Perspective

I have a big week coming up. I've hesitated to write about some of this because I truly intended for this to be a short-lived blog about hip arthroscopy, as evidenced in the name I chose, '39 and Hip.' I did not think I'd still have tons of things to write here at 40, and definitely not well into my 40s, though that appears to be the path I'm heading down.

And now, as I continue to fight a daily battle with my hips, other things keep popping up, and it's hard to separate them from the hip issues. Because all of it together constitutes... my life. I have mentioned that in a previous life I was a gymnast and diver, and I have always been a big fan of Laura Wilkinson. Laura is a fabulous person, an Olympic gold medalist, a mother, and a devout Christian ('follower of Jesus' as she puts it). She has a blog I follow that merges all of these because it is impossible for her to separate them from each other. It is her life.

So given that this blog has gone on way longer than I originally intended, it is now impossible for me to separate non-hip issues from hip issues. This is my life.

About a month or so ago, I lay down in bed in a state of extreme exhaustion, and a little voice in my head told me that I needed to do a self-check exam on my breasts. I was never super vigilant about doing these, and had lapsed even more since my hip issues arose, so hearing 'The Voice' was actually a sort of odd thing. But, since doing a self-check exam on your breasts is not a big deal, I complied with 'The Voice,' and what do you know, I discovered a lump in my breast. Now, I am not a religious person, and I do not believe in a God who is watching out for me, but if I were a religious person, I definitely would have attributed this to God talking to me. It was that unexpected and out of the blue, and I'm thankful for whatever power possessed me feel myself up that night.

After my discovery of the lump, there was a lot of inner turmoil, denial, consultations with Dr. Google, and various other things. Eventually I went to see my primary care doctor - the one I'm not thrilled with - just because it seemed easier than trying to get a new OB/GYN while at the same time dealing with this lump. I've actually had a lump in my breast before, about ten years ago, but my doctor at the time told me it wasn't anything to worry about. (I can't remember the details.) I was hoping for the same this time, but... no. While my doctor did not seem overly alarmed, he said that his mother had died of breast cancer, so any woman who came to him with a lump in her breast automatically had to go in for a mammogram. When he asked how long I had had the lump, I said that I didn't know; I had discovered it a few weeks ago, but admitted that I hadn't done a self-check in a long time because I've had other things on my mind. Then, in case he didn't remember, I added, 'Like my hip.' He looked at me sympathetically and nodded and said, 'And your DVT.' Yeah, that too.

So, I went in for a mammogram on Tuesday, 4/21. I've never had a mammogram before, and was dreading it because of all of the awful things I had heard about them. Fortunately, the mammogram was nothing compared to the arthrograms. It was weird and at times uncomfortable, but not painful. I'd take the mammogram over the arthrogram in a heartbeat, or in a breast squish, lol. Unfortunately, the mammogram confirmed the conclusion I had come to after self-diagnosis and extensive consultation with Dr. Google: I have a tumor in my breast. The nature of the tumor will be determined in a biopsy this Wednesday, which, needless to say, I'm not exactly looking forward to.

I mentioned that I felt like the people at the imaging place know me way too well by now, and now on top of my DVT and hip problems, I have added breast issues into the mix. At least I barely have to do any paperwork anymore. LOL.

Also on the schedule for this week - tomorrow, in fact - is an appointment with Dr. Not Friendly. At this point, I feel like even if he told me I will become wheelchair bound within the next five years if I don't do something about my hips, I probably wouldn't care. Even that seems so much less harrowing than dealing with cancer.

I feel that throughout this entire hip ordeal, I've gone out of my way to emphasize the fact that I'm grateful that my hips are my biggest problem. The pain has been trying, for sure, but I'm grateful this is a non-life-threatening issue and feel like I have recognized that frequently within all of my whiny entries here. But I now feel like I haven't done that enough, and that the fates are trying to show me what a real problem is, for perspective. I mentioned in a previous post that given the choice of hip pain versus DVT, I'd choose hip pain. Now I feel like I need to add that given the choice of hip pain or cancer, I'd choose hip pain. Given the choice of DVT or cancer, I'd choose DVT. So in order of preference, I'd choose hip pain, DVT, then cancer. If I could cut a deal and promise to never complain about my hips ever again in exchange for a benign tumor, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

So if this blog dies out over the next couple of weeks, maybe it is because I made a deal with the powers that be to shut up about my hips already. Either that or cancer is killing me. LOL. Take your pick.