the first cortisone injection I had, which was horrid, and the second one, which wasn't nearly as bad. The injection was done by a radiologist, with the help of a tech. Before injecting the dye, the doctor injected an anesthetic, which was actually the most painful part, but apparently makes the injection of the actual dye hurt less. Both the tech and the doctor told me the dye would make my hip feel 'full' because they were adding between 10 and 15 CCs. (Ultimately I think they added 11.) 'Full' is a good way of describing it. It didn't exactly hurt, but it was extremely uncomfortable - sort of how your arm is uncomfortable when you're having your blood pressure taken, only the feeling lasted for over an hour.

After the injection, the radiologist took a few X-rays to make sure the dye was in the joint. For one of the X-rays, I had to do 'frog legs' and that... hurt. Like a mother. First off, my leg felt so weird I didn't feel like I could move it. When I finally did, rotating it outward caused a massive amount of pain. I must have made a face because the doctor asked if my hip always hurt when I rotated it like that, and I said that was pretty much the case. It reminded me of the time I had to get X-rays of my elbow because it was totally swollen and I couldn't straighten my arm. The X-ray tech told me I had to straighten my arm to so she could get a good picture but it was like, 'Helloooo, that's why I am here - because I can't straighten my arm!'

On a funny side note, when I was going over the information with the tech before the injection, I noticed they had listed my birthday as being in 1940. LOL. I told her I was definitely not THAT old. I crossed it off and changed it to 1974. She said they must have been looking at my age when they wrote that. Then the doctor came in and looked at the paper and said, 'Is that right? Were you really born in 1974?!' I said yes. Then he asked, 'So that makes you how old?!' I replied that I was 40. Then he said, 'That's what I thought, but before I saw this I thought you were, like, 18.' I told him that apparently 40 is so old I'm not even offended when people say things like that. Ha.

I must have really been limping when we went downstairs for the MRI because the tech asked me if I needed a wheelchair. LOL. I had a short wait in the waiting room with a woman who was drinking barium and apparently having a very hard time with it. She asked me if I had ever had to drink barium before. Yup, been there, done that, in high school. I'm not sure which is worse, having dye injected or having to drink barium. Barium is seriously so gross it makes you want to throw up, and a lot of times the reason you're drinking it in the first place is because you've been throwing up constantly. I told her I had had to drink barium before and agreed it was awful. I decided maybe having the contrast medium injected wasn't as bad as having to drink it. Plus, when the barium passes through you, it's not pleasant. I'll leave it at that. 

Eventually I went in for the MRI, and aside from being very painful, it was pretty uneventful. My hip was pretty much throbbing at that point, and lying down on my back is very painful. At first I was in such an uncomfortable position I had no idea how I was going to make it through 45 minutes, but then the techs at least put a pillow under my legs so my hips were not hyperextended (which really hurts me). Then they taped my feet together so it would be easier for me to hold still. And in I went. It was louder than I remember. And longer. The last time I had an MRI, I remember telling them to play classic rock, and I had to listen to '80s music the whole time. This time I also requested classic rock, and it seemed like true classic rock, although I could honestly not really hear much at all. I also remember last time thinking the time passed pretty quickly, but maybe that's because I fell asleep. This time I felt like the MRI would never end, but maybe that's because I was so uncomfortable (which is probably why I couldn't fall asleep). In the end, the tech told me I had done a great job holding still, and that they were able to get some great pictures. She said it so many times it made me wonder what most people do during the MRI. It's not as if you really have the choice to wiggle around. Since she kept going on and on about all the great pictures they had gotten, I asked her if she saw anything interesting. She promptly replied, 'Unfortunately, even if I did, I'm not allowed to say anything.' Darn. A by-the-books tech.

When I left, I was in an extreme amount of pain, but the pain wore off after about an hour. I feel pretty good now, although I am supposed to 'limit my activity' for the next 24 hours, whatever that means. Anyway, the arthrogram is done, and I'm glad I had it done because no matter what, it will help me make some decisions as I try to get through this mess. I have an F/U with my orthopedist next week, and until then, I'm just not going to think about it.

DVT, Xarelto, and Arthrograms (7 Months + 17 Days)

We finally got a piece of the snow that has been afflicting various parts of the nation. As a result, I went sledding with my kids over the weekend and destroyed my back. It was that falling over, I-think-I-might-throw-up-or-faint-or-both type of pain that struck all at once when I was lifting my son up at the park. My husband suggested dropping me off at the ER on the way home, but I resisted, and when we got home, I threw back one of the hydrocodone pills in my stockpile - either from surgery or from my trip to the ER for DVT. I can't quite remember. That was on Sunday. On Monday, we had a snow day, thank God. Even the university was closed, but if it hadn't been, I would have considered canceling class anyway, because I was dyyyyyyyyying. And I never cancel class. At least, in six years of full-time teaching, during which there have been many crises, including my kids being hospitalized for various reasons, I've never canceled class. But it was bad.

I called my husband's doctor* on Sunday night and left a message asking if I could get in to see him on Monday. I have no idea what I thought he could do for me, but I figured considering the state I was in, I had to do... something. Unfortunately, in my pain-induced stupor, I apparently asked them to call me back at my parents' phone number. LOL. (I've done this before; I actually wrote my mom's work number on a letter of recommendation I wrote. After all, I never call myself, so it's the numbers that I call frequently that are stuck in my head.) When they didn't call back on Monday, I just assumed they were closed because of the snow, but apparently they weren't closed, and they did call me back... and they left a message on my parents' answering machine, which my mom informed me of late on Monday when she got back from work and discovered this weird message on her answering machine. Oops. So I'm an idiot. I immediately called back and they told me that I could get in on Tuesday (today), so I took the appointment.

* I guess he is my doctor now, too, I just haven't fully accepted this.

Fortunately, the hydrocodone was a miracle drug, and whatever was up with my back was temporary, because by Monday evening, I was actually feeling much better, which led me to believe that whatever I had did not involve any bones or cartilage moving out of place. Nonetheless, I decided to keep the appointment, because I've been meaning to follow up with this doc regarding my DVT. It's just that I haven't, because... because I'm me, and dealing with my hip is pretty much all I can handle. One medical thing at a time. Though, I have to say that all of this is really giving me a lot of sympathy/empathy for people who have or have family members who have conditions requiring constant attention. Like... I have a fairly flexible job, and so does my husband, yet scheduling appointments and medical procedures is a real challenge between my work schedule and his work schedule and our kids' school and daycare schedules. Ahhhhhh!

Anyway, I saw the doctor today, and based on a few tests, he said he was sure the back issue was just a muscle spasm and not a disc issue, and I actually believed him. He showed me a few stretches to do for my back, and I couldn't do some of them because it hurt my hip. Then I mentioned that I have a history of back problems, and I normally stretch my back religiously. However, I hadn't done so in a while because of my hip issues, and that could be why I'm having back issues. Ugh, I can't win.

And speaking of my hip, I told him I was scheduled to have an arthrogram on March 3rd, and one of the things they had told me was that I needed to stop taking Xarelto five days before the arthrogram (which I don't get, but whatever). At some point during our appointment, he whipped out his cell phone and seemed to be barely listening to me while fiddling with his cell phone, and all the while I was thinking WTF?! But it turned out he was consulting Dr. Google about the whole Xarelto/arthrogram thing, hahaha. So even doctors consult Dr. Google. He then said he thought that it was standard to stop something like Coumadin five days before an arthrogram, but that he didn't feel it should be the same with Xarelto. I told him the woman on the phone just asked me if I was on a blood thinner, and when I said yes, she hadn't asked me which one; she just told me to stop taking it five days before the arthrogram and to consult my doctor about an appropriate 'replacement.' He said he thought it was different for different medications; however, he would 'research' it more and call me back later with a better answer. Honestly, that made me feel good about him. As an educator, my students are constantly asking me questions, and sometimes I don't have a good answer for them. But I'm always willing to admit when I don't know something, and I then research it and answer them later.

At any rate, I have some selfish motives behind wanting to get off Xarelto. A few days ago, I took my last pill from my prescription, and seeing as how I feel like I should be at the end of my Xarelto days, I didn't refill it, because a) I am lazy, and b) I am cheap, and Xarelto is expensive. Which I know is horrible, and makes me one of those terrible and not compliant patients; at the same time, I have reasons to truly believe it is okay for me to stop taking Xarelto without risking dying of pulmonary embolism. One reason is that my orthopedist actually told me I could stop taking it back in October. Granted, I didn't totally believe him, which is why I sought other opinions and continued to take the medication until now. Nonetheless, I have to think that if one medical professional told me it was okay to stop the medication four months ago, then it shouldn't be life-threatening for me to stop it now.

It just seems to me like a good time to come off the Xarelto; as I discussed with the doctor, I'd like to stop taking it before the arthrogram and just never take it again. Ideally, I'd like to keep taking it until I'm sure my DVT has resolved, but I don't want the refill the entire prescription for 3-4 days when I'm really hoping, hoping, hoping I don't need it anymore. And even if I DO, I just don't feel like I'm high enough risk that missing a few days will kill me. (If it does, I will stand corrected, and will be sure to refill the prescription in my afterlife.) In the end, although I didn't exactly tell him I would not be taking Xarelto for a few days, he agreed that at this point I was 'low risk,' considering this incidence of DVT was my first ever, and that there was a definitive cause behind the DVT in the first place (the surgery).

The sort of funny thing is that he asked me about my family history, and whether there was any family history of blood clots or miscarriage or infertility. I told him I was adopted and have no family history, although I had had a miscarriage. Then later it occurred to me that obviously my biological mom was more fertile than she wanted to be, so it was unlikely she had any issues with fertility. LOL.

The end result of all this is that I'm going to get a 'STAT' ultrasound on Friday to (hopefully) confirm that my DVT is no longer an issue, and that I can rest assured that I don't need to take the Xarelto anymore. I'm hoping, hoping, hoping this turns out well, because this is one thing I'd really like off my mind. The more I think about things and let reality set in, the more I feel like there is still something wrong with my hip. While I hope I am wrong in thinking this, I need to prepare for the possibility that I am not. And if that is the case, I just can't be dealing with a freaking blood clot on top of my hip. Jeez. This is something I'd really like off my mind, once and for all.

Here's to the power of positive thinking.

A Slow News Day (7 Months)

You know how when you watch the local news, and the lead story is about a lost dog or a fender bender, and you think to yourself, 'Wow, it must be a slow news day!' Well, it's a slow news day here. There is not much news on the hip front, which could be either good or bad, I suppose. I choose good. And even though I really don't have a lot to say, I thought I should write a seven-month update.

After my last visit to the orthopedist a month ago, we had settled on... lotion. I was skeptical, but figured what the heck, right? Supposedly this magic cream ( = a sophisticated snake oil?) was to be mailed to me? Nothing. Finally, last Friday, I inquired about this via e-mail, and I also asked for a refill for my meloxicam prescription. Every time I try to stop taking it, I can definitely feel it. My orthopedist's assistant got back to me on Monday telling me she had ordered the snake oil, and gave me a number to call to find out where it was. I didn't, just because. Because last week was insanely busy, and because it doesn't matter. In my heart, I know this is beyond snake oil. She also told me she would check with my doctor about refilling the meloxicam when he got back into the office on Tuesday. I waited all week and finally sent a follow-up e-mail on Friday. She called me within an hour to tell me she was faxing the request to my pharmacy. She seemed annoyed. Geez, woman, sorry to be such an inconvenience.

Anyway. I'm supposed to see my orthopedist in a week and half to talk about how the snake oil is or is not helping me, and even though I have not actually tried the snake oil, I'm going to keep the appointment, because I have a plan laid out in my head. The plan is:

• I'm going to ask to have an arthrogram. I feel as if I need to know what's going on, regardless of whether or not I'd agree to another surgery. To be honest, at this point, my level of discomfort is enough that I cannot completely rule out the possibility that I might seriously need to consider another Something Major that is beyond snake oil and needles. Even if it's not right away, I need to be able to prepare mentally for various possibilities, especially since I'm foreseeing some major changes in my future, and any long periods of being on crutches need to be worked into my plans. (I am a planner.)
• If the arthrogram shows something significant - i.e., something requiring surgery to fix - I think I am going to shop around for a new orthopedist, or at least get second and third opinions about the best course of action.  
• If the arthrogram shows that everything is splendid - i.e., the pain I'm feeling is really just normal, post-surgery pain - I think I am going to try physical therapy again, and I am definitely going to shop around for a GOOD physical therapist. I think I will also try some massage therapy, because my muscles feel really tight. Of course, I know now that the muscle pain could be the pain from inside the joint manifesting itself as muscle pain, which is why I think it would be helpful to get an arthrogram and at least know what I'm dealing with.
• And on the topic of massage, also in my plan is to follow up with my primary care doctor for my DVT. It has been six months since I started taking Xarelto, and the blood clot should be cleared up by now. I need to get an ultrasound to (hopefully) confirm this. I should definitely not have any massage therapy until I am sure the blood clot is gone.

Other random thoughts:

• I have gone skiing several times this winter, and my hip has held its own. This is nothing to get majorly excited about, as I actually went skiing last winter, too, at the height of my pain (pre-cortisone shot and pre-surgery) and my hip held its own. Nevertheless, I'm grateful to be able to ski. For a while, I was so nervous about falling that I spent way too much time worrying about how a fall might affect my hip, and I couldn't relax and just ski. But eventually I took a spill while cutting through some trees, and it turned out to be a good thing, because I wiped out and came out with my hip intact. I realized that while my hip does still hurt me, it's not, like, completely unstable and falling apart on me. That's always a good thing. :)
• The last time I went skiing, I definitely felt a lot of pain afterwards, more than the first couple of times, and enough to sort of freak me out. After a little break, I am going to go again tomorrow. I am a little nervous, but at the same time I sort of figure that no matter what I do, my hip hurts, so why not live a little?
• So while skiing doesn't really bother my hip, walking does. And that is slightly inconvenient. LOL.
• I'm also taking an EMT class right now, and there have been a couple times when I've had MAJOR PAIN from deep within my hip joint that really doesn't sit well with me. This came after trying to run and after doing various types of patient lifting.
• This is actually a concern because I am hoping to be become a certified EMT in May and get a job doing something EMT-related over the summer, which is part of the reason I feel like I really need to know what's going on with my hip, so I can plan accordingly.
• Going from standing to sitting and going up stairs are still my major nemeses. I limp. A lot. So much that pretty much every one of my colleagues has commented on it in the past month.
• Also, trying to find a comfortable position for sleeping is still a challenge, as I cannot lie on either side comfortably. I've actually gone back to lying on my back with my legs elevated, which I had sort of abandoned once my DVT seemed to be getting better. But now I realize I slept like that for so long I'm used to it.

I feel... blah about all of this. On the one hand, I don't have a lot of time to worry about my hip, and that's a good thing. On the other hand, the pain is something that is always with me, always on my mind. I have to think it is taking a toll on me both mentally and physically. I also don't like the idea that this blog is turning into one of these Internet horror story blogs that I was so convinced would never be me. But if there's one thing I've learned from reading aforementioned Internet horror story blogs, it's that attitude makes the biggest difference of all. So while I try to go forward in dealing constructively with some real issues of chronic pain and the various frustrations associated with that pain, I am really trying to focus on the fact that I have an awesome life. I am truly grateful for that.

Lotions and Needles (6 Months + 1 Day)

In celebration of being six months post-surgery, I got to see my orthopedist today. LOL. I'm super duper stressed about work right now because I'm in a huge time crunch trying to prepare for the upcoming semester. Being sick and dealing with sick kids for over a month in November and December really put me behind where I need to be right now. Admittedly, I've also had a hard time focusing over the past 48 hours, with my mind wandering to the horrific events in Paris, which hit closer to home than other horrific events. As I was driving to my appointment, 20 minutes away, in bad weather, I was thinking to myself WHY AM I DOING THIS?! Nothing ever comes of these appointments, but yet I continue to go (and then complain that nothing comes of them).

But, I'm glad I kept the appointment. Of course, my hip felt pretty good the past few days. Fortunately, it felt terrible when I woke up, so I was able to describe the pain better to my orthopedist. (Thank you, four-hour night class that I sat through last night, for bringing the pain back.)

My orthopedist really didn't have any earthshattering ideas or insights, but I didn't expect that he would. We had a nice conversation, though. I sent both him and my physical therapist a Christmas card in December, thanking them for trying to help me, and apologizing for being difficult. I told them that despite everything, I knew they were really trying to help me (and I truly do believe that). He very genuinely thanked me for the card, then commented that my kids were super cute, and said that he enjoyed the newsletter, haha. I was never much of a Christmas newsletter person until I realized how much I enjoy reading other people's once-a-year newsletters, even if I barely know them. I probably wouldn't have sent one to my health care providers except there was nowhere to write on the card, so I needed paper to write on. I really didn't think he would read it, though! At any rate, I think the note of reconciliation went a long way, because we spent a good 20 minutes talking about... stuff. He did not seem hurried or impatient as he has in the past, and really listened and responded - that old-fashioned medicine I was talking about a few weeks ago. Some of our conversation was small talk but most of it was addressing the question of What should we do now?

Options:

• Get an MR arthrogram to see what's going on. However, as he pointed out, 'It would probably not change how we go about treating the pain because I'm guessing I can't talk you into letting me go back in and scope your hip again.' I didn't even need to say anything. I think I just smiled because it shows that he knows me fairly well at this point. The thing is that I am somewhat curious to see if something is wrong, or if this really is just residual pain from surgery that for some reason is lasting a freakishly long time. In my gut, I am pretty certain this pain is not normal, but he is right; there is no way I am having another surgery anytime in the near future. And since Christmas always results in a few months of really high credit card bills, and it's a new year, which means having to pay our deductible for health insurance, I'm not crazy about the arthrogram from a money point of view. (Also, it sounds pretty unpleasant, TBH. An injection followed by an hour in the teeny, noisy, tube. Awesome.) So that option is off the table for the time being.
• Go see another doctor. Yes, he actually suggested this. Ha. I honestly didn't feel like he was doing it in a trying to get rid of me type of way; it's just that it seems like he's out of ideas, and thought it might be helpful to have a 'second set of eyes.' I really think he's just trying to do the right thing for me. He said he has a friend who also does hips, who is in a different practice, to whom he could refer me. It's not out of the question, but it's also not on my immediate 'to do' list, either. I think I've had more visits to the doctor in the past year than in the rest of my adult life combined, and I'm not super anxious to add another one to the list.
• Try a topical cream pain killer. That's about all that's left to try in the way of medication, so what the heck, right? I did get some relief from the patches I tried in physical therapy, so... whatever. At this point, I'd be okay with just the placebo effect. LOL. So I agreed to try the cream and revisit him in six weeks. It sounds like sort of an ordeal to actually get the stuff, but an ordeal that apparently I don't have to deal with.

Other things we talked about, in no particular order:

• The return of my snapping hip. It seems like my iliopsoas is acting out. This was after a conversation about how I stopped teaching anatomy labs because cadavers are too stinky, and swapped stories about being stinky after working with cadavers, so he knows I know my muscles and that he can use their real names with me.
• The bursitis I have in both my hips. It's a low priority. I really only notice it when I'm trying to fall asleep because it is painful to lie on either side. But it is worth noting that it is still there.
• Cortisone injections. He mentioned something about them, and I reminded him that the last one didn't help at all. Then I asked him if he had ever had one. He said no, but that he had given a lot of them. I informed him that they hurt. like. hell. and he seemed surprised. He must have done all of his injections on really stoic patients because it's hard for me to believe no one ever mentioned the extreme unpleasantness of them before. As the saying goes, you learn something new every day.
• My left hip. He was doing his labral impingement test on me and using my left hip to show me how in a normal hip, certain motions shouldn't hurt. As he was manipulating my hip to do said motions, I think I must have winced in pain. Then I told him I really scared I had the same issues in my left hip, but I couldn't even think about that right now. He was very respectful of that and put my leg down and said he didn't want to go looking for trouble. Ha. Maybe if I ever have that MR arthrogram, I'll see if I can have both hips and my left knee done all at the same time and just get it all over with at once.
• The motions that cause pain. I mentioned that my major frustrations at this point are going up stairs, hip flexion in general (which is exacerbated by stairs), and going from sitting to standing. If I've been sitting at my desk for even just a few minutes, I'm back to having to stretch for a good minute before I can walk. That said, there is not a single motion in particular that seems to trigger the sharp pain; that seems to come at random times.
• Limping. He noted that I limp. I told him I don't even notice that I do it anymore, but the idea that I do embarrasses me. I don't think I do it all the time, but definitely after I've been sitting and then stand up and try to walk (which is exactly what happened after I waited for about ten minutes for him, then talked to him for about five minutes, then stood up and tried to walk over to the examination table). He agreed that I'm too young for this.
• Generally, the ups and downs of all of this. I told him I have good spells where I think this is finally over, but then I start to go downhill again. His response: 'I don't want you to be like a sine curve.' (The real question is: Is he super geeky or does he just think I'm super geeky and hence trying to communicate with me in geek language?)

Things I forgot to talk about:

• My scars. Six months out, my scars still bother me. They don't really hurt, but they itch. I've consulted Dr. Google about this, and I think it's keloid scarring. (Interestingly, this is also common in people with Ehler's-Danlos syndrome, which my daughter supposedly has, which would make it likely that either I or my husband have it, too.) I wanted to have him take a look at my scars just to see what he thought, but I forgot. Maybe it was 'on purpose,' though, as it's weird to have to semi-undress for this.
• My back pain. One of the most amazing things after surgery was that for a while my back didn't hurt. It was the first time in decades that this particular pain went away, which was both unexpected and extremely awesome. It never really occurred to me that fixing my hip pain might make my back feel better, too, so this was just bonus material. Even though I was on crutches, I had virtually no pain. That pain is back now, though, and I can't help but think it must be related to something bad going on with my hip. It's not an urgent issue, nonetheless, it is worth noting.

On the way out, I popped into the PT room to say hello to my therapist, who also very genuinely thanked me for the Christmas card. We chatted a little bit, and he asked if I would consider a therapy where I got needles stuck into me. OMG are we grasping at straws or what?! Lotions and needles. This is what it has come to. I'm pretty sure I raised my eyebrows at him. He then went on to explain that this 'dry needling' was sort of a Western form of acupuncture: 'In acupuncture, you stick needles in the shoulder to try to help the hip; in dry needling, you stick needles in the hip to try to help the hip.' LOL. To be honest, I'm not sure how psyched I am about Western medicine right about now. At any rate, he wasn't pushy; he told me to 'look it up' and see what I thought, and let him know if I wanted to give it a try. I did tell him I'd probably try just about anything at this point. At the same time, I'm reminding myself of my students who come grubbing for points at the end of the semester. This all seems so... desperate.

Nevertheless, I consulted Dr. Google about dry needling, and there does seem to be some science behind it. It's not snake oil. Basically it seems to trigger the inflammatory response in order to promote healing, which seems to go against traditional treatments of, you know, taking anti-inflammatories. LOL. So perhaps I'll give the lotion a try, and if I still feel like I'm drowning after that, I'll jump onto the needle boat. And while I'm speaking about desperate, another option that occurred to me in writing all of this is massage therapy. However, I want to wait to make sure my blood clot is cleared up 100% before going this route. Hopefully this will happen in February. Fingers crossed.

All in all, it was a good day. As I've mentioned before, sometimes I want to be really mad at my orthopedist and my therapist, but then I go in and see they are people, just like me. And just like I do my best at my job, they are doing their best at their jobs. Unfortunately, as I know, sometimes your best just isn't enough. Nonetheless, it is helpful to be face-to-face with my orthopedist, who honestly seems like one of the super nicest people I know (and definitely the super nicest orthopedist I've ever met). Maybe he has a ways to go in terms of his medicine, but it's impossible for me to be angry with him when I see him in person. And that's a good thing, because I definitely don't have the time or energy to be angry.

'Tis the Season (20 Weeks + 6 Days)

I mentioned in my last post that I've been ridiculously sick for two weeks now. I started taking an antibiotic on Wednesday and that has helped a lot, but I haven't had a good night's sleep in, like, forever due to incessant coughing. But that's not actually what I came here to write about.

My hips. are. killing. me.

And I'm really unhappy about this. In fact, I sort of want to cry. It's not the pain so much as the reality that is sinking in that I'm basically not any better off than I was before the surgery. I know I've had a lot of ups and downs since surgery, and I'm currently in a 'down,' but I also had a lot of ups and downs before surgery. And... the pain that I've been having for the past week is exactly the same as the pain I had before the surgery. And... my snapping hip has returned with a vengeance. WTF?

When I think about the fact that post-surgery I have had a cortisone injection and have regularly been taking either a pain killer or anti-inflammatory or both, it's actually possible that I'm worse off than before the surgery. Also, my left hip didn't hurt pre-surgery, nor did I have 'chronic thrombus.' So all in all, this is an epic fail. While I'm thankful that this is nothing life-threatening, and not even something that threatens my daily routine (unless you count extreme grouchiness due to chronic pain as a disruption), I'm starting to feel a little bit uneasy about all of this.

At this point, my uneasiness mostly centers around feelings of what do I do now? I'm obviously super duper anti-surgery at this point, but at the same time, I have this level of pain that OMGIcannotlivewith for another 40 years. I mean, it's the same pain I had that led me to have surgery in the first place. At the same time, PT hasn't helped and cortisone injections and cortisone patches haven't helped, so what can I do? If this is as good as it gets, that's, well... depressing.

I think a lot of things are contributing to my current levels of pain. One is that I stopped taking meloxicam again. When I started taking an antibiotic on Wednesday, along with cough medicine + Xarelto + Vitamin D, somehow it just seemed like too many pills. I started to feel like my mother-in-law, so I temporarily ditched the meloxicam. I understand there is absolutely no logic behind this, I'm just sort of phobic of pharmaceuticals in general. I guess the good news is that the meloxicam does seem to help, because both times I've stopped taking it, my hip pain gets worse. The bad news is that I feel like four months post-surgery, I should not be this reliant on medication to get me through the day, especially considering I've also had a cortisone injection that should be keeping the inflammation in check. Part of the reason I opted to have the surgery is so I wouldn't have to rely on pain medications and anti-inflammatories for the next 40 years. So while I do realize I could start taking meloxicam again, and that it would probably help, that doesn't fix the cause, just the symptoms. (And over break, I just finished reading The Story of the Human Body, so I'm very much into treating causes as opposed to managing symptoms.)

The other contributing factor to my pain is that I've been trying to do a lot of yard work this weekend. I normally take very good care of our yard, but I wasn't able to this summer. Our yard got very overgrown and slightly embarrassing. Since we had some warm weather over Thanksgiving break, I at least wanted to clean up all the dead vegetation and put the yard to sleep for winter in a proper manner. Unfortunately, the squatting down and bending over associated with yard work has resulted in ridiculous amounts of pain. I know my physical therapist would tell me not to do things that cause pain, but I really don't feel like squatting down to pull up crab grass or pick up leaves should be causing this much pain at this point. Again... WTF?

So here I am. And I have no idea what to do.

The Weather Outside is Frightful (18 Weeks + 1 Day)

Just some facts, mostly for my own record:

• On Saturday, I rode my bike for the first time in over four months. It has been so long that I forgot which side the chain was on and rolled up my pant leg on the wrong side. I only rode about two miles total and walked about one mile total. My hip felt fine - or as fine as it ever feels.
• On Sunday, my hip started killing me - my muscles were super tight despite incessant stretching, and I also felt pain in the hip joint itself, especially when I made a concerted effort to stand with my weight distributed equally between both legs. I'm not sure if this was due to the bike riding (I can't think of why it would be) or just coincidence.
• This pain has not gone away.
• My back also hurts. A lot. I'm super bummed about this because one thing I noticed almost immediately after surgery was that my back felt really good. Of course, I wasn't walking at the time, but before surgery, as well as now, my back hurts even when I am just sitting or lying down.
• I started taking meloxicam again on Friday. I don't think it's helping. My orthopedist also gave me a script for naproxen along with the meloxicam. He said if the meloxicam didn't work then I should try the naproxen. Maybe I will.
• In trying to come up with explanations for why I suddenly feel so much worse, I've only come up with stopping the meloxicam and possibly the cortisone injection wearing off? Granted, I don't feel like the second cortisone injection actually helped, but maybe it did. Maybe I would have felt way worse without it, and now it's wearing off and I'm feeling, well, way worse.
• I fell down the stairs a few weeks ago. I mentioned that I have a fear of falling down stairs that isn't totally irrational, because I have actually fallen down stairs a few times, as have my kids. It was a pretty minor fall (hence why I never even wrote out it) - just the last two steps and I think I fell backwards. My quadriceps and my back were what hurt the next day, and the day after that, if I recall correctly. I sort of blew if off because I was actually on my way to my parents' house, and I was rushing - hence the fall. I didn't say anything to my mom about it because she is super annoying about how much she dislikes our house and how scary she thinks our stairs are, and I just didn't feel like listening to her go on and on about our stairs (not that I even disagree, but at a certain point you have to get over it). Anyway, I suppose it's possible the fall did some damage, although I doubt it. I feel like my hip should have started hurting sooner if that were the cause of my current pain, but what do I know. 
• It is snowing out. The sidewalks are very slippery. This is a little scary. 

I'm starting to lose hope that I'm actually getting better. It's not like all-out panic or anything, and like I've said, I've made friends with my pain. LOL. Nevertheless, it's somewhat deflating.

Book Club on Thursday, Orthopedist on Friday (17 Weeks + 4 Days)

Exactly four months post-surgery

As has become the norm for the past three months, I had book club on Thursday followed by an appointment with my orthopedist on Friday. I wasn't looking forward to the appointment after my display of jerkiness a few weeks ago, plus I knew that nothing would come of the appointment, so I should have just canceled it. But... I didn't. I could have just said I was sorry for the nastygram, but I just couldn't bring myself to apologize because I'm not exactly sorry. I sent multiple polite e-mails requesting follow up communication, and that didn't work, so I felt like I had no choice, other than to just sit around for months with no follow up, which IMHO is Not Okay. I guess I have pretty high expectations when it comes to communication. I spend a few hours a day responding to e-mails, mostly from students, which is important when face-to-face time is limited. Sometimes they don't like my response to them, but... I do always respond, usually within a few hours, and with very few exceptions, almost always within 24 hours.

Anyway, no one said anything about my nastygram, and everyone was very pleasant and cordial. The orthopedist's MA seemed to be trying extra hard to be friendly. When we were walking back to the room, she started off by saying, 'I just have to warn you...' and I immediately thought Uh oh, then anticipated her saying something like, The doctor hates you. However, she was just warning me that she was super busy and hadn't cleaned the room yet, so she was going to need to clean it while I was sitting in there, which she thought would be better than keeping me out in the waiting room. Fortunately, 'cleaning' in an orthopedist's office consists of throwing away the paper that covers the examination table and pulling out more. LOL. She asked me how I was feeling, and I told her I was feeling much better. Then she sort of surprised me and asked if I thought I was actually feeling better or if I was just getting used to the pain, ha ha. I admitted there might be some of that, but that I did think I was genuinely feeling better. I said I had a period of a few weeks when I felt awesome, and I really thought this was finally OVER, but that over the past couple of weeks I've felt the pain creeping back. Nevertheless, I was pretty sure that I still felt better than I did at the last visit.

The MA apparently relayed this information to the orthopedist because when he came in he cheerfully declared, 'Rumor has it you're getting better!' I repeated the information to him, including the pain creeping back, to which he replied, 'No. No creeping is allowed.' LOL. Seriously, I love this guy's personality. It's hard to explain, but on some fundamental level, we really click, which is probably why I was stupid enough to let him operate on me. Even when I want to be really angry with him for being a douchebag of a doctor, I just can't stay mad. Plus, he never keeps me waiting, either, which is always a plus, and a very rare quality among orthopedists (in my experience). He then went through his usual spiel of most people feeling back to normal after three months, but for some people it's six months and others nine months, then just as I was telling him not to even mention the nine-month category to me, he added that hopefully I was in the six month category.

Then I got up onto the examination table so he could do his useless set of 'tests' on me. The MA had told me to put on a pair of those hideous exam shorts in case the doctor wanted to do some manipulations or whatever. I smiled and nodded my head and didn't bother changing, because I didn't feel like it and knew the doctor wasn't going to look that closely. (He has never even looked to see how the incisions healed except when he took the stitches out two weeks post-surgery.) However, he did comment on my shoes, asking me if they were Danskos. I said they were. Then he said he wore Danskos when he operated, and I replied that I didn't know they made Danskos for men. He said somewhat sheepishly that he definitely only wore them during surgery, otherwise he got weird looks. LOL. I told him I had started wearing them when I started teaching back-to-back anatomy labs for six hours straight and needed comfortable, closed-toe shoes. They are the shoes teachers and nurses, and apparently even male orthopedic surgeons, swear by.

Other than the shoe conversation - shoes must be his thing, as I remember him having a conversation about my mom's shoes prior to surgery - highlights include the following:

• My blood clot is much improved. My doctor apologized for taking a while to get back to me about it (which I appreciated), and then gave me a copy of the report from the radiologist. (He is getting to know me!) He said there was some residual clotting that might never go away (??) but that wasn't enough to keep me on the Xarelto (??) I sort of smiled and nodded my head and didn't mention I had gotten a second and third and fourth opinion about this. 

FINDINGS: The common femoral vein and proximal and mid portions of the superficial femoral vein are normally compressible. In the distal SFV and extending through the popliteal vein, there is chronic thrombus, which causes the vein to be incompletely compressible. This is significantly improved compared to the previous exam. The calf veins are compressible, with no DVT present. 

IMPRESSION: There is residual chronic thrombus in the distal superficial femoral vein and popliteal vein. There has been improvement compared to the previous venous ultrasound study from 8/8/2014.

• I have trochanteric bursitis in both hips, which I knew. Fortunately, it's not hurting terribly, and according to my doctor, it will magically and spontaneously resolve itself at some undisclosed date in the future. He did mention that we could do cortisone injections to help speed up the healing and when I vigorously shook my head no, he agreed that, 'Yeah, you've already had so many shots.' We also both agreed that going back to PT would not be helpful, as it's actually PT that caused the bursitis in my left hip in the first place, and it's actually feeling much better since I stopped PT. So, I'll just wait it out.
• When I go from sitting to standing, it hurts, just like it did before surgery (which is what worries me). Supposedly this will also magically and spontaneously resolve itself at some undisclosed date in the future.
• It still hurts when I flex my hip, although mostly only when I go up stairs, whereas before it hurt when I went down stairs as well. At least the sharp pains I used to have are gone, so that is a happy thing. My doctor said I have some tendonitis, but it seems to be in my sartorius, which is more lateral than the major hip flexors. Not that it really matters, because this too will magically and spontaneously resolve itself at some undisclosed date in the future.
• I will follow up in two months, at which point hopefully my pain will have magically and spontaneously resolved itself.
• There is so much to look forward to in the future. :)
• In writing this, I was trying to think of reasons that my pain seems to be returning, and it dawned on me that I stopped taking the meloxicam a while back because I was having GI issues. Since my GI issues seem to have at least gone dormant, I think I'm going to try taking the meloxicam again.

In other news...

On my way out, I stopped by the PT room to say hello to my therapist. He said he had recently done a music gig (he is a professional musician by night) at the university. Interestingly, I attended an evening event at the university tonight and chatted with one of the music professors about my therapist. The professor mentioned that AJ was one of just three 'professional level' bass players in town and was sort of a 'go to' guy for jazz musicians. He seemed surprised that a professional musician could have such a respectable day job, much in the same way that my students seem surprised when they realize that a lot of university faculty have talents outside their narrow fields of study. It's all rather amusing when you think about it.

Also at the function tonight, I spent some time with a colleague/friend who had the same surgery I did, but two months after I did. She is now about two months post-surgery and told me that she basically doesn't have any pain at all, except on rare occasions when 'I do something stupid.' She really felt there must be something wrong for me to be having so much pain four months later. Hmmmmm.

And finally, I turn 40 on Sunday. I have so many mixed feelings about that. I feel like my 30s brought so many great things to my life, but I've heard that the 40s can be even better. So here is to what is likely to be my last post here as a 39-year-old. Cheers!

Visit with the Orthopedist (8 Weeks + 4 Days)

I saw my orthopedist this morning. Honestly, I didn't have any expectations for what he might be able to do for me. Thinking about it rationally, I don't even know what he could say to make me feel any better. At the same time, I sort of feel like he should know about my pain, you know?

Given this mindset, it was actually a pretty good appointment - better than I was expecting. And unlike last time, I was very calm and did not cry at all. :) The doctor poked around a bit and did a few 'tests,' although I have to say that his examination skills seem to be a little lacking. It reminds me of a time I had to take a practical for a sports medicine class; all the coaches in the athletic department were mock patients with pretend injuries and we were supposed to figure out what was wrong with them. The feedback I got from the practical was, 'It was as if you were afraid to touch anyone.' That about sums it up. So I understand that the art of physical examination is harder than one might think.

Anyway. He did not think that my continued pain, which is identical to my pain pre-surgery, was necessarily a sign of the surgery not working or the labrum somehow being re-torn. Rather, he just said that the labrum had obviously not yet healed completely. I mean, who are we kidding? Of course he's going to say that. I have my doubts, but really, what can you do? The only way to confirm this one way or the other is to have another MRI, and it's a little early for that. While I do feel frustrated by having this much pain almost nine weeks post-surgery, it's not out of the realm of normal. Plus, I've had some complications along the way. The doctor said that he often saw people who weren't feeling very good two months out but then felt much better three months out. Again, of course he had to say that, but my guess is it might actually be true. I just hope I end up being one of those people.

He said my strength was very good, but that all the muscles around my hip, including my hip flexors, IT band, and muscles in my back were super tight, which I knew. Duh. Although, I believe his exact words were actually, 'Your muscles are really angry right now.' LOL. (Meanwhile, I'm thinking, Yeah, and my muscles aren't the only part of me that are angry.) He asked whether I was taking an anti-inflammatory, and I told him I had to ditch the diclofenac because it upset my stomach too much. His assistant had also suggested trying Aleve, but I just hadn't gotten to the store to buy any yet. He said he would give me a prescription for another anti-inflammatory, meloxicam, and if that didn't work I could try prescription-strength Aleve/naproxen. He said he really didn't want to go the route of a muscle relaxant because in his experience those just made people sleepy. I agreed, and shared my experience with a muscle relaxant with him, and added that I had no desire to ever take a muscle relaxant again for as long as I live. So we agree on something! :)

Then he said something I might want to consider is trying a cortisone injection. Aaaaaaagh!! I had a cortisone injection before, and it was awful. (See: http://39andhip.blogspot.com/2014/07/the-cortisone-injection.html) But, I have to admit that it did help, which I told him. It just didn't help enough. However, it's possible that in conjunction with the surgery, it might be helpful. And as he explained, I could just be stuck in some sort of vicious pain cycle, and this might help break me out of it and calm my muscles down. Fair enough. I mean, the bummer of this is that I went the surgery route precisely because I didn't want to have to go the cortisone injection route for many more years to come, but... I understand how a cortisone injection might be a logical thing to do at this point. And given that I'm fairly desperate right now, I agreed to it, and made an appointment for next Wednesday. I am 100% dreading it, but if it helps it will really be worth it. And what I really, really, really need right now, more than anything, is some hope.

So here's to hoping.

Post Surgery: 5 Weeks + 5 Days / 9 Days UIRTW

I guess the good news about yesterday is that I was busy enough to miss my daily update. But my original plan was to ditch the daily updates around the time the crutches were supposed to be going away, so we are in bonus material anyway. :)

Anyway, compared to the day before, yesterday was sort of a let-down. My daughter starts school on Monday, so I took her to buy school supplies. This is the longest I've ever waited to buy supplies, but there is not really a way to push a shopping cart on crutches, and this definitely required a shopping cart. This was my first real shopping escapade since surgery, and unfortunately it just about killed me. Okay, so not literally, but by the end, I was quite literally leaning on the shopping cart and using it as a walker. We had to go to a second store to buy black and white composition books, and I had to use a crutch. And I don't mean I had to bring it just as back up; I really had to use it. Ugh, so disheartening, especially considering the shopping trip itself was just over an hour, which is how long my classes are. After we got her school supplies, I took her out to lunch. By the time we got home, I was so exhausted that I lay down on the futon and had to sleep for two hours. Needless to say, I'm feeling slightly panicked about the upcoming semester, even with my reduced teaching load.

The good news is that after the nap, I felt much better and was able to do a little bit of work in my garden. The tough part about the garden is that although I should be able to squat down now - I no longer have restrictions on my thigh flexion - the swelling in my leg still makes that impossible. In fact, trying to squat down is what made me notice the swelling in the first place, which eventually led to the discovery of the blood clot. Although I think the swelling is improving, it's still pretty significant. So if I want to work in the garden or get anything off the floor, my hamstrings get a good stretching. Good thing I'm very flexible. :)

Deep Vein Thrombosis (4 Weeks + 4 Days / 5 Days UIRTW)

I guess I'm not quite out of material for this blog yet.

I barely slept last night: A. because I was stressed and B. because my leg hurt quite a bit. I had a book club meeting, which is really more of a girls' night in with some of my neighborhood friends/fellow moms. We mostly just eat and drink wine, with a little bit of book talk thrown in. My friend, colleague, and neighbor hosted this month's book club. Her house is five blocks away, and I was determined to walk there with one of my other book club buddies, who lives up the street from me. I ALMOST backed out of walking because I wasn't feeling stellar when I got back from PT, but then I decided to suck it up, mostly to give me the option of drinking wine freely :). I brought a crutch with me, but I ended up carrying it the whole way there, and back! That is the good news. The bad news is that my leg hurt quite a bit when I got back, and somehow the pain + the wine + the stress made for a pretty sleepless night.

Needless to say, I was reeeeaaallly tired when I got up this morning and had to drag myself to my 7:45 AM ultrasound appointment. But, I figured that I would just come home afterward and take a nap, seeing as how the rest of my family is still camping. Unfortunately, my morning unraveled in a very different way than I had imagined.

During the ultrasound, I tried to follow what the tech was doing, but like I've mentioned before, I can never make sense of those things. So instead of watching the screen, I watched the tech's face for telltale signs of... something. She seemed a little concerned throughout the ultrasound, although I couldn't tell if it was actual concern or just concentration. It turns out it was the former. When she told me she was done, I asked if she had found anything interesting. Sometimes techs will tell you stuff and sometimes they won't, but I always ask anyway. She looked at me and took a deep breath and replied, 'Yes. I did.' Then she went on to say that she found clotting, and that it was very extensive, going all the way from above my knee down most of my calf, which would explain why my leg hurts and is so swollen. After that she added, 'That's the bad news.' I asked what the good news was, and she said, 'It's a really good thing we caught this.'

She called my doctor, who wasn't in, and after some ado, she sent me to the ER to get treated, along with a diagram of where the clotting was and a CD of the ultrasound. The ER involved quite a bit of waiting, although I've definitely had worse ER waits. Eventually, I saw a PA, then the physician on duty, who was communicating with the physician on call for my surgeon. The PA told me I was going to get a shot of an anticoagulant, Lovenox, in my stomach, and after that I would need to administer the shots to myself twice a day. I would also need to modify my diet substantially (e.g., cut out leafy greens, wtf?) and have my blood drawn for testing every week. I think I sat there staring at her with my mouth open. Because then she added that there was actually an alternative; I could take a tablet twice a day with no changes to my diet and no need to draw blood. So of course, I'm thinking, Are you crazy? Do you even have to ASK which one I'd prefer?! Until she added, 'The only problem with the tablet is that insurance companies don't like to pay for it, and it's very expensive.' She asked what insurance I had, and when I told her, she said they were actually pretty good about paying for the tablet medication, but that it might still be $300-$400. I decided that I didn't care; I would consider it $400 well spent, and the next time I am miserable at work, I will remind myself that I am working so I don't have to inject myself in the f-ing stomach twice a day. OMG.

Eventually I got the shot, and it was super unpleasant, let me tell you. I'm pretty sure that if I hadn't already decided to suck it up and pay whatever it took to avoid the shots, I would have changed my mind after the shot. It wasn't as bad as the cortisone injection, but it pretty much sucked, and I seriously can't imagine inflicting that on myself. Once a week, maybe, but two times a day?! Uh, no thanks. And, the good news is that it turns out I have pretty stellar insurance, and the medication, rivaroxaban/Xarelto, only cost me $50, so it was a good decision.

So, to sum it up.

Bad news: Extensive clotting with the risk of it traveling to my lungs, heart, kidneys, or brain, and killing me. LOL. Lots of swelling and pain. Though apparently not as much pain as this should be causing, which is likely why it took so long to figure out. The PA actually prescribed oxycodone for pain. Seriously, it doesn't hurt that bad, which is apparently why I passed the surgeon's blood clot test with such flying colors, and no one has been worried about this for the past four weeks.

Good news: Lucky to have caught this. Thank God for my observant and competent PT assistant and my PT. And thank God, too, for good insurance. And, I guess, thank God I finally have an explanation for this pain that has been plaguing on and off since 1 Week + 1 Day post-surgery. Apparently it is going to take a long time for the clotting to resolve and for the pain to go away, but at least knowing what it is makes it a little easier to deal with.

Post Surgery: 4 Weeks + 3 Days / 6 Days UIRTW

This damn pain in my right leg. 

A while back, while my husband was working on my calf muscle, he mentioned that my calf muscle was really hot. He acted all freaked out and told me I should call my surgeon. Of course, this is my husband, who freaks out worse than I do over teeny tiny things. I told him I would, but then I didn't, and fortunately my husband has a short memory. I have to admit that my calf did feel warm to the touch, but that didn't seem like something my surgeon needed to know about.

Anyway, fast forward to today. My husband and daughter left yesterday to go camping with some friends, and this morning I drove my son up to drop him off at the camp site. (The camp site is right next to the river, and we thought two nights with an almost three year old next to a river would be a bit much, but that one night would be okay.) When I woke up, I noticed that the pain in my leg was probably a little worse than yesterday, but still manageable. I did a lot of walking yesterday, so I was thinking I was just sore. Or whatever.

I got back from dropping my son off this afternoon and realized I needed to eat something before going to PT. I decided to fix myself some potatoes, only I went into the pantry to discover that my husband had taken the whole freaking bag of potatoes with him. Since my stomach was set on potatoes, I decided to dig some out of my garden; after all, the restrictions on my thigh flexion have been lifted, so I can squat now as long as it doesn't hurt. Unfortunately, as I squatted down, I noticed that it did hurt, and quite a bit, but not because of my hip. It hurt when the back of my thigh pushed up against my calf, which I quickly realized was because the back of my leg, and especially the back of my knee, are totally swollen. Nevertheless, I managed to dig the potatoes out and grab a bite to eat before heading off to PT. While I was eating, I iced the back of my knee, because I really wanted to have a great PT session.

My appointment today was with the friendly PT assistant, Jay, whom I just adore. (I'm pretty sure everyone does.) However, I was a little worried because although he is the life of the PT room, I've only worked with him once before, so I wasn't sure how aware he was of my ongoing leg pain, and I felt like it was important for him to at least know. My regular PT knows about this pain and although he has never specifically done anything about it, he is aware of it. So I told Jay about the pain and swelling first thing, and he took a 'let's proceed with caution' attitude, which was fine. I rode the bike and then did some standing up exercises and felt okay. However, while I was doing them, Jay commented, 'Your right ankle is really swollen.' I looked down, and sure enough, it really was. WTF? My ankle doesn't even hurt, yet it was definitely ballooned out to the point that Jay noticed it from across the room.

After that, I went to do some stretching, and there was one particular stretch that was soooo uncomfortable, I actually started crying. I don't know why I started crying; honestly, it didn't hurt that bad. I think it was more just because I am soooo stressed out right about now and also frustrated because I feel like this damn leg pain is the only thing that is really holding me back. And while the pain is not horrendous, it just won't let up no matter what I do, and no one seems to know what it is. Fortunately no one actually saw me crying, but Jay could tell I was in pain and told me to stop. Then he said that he was going to try to do some soft tissue work, AKA massage, on my leg, to see if that would help.

So I rolled over, and he put some massage cream on the back of my knee and on my calf, asked me a few questions about where my pain was, and then said he would be right back. A few minutes later, he returned with AJ, my 'regular' PT. They both stood there for a minute, then AJ asked me to roll over, and poked around a little bit, and asked me a few more questions. Eventually, Jay apologized, and said he would be right back, and he and AJ stepped around the corner. At that point I was thinking, Just give me my damn massage so we can get this show on the road. LOL. When Jay came back, it was him, AJ, and some other guy, who introduced himself as Kevin, a physician assistant. Kevin repeated a lot of what Jay and AJ had done, then spoke briefly with AJ. They asked me to sit up, and then told me that while they did not want alarm me, they all agreed that I needed to go to the hospital and have an ultrasound to rule out the possibility that I had a blood clot. As Kevin explained (which I sort of already knew), there are three huge risk factors for blood clots: smoking, birth control, and surgery. And I had two of the three, plus pain and swelling in the most common area for blood clots. So while they did not really think this is what it was, and were hopeful that the ultrasound would 'just be a waste of my time,' they could not rule it out, and were not okay proceeding with any sort of treatment until this had been ruled out.

I mentioned that I had told my doctor about my pain at my two-week post-op appointment, and he seemed confident it wasn't a blood clot. Although, interestingly enough, the stretching exercise that I was doing with the PTA that brought me to tears was very similar to the 'test' that my surgeon did on me at my post-op appointment. And one of the reasons he definitively concluded that it was not a blood clot was because 'If it were a blood clot, that would have hurt a lot.' (These are times when I worry about a high pain tolerance.) Anyways, both AJ and Kevin said that although my doctor wasn't in this afternoon, they were certain this was what he would have wanted as well. They repeated that they really didn't think it was a blood clot, and that I should not freak out, but that they needed to rule it out for sure. Because if it's not a blood clot, it's just a waste of time (and money, I add), but if it IS a blood clot, it is a potentially life-threatening situation, so it is worth it to know for sure.

Apparently it was too late in the afternoon to schedule an ultrasound, so I am going in tomorrow at 7:45 AM. This was actually good news for me, because I have book club tonight, which I sooo look forward to, and I did not want to miss book club while stuck in the hospital waiting to have some ultrasound for a condition I probably don't have. And with that said, I am off to book club. It is five blocks away, and I am attempting to walk there, so wish me luck.

Post Surgery: 4 Weeks + 2 Days / One Week UIRTW

On Monday, I had a glass of wine with a dear family friend, who used to have a high-up position in administration at my school but is now retired. We talked about life stuff and job stuff and other stuff, but mostly job stuff. She gave me some good perspective on some job concerns I have, but never mind that; that is material for my other blog. The point is perspective. At several points in my life, I've had heart-to-hearts with Wise People, who have told me to take a step back and look at the big picture. So with that said, in the Big Picture of my hip, things really are going great. Nagging pain in my left hip and ridiculous consistent pain down the back of my right leg aside, I feel pretty good. Almost all of my anxiety is centered around having to start teaching in a week, which even in the absence of hip surgery would be causing me anxiety. And of course my overall mood affects my ability to deal with pain and the anxiety that comes with that pain and so on and so forth.

But to put things in perspective, I have really come a long way in the past month. In reading old entries, I was mostly focused on little things, simply because I didn't have to be thinking about big things, like my job. Now I have to be thinking about those things. I'm concerned with things such as how will my hip hold up when I have to teach from 8-5 for five days? What will my pain be like? What will it be like if I have to teach on crutches? And if it comes down to that, will I actually suck up my pride and do it or will I be stupid and push through the pain and jeopardize my whole recovery just because crutches don't jive with my teaching persona? These are the things that keep me awake at night.

In the interest of big picture perspective and positivity, I wanted to reflect on a few things that gave me a lot of trouble post-surgery but are now no longer a problem, or at least getting better.

• It took me a while to settle into physical therapy and feel good about it. But I'm now in a good place as far as PT goes. I feel like PT is playing a very positive role in my recovery, which is what I had hoped for.
• Post-surgery, I had a lot of pain in my right knee when I sat. That pain is gone now. I do still stretch my quads out as my PT showed me how to do, and maybe that is what made the pain go away, or maybe it really was just one of those post-surgery freak-outs your body has that resolves with time. I think I've just read too many horror stories on the Internet about how people have been promised their pain will go away eventually, then it never does, which just drives home the point that you must proceed with caution on the Internet. Not that there is anything wrong with reading things on the Internet, I just think Internet blogs are inherently biased toward people who have negative versus positive experiences. Positive experiences, by nature, provide less material to blog about.
• The pain in my right leg, although persistent and annoying, is nothing like it was at its worst a few weeks ago. I still feel this low-level squeezing pain in my hamstrings and especially my calf muscles, but it is nothing like the all-out muscle spasms I used to have. Also, I have not taken a pain pill in few days. I am ditching the pain pills.
• The fact that my knee pain went away with time gives me hope that my leg pain will also go away, given a little more time. My left hip is a different story, but I can't think about that right now.
• Right after surgery, I had a lot trouble sleeping and getting into regular sleep pattern. That's over now. My sleep problems are now no worse than they were pre-surgery.
• A few weeks ago, it seems as if I was tired all the time. I now feel like my energy levels are pretty normal. And I am doing a lot more than I was before. I'm pretty much in a normal routine now.

In more specific news, today was a good day. Around the house, I would say that I was able to get around free of any walking aids for 70% of the time. Of note:

• I rarely use two crutches anymore, except on stairs. (Damn those stairs.)
• When I wake up and am groggy, it takes me a while to 'find my legs.' No way I can jump out of bed and walk crutch-free. I need a crutch first thing in the morning.
• I need a crutch to go long distances ('long' being more than 10 feet, lol). Now, this is apparently sort of weird territory, and fortunately there are many blogs out there to make me realize I'm not a freak. The thing is that I can actually walk pretty well now, for a while. The problem is that I don't know what 'a while' is, as there are many factors that go into this, including but not limited to: Is the distance flat or hilly? Are stairs involved? Are children involved? Is carrying things involved? What time of day is it - i.e., what was my energy level to begin with? And so on. And I don't want to start off thinking, wow, I feel great, and then get stuck realizing, whoa, I really pushed it too hard, now I'm stuck three blocks from where I need to be and I can't walk without passing out. So my crutch comes with me for security if I have to go more than, like, 30 feet. And I use it, even if I don't really need it, because apparently if you don't use it, people will think you are faking it. Admittedly, it does look sort of weird if you are just walking along carrying a crutch.
• On this topic, I read a post by That Crazy Crippled Chick that was extremely interesting. Now, I am not in any way trying to compare myself to Crazy Crippled Chick; we have completely different circumstances. But the take home message is applicable many situations, and that is that it is that things are often more complicated than they appear. Also, in reading blogs by people who have had hip surgery, it can be difficult because sometimes you need crutches and sometimes you don't and people just can't deal with this back-and-forth. In their minds, you either need crutches or you don't. So if you are using a crutch, you should appear to be in extreme pain or leaning heavily on your crutch, or both.
• It is Wednesday today, so I went to the farmers market. This was the first time since my surgery that I just walked (with one crutch) from where my dad parked to the market, and then back again. Again, I wasn't SURE I needed the crutch, but better safe than sorry.
• I feel like I am improving logarithmically. I feel 10x better today than yesterday and hope that I feel 10x better tomorrow. I was initially a little discouraged by how totally weird it was to try to walk on Monday, especially since I had already prepared myself for the fact that it was going to weird. For it to be weird on top of the weirdness I had already prepared for was sort of a bummer.
• However, now that I am past that weirdness, I feel... good. The only thing really holding me back right now is my left hip pain and my right leg pain. Fortunately, those pain levels are manageable, and I am holding on to the thought that just like my knee pain, those, too, will resolve. 
• Sooner would be better than later. 

Now that I have started the process of coming off crutches, I feel like I'm no longer counting the days post-surgery, but rather, I'm in a countdown until I have to start teaching. I've decided to name this countdown UIRTW ( = Until I Return To Work). This is one week UIRTW. Yikes!! I repeat, YIKES!

Post Surgery: 4 Weeks!

Today was the big day I've been thinking about before I even had this surgery. I have to say, it was somewhat anti-climatic, but at least my PT had prepared me for the fact that it would be, so that I knew that I couldn't just jump out of bed and start walking. In fact, I feel like I've been on crutches for so long that I was sort of scared to walk without them, so I waited for PT to even try. I guess I needed some moral support.

I started PT by riding a stationary bike for six minutes, which made me realize just how out of shape I am. At first it felt awesome, and I was riding sort of fast, but after about three minutes I realized I needed to save some leg strength for the rest of the session. Next I worked on walking forward and backward with one crutch, trying not to put too much weight on the crutch, but just using it for balance as needed. Wow. My balance felt waaaaay off, although the PT told me I was doing 'great' and that I was going to 'make this easy.' This was encouraging, although it felt far from easy. To be honest, I was kind of surprised by how weird it felt to walk. But the most exciting thing is that it didn't hurt my hip at all. And I mean at all. My left hip still hurts, but held its own, and I still have pain down my right leg, but it is manageable, and to walk and not have pain in my right hip is so amazing I can't even put it in words.

After my walking exercise, I did a bunch of standing exercises - marching in place, shifting weight from one side to another, and kicking my legs around. All of this felt pretty much fine, although my legs were shaking the whole time because they are so weak it's sort of alarming. I cannot believe how much strength I've lost in my legs (both legs!) after just four weeks of 50% weight bearing. I've been able to stand ever since I could do so without pain, so I was never even totally non-weight bearing. I guess it's because in addition to the crutches, I've been lying around and sitting around a lot more than normal.

After my standing exercises, the PT asked me if I was up for more, and I said I was, so I went and did a couple of balancing exercises and then worked on conquering the stairs. Let me just say that stairs are going to be, hands down, the hardest part of this recovery. There are so. many. stairs. in my life. Even the aide working with me commented how she had noticed that the ABC College campus was soooo hilly and had so many stairs. I worked on going up and down a 4-inch stair (apparently standard stairs are 8 inches) forward and backward and sideways, and it was... work. I was holding onto the rail for dear life most of the time. LOL.

However, overall it went well and was as good as I could have realistically hoped for, even if not stellar ( = an unreasonable expectation). My PT was very pleased and kept repeating that this was really good for my first day of full weight bearing considering the type of surgery I had. I'm sure he tells everyone that no matter what, but whatever. LOL. Like I said, moral support never hurts. He told me to try walking without crutches around my house, and that I can do this as long as I am not in pain and/or limping. If I feel pain (in my right hip) or start to limp, I have to stop, because neither of these are okay at this point.

So... I've walked around a little, and I still feel no pain, which is awesome. However, it is sooooo hard to not limp. My right side is so incredibly weak it feels as if my right leg weighs 100 pounds. And I'm not allowed to drag my leg around. Needless to say, this limits my current walking radius to, oh, 3 or 4 feet. LOL. BUT, I am trying not to freak out about this. One day at a time. One day at a time. And that said, I did wash the dishes and clean up the kitchen (including sweeping! for the first time in forever!) tonight, completely without crutches. Of course our kitchen is pretty teeny and has an island in the middle of it, so you are never more than an arm's length away from something to lean on, but still. It felt good. And now, I'm off to take a shower without having to lean on the shower chair to get in. I'm just going to step right in and enjoy the warm water. :)

Post Surgery: 3 Weeks + 6 Days

So... tomorrow is the day I've been anticipating since the day I decided to have this surgery - the day when it is okay for me to start trying to walk without crutches! I've still been feeling mild to moderate pain/discomfort in both of my hips, but I'm trying really hard to overcome that, or at least get a point where it is ignorable, because I need, need, NEED to be walking well by next Wednesday. (Okay, so it's really more like want, want, WANT, but still.) The other day at PT, my therapist was telling me not to worry, and said, 'You'll be fine. You might have to bring one crutch with you and use it as needed, but that's not a big deal.' I think I gave him A Look, which caused him to say, 'Oh. Would you rather not have to do that?' Yeah. I'd really rather not. It's sort of a big deal to me.

I know that my body is going to set its own schedule for recovery, and I am at the mercy of my traumatized nerves and muscles and tendons, but I have yet to read a study that showed that positive thinking ever hurt a person's recovery. So I am thinking positive, positive, and more positive thoughts. I know I can do this.

Anyway, I thought that since I'm going to start the process of saying goodbye to my crutches, I should say something nice to them, so here it is: http://39andhip.blogspot.com/p/a-tribute-to-crutches.html.

Post Surgery: 3 Weeks + 4 Days

I missed my daily update again yesterday, but there wasn't much news on the hip front. It was Thursday all over again, minus the physical therapy. I've been doing a lot of heat and ice and anything and everything, including hydrocodone. Also, my husband got back on Thursday night, so I hope my hips can get some R&R before Monday because all I can say is that I better be walking by the end of next week.

Post Surgery: 3 Weeks + 3 Days

I'm having a terrible day. Both of my hips are hurting - my left more than my right. My husband thinks this is a good thing. When I talked to him on the phone last night, I told him my hip had hurt quite a bit all day. 'Which one?!' he asked, sounding alarmed. My left one, I told him. 'Oh, phew, well that's okay,' he declared. LOL. I mean I guess I sort of get where he is coming from. If my right hip were hurting that much, it would be sort of alarming in that I'd worry I had re-torn the cartilage or something. But still, it is annoying, especially considering how great I felt very early after the surgery. It's discouraging to be feeling worse now than three weeks ago. And the thing is that the pain is constant - it doesn't matter if I'm sitting, standing, lying down, bearing weight, not bearing weight or floating around in space weightless (ha ha). It also doesn't help that it rained all day today for the second day in a row, and rain puts me in a bad mood, and then my bad mood negatively affects my ability to deal with pain and discomfort. 

Super kudos to my physical therapist for dealing with me in a very compassionate and appropriate way today. I sort of love him for it. I didn't even try to hide my bad mood or act upbeat when I got to PT. The thing is that I have a teaching persona that I'm pretty good at putting on when I teach - I feel like I have to appear confident and put together and emotionally stable. (Even if I appear 'distant and hateful,' as one student described me, no one has ever figured out that I'm an emotional basket case with imposter syndrome.) When I go out in public, I tend to put on my teaching persona, because I'm very frequently running into current and former students (in liquor stores, in pet stores, in grocery stores, in restaurants, you name it), plus, like most people, I just don't want to look like a wreck in public. Putting on my teaching persona is just a habit. But today, I just didn't feel like it. Because I am not feeling confident or put together or emotionally stable. And as I was in the elevator heading up to PT trying to put on my teaching persona, it occurred to me that I don't have to do this. It is role reversal time. My PT is the one who had to wake up this morning and put on his PT persona. I, on the other hand, am on the other side of the desk so to speak. In this situation, I'm the one who is allowed to be unsure and unhappy and vulnerable. So I put myself out there and told him first thing that I had had a rough couple of days, that I was really starting to worry about my pain, and that I was freaking out. There, I said it. It just came out, just like that.

So, he told me not to freak out, then started reformulating his plan for the day. We didn't do any standing up exercises; we went over to the table and did some lying down exercises and a little bit of stretching. Then he asked me if it was okay if he tried some massage, which honestly, was the perfect thing right about then. The sort of funny thing is that he was a little timid about it, I guess because... you know, I'm female and he's male and hips are, well, sort of a sensitive area (not like a knee or shoulder), requiring his hands in my pants to access. LOL. He actually worked on both (!) sides, and it helped a little. The muscles are just soooo tight, though, which he commented on. Also, a lot of the pain on my left side is actually in my groin area, which I did NOT tell him about, ha ha. However, he worked on my psoas and iliotibial band and that did provide some relief. He suggested that I might want to try massage therapy; he said he had just finished working with another guy who had the same surgery who had found massage therapy to be very helpful. I definitely love the idea, I just have to see if it's a doable splurge financially. He also asked if I had tried heat rather than ice, which I hadn't. After the massage, he put heat on my right side, which actually felt good, so I'm going to try it on my left side tonight, assuming I can dig out a heating pad from... somewhere.

I also reminded him that Monday would be four weeks post-op - I can't let him forget that! He asked if I was coming in on Monday. I said yes, but did not volunteer that I had made the appointment last week to be sure I could get in in the morning and get this show on the road ASAP. (So far I've only been coming in in the afternoons.) I must have had my The Crutches Have To Go look on, because he gave me an overview of how the weaning was going to work, and said that it needed to be somewhat gradual, and I would need to be somewhat patient. Then he added, 'in case you were planning on getting up on Monday morning and going for a three-mile run.' Ha!

I think I really need to stay positive despite my current pain. The semester is quickly approaching, and the clock is ticking. Physiologically, things are what they are, but I feel like a positive attitude will make a big difference in how I feel going into the school year. And I had a really bad year last year, so I need this one to be better. I asked my doctor for a refill for pain medication, and I decided that I'm going to try taking half a pill at night to see if that can at least take the edge off some of my pain. After all, this isn't a competition to see who can handle the most pain without medication, like some women view giving birth. (If you've had a baby recently, I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about.) I need to be ready to do some kick-ass rehab next week, and I can't have pain getting in the way of it. To do this, I have to drop the Tough Girl act and stop seeing medication as going backwards. I keep telling myself I am going forward; I am going forward. I might not be able to see it right now, but I am.

Post Surgery: 2 Weeks + 5 Days

The bad and the good...

The bad: I missed my daily update yesterday.

The good: This means I'm thinking of other things besides my hip.

The bad: Last night was the first time that it hit me that I am so over the crutches. Seriously, they have to go. I think the first week after surgery felt pretty slow, then the next (almost) two weeks just flew by, and now it seems like this last week is going to last forever. Enough already!

The good: I managed to get rid of my leg pain by taking half of a hydrocodone Friday evening and another half before bed. It didn't even really make me goofy, I slept great, and enjoyed a pain-free day yesterday. I also took my therapist's advice and had my husband use a rolling pin (literally - a rolling pin from our kitchen) on my leg. That helped a lot. Then I tried it on him and he loved it. It was nice to reciprocate seeing as how I've been constantly whining and asking him to massage the various parts of my body that have been spazzing out since the surgery.

The bad: I can feel the pain creeping back.

The good: At least I know how I can get rid of it.

The bad: I don't want to keep taking pain pills. I see this as a huge step backwards. It is like when my son was born. Despite being a month and a half early and weighing three and a half pounds, he did not need oxygen. He breathed fine on his own for over two weeks. However, a few days before he left the NICU, he suddenly needed to be on oxygen (which was a pain). The nurse explained that this was because he was eating better, only he couldn't eat well and breathe well all at once. So, we had to go backward to go forward. Maybe the fact that I'm getting around well and doing more and increasing my activity in PT is causing my leg pain, and I have to go backward to go forward.

The good: I feel like I'm in the home stretch of the hardest part of recovery.

Post Surgery: 2 Weeks + 4 Days

Well, this is awkward.

Let me explain: This is actually my first post here that is in 'real time.' I didn't actually start this blog until 1 Week + 1 Day of my recovery. Of course, when I started, I had to start from the very beginning, so that everything would be chronological (if for no other reason than to satisfy my own anal-retentiveness). All of the post surgery updates until now were actually cut and pasted from my journal, which explains why there have been multiple posts from multiple days posted on the same day. (I'm the only person I know who pays attention to such things, but just in case there is someone out there I don't know who pays attention to such things, there is your explanation. :))

So here we are.

Unfortunately, today has been not so good. I am super duper sore from PT yesterday, which in itself isn't a bad thing. My thighs are killing from the squats I did holding onto a rail, but this is actually a good pain, like the type you feel after a good workout. However, my leg pain is back with a vengeance, despite all of my positivity about how the 24 hours of fogginess from the cyclobenzaprine would be worth it if it got rid of this damn pain. (And I REALLY wanted this to be the case! So you've got to add at least a few ounces of placebo effect into the mix.) I mean, I am aware that the effects of drugs do not last very long; if they did, commercials for Aleve, whose big claim-to-fame seems to be that you only have to take it once a day, wouldn't mean much. However, I also know that pain is a cycle, and according to my physical therapist, pain can cause muscles to freak out, and muscles that are freaking out can cause more pain, and 'round and 'round it goes. I guess I thought that if I could somehow interrupt the pain cycle, then my pain receptors would just chill out, and I could be done with this. But, I am NOT taking the cyclobenzaprine again unless the alternative is, like, dying. I just don't have that much time to be that dysfunctional. So I guess I'll try taking the hydrocodone tonight and see where that gets me.

Is it weird that in all of this post surgical pain, almost none of it has involved the hip that was operated on? My right hip has been a champion through all of this.

In other news, I mentioned earlier that my brother and his family are coming to town on Sunday and staying until Wednesday. Since this is a blog about my hip, I won't go into details about my relationship with my brother, or my brother's relationship with my parents, or my own relationship with my parents for that matter, but I will say that this is not something I'm super looking forward to. I mean, I'm not exactly dreading it, either, but... let's just say that it is a source of some stress. I'll leave it at that. (I'm sure that we could all write an entire series of books about Relationships With Family if we had the time and energy and the desire to dwell on and/or re-live our Bizarre Family Experiences.) On top of this, my husband has to go out of town for work Monday through Thursday. (How lucky is he?! LOL.) So next week I'll be sort of on my own, yet with lots of family around - to hopefully at least sort of help out...? Regardless of how it turns out, it's going to involve at least some stress, and since I have a really low tolerance for stress, whatever stress there is, I guarantee that I will inevitably blow way out of proportion. (In the interest of full disclosure, I'm just warning you ahead of time.)

Happy real-time blogging, and I will catch up with you tomorrow!