It truly is a happy Friday, and I'm so grateful for that. I feel really good right now, better than I have in a long time. In fact, I just walked home from my parents' house - three blocks - with virtually no pain and no limp.
This is after a very up and down week. On Tuesday, I was extremely sore and in so much pain after a full day of work. My hip flexors in both hips were so tight, I could barely do anything at PT, so my therapist had me do some stretching and then did some massage. He had me dangle my leg off the side of the table to stretch while he was massaging my hip, which was extremely uncomfortable, but seemed to help a lot. After that, we tried electrical stimulation with heat, which seemed to release some of the tightness. I also spoke with my orthopedist's medical assistant about a pain medication that I could take that would not make me bleed, but that was also not a narcotic. She suggested that I start taking the diclofenac again. I had stopped because my post-op instructions were to take it for four weeks after surgery, which I did. However, I felt like it might be making me feel sort of crappy, and I am positive it gave me GI distress, so I stopped as soon as the instructions said I could. But on Tuesday, I was feeling sort of desperate, so I resumed. And... I definitely had GI distress on Wednesday and Thursday. Maybe it was just coincidence, but maybe not. Ugh. I have had such horrible stomachaches all week that I decided not to take it today. I remember when I first started taking it after surgery, it caused GI distress that went away after about a week, but at this point I just can't put up with that. Hip pain is easier for me to deal with than abdominal pain.
PT and a day of rest on Tuesday were very helpful, and I actually felt pretty good on Wednesday, which was another full day of work for me. I felt even better on Thursday, which was encouraging since it was after a tiring day. Compared to Tuesday, I was a whole world better on Thursday. Unfortunately, Thursday was the height of my GI distress, and although my hips and leg felt good, I was extremely nauseous throughout PT. I sort of mentioned it to my therapist, but I really didn't dwell on it just because I feel like I've been Ms. Gloom and Doom, and I hate that this is the only side of me he has ever seen. I just don't feel like that's me, and I feel like I need to be better than this, especially as I'm reaching the final stage of my rehab. So I tried to focus on how much better my hips felt. Despite my horrid stomachache, I gritted my way through a very full PT session - bike, weights, walking, marching, stretching, stretching and massage, electrical stim... I feel sort of bad because when my therapist was trying to talk to me before I left, I seriously thought I was going to throw up, so I was barely responding to any of what he said. After I got home, I lay down for an hour to let my stomach calm down, and when my stomach pain subsided, I realized that my hip felt awesome.
And today, my hips feel even better. Am I over the 'hump'? Of course, there is still the blood clot, and while my leg is still very swollen, the pain has decreased in my leg as well. There are still some motions that hurt my hip quite a bit that are slightly worrisome, given that the pain is the same sort of pain I had before the surgery, but I am trying not to think about those right now. A very hopeful thing I noticed today is that when I stand up after sitting for a while, my hip doesn't hurt the way that it used to. Before the surgery, one of the hardest things was going from sitting to standing (which I do a lot). After sitting for just 10 minutes or so, I would have to stretch for a good 2-3 minutes before I could even walk at all. Now, sort of by habit, whenever I stand up after sitting, I immediately start to stretch. But I realized today that's not necessary anymore. I do feel a little stiff still, but it's nothing like it was before. So... progress?
Also, it has been three weeks since the blood clot was diagnosed and I started taking Xarelto. This means that I get to move from taking 15 mg twice a day to 20 mg once a day, which is really nice, because I'm not good at remembering to take medication, and it was hard for me to remember to take the second dose at night. I have to hold onto the hope that the decreased pain in my leg means that the medication is working.
Happy Friday, and I hope you all have a great Labor Day weekend. :)
Friday, August 29, 2014
Monday, August 25, 2014
Back to Work! (7 Weeks)
I will start off on a positive note by saying that I had a good day, I really did. It felt good to finally get back to teaching after all the anticipation. I usually feel excited, in a jittery sort of way, at the beginning of the semester. But my students are fresh and full of excitement, and I usually draw energy from them. (It usually goes downhill after this, lol.) Due to my medical issues, I hadn't been feeling my normal level of excitement, but it all came back today as soon as I started my first class. That was a good feeling.
That said, I am in a world of pain right now. Both my hips are exceedingly sore, my leg is killing me, and I ohmygod I am so exhausted. Admittedly, part of this is because I barely slept last night. Also, yesterday I got overzealous and spent an hour picking beans. My husband and kids picked some during my long inability to garden, but overall they did a pretty poor job ( = A LOT of beans to be picked). And since I can't squat down, I had to do it by just bending over at the hip, which means my hamstrings are really sore today. It's a totally regular type of sore, but nonetheless, it is adding to my misery. Honestly, even in the absence of a blood clot, there is no way I could have taught my week-long class starting ten days ago. I don't know what my surgeon was thinking. Perhaps I'm just super far behind where I'm supposed to be rehab-wise, but my PT keeps saying how well I'm doing functionally, so I don't feel like that's the case.
Anyway. I've been determined to totally ditch the crutches and the cane, even when I have to walk a lot or long distances. This has been reeeallly difficult and I'm limping, a lot. Fortunately, my reduced load means that I have tomorrow off to rest, which I really need. If I had to teach tomorrow, I'd need a crutch for sure, at least to get to the building across campus where I was scheduled to teach. While hopefully my situation will improve from here on out, I don't feel like I'm completely out of crutch territory yet, unfortunately. As trivial as it may be in the large scheme of things, I'm really self-conscious about this. So... I was just really up front with my students about my situation, and it came up sort of naturally because I let them know I was on partial leave for the semester, so they would understand why I'm not going to be on campus two days a week. I didn't tell them about the blood clot - that seems like TMI - I just said I had had hip surgery over the summer and the recovery hadn't gone quite as planned. As a result, walking is still a little difficult for me, as is standing, and sitting. Which makes life slightly difficult in general. LOL. (They thought it was funny.) It was sort of hard, as I don't usually share personal information of this sort, but it felt good to just put it all out there. That way at least if I have a really bad day and just can't walk, it won't seem out of the blue.
All in all, it was a good day, emotionally anyway. Physically, I feel like hell, but at least the pain comes with a sense of accomplishment, which makes it easier for me to accept. And on that note, I am off to take a pain pill and go to bed.
That said, I am in a world of pain right now. Both my hips are exceedingly sore, my leg is killing me, and I ohmygod I am so exhausted. Admittedly, part of this is because I barely slept last night. Also, yesterday I got overzealous and spent an hour picking beans. My husband and kids picked some during my long inability to garden, but overall they did a pretty poor job ( = A LOT of beans to be picked). And since I can't squat down, I had to do it by just bending over at the hip, which means my hamstrings are really sore today. It's a totally regular type of sore, but nonetheless, it is adding to my misery. Honestly, even in the absence of a blood clot, there is no way I could have taught my week-long class starting ten days ago. I don't know what my surgeon was thinking. Perhaps I'm just super far behind where I'm supposed to be rehab-wise, but my PT keeps saying how well I'm doing functionally, so I don't feel like that's the case.
Anyway. I've been determined to totally ditch the crutches and the cane, even when I have to walk a lot or long distances. This has been reeeallly difficult and I'm limping, a lot. Fortunately, my reduced load means that I have tomorrow off to rest, which I really need. If I had to teach tomorrow, I'd need a crutch for sure, at least to get to the building across campus where I was scheduled to teach. While hopefully my situation will improve from here on out, I don't feel like I'm completely out of crutch territory yet, unfortunately. As trivial as it may be in the large scheme of things, I'm really self-conscious about this. So... I was just really up front with my students about my situation, and it came up sort of naturally because I let them know I was on partial leave for the semester, so they would understand why I'm not going to be on campus two days a week. I didn't tell them about the blood clot - that seems like TMI - I just said I had had hip surgery over the summer and the recovery hadn't gone quite as planned. As a result, walking is still a little difficult for me, as is standing, and sitting. Which makes life slightly difficult in general. LOL. (They thought it was funny.) It was sort of hard, as I don't usually share personal information of this sort, but it felt good to just put it all out there. That way at least if I have a really bad day and just can't walk, it won't seem out of the blue.
All in all, it was a good day, emotionally anyway. Physically, I feel like hell, but at least the pain comes with a sense of accomplishment, which makes it easier for me to accept. And on that note, I am off to take a pain pill and go to bed.
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Back to School Jitters (6 Weeks + 6 Days / One Day UIRTW)
Well, tomorrow will be my test. I don't think there is anything to do at this point except just wait and see how my hip and leg are going to hold up. I've done everything that I can possibly do to try to make this work, so I guess I have to just sit back and hope for a little bit of luck and a lot of adrenaline.
I will probably stop the daily updates as well. There has been increasingly less to write about, and I hope it stays that way. :) I had hoped there would not be so much to write about starting around four weeks post-op, but that didn't work out, so hopefully seven weeks post-op will be the charm. Of course, I will absolutely update with any relevant information, but I just hope there isn't enough 'interesting' news to keep up a daily log.
Thank you all for your love and support. It means a lot to me. :)
I will probably stop the daily updates as well. There has been increasingly less to write about, and I hope it stays that way. :) I had hoped there would not be so much to write about starting around four weeks post-op, but that didn't work out, so hopefully seven weeks post-op will be the charm. Of course, I will absolutely update with any relevant information, but I just hope there isn't enough 'interesting' news to keep up a daily log.
Thank you all for your love and support. It means a lot to me. :)
Saturday, August 23, 2014
Post Surgery: 6 Weeks + 5 Days / 2 Days UIRTW
Because I was distracted yesterday trying to throw a little get-together for my son's birthday, I had to work most of the day today. Between the walk to my office from the parking lot, sitting at my desk for hours, and trying to hang a ridiculously large tapestry on my office wall, I'm pretty sore tonight. To make things worse, we went over to one of my husband's semi-friend's house for dinner. I say semi-friend because this is someone my husband knows professionally, whom I've met once before, and whose wife I've never met. This was our first get-together with them, which is relevant because it means these aren't people I know well, which means I had to try to sit normally without fidgeting or putting my leg up for three hours. So... my leg is pretty swollen right now, plus both my hips hurt, despite the fact that I've been icing them throughout the day.
I think the swelling in my leg is the most irritating thing right now, because it prevents me from squatting down, which actually makes a lot of things quite difficult. For example, I mentioned that I rearranged my office last weekend, and let me tell you it was hard to unplug and replug and disconnect and reconnect all those cords and cables without being able to squat down. Now I'm still finding little things here and there that need reconnecting or tweaking and this is ridiculously hard for me. I also had to climb up onto my desk today to hang my tapestry, and while going up was not so bad, getting down was sort of a challenge. And gardening is still pretty much out of the question.
I had to resort to pain medication last night because my hips were throbbing, particularly my left hip and IT band. WTF? PT on Thursday made my left hip REALLY unhappy! Unfortunately, I think I am going to have to take pain meds again tonight if I want to sleep. I hate, hate, HATE having to do this, but it's really necessary right now. BUT, the good news is that I have not used a crutch or cane at all in several days, even to go significant distances. Also, I noticed today that I've been going up and down stairs like a normal person, for the most part, so that is progress!
I think the swelling in my leg is the most irritating thing right now, because it prevents me from squatting down, which actually makes a lot of things quite difficult. For example, I mentioned that I rearranged my office last weekend, and let me tell you it was hard to unplug and replug and disconnect and reconnect all those cords and cables without being able to squat down. Now I'm still finding little things here and there that need reconnecting or tweaking and this is ridiculously hard for me. I also had to climb up onto my desk today to hang my tapestry, and while going up was not so bad, getting down was sort of a challenge. And gardening is still pretty much out of the question.
I had to resort to pain medication last night because my hips were throbbing, particularly my left hip and IT band. WTF? PT on Thursday made my left hip REALLY unhappy! Unfortunately, I think I am going to have to take pain meds again tonight if I want to sleep. I hate, hate, HATE having to do this, but it's really necessary right now. BUT, the good news is that I have not used a crutch or cane at all in several days, even to go significant distances. Also, I noticed today that I've been going up and down stairs like a normal person, for the most part, so that is progress!
Friday, August 22, 2014
Post Surgery: 6 Weeks + 4 Days / 3 Days UIRTW
Not a whole lot to say today except that my left hip is excessively sore today. Aaaagh! Also, I had a department meeting and I could not sit through the whole thing. I can normally sit okay, but I guess that I was trying not be too fidgety. I must move around a lot when I'm just sitting by myself, because after about an hour of trying to sit still at the meeting, my hips were throbbing, and I had to stand up. Fortunately, almost everyone knows about my situation by now, so I don't think I came across as too psycho. However, the good news is that I managed to walk all the way up to my office from the parking lot unaided. I'm ditching all walking aids in preparation for the upcoming semester, plus I had to carry a bunch of stuff so I needed both arms.
In other news, tonight was my son's birthday, so we had a little celebration with family. This meant shopping and cooking after a painful five hours at work. (After the meeting set off my throbbing, I just couldn't get comfortable.) However, I was pleasantly surprised by how well I held up after grocery shopping and then cooking for a few hours. I'm really sore tonight, but considering how much I did today I don't feel too bad. With that said, I am off to ice and heat and embark on my nightly self-designed PT regimen.
In other news, tonight was my son's birthday, so we had a little celebration with family. This meant shopping and cooking after a painful five hours at work. (After the meeting set off my throbbing, I just couldn't get comfortable.) However, I was pleasantly surprised by how well I held up after grocery shopping and then cooking for a few hours. I'm really sore tonight, but considering how much I did today I don't feel too bad. With that said, I am off to ice and heat and embark on my nightly self-designed PT regimen.
Thursday, August 21, 2014
Post Surgery: 6 Weeks + 3 Days / 4 Days UIRTW
I had a really great PT session today. It took me a while to feel good about my therapist, but I really like him now. Now, of course, when I'm almost done with PT. Go figure. I was thinking about it, and it must be sort of weird being a therapist. You get to know your patients pretty well over the course of a few months, then they go away and you never see them again. I guess my job is sort of the same, only I don't really get to know my students THAT well, plus I often do see them again. Even if I don't have them in class, they are still around.
Anyway, I did a lot of stuff with weights and resistance, and I really felt like I was getting a good workout. Then AJ did his Miracle Massage on my hip, and it was amazing. Unfortunately, after PT I was in a world of hurt. It didn't help that because of PT, I got to work very late in the morning and thus had to park about half a mile from my office. Needless to say, walking that distance up a lot of stairs and hills did not make my hips happy. (I used my cane. Seriously, that's rather embarrassing for me, but I wouldn't have made it without it.) Then I sat at my desk for about six hours, and even though I had my leg propped up somewhat (not above my heart - that is really hard for a number of reasons) my leg still swelled up. Also, my left hip throbbed for most of the afternoon. Ugh. I noticed it hurt a bit during PT but I just sucked it up because it felt so good to actually work out. I'm definitely paying for it now though.
Also, this is sort of funny. I requested a refill for my Xarelto through the patient portal on Tuesday night. I currently have to take 15 mg tablets twice a day, but after reading about Xarelto, it seems that after 21 days I can switch to 20 mg once a day, which I explained in my e-mail (you know, in case my surgeon isn't as up on Xarelto as I am, lol). I was not expecting a prompt response, as the last time I requested a refill for a prescription I had to do it twice before finally getting it. However, my surgeon's medical assistant called me on Wednesday morning just to tell me that my surgeon wasn't in, but she wanted to be sure I knew she wasn't ignoring me. Ha! I told her it wasn't a big deal - I still have about a week to go with my current prescription. I was sort of hoping I could pick the script up today, but whatever. (Something I don't understand is how the patient portal can creepily communicate with pharmacies to pull up a list of all the medications I'm currently taking, but yet cannot request refills electronically. Whatever.) However, today during PT, the MA actually came in and hand delivered the script to me. She also asked if I wanted the surgeon to come in and say hi. I replied, 'Ummmm, I guess... if he wants to,' which was obviously not a rousing endorsement, because he didn't, ha ha. I think my crying fit last week must have them really freaked out. LOL
So all in all it was not a bad day. I'm pretty much working in full crisis mode right now, which is bad for my stress but good for my productivity. Only four more days until the shit hits the fan.
Anyway, I did a lot of stuff with weights and resistance, and I really felt like I was getting a good workout. Then AJ did his Miracle Massage on my hip, and it was amazing. Unfortunately, after PT I was in a world of hurt. It didn't help that because of PT, I got to work very late in the morning and thus had to park about half a mile from my office. Needless to say, walking that distance up a lot of stairs and hills did not make my hips happy. (I used my cane. Seriously, that's rather embarrassing for me, but I wouldn't have made it without it.) Then I sat at my desk for about six hours, and even though I had my leg propped up somewhat (not above my heart - that is really hard for a number of reasons) my leg still swelled up. Also, my left hip throbbed for most of the afternoon. Ugh. I noticed it hurt a bit during PT but I just sucked it up because it felt so good to actually work out. I'm definitely paying for it now though.
Also, this is sort of funny. I requested a refill for my Xarelto through the patient portal on Tuesday night. I currently have to take 15 mg tablets twice a day, but after reading about Xarelto, it seems that after 21 days I can switch to 20 mg once a day, which I explained in my e-mail (you know, in case my surgeon isn't as up on Xarelto as I am, lol). I was not expecting a prompt response, as the last time I requested a refill for a prescription I had to do it twice before finally getting it. However, my surgeon's medical assistant called me on Wednesday morning just to tell me that my surgeon wasn't in, but she wanted to be sure I knew she wasn't ignoring me. Ha! I told her it wasn't a big deal - I still have about a week to go with my current prescription. I was sort of hoping I could pick the script up today, but whatever. (Something I don't understand is how the patient portal can creepily communicate with pharmacies to pull up a list of all the medications I'm currently taking, but yet cannot request refills electronically. Whatever.) However, today during PT, the MA actually came in and hand delivered the script to me. She also asked if I wanted the surgeon to come in and say hi. I replied, 'Ummmm, I guess... if he wants to,' which was obviously not a rousing endorsement, because he didn't, ha ha. I think my crying fit last week must have them really freaked out. LOL
So all in all it was not a bad day. I'm pretty much working in full crisis mode right now, which is bad for my stress but good for my productivity. Only four more days until the shit hits the fan.
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Post Surgery: 6 Weeks + 2 Days / 5 Days UIRTW
Oh that awesome feeling when you can't stop crying. It has been an entire week since I last experienced this, so I guess a good cry is due. LOL. I honestly don't know if it's even my hip/DVT or intense work stress that I should write about on my other blog. So many different aspects of my life are colliding at this point that it's impossible to separate them out. In the end, I am left with material not fit for either blog, not fit to be made public.
I will say this much: I feel like I had a disaster of a time last semester. There was/is a lot going on, so I can't blame it all or even most of it on my hip pain. However, in retrospect I realize that my hip pain certainly didn't help, and in fact the pain made my already ridiculously poor ability to deal with stress even worse. My stress management skills went from F to F-. I really thought having the surgery would reverse my downward spiral (I keep thinking of an extinction vortex, to make a biology analogy), and given how great I felt so soon after surgery, it is hard for me to accept where I am right now. If I do not manage to pull myself together very soon, I am in for a disastrous semester, and I really can't afford that professionally.
I am doing everything I can to get better physically, but there is no miracle cure for my present condition. I am also trying to be positive, but that is something I've always struggled with, and I know for a fact that there is no miracle cure for my mental distress. I guess all that is left to do is try to stay in the present.
I will say this much: I feel like I had a disaster of a time last semester. There was/is a lot going on, so I can't blame it all or even most of it on my hip pain. However, in retrospect I realize that my hip pain certainly didn't help, and in fact the pain made my already ridiculously poor ability to deal with stress even worse. My stress management skills went from F to F-. I really thought having the surgery would reverse my downward spiral (I keep thinking of an extinction vortex, to make a biology analogy), and given how great I felt so soon after surgery, it is hard for me to accept where I am right now. If I do not manage to pull myself together very soon, I am in for a disastrous semester, and I really can't afford that professionally.
I am doing everything I can to get better physically, but there is no miracle cure for my present condition. I am also trying to be positive, but that is something I've always struggled with, and I know for a fact that there is no miracle cure for my mental distress. I guess all that is left to do is try to stay in the present.
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Post Surgery: 6 Weeks + 1 Day / 6 Days UIRTW
I had planned on going up to work today and really getting stuff done, but of course my son threw up in the car on the way up to the university. So... we stayed home, even though he seemed pretty much fine after throwing up. So now not only am I panicked about my poor physical condition, but I am also starting to get panicked about my lack of readiness for the upcoming semester, reduced course load and all. It is as if the fates are conspiring against me having a good semester.
My mom invited us over for lunch, and I managed to walk a fairly pain free three blocks to my parents' house. That was quite a feat! I probably wouldn't have walked except that I had to hose off my son's car seat due to all the vomit, so it was soaking wet, and I'm not really supposed to be biking just yet. My therapist said I should wait until I'm walking better, just because if I crash or even just have to stop suddenly, it could cause a set back. And I definitely don't need more of those. Plus, being on the Xarelto would make me bleed a lot if I had an accident. I honestly did think about biking - I mean it's just three blocks - but the bike trailer wasn't hooked up to my bike and since I cannot squat down because of the swelling in my leg, I didn't see a way I would be able to hook it up. Not easily, anyway. How pathetic. But hey, I walked, and I made it!
I'm not sure I would have made it home as painlessly as I made it there, but I didn't have to find out because we caught a ride home in the car - not because of me, but because of lightning and thunder. My son is terrified of thunder and I was sort of afraid he might take off running if it thundered. At this point, I cannot keep up with even his short little almost three-year-old legs, and there's a lot of traffic between my parents' house and our house. So... the car.
On a different note, I finally got brave and used the hair dye I bought a while back. Goodbye gray hair! Although I have to admit, I only used a teeny portion of the dye because most of my hair doesn't need dying, plus I really worry about something that requires you to wear gloves to put on. Like... if it's not okay to get on your hands, do you really want it on your head?! My under usage of the dye caused me to miss some of my gray hairs, but at least I can just pluck those few, evasive hairs out with my fingers. If you knew me in person, you would understand just how out of character this is for me, but since most of you don't know me in real life, you'll just have to trust me. This is soooo not like me, but I think this whole hip ordeal (starting from even before the surgery) has launched me into some midlife crisis of sorts. I sort of hate it.
Here's hoping for a more productive day tomorrow, because I really need to get my butt in gear and get some serious work done!
My mom invited us over for lunch, and I managed to walk a fairly pain free three blocks to my parents' house. That was quite a feat! I probably wouldn't have walked except that I had to hose off my son's car seat due to all the vomit, so it was soaking wet, and I'm not really supposed to be biking just yet. My therapist said I should wait until I'm walking better, just because if I crash or even just have to stop suddenly, it could cause a set back. And I definitely don't need more of those. Plus, being on the Xarelto would make me bleed a lot if I had an accident. I honestly did think about biking - I mean it's just three blocks - but the bike trailer wasn't hooked up to my bike and since I cannot squat down because of the swelling in my leg, I didn't see a way I would be able to hook it up. Not easily, anyway. How pathetic. But hey, I walked, and I made it!
I'm not sure I would have made it home as painlessly as I made it there, but I didn't have to find out because we caught a ride home in the car - not because of me, but because of lightning and thunder. My son is terrified of thunder and I was sort of afraid he might take off running if it thundered. At this point, I cannot keep up with even his short little almost three-year-old legs, and there's a lot of traffic between my parents' house and our house. So... the car.
On a different note, I finally got brave and used the hair dye I bought a while back. Goodbye gray hair! Although I have to admit, I only used a teeny portion of the dye because most of my hair doesn't need dying, plus I really worry about something that requires you to wear gloves to put on. Like... if it's not okay to get on your hands, do you really want it on your head?! My under usage of the dye caused me to miss some of my gray hairs, but at least I can just pluck those few, evasive hairs out with my fingers. If you knew me in person, you would understand just how out of character this is for me, but since most of you don't know me in real life, you'll just have to trust me. This is soooo not like me, but I think this whole hip ordeal (starting from even before the surgery) has launched me into some midlife crisis of sorts. I sort of hate it.
Here's hoping for a more productive day tomorrow, because I really need to get my butt in gear and get some serious work done!
Monday, August 18, 2014
Post Surgery: 6 Weeks / One Week UIRTW
Wow, six weeks. Even more wow: one week until I return to work. Or more specifically, one week until I have to actually teach. I have obviously been up at work, but... that's not the same as actually teaching.
I really thought I'd be doing a lot better at this point, especially given how great I felt so soon after the surgery. I know I've had setbacks, but I'm still sort of alarmed at what a sorry state I am still in, and am still doubting my ability to teach even just two courses.
My doubts have been driven by the fact that I was soooo tired after I went shopping for school supplies, and they intensified after today. It was my daughter's first day of school, so I walked her to school in the morning (about two and a half blocks, so five blocks round trip). Afterward, I took my son up to daycare and then went to my office for a few hours before PT. I had a great PT session, and when I got back home I grabbed a bite to eat, got dinner into the crock pot, and headed back to school to pick my daughter up. By the time I got home, I was in a little pain, but the worst part is that I felt EXHAUSTED. I lay down around 3:00 and fell asleep hard until 4:30. And I am talking about a deep, deep sleep; in fact, I think I only woke up is because my mom came by. I realize that some fatigue is normal, but I'm honestly having a hard time understanding why I am SO TIRED. I cannot think of a physiological explanation for this. I mean, I realize I am out of shape and my muscles are tired and blah blah blah, but should I really be so drop dead tired? Needless to say, being so ridiculously tired after a day of moderate activity is making me nervous.
On a more positive note, PT went very well. My therapist upped the level of intensity of my session, and I was able to do everything without any problem, including leg presses with over 50 pounds of weight. (I'm not sure how much weight I ended up using, I just told the aide 50 pounds wasn't that hard and she added more.) AJ also said my balance was really good - he couldn't tell I'd even had surgery. He seemed very genuine, and I'm trying to hold onto that positivity. One thing he did say is that once I started teaching again, I needed to be really careful not to overdo it. I should plan on coming home from work and resting - not running additional errands like shopping excursions and whatnot. Of course he said he knew that was hard with kids, but that I should really try to take it easy insofar as possible. So many people tell me I need to take it easy and not overdo it that it sort of makes me wonder... What will actually happen if I 'overdo' it? Will I just drop over dead suddenly? LOL
I'm trying to find that elusive balance between getting back into the swing of things and not overdoing it. Unfortunately, I have just a little bit of time to figure it all out. Here's hoping for a productive week.
I really thought I'd be doing a lot better at this point, especially given how great I felt so soon after the surgery. I know I've had setbacks, but I'm still sort of alarmed at what a sorry state I am still in, and am still doubting my ability to teach even just two courses.
My doubts have been driven by the fact that I was soooo tired after I went shopping for school supplies, and they intensified after today. It was my daughter's first day of school, so I walked her to school in the morning (about two and a half blocks, so five blocks round trip). Afterward, I took my son up to daycare and then went to my office for a few hours before PT. I had a great PT session, and when I got back home I grabbed a bite to eat, got dinner into the crock pot, and headed back to school to pick my daughter up. By the time I got home, I was in a little pain, but the worst part is that I felt EXHAUSTED. I lay down around 3:00 and fell asleep hard until 4:30. And I am talking about a deep, deep sleep; in fact, I think I only woke up is because my mom came by. I realize that some fatigue is normal, but I'm honestly having a hard time understanding why I am SO TIRED. I cannot think of a physiological explanation for this. I mean, I realize I am out of shape and my muscles are tired and blah blah blah, but should I really be so drop dead tired? Needless to say, being so ridiculously tired after a day of moderate activity is making me nervous.
On a more positive note, PT went very well. My therapist upped the level of intensity of my session, and I was able to do everything without any problem, including leg presses with over 50 pounds of weight. (I'm not sure how much weight I ended up using, I just told the aide 50 pounds wasn't that hard and she added more.) AJ also said my balance was really good - he couldn't tell I'd even had surgery. He seemed very genuine, and I'm trying to hold onto that positivity. One thing he did say is that once I started teaching again, I needed to be really careful not to overdo it. I should plan on coming home from work and resting - not running additional errands like shopping excursions and whatnot. Of course he said he knew that was hard with kids, but that I should really try to take it easy insofar as possible. So many people tell me I need to take it easy and not overdo it that it sort of makes me wonder... What will actually happen if I 'overdo' it? Will I just drop over dead suddenly? LOL
I'm trying to find that elusive balance between getting back into the swing of things and not overdoing it. Unfortunately, I have just a little bit of time to figure it all out. Here's hoping for a productive week.
Sunday, August 17, 2014
Post Surgery: 5 Weeks + 6 Days / 8 Days UIRTW
Today was another day to file under the 'good days' category. We ( = my whole family) went up to my office this morning to rearrange my furniture, and make it more blood clot friendly. Blood clot friendly, ha ha, does that sound weird or what? Basically I need a way to be able to keep my leg propped up when I'm sitting at my computer, which wasn't possible before. And it was time for a change anyway.
Afterward, we went to the pool, and I was actually able to get in - for the first time in a long time (almost six weeks, to be more precise). I couldn't go in for four weeks after the surgery, I'm guessing because of the risk of infection to the incisions. And the last time we went to the pool, I could not go in because of my bleeding. However, I am happy to report that the bleeding is very much under control now, and I am extremely happy that all my hysteria was for naught. I really do not need any more complicating factors in what I hope can get back to a fairly routine rehab.
My hip... well, it is sore, but holding its own. As I was mentioning to my physical therapist on Friday, it's not just that I haven't done certain things since the surgery, it's that I haven't done certain things since long before the surgery simply because they hurt so much. A simple example is standing with my weight equally distributed on both legs. Another is stairs. Stairs are still extremely difficult for me, but they were difficult for me before the surgery. I can't remember the last time I went up or down stairs like a normal person. My therapist said he was glad I had that perspective because he was often having to remind his patients that it's not just the surgery they are recovering from, but oftentimes many months of dysfunction prior to the surgery. For me, it has been almost a year.
With that in mind, it was very exciting at the pool today because I decided to try swimming - as in actually swimming some laps. Although being a diver in a previous life means that I have spent a lot of time around swimming pools, I'm not actually a very good swimmer, and I have not tried 'real' swimming in about six or seven years. (Shortly after my daughter was born, I got talked into doing a team triathlon with my family, and since I do not like biking and hate running, I got stuck with the swimming leg. That was my only experience with 'real' swimming.) And, weirdly enough, since my hip started acting up this past year, swimming has actually hurt my hip, even just regular old freestyle. Breaststroke has been completely out of the question for a very long time. HOWEVER, I was pleasantly surprised to discover today that A. I can still swim, and B. It doesn't hurt at all. I managed to swim a total of 500 yards - not all at once, but I did one set of 100 yards, one of 200 yards, then two more of 100 yards. I got brave and decided to try the breaststroke on the last 25 yards of my last set - admittedly because I was sort of tired, lol - and... I was able to do it and it didn't hurt at all. Amazing! This made me so happy I can't even tell you.
I guess the thing with this blood clot is that it is an annoying (to put it mildly) complication from pretty routine and elective surgery. The blood clot has become a bigger deal than the surgery itself, which of course is constantly causing me to second guess my decision to have the surgery in the first place. However, despite my doubts, I've always believed it was the right thing for me to do, especially looking down the road long-term. On days like today, when I'm able to do something that I haven't been able to do in a very long time, it really confirms that despite everything, the surgery was a good decision for me. And this makes me happy.
And... icing on the cake. While I was swimming my laps during adult swim time, I noticed that there were several kids standing on the edge of the pool around the lap lane. They were standing so close that when I put my hand on the side of the pool to turn around, I actually grabbed one of the girl's toes. I could not figure out what they were doing, and it made me feel sort of self-conscious, as if they were all standing around watching me. However, it turns out that they were all lined up to take a swim test. My daughter saw the line and decided that she wanted to take the test - which is basically so you can go in the deep end of the pool. For her, the biggest thing is being able to go down the water slides, which she hasn't been able to do all summer. She can swim well enough to go from where the slide deposits you back to the edge of the pool, but to pass the test, you have to tread water for 30 seconds, then swim across the deep end, then float on your back for 30 seconds, and then swim back to the edge of pool on your back. It is the treading water part that has kept my daughter from trying the test all summer, but I think watching all the other kids take the test gave her a rare bout of courage. And... she passed! It was NOT pretty, but she did it! My daughter is extremely cautious and has some (minor) physical challenges, so things involving motor skills do not come easily to her. (It took a lot of $40 an hour private swim lessons to get to this point.) I normally try to leave my family out of my blogs, but this was a huge deal for my daughter and I was so proud of her!
All in all, it was a good way to end the summer.
Afterward, we went to the pool, and I was actually able to get in - for the first time in a long time (almost six weeks, to be more precise). I couldn't go in for four weeks after the surgery, I'm guessing because of the risk of infection to the incisions. And the last time we went to the pool, I could not go in because of my bleeding. However, I am happy to report that the bleeding is very much under control now, and I am extremely happy that all my hysteria was for naught. I really do not need any more complicating factors in what I hope can get back to a fairly routine rehab.
My hip... well, it is sore, but holding its own. As I was mentioning to my physical therapist on Friday, it's not just that I haven't done certain things since the surgery, it's that I haven't done certain things since long before the surgery simply because they hurt so much. A simple example is standing with my weight equally distributed on both legs. Another is stairs. Stairs are still extremely difficult for me, but they were difficult for me before the surgery. I can't remember the last time I went up or down stairs like a normal person. My therapist said he was glad I had that perspective because he was often having to remind his patients that it's not just the surgery they are recovering from, but oftentimes many months of dysfunction prior to the surgery. For me, it has been almost a year.
With that in mind, it was very exciting at the pool today because I decided to try swimming - as in actually swimming some laps. Although being a diver in a previous life means that I have spent a lot of time around swimming pools, I'm not actually a very good swimmer, and I have not tried 'real' swimming in about six or seven years. (Shortly after my daughter was born, I got talked into doing a team triathlon with my family, and since I do not like biking and hate running, I got stuck with the swimming leg. That was my only experience with 'real' swimming.) And, weirdly enough, since my hip started acting up this past year, swimming has actually hurt my hip, even just regular old freestyle. Breaststroke has been completely out of the question for a very long time. HOWEVER, I was pleasantly surprised to discover today that A. I can still swim, and B. It doesn't hurt at all. I managed to swim a total of 500 yards - not all at once, but I did one set of 100 yards, one of 200 yards, then two more of 100 yards. I got brave and decided to try the breaststroke on the last 25 yards of my last set - admittedly because I was sort of tired, lol - and... I was able to do it and it didn't hurt at all. Amazing! This made me so happy I can't even tell you.
I guess the thing with this blood clot is that it is an annoying (to put it mildly) complication from pretty routine and elective surgery. The blood clot has become a bigger deal than the surgery itself, which of course is constantly causing me to second guess my decision to have the surgery in the first place. However, despite my doubts, I've always believed it was the right thing for me to do, especially looking down the road long-term. On days like today, when I'm able to do something that I haven't been able to do in a very long time, it really confirms that despite everything, the surgery was a good decision for me. And this makes me happy.
And... icing on the cake. While I was swimming my laps during adult swim time, I noticed that there were several kids standing on the edge of the pool around the lap lane. They were standing so close that when I put my hand on the side of the pool to turn around, I actually grabbed one of the girl's toes. I could not figure out what they were doing, and it made me feel sort of self-conscious, as if they were all standing around watching me. However, it turns out that they were all lined up to take a swim test. My daughter saw the line and decided that she wanted to take the test - which is basically so you can go in the deep end of the pool. For her, the biggest thing is being able to go down the water slides, which she hasn't been able to do all summer. She can swim well enough to go from where the slide deposits you back to the edge of the pool, but to pass the test, you have to tread water for 30 seconds, then swim across the deep end, then float on your back for 30 seconds, and then swim back to the edge of pool on your back. It is the treading water part that has kept my daughter from trying the test all summer, but I think watching all the other kids take the test gave her a rare bout of courage. And... she passed! It was NOT pretty, but she did it! My daughter is extremely cautious and has some (minor) physical challenges, so things involving motor skills do not come easily to her. (It took a lot of $40 an hour private swim lessons to get to this point.) I normally try to leave my family out of my blogs, but this was a huge deal for my daughter and I was so proud of her!
All in all, it was a good way to end the summer.
Post Surgery: 5 Weeks + 5 Days / 9 Days UIRTW
I guess the good news about yesterday is that I was busy enough to miss my daily update. But my original plan was to ditch the daily updates around the time the crutches were supposed to be going away, so we are in bonus material anyway. :)
Anyway, compared to the day before, yesterday was sort of a let-down. My daughter starts school on Monday, so I took her to buy school supplies. This is the longest I've ever waited to buy supplies, but there is not really a way to push a shopping cart on crutches, and this definitely required a shopping cart. This was my first real shopping escapade since surgery, and unfortunately it just about killed me. Okay, so not literally, but by the end, I was quite literally leaning on the shopping cart and using it as a walker. We had to go to a second store to buy black and white composition books, and I had to use a crutch. And I don't mean I had to bring it just as back up; I really had to use it. Ugh, so disheartening, especially considering the shopping trip itself was just over an hour, which is how long my classes are. After we got her school supplies, I took her out to lunch. By the time we got home, I was so exhausted that I lay down on the futon and had to sleep for two hours. Needless to say, I'm feeling slightly panicked about the upcoming semester, even with my reduced teaching load.
The good news is that after the nap, I felt much better and was able to do a little bit of work in my garden. The tough part about the garden is that although I should be able to squat down now - I no longer have restrictions on my thigh flexion - the swelling in my leg still makes that impossible. In fact, trying to squat down is what made me notice the swelling in the first place, which eventually led to the discovery of the blood clot. Although I think the swelling is improving, it's still pretty significant. So if I want to work in the garden or get anything off the floor, my hamstrings get a good stretching. Good thing I'm very flexible. :)
Anyway, compared to the day before, yesterday was sort of a let-down. My daughter starts school on Monday, so I took her to buy school supplies. This is the longest I've ever waited to buy supplies, but there is not really a way to push a shopping cart on crutches, and this definitely required a shopping cart. This was my first real shopping escapade since surgery, and unfortunately it just about killed me. Okay, so not literally, but by the end, I was quite literally leaning on the shopping cart and using it as a walker. We had to go to a second store to buy black and white composition books, and I had to use a crutch. And I don't mean I had to bring it just as back up; I really had to use it. Ugh, so disheartening, especially considering the shopping trip itself was just over an hour, which is how long my classes are. After we got her school supplies, I took her out to lunch. By the time we got home, I was so exhausted that I lay down on the futon and had to sleep for two hours. Needless to say, I'm feeling slightly panicked about the upcoming semester, even with my reduced teaching load.
The good news is that after the nap, I felt much better and was able to do a little bit of work in my garden. The tough part about the garden is that although I should be able to squat down now - I no longer have restrictions on my thigh flexion - the swelling in my leg still makes that impossible. In fact, trying to squat down is what made me notice the swelling in the first place, which eventually led to the discovery of the blood clot. Although I think the swelling is improving, it's still pretty significant. So if I want to work in the garden or get anything off the floor, my hamstrings get a good stretching. Good thing I'm very flexible. :)
Friday, August 15, 2014
Post Surgery: 5 Weeks + 4 Days / 10 Days UIRTW
Oh the ups and downs. I just had a fantastic PT session, and am feeling very happy right now. I know I'm going to sound completely bipolar by writing this, but since most of my recent entries have been gloom and doom, I thought perhaps it was time for something more upbeat. It's a relief to actually feel happy again; I had forgotten what that was like. :)
I wasn't actually feeling too good this morning, as I barely slept last night. I have had a pesky cough for about 10 days that will not go away and is really bad when I'm lying down. Of course, given my risk of pulmonary embolism, coughing sets off my thromboneurosis, but I really think it's just a cold. (But WTF? A cold in the middle of the summer?) Anyway, I worked from home all morning and went to PT in the early afternoon. I was surprised how good I felt when I got there, plus everyone else (PTs, PTAs, PT aides) seemed to be in a really good mood, perhaps because it's Friday.
I rode the bike for six minutes, with resistance, and it was sooo tiring for my poor, pathetic, weak legs, but it felt pretty good. Then I did my standing up exercises and some stretching, and they also felt pretty good. Stair exercises - good. Balancing exercise - good. My left hip actually feels pretty good; it is my right hip that hurts more now. But that's okay, it should hurt, right? And it still feels way better than it did before the surgery. And as AJ pointed out, it's normal that my right hip is sore - I just had surgery on it five weeks ago and am just getting back into walking again. So it's not like my right leg and left hip, which should really not be hurting. And the pain isn't awful or anything; in fact, I actually managed to walk across the entire room without limping, which seemed to genuinely impress AJ.
So...... yay.
Here's the sort of funny thing. I mentioned my bleeding to AJ the other day amidst my hysterics. In my normal state, I would have probably been too embarrassed to say anything, but my mental state was anything but normal on Tuesday. Plus, yeah, he's a guy and all, and not one of my very favorites in the world, lol, but he has a wife and three kids, so I'm sure he knows a few things about female parts. So today, we had a conversation that went something like this.
Him: So I talked to one of our nurse practitioners about your, uh, other problem.
Me: Mmmm, yeah?
Him: She was actually familiar with your case.
Me: Oh man, was I that bad?
Him (sheepishly): She thinks you really need to go see an OB. Besides, at your age and being a mom and all, you really should have one anyway.
Me: Mmmm, yeah, okay.
LOL
We were having this conversation as I was standing on the balance board, and it wasn't exactly private. Not that I care that much, because nothing is private in this PT place, so obviously if I were that sensitive about it, I wouldn't have brought it up in the first place.
BUT THEN, in the middle of it, I saw my orthopedist in the doorway. I immediately looked away and stared at the floor because I sooooo did not want to see him, nor did I want him to see me. I figured it was possible he was just walking by, although admittedly, in almost five weeks of PT, I have never seen him 'just walk by' before. So he walked in and tried to act all casual, saying something like, 'Hey! I just thought I'd pop in and say hi.' Yeah... riiiiiight. (OMG, he was totally checking up on me! And probably doing some CYA by trying show me some love. Either way - sooooo embarrassing!) I kept staring at the floor while holding totally still on the balance board, as if that might prevent him from seeing me. Unfortunately, he came straight over to me, and actually complimented me on my balancing skills. Ha. Then he asked how I was doing. I mumbled something along the lines of 'fine,' still without looking at him. Finally AJ jumped to the rescue.
AJ: She's doing very well functionally, but she isn't feeling that great. (To me) Is that about right?
Me: Mmmmm, yeah.
AJ: She's a little freaked out.
Doc: I know, but you're on medication now, so it's going to be okay. We'll get this taken care of.
Me: Mmmmm, yeah. (Dude, you sound like Tony Soprano, who gets things 'taken care of.' LOL)
AJ: Did you want to talk to him about your other problem?
I had no words at that point, but I just about died on the spot. So I just looked down at the floor harder, if that is even possible, and shook my head vigorously. I couldn't even find my voice enough to say, 'No, thank you.' So much for my teaching persona!
AJ: Oh, okay.
Doc: Okay, well, I was just stopping in to see how things were going... Bye.
And he raced off.
After he left, I told AJ, 'He knows about my problem. He can't deal with it; he's a young, male, orthopedist.'
AJ (sheepishly): Oh... sorry!
Ha ha ha, I know AJ was just trying to be helpful, and in retrospect it's sort of amusing. I wonder how my doctor made it through the OB/GYN rotation in med school.
Anyway, after that little debacle, AJ did some massage on my hip, and it was amazing. I usually prefer the hard core deep tissue massage as far as massage goes, and AJ is extremely gentle, which doesn't usually do much for me. But today he somehow managed to find knots and tender spots that he worked on, and it was actually extremely helpful.
Afterwards, I iced my hip, and while I was icing, one of the PT aides came over to talk to me. She is adorable and super sweet (and is one of the people who is praying for me :)). She told me she had had a birthday that week - which I knew because I was at PT on her actual birthday, and she was telling everyone, lol. So I asked her old she was and she said 22, which was about what I would have guessed because it seems like she just graduated from college, and she had talked to me before about some additional biology courses she would need to apply to PT school (unfortunately I don't teach any of them). I said that I remembered being 22 and it was a very fun time of my life (although thinking back, 22 actually sucked, but 23 and 24 were a lot of fun... oh well). She replied, 'What was that, like, 5 years ago?' HA HA! I informed her that I was 39 and she declared, with genuine surprise, 'WOW! I hope I look like you when I'm 39!' Then she said, 'Can I ask you something?' and sort of leaned in so the whole room didn't hear our conversation. 'What do you do for exercise? You seem really fit for someone who's 39.' She said 39 as if it were practically the same as, like, 60 or 70. LOL. At that point, I could have about died laughing. Hello! I am lying on a table icing my hip, recovering from hip surgery, I have a giant blood clot in my leg, and I just got winded walking across the room! It was as if, at the fresh, young age of 22, 39 seems so old that a 39-year-old who is able to recover from hip surgery and walk normally again 'seems really fit.' It brought me back to my first visit to the orthopedist about my hip problems when I was around her age. I didn't think twice when he told me I was going to need a double hip replacement by the age of 30, because 30 seemed so far away I just figured... whatever. Regardless, she was very genuine and said it so innocently, it just made my day... no matter how misguided she was. It was a much needed dose of unintentional humor.
I left walking sooo much better than I've been able to walk in, like, forever, and that was a really great feeling. Not bad for a 39-year-old. :)
I wasn't actually feeling too good this morning, as I barely slept last night. I have had a pesky cough for about 10 days that will not go away and is really bad when I'm lying down. Of course, given my risk of pulmonary embolism, coughing sets off my thromboneurosis, but I really think it's just a cold. (But WTF? A cold in the middle of the summer?) Anyway, I worked from home all morning and went to PT in the early afternoon. I was surprised how good I felt when I got there, plus everyone else (PTs, PTAs, PT aides) seemed to be in a really good mood, perhaps because it's Friday.
I rode the bike for six minutes, with resistance, and it was sooo tiring for my poor, pathetic, weak legs, but it felt pretty good. Then I did my standing up exercises and some stretching, and they also felt pretty good. Stair exercises - good. Balancing exercise - good. My left hip actually feels pretty good; it is my right hip that hurts more now. But that's okay, it should hurt, right? And it still feels way better than it did before the surgery. And as AJ pointed out, it's normal that my right hip is sore - I just had surgery on it five weeks ago and am just getting back into walking again. So it's not like my right leg and left hip, which should really not be hurting. And the pain isn't awful or anything; in fact, I actually managed to walk across the entire room without limping, which seemed to genuinely impress AJ.
So...... yay.
Here's the sort of funny thing. I mentioned my bleeding to AJ the other day amidst my hysterics. In my normal state, I would have probably been too embarrassed to say anything, but my mental state was anything but normal on Tuesday. Plus, yeah, he's a guy and all, and not one of my very favorites in the world, lol, but he has a wife and three kids, so I'm sure he knows a few things about female parts. So today, we had a conversation that went something like this.
Him: So I talked to one of our nurse practitioners about your, uh, other problem.
Me: Mmmm, yeah?
Him: She was actually familiar with your case.
Me: Oh man, was I that bad?
Him (sheepishly): She thinks you really need to go see an OB. Besides, at your age and being a mom and all, you really should have one anyway.
Me: Mmmm, yeah, okay.
LOL
We were having this conversation as I was standing on the balance board, and it wasn't exactly private. Not that I care that much, because nothing is private in this PT place, so obviously if I were that sensitive about it, I wouldn't have brought it up in the first place.
BUT THEN, in the middle of it, I saw my orthopedist in the doorway. I immediately looked away and stared at the floor because I sooooo did not want to see him, nor did I want him to see me. I figured it was possible he was just walking by, although admittedly, in almost five weeks of PT, I have never seen him 'just walk by' before. So he walked in and tried to act all casual, saying something like, 'Hey! I just thought I'd pop in and say hi.' Yeah... riiiiiight. (OMG, he was totally checking up on me! And probably doing some CYA by trying show me some love. Either way - sooooo embarrassing!) I kept staring at the floor while holding totally still on the balance board, as if that might prevent him from seeing me. Unfortunately, he came straight over to me, and actually complimented me on my balancing skills. Ha. Then he asked how I was doing. I mumbled something along the lines of 'fine,' still without looking at him. Finally AJ jumped to the rescue.
AJ: She's doing very well functionally, but she isn't feeling that great. (To me) Is that about right?
Me: Mmmmm, yeah.
AJ: She's a little freaked out.
Doc: I know, but you're on medication now, so it's going to be okay. We'll get this taken care of.
Me: Mmmmm, yeah. (Dude, you sound like Tony Soprano, who gets things 'taken care of.' LOL)
AJ: Did you want to talk to him about your other problem?
I had no words at that point, but I just about died on the spot. So I just looked down at the floor harder, if that is even possible, and shook my head vigorously. I couldn't even find my voice enough to say, 'No, thank you.' So much for my teaching persona!
AJ: Oh, okay.
Doc: Okay, well, I was just stopping in to see how things were going... Bye.
And he raced off.
After he left, I told AJ, 'He knows about my problem. He can't deal with it; he's a young, male, orthopedist.'
AJ (sheepishly): Oh... sorry!
Ha ha ha, I know AJ was just trying to be helpful, and in retrospect it's sort of amusing. I wonder how my doctor made it through the OB/GYN rotation in med school.
Anyway, after that little debacle, AJ did some massage on my hip, and it was amazing. I usually prefer the hard core deep tissue massage as far as massage goes, and AJ is extremely gentle, which doesn't usually do much for me. But today he somehow managed to find knots and tender spots that he worked on, and it was actually extremely helpful.
Afterwards, I iced my hip, and while I was icing, one of the PT aides came over to talk to me. She is adorable and super sweet (and is one of the people who is praying for me :)). She told me she had had a birthday that week - which I knew because I was at PT on her actual birthday, and she was telling everyone, lol. So I asked her old she was and she said 22, which was about what I would have guessed because it seems like she just graduated from college, and she had talked to me before about some additional biology courses she would need to apply to PT school (unfortunately I don't teach any of them). I said that I remembered being 22 and it was a very fun time of my life (although thinking back, 22 actually sucked, but 23 and 24 were a lot of fun... oh well). She replied, 'What was that, like, 5 years ago?' HA HA! I informed her that I was 39 and she declared, with genuine surprise, 'WOW! I hope I look like you when I'm 39!' Then she said, 'Can I ask you something?' and sort of leaned in so the whole room didn't hear our conversation. 'What do you do for exercise? You seem really fit for someone who's 39.' She said 39 as if it were practically the same as, like, 60 or 70. LOL. At that point, I could have about died laughing. Hello! I am lying on a table icing my hip, recovering from hip surgery, I have a giant blood clot in my leg, and I just got winded walking across the room! It was as if, at the fresh, young age of 22, 39 seems so old that a 39-year-old who is able to recover from hip surgery and walk normally again 'seems really fit.' It brought me back to my first visit to the orthopedist about my hip problems when I was around her age. I didn't think twice when he told me I was going to need a double hip replacement by the age of 30, because 30 seemed so far away I just figured... whatever. Regardless, she was very genuine and said it so innocently, it just made my day... no matter how misguided she was. It was a much needed dose of unintentional humor.
I left walking sooo much better than I've been able to walk in, like, forever, and that was a really great feeling. Not bad for a 39-year-old. :)
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Post Surgery: 5 Weeks + 3 Days / 11 Days UIRTW
Yup, I'm still alive. I'm still wrong, and still happy about. I'm still bleeding, but the good news is that if I am bleeding to death, it is very slowly. :)
And I have some sort of good news. It is mostly good news, I just have some mixed feelings about it. I've decided to drop to 1/2 time this semester. I e-mailed my Chair two nights ago in the midst of my hysteria, which was not the best idea, but I re-read the e-mail later and it wasn't too embarrassingly hysterical (although he did reply that we would deal with a certain issue in the future, but For now we need to manage your stress).
I've written more about this over here: http://dontcallmeprofessor.blogspot.com/2014/08/im-not-dead-yet.html.
On Wednesday, my PT asked me about the class I was teaching. I was surprised he remembered. When I told him I had to get someone else to teach it, he nodded knowingly, as if he had seen it coming. Then he asked about the rest of my classes, and he asked in such a way that suggested he didn't think it was the greatest idea for me to be teaching at all (granted, that was the day that I looked reeeeaaallly terrible). I said that I was trying to get a reduced teaching load and he said that was definitely a good idea. So, I have an endorsement from one medical professional.
I guess my biggest concern right now is over the possible long-term effects of this if I don't take care of it properly. For one, there is a realistic possibility the clot won't actually resolve, even with the medication. There's also a chance of it getting bigger, and if it spreads up to the iliac vein, it's really dangerous, even with the medication. It can also damage the veins, leading to recurrent episodes of DVT. I really don't want to have to take anticoagulants for my entire life. And besides, what if we ever need to change insurance? $400/month for life is way too much; my kids will never go to college. The saddest part of all this is that I had this hip surgery because I felt like 39 was too young to be having such terrible hip pain, yet now there is a possibility of me dealing with DVT for the rest of my life, and I feel like I'm definitely waaaaay too young for that. I feel like every time I talk to people about being on an anticoagulant, they are like, 'Yeah, my grandma has to take Coumadin and it sucks,' or, some of my colleagues who are, like, 60, tell me, 'Yeah, my dad has had to take blood thinners ever since he had his stroke; what a pain.' Seriously, this is medication that only grandparents and the parents of people who are my parents' age take!
Meanwhile, my hip is killing me.
Ahhhhh, I'm totally dying my hair tomorrow. I need a morale boost.
And I have some sort of good news. It is mostly good news, I just have some mixed feelings about it. I've decided to drop to 1/2 time this semester. I e-mailed my Chair two nights ago in the midst of my hysteria, which was not the best idea, but I re-read the e-mail later and it wasn't too embarrassingly hysterical (although he did reply that we would deal with a certain issue in the future, but For now we need to manage your stress).
I've written more about this over here: http://dontcallmeprofessor.blogspot.com/2014/08/im-not-dead-yet.html.
On Wednesday, my PT asked me about the class I was teaching. I was surprised he remembered. When I told him I had to get someone else to teach it, he nodded knowingly, as if he had seen it coming. Then he asked about the rest of my classes, and he asked in such a way that suggested he didn't think it was the greatest idea for me to be teaching at all (granted, that was the day that I looked reeeeaaallly terrible). I said that I was trying to get a reduced teaching load and he said that was definitely a good idea. So, I have an endorsement from one medical professional.
I guess my biggest concern right now is over the possible long-term effects of this if I don't take care of it properly. For one, there is a realistic possibility the clot won't actually resolve, even with the medication. There's also a chance of it getting bigger, and if it spreads up to the iliac vein, it's really dangerous, even with the medication. It can also damage the veins, leading to recurrent episodes of DVT. I really don't want to have to take anticoagulants for my entire life. And besides, what if we ever need to change insurance? $400/month for life is way too much; my kids will never go to college. The saddest part of all this is that I had this hip surgery because I felt like 39 was too young to be having such terrible hip pain, yet now there is a possibility of me dealing with DVT for the rest of my life, and I feel like I'm definitely waaaaay too young for that. I feel like every time I talk to people about being on an anticoagulant, they are like, 'Yeah, my grandma has to take Coumadin and it sucks,' or, some of my colleagues who are, like, 60, tell me, 'Yeah, my dad has had to take blood thinners ever since he had his stroke; what a pain.' Seriously, this is medication that only grandparents and the parents of people who are my parents' age take!
Meanwhile, my hip is killing me.
Ahhhhh, I'm totally dying my hair tomorrow. I need a morale boost.
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
I AM okay! (5 Weeks + 2 Days / 12 Days UIRTW)
I've never been so happy to be wrong before. So I live to tell about another day. :)
I'm still bleeding, but not alarmingly so. However, I lost so much blood over the past 24 hours I looked like a Geisha girl this morning. Three different people told me before 10 AM that they would pray for me. Seriously, did I look that bad?!
I went to PT this morning, and it felt good to try to get back into the swing of things. Unfortunately, my hip (oh yeah, remember my hip?) is not stellar. It's not terrible, either, but it is actually noticeably sore. Maybe it is just because the pain in my leg is actually improving so now I notice my hip pain more. At any rate, my therapist suggested taking it easy and not pushing things too hard. I was able to do a reasonable amount of exercises; the only thing I can absolutely not do right now is go up on my toes. That causes excruciating pain in my calf.
My day-to-day plan is to just go about my daily routine, but not do anything crazy. I should try to be active, but not hard core. My PT also advised against long shopping trips to the mall. Fortunately, I don't really like shopping and I definitely don't like the mall. Ha. It's logical to think that rigorous activity might make a blood clot break loose, although there are no data that I can find about this one way or another. But better safe than sorry. Not that I have anything hard core planned considering my hip still limits me significantly (oh yeah, remember my hip?). Apparently the idea of bed rest versus ambulation is unresolved in the management of DVT, but there is little evidence to suggest that just walking around increases the chances of pulmonary embolism. And bed rest may actually make the clot grow. So... moderation seems to be the best plan.
Also, my additional consultation with Dr. Google made me realize that the ultrasound tech was right when she said it was a good thing we caught this. I mean, duh, of course it is, but when she said it, she really meant it. Given where the blood clot begins, in the proximal femoral vein, I had a huge risk of pulmonary embolism. According to this article: It has been suggested that about one half of patients with an untreated proximal DVT will develop a pulmonary embolism (PE) within 3 months. Yikes. I've been trying to find literature on the risk of PE while on an anticoagulant, and while it's obviously much improved over a 50% chance of PE, some of the articles aren't that encouraging about the long-term prognosis. It's not like once you're on medication you're totally fine. But for now I'm just trying to stay in the present, and praying all the prayers will send some healing powers my way. :)
I'm still bleeding, but not alarmingly so. However, I lost so much blood over the past 24 hours I looked like a Geisha girl this morning. Three different people told me before 10 AM that they would pray for me. Seriously, did I look that bad?!
I went to PT this morning, and it felt good to try to get back into the swing of things. Unfortunately, my hip (oh yeah, remember my hip?) is not stellar. It's not terrible, either, but it is actually noticeably sore. Maybe it is just because the pain in my leg is actually improving so now I notice my hip pain more. At any rate, my therapist suggested taking it easy and not pushing things too hard. I was able to do a reasonable amount of exercises; the only thing I can absolutely not do right now is go up on my toes. That causes excruciating pain in my calf.
My day-to-day plan is to just go about my daily routine, but not do anything crazy. I should try to be active, but not hard core. My PT also advised against long shopping trips to the mall. Fortunately, I don't really like shopping and I definitely don't like the mall. Ha. It's logical to think that rigorous activity might make a blood clot break loose, although there are no data that I can find about this one way or another. But better safe than sorry. Not that I have anything hard core planned considering my hip still limits me significantly (oh yeah, remember my hip?). Apparently the idea of bed rest versus ambulation is unresolved in the management of DVT, but there is little evidence to suggest that just walking around increases the chances of pulmonary embolism. And bed rest may actually make the clot grow. So... moderation seems to be the best plan.
Also, my additional consultation with Dr. Google made me realize that the ultrasound tech was right when she said it was a good thing we caught this. I mean, duh, of course it is, but when she said it, she really meant it. Given where the blood clot begins, in the proximal femoral vein, I had a huge risk of pulmonary embolism. According to this article: It has been suggested that about one half of patients with an untreated proximal DVT will develop a pulmonary embolism (PE) within 3 months. Yikes. I've been trying to find literature on the risk of PE while on an anticoagulant, and while it's obviously much improved over a 50% chance of PE, some of the articles aren't that encouraging about the long-term prognosis. It's not like once you're on medication you're totally fine. But for now I'm just trying to stay in the present, and praying all the prayers will send some healing powers my way. :)
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
I am NOT okay! (5 Weeks + 1 Day / 13 Days UIRTW)
I know I may seem hysterical and melodramatic, but I really don't think I am. In fact, one time one of my best friends from college wrote me a letter (back in the day of letters) telling me that when it came to trying to decipher my emotions, I was a 'Houdini.' This happened as a result of the fact that I went to visit her in California after we graduated from college, and had a great time. Unfortunately, I didn't write her a thank-you note soon enough telling her that I had had a great time, and apparently I didn't make it obvious enough that I had had a great time while I was there, and she interpreted my lack of prompt thank-you note to mean that I had had a terrible time, and wrote me a nasty letter telling me that she was sorry I had had such a terrible time. The sort of funny thing is that her letter and my thank-you letter crossed in the mail. Right after she sent her letter, she got mine, and promptly wrote me an apology, but said that I was a 'Houdini,' so how could she have known what I was thinking?
So this blog is evolving into a blog about everything except for my hip. If you are really reading this out of interest for hip arthroscopy, I do apologize.
At any rate, I feel like I need to tell a story to put what I am about to write into context. Fortunately, I've already written the story. It is here: http://39andhip.blogspot.com/p/somethings.html. The first paragraph. Yesterday I mentioned that I was nervous about taking an anticoagulant because of my occasional propensity to hemorrhage. The irony is that I stopped that entry to eat dinner, then in the middle of dinner, it started. It was as if I brought it on by writing about my worries. Now, I do realize that A. I stopped taking my birth control pills on Thursday night after the initial concern over having a blood clot, and I have not taken them since then, which could mess up my cycle; and B. I am on an anticoagulant, which will likely make me bleed more than normal. However, I am NOT okay with how much blood I have lost between last night and today. The thing is that it isn't necessarily alarming in itself - I am not bleeding to death - BUT, it is literally exactly the same as it was after my daughter was born, and that did not end well. And that feeling of losing a bowlful of Jell-O out of my uterus is something I don't care to experience again in my lifetime. It's worse than the shot in the stomach, and even worse than the cortisone shot, not to mention it is damn messy. My doctor kept telling me I would be okay, and ultimately I guess I was (I'm here to tell the story, after all), yet I was NOT okay with how it ended - with a lot of trauma and a totally unnecessary $10,000 hospital stay.
I'm also feeling a little put off because I feel like I've been voicing concern for my leg pain for a long time now, and everyone told me it would be okay. And because I try very hard to NOT be hysterical and melodramatic, I just went with the flow and tried really hard to be positive about it, even though my gut felt like I should not be having that much pain so long after the surgery. And look where that got me. My gut was right; there WAS something wrong. And while I am okay - again, 'okay' as in I'm NOT DEAD or permanently disabled - I'm sort of NOT okay with the fact that I had a blood clot that likely went undiagnosed for four weeks and now extends into my proximal femoral vein, which makes it much more risky to be toting around.
And for this same reason, I'm sort of NOT okay with everyone telling me this bleeding is going to be fine. And I'm sort of NOT okay with everyone telling me this blood clot is going to be fine. Of course, I absolutely hope everyone is right and I am wrong, but most other times when I have felt like I feel now, I'm the one who has been right.
So. I went and saw my orthopedist today. Before my appointment, I stopped by the PT room and brought my therapist some flowers from the yard, just as a little thank you for... well, finally realizing that things might NOT be okay. He was his usual stoic self, but who am I to talk? LOL.
At my appointment, I told the medical assistant about my bleeding so I at least didn't have to bring it up directly with the doctor. She reacted exactly like I figured she would: she told me it would be okay. I'm soooo sick of everyone telling me this, I just burst into tears after she left the room. I am not kidding. And even though I tried and tried and tried, and pulled out every stress management technique I have ever attempted (there are a lot of them), I could not stop crying before the doctor came in. And I cried the whole time he was in the room, which was fortunately only about three minutes. After the appointment, I kept on crying. In fact, I saw the doctor at 11:30, and it is now 3:30 and I am still crying. If I were more lucid, I would be really embarrassed, but at this point I don't even really care that much. My orthopedist didn't seem to care too much, either. He just kept talking at me as I kept crying, and it didn't matter that I wasn't paying that much attention because he wasn't telling me anything useful anyway. A summary of what he said:
So this blog is evolving into a blog about everything except for my hip. If you are really reading this out of interest for hip arthroscopy, I do apologize.
At any rate, I feel like I need to tell a story to put what I am about to write into context. Fortunately, I've already written the story. It is here: http://39andhip.blogspot.com/p/somethings.html. The first paragraph. Yesterday I mentioned that I was nervous about taking an anticoagulant because of my occasional propensity to hemorrhage. The irony is that I stopped that entry to eat dinner, then in the middle of dinner, it started. It was as if I brought it on by writing about my worries. Now, I do realize that A. I stopped taking my birth control pills on Thursday night after the initial concern over having a blood clot, and I have not taken them since then, which could mess up my cycle; and B. I am on an anticoagulant, which will likely make me bleed more than normal. However, I am NOT okay with how much blood I have lost between last night and today. The thing is that it isn't necessarily alarming in itself - I am not bleeding to death - BUT, it is literally exactly the same as it was after my daughter was born, and that did not end well. And that feeling of losing a bowlful of Jell-O out of my uterus is something I don't care to experience again in my lifetime. It's worse than the shot in the stomach, and even worse than the cortisone shot, not to mention it is damn messy. My doctor kept telling me I would be okay, and ultimately I guess I was (I'm here to tell the story, after all), yet I was NOT okay with how it ended - with a lot of trauma and a totally unnecessary $10,000 hospital stay.
I'm also feeling a little put off because I feel like I've been voicing concern for my leg pain for a long time now, and everyone told me it would be okay. And because I try very hard to NOT be hysterical and melodramatic, I just went with the flow and tried really hard to be positive about it, even though my gut felt like I should not be having that much pain so long after the surgery. And look where that got me. My gut was right; there WAS something wrong. And while I am okay - again, 'okay' as in I'm NOT DEAD or permanently disabled - I'm sort of NOT okay with the fact that I had a blood clot that likely went undiagnosed for four weeks and now extends into my proximal femoral vein, which makes it much more risky to be toting around.
And for this same reason, I'm sort of NOT okay with everyone telling me this bleeding is going to be fine. And I'm sort of NOT okay with everyone telling me this blood clot is going to be fine. Of course, I absolutely hope everyone is right and I am wrong, but most other times when I have felt like I feel now, I'm the one who has been right.
So. I went and saw my orthopedist today. Before my appointment, I stopped by the PT room and brought my therapist some flowers from the yard, just as a little thank you for... well, finally realizing that things might NOT be okay. He was his usual stoic self, but who am I to talk? LOL.
At my appointment, I told the medical assistant about my bleeding so I at least didn't have to bring it up directly with the doctor. She reacted exactly like I figured she would: she told me it would be okay. I'm soooo sick of everyone telling me this, I just burst into tears after she left the room. I am not kidding. And even though I tried and tried and tried, and pulled out every stress management technique I have ever attempted (there are a lot of them), I could not stop crying before the doctor came in. And I cried the whole time he was in the room, which was fortunately only about three minutes. After the appointment, I kept on crying. In fact, I saw the doctor at 11:30, and it is now 3:30 and I am still crying. If I were more lucid, I would be really embarrassed, but at this point I don't even really care that much. My orthopedist didn't seem to care too much, either. He just kept talking at me as I kept crying, and it didn't matter that I wasn't paying that much attention because he wasn't telling me anything useful anyway. A summary of what he said:
- These things happen; there was a 1% chance of developing a blood clot, and I did. But it's going to be fine.
- We'll get you through this. (Yeah............. right. I'll get myself through this.)
- The bleeding is probably nothing to worry about, and it's going to be fine, but if I'm really worried ( = that much of a hypochondriac), I should see my (nonexistent) OB/GYN.
- My hip seems great.
- I should keep doing PT - I should not let the blood clot get in the way of my hip rehab.
- Do you need some Kleenex?
- If I had had my wits about me, I would have had the doctor look at my incisions, which seem a little infected to me, but... I'm sure they are fine, just like everything else.
- I GET that an orthopedist, especially a young male orthopedist who for all I know is a virgin, doesn't know much about vaginal bleeding. At the same time, I am SO SICK of people being sooo specialized in their jobs that they literally can't tell you ANYTHING about ANYTHING other than the one little teeny tiny area they specialize in. It's no wonder my students are always asking me bizarre medical questions, as if I should know the answer to a mystery that stumped someone with at least seven freaking years of medical education and training.
- On a side note, one of my friends and former colleagues left the university to go to PA school. As a gay male, let me tell you he was dreading the OB/GYN rotation like nothing else, ha ha ha. Thinking back on the conversation we had about it at least got me to stop crying for a minute. :) (The way I see it, females are at an advantage because they have all those parts. And straight men have at least played around with all those parts!)
- The doctor did try his hand at due diligence, and asked around the office and came back to me with the name of an OB/GYN some of the females recommended.
- But, I'm sooooo over doctors right now. The last thing I have the time or energy for is another useless appointment. If everyone else is right, and the bleeding is just because I stopped taking the birth control, then it will stop within the next few days. If my gut is right, I will end up having a massive hemorrhage, and I will have to go to the ER where I will just see the OB/GYN on call, so it doesn't matter.
Post Surgery: 5 Weeks / 2 Weeks UIRTW
I wrote this entry yesterday, but I didn't get to finish it or post it because of a rather ironic twist in my situation, which I will write about soon. Since I can't remember what else I was going to write, I'll just post what I have.
I had an appointment with my husband's primary care doc today. I've seen the guy once before and he just didn't work for me. I don't know what my husband sees in him, lol. But at least my husband came with me, so I didn't have to say much. Aaaannnyway, he confirmed a lot of what Dr. Google told me, including the following:
I had an appointment with my husband's primary care doc today. I've seen the guy once before and he just didn't work for me. I don't know what my husband sees in him, lol. But at least my husband came with me, so I didn't have to say much. Aaaannnyway, he confirmed a lot of what Dr. Google told me, including the following:
- I will need to be on Xarelto for six months. Six freaking months! After six months, I'll have a follow-up ultrasound to see if the clotting has resolved. If it has not, I am looking at a lifetime of anticoagulants. (My husband better keep his job, because that could be extremely expensive!)
- The doctor did give us some Xarelto samples, though, recognizing that, 'That stuff ain't cheap.'
- In the meantime, I should elevate my leg when I'm sitting, and 'moist heat' is also recommended. (WTF is 'moist' heat? A bath? Or a dog licking you?)
- I should try to walk and get 'light' exercise when I can.
- However, I need to avoid contact sports and things that might make me bruise and bleed, given that, hello, I am on medication designed to make me a hemophiliac.
- I wonder if skiing is considered a contact sport considering the risk of hitting a tree or another person.
- Speaking of bleeding, I'm a little nervous about being on an anticoagulant. For one, my blood is already 'thin,' for lack of a better term. Perhaps this is due to my abnormal hemoglobin, which I wrote about yesterday. (The doctor today confirmed that this would make my blood 'thinner.') I feel like, if anything, I'm a 'bleeder' versus a 'clotter.' For example, my whole life, I've been very susceptible to nose bleeds; in fact, once time when I was in first grade I had to have my nose cauterized after a nose bleed that lasted all day long. And one time in high school, I had a massive nose bleed in the middle of a math exam. I remember sniffing, and thinking I had a runny nose, then I put my hand up to my nose and the floodgates just opened up. My math teacher was actually a real jerk, so I was freaked out about what might happen, especially considering we were in the middle of an exam. I put both my hands up to my nose and ran up to the front of the room, and I remember him saying, 'Oh my God, go! Go!' I ran to the bathroom and didn't even bother trying to use paper towels because sooo much blood was coming out. I just stood over the sink and let the blood pour out until the bleeding stopped, which was about the time the bell rang. (I'm not sure what ever happened with the test; I can't actually remember that part.)
- So I have to say I'm pretty nervous about the effect Xarelto is going to have on me. At the same time, it is also somewhat alarming I managed to develop such a massive blood clot despite being a 'bleeder.'
- The doctor did not see the need for me to wear the lovely compression stockings that Dr. Google recommended for the treatment of DVT. Thank God. Because I have a secret: there's no way I would have worn those to teach in unless someone told me there was a 100% chance of me having a PE if I didn't. Sorry, but I have to look cute when I go to class.
- The doctor agreed that it might be a good idea for me to ditch the birth control, and furthermore, that it might be a good idea for us to consider, ahem, more permanent options. So if something good comes of this, perhaps it will be that my husband will finally get that little sniparoo I've been wanting him to get.
- On a funny side note, the doctor is very into martial arts and said that he once did a vasectomy on one of his martial arts buddies, who was a stereotypical big, huge, muscle laden 'tough guy.' As a joke, he laid out a bunch of his rusty tools in the room before the guy came in, ha ha ha.
- My hip (oh yeah, this is a blog about my hip) is holding its own, although I have noticed it is a little sore. Then again, at times I have so much pain that I don't even know where it's coming from anymore.
- I am trying to walk as much as I can because I feel like this is good for my DVT, but I am limping a lot. I don't know if this is okay or not. I know my PT thinks limping from hip pain is a sign I need to stop, but does it matter if I am limping because of leg pain?
- According to Dr. Google, there is no agreed upon protocol for DVT with respect to the question of whether or not it is better to rest or to be active. There are no definitive conclusions that I can find. Granted, I have not searched the literature high and low, but still.
- I have an appointment with my orthopedist tomorrow. I am okay with my husband's doctor managing my blood clot long-term, but I do want the orthopedist's input on how I should go about rehabbing my hip given this recent complication. Plus, I think he should be aware of this recent development given that he was certain it was not a blood clot at my two week post-op appointment.
- After my doctor's appointment, I went up to work to meet with the instructor who is taking over my course. Reconnecting with colleagues after almost the entire summer was good. I normally go up to work a lot more during the summer, when I'm not recovering from surgery.
- I decided that I'm going to go up to work for the next two weeks rather than trying to work from home. It is an atmosphere much more conducive to getting work done.
- However, I realized I will need to rearrange the furniture in my office so that I can sit and work at my computer with my leg elevated. I have to keep reminding myself this is a long-term thing.
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Post Surgery: 4 Weeks + 6 Days / 15 Days UIRTW
I am not sure if it is a good thing for me to be consulting Dr. Google about DVT. Dr. Google is starting to scare me a little bit. I finally read through this entire article, which was very informative: http://circ.ahajournals.org/content/93/12/2212.full. However, I am afraid I might be developing an acute case of thromboneurosis, which the article explains in the following way: This clinical syndrome tends to occur in patients who have
a morbid fear of the complications of DVT/PE. As another article explains thromboneurosis: [The] heightened awareness [of the potential complications of DVT/PE] has led to what may be called as 'thromboneurosis' - where both the
general public and health care professionals are
increasingly concerned about the possibility of missing a DVT and its
disastrous
consequences... Many of the patients who present with such complaints and history of thrombosis tend to exaggerate the nature of their symptoms
with the huge concern for long-term disability and even death. So basically it is a mental illness. Great, that's just what I need, ha ha. But in all seriousness, it is pretty hard not to be paranoid when you read the stats on pulmonary embolisms. (Is it even paranoia if there's a very real possibility of something happening?)
On the flip side, the biology nerd in me is very much enjoying reading about how blood clots form and how my medication works. It seems that most of the medications for DVT affect something called Factor X, which is an enzyme involved in coagulation. Factor X is synthesized in the liver and requires vitamin K for synthesis, which brought me back to my conversation with the ER PA - why eating leafy greens might matter when you are being treated for DVT. Coumarins such as warfarin/Coumadin, are vitamin K inhibitors, leading to the production of an inactive Factor X. So eating a bunch of vitamin K could counteract the effects of these drugs, although apparently as long as your vitamin K intake is consistent, the dosage can be adjusted? (I say this with no authority at all.) The injection I received in the ER was a different type of drug, a heparin, which stimulates the activity of antithrombin, which is an inhibitor of Factor X. The oh so expensive tablet I'm taking regularly is known as a direct Xa inhibitor, meaning that it acts directly upon Factor X, although I have yet to find a satisfactory scientific explanation for how exactly it inhibits it. (Is it a competitive inhibitor? A non-competitive inhibitor? Or do they even know? Believe it or not, sometimes the exact mechanism of inhibition isn't even known.) So coumarins and heparins are sort of like when your students complain to the Chair, who then tells you to stop doing something, as opposed to Xa inhibitors, which would be your students telling you face-to-face to stop belittling them and making them feel stupid. LOL. I prefer face-to-face or even in-your-face, as long as it is not in the stomach.
Anyway. I've always had a slight obsession with blood; in fact, blood is one of the things that got me into biology in the first place. As one of my students once said to me, 'When you talk about blood, you are like a kid in a candy store!' Ha. And I don't even like candy; I'd much rather talk about blood. My interest in blood began when I found out, sometime in my 20s, that I have something called hemoglobin E, which is an abnormal form of hemoglobin. (This must have been around the same time that stuff started going down with my hip, too.) At the time, my doctor told me that the most important thing was for my husband to get his blood tested if we were planning on having kids (and I'm not even sure if my husband was my husband at the time or just a significant other), but otherwise gave me very little information about what it meant to have hemoglobin E. Hence, I consulted Dr. Google. Now, I'm a reasonably intelligent person, and even in my pre-biology days I could understand what a torn labrum was, or what it means to have an extra bone in my foot.* However, if you have a limited knowledge of biology, it is more difficult to understand a genetic condition than an orthopedic condition, IMHO. Heterozygous? Homozygous? Homohuh? Plus, I think the quality of information on the Internet was much lower 15+ years ago than it is now. My desire to understand hemoglobin E, combined with my desire for a doctor who would actually EXPLAIN things to me, led me to consider a career in medicine, which did not actually result in a career in medicine, but did get me into biology.
* On an interesting side note, the extra bone in my foot resulted in something called accessory navicular syndrome, which resulted in tendonitis in my posterior tibial tendon, which caused calf pain, which my PCP suspected was a blood clot, for which she ordered an ultrasound.
To sum it up: By the time this ordeal is over, I am probably going to know a lot more about blood than even your average biologist.
In more mundane news, I am not motivated to do much today. My leg pain is manageable, and I haven't had to take a pain pill so far today. I did some yard work earlier in the day, which resulted in me being really tired and feeling nauseous, which launched my thromboneurosis. However, according to Dr. Google, nausea is not a sign of impending pulmonary embolism, nor is it a side effect of any of my medications, so I'll assume it is either unrelated or all in my head.
On the flip side, the biology nerd in me is very much enjoying reading about how blood clots form and how my medication works. It seems that most of the medications for DVT affect something called Factor X, which is an enzyme involved in coagulation. Factor X is synthesized in the liver and requires vitamin K for synthesis, which brought me back to my conversation with the ER PA - why eating leafy greens might matter when you are being treated for DVT. Coumarins such as warfarin/Coumadin, are vitamin K inhibitors, leading to the production of an inactive Factor X. So eating a bunch of vitamin K could counteract the effects of these drugs, although apparently as long as your vitamin K intake is consistent, the dosage can be adjusted? (I say this with no authority at all.) The injection I received in the ER was a different type of drug, a heparin, which stimulates the activity of antithrombin, which is an inhibitor of Factor X. The oh so expensive tablet I'm taking regularly is known as a direct Xa inhibitor, meaning that it acts directly upon Factor X, although I have yet to find a satisfactory scientific explanation for how exactly it inhibits it. (Is it a competitive inhibitor? A non-competitive inhibitor? Or do they even know? Believe it or not, sometimes the exact mechanism of inhibition isn't even known.) So coumarins and heparins are sort of like when your students complain to the Chair, who then tells you to stop doing something, as opposed to Xa inhibitors, which would be your students telling you face-to-face to stop belittling them and making them feel stupid. LOL. I prefer face-to-face or even in-your-face, as long as it is not in the stomach.
Anyway. I've always had a slight obsession with blood; in fact, blood is one of the things that got me into biology in the first place. As one of my students once said to me, 'When you talk about blood, you are like a kid in a candy store!' Ha. And I don't even like candy; I'd much rather talk about blood. My interest in blood began when I found out, sometime in my 20s, that I have something called hemoglobin E, which is an abnormal form of hemoglobin. (This must have been around the same time that stuff started going down with my hip, too.) At the time, my doctor told me that the most important thing was for my husband to get his blood tested if we were planning on having kids (and I'm not even sure if my husband was my husband at the time or just a significant other), but otherwise gave me very little information about what it meant to have hemoglobin E. Hence, I consulted Dr. Google. Now, I'm a reasonably intelligent person, and even in my pre-biology days I could understand what a torn labrum was, or what it means to have an extra bone in my foot.* However, if you have a limited knowledge of biology, it is more difficult to understand a genetic condition than an orthopedic condition, IMHO. Heterozygous? Homozygous? Homohuh? Plus, I think the quality of information on the Internet was much lower 15+ years ago than it is now. My desire to understand hemoglobin E, combined with my desire for a doctor who would actually EXPLAIN things to me, led me to consider a career in medicine, which did not actually result in a career in medicine, but did get me into biology.
* On an interesting side note, the extra bone in my foot resulted in something called accessory navicular syndrome, which resulted in tendonitis in my posterior tibial tendon, which caused calf pain, which my PCP suspected was a blood clot, for which she ordered an ultrasound.
To sum it up: By the time this ordeal is over, I am probably going to know a lot more about blood than even your average biologist.
In more mundane news, I am not motivated to do much today. My leg pain is manageable, and I haven't had to take a pain pill so far today. I did some yard work earlier in the day, which resulted in me being really tired and feeling nauseous, which launched my thromboneurosis. However, according to Dr. Google, nausea is not a sign of impending pulmonary embolism, nor is it a side effect of any of my medications, so I'll assume it is either unrelated or all in my head.
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Post Surgery: 4 Weeks + 5 Days / 16 Days UIRTW
A few things:
- I am sort of a mess, both physically and mentally.
- Even if I were able to pull myself together mentally before Wednesday, which in itself is a huge question mark, I really don't know if I can physically be on my feet from 8-5 for five day without seriously jeopardizing my recovery and perhaps even my health.
- So, I'm not going to find out. I've been in contact with my Chair and explained my situation, and told him that I just don't feel like I can do this, and that whatever I need to do later to make up for it, I will do. Fortunately, I have a good working relationship with the Chair - he is reasonable and knows that I work hard and do my job as well as I can and rarely make excuses or ask for things. He e-mailed back right away and agreed that I should NOT teach the class, and immediately started to work on alternatives. Luckily, he found someone else to teach the class in my place, and the details are being worked out as I write this. It is such a relief for me to have this off my plate, and I am doing everything I can to help the new instructor. I'm basically giving him all of my course material. I just finished a course copy on Blackboard, so he literally has alllll my stuff, which I would normally be pretty possessive about, but... I don't care. Having this off my plate is priceless. My Chair did say that we could always just cancel the class (after all, shit happens, even to instructors) but I would have felt bad about that because canceling a class last minute, especially this one in particular, can really screw students. Getting a replacement is the best option.
- So I now have 16 days until I have to start teaching again, and I feel like the reduced anxiety will be good for my overall recovery.
- That said, I'm actually sort of worried that 16 days won't be enough. But, whatever, it is most certainly better than 4 days. Plus, even in 16 days, I will not have to be on my feet from 8-5; it will be 3.5 hours maximum, which is a very different situation.
- I left the ER yesterday with not very much instruction; I need to consult my PCP and orthopedist for specific information about the long-term treatment of my blood clots (AKA acute deep vein thrombosis, or DVT).
- The PA in the ER told me that sometimes orthopedists 'don't really do blood clots,' and that my orthopedist might refer me to another doctor, perhaps back to my PCP, who might refer me to someone else. Awesome.
- Needless to say, I've been doing a lot of consulting with Dr. Google, and Dr. Google confirms that DVT is odd territory. According to this article: Patients with venous thromboembolic disease (VTE) are seen by a variety of medical specialists, including general physicians, surgeons, obstetricians, hematologists, radiologists, and chest physicians. Because thromboembolic disease forms only a small part of the practice of most of these clinicians, it is difficult for them to keep abreast of advances that are important for optimal patient care.
- I should add that 'optimal patient care' is very important considering the sort of sobering information the article also gives: DVT and pulmonary embolism (PE) most often complicate the course of sick, hospitalized patients but may also affect ambulatory and otherwise healthy persons. It is estimated that each year 600,000 patients develop PE and that 60,000 die of this complication. This number exceeds the number of American women who die each year from breast cancer. PE is now the most frequent cause of death associated with childbirth. Women are a prime target for PE, being affected more often than men.
- Also: Patients who survive the initial episode of DVT are prone to chronic swelling of the leg and pain because the valves in the veins can be damaged by the thrombotic process, leading to venous hypertension. In some instances skin ulceration and impaired mobility prevent patients from leading normal, active lives. In addition, patients with DVT are prone to recurrent episodes. In those instances in which DVT and PE develop as complications of a surgical or medical illness, in addition to the mortality risk, hospitalization is prolonged and healthcare costs are increased.
- In other words, this isn't necessarily a 'take these pills and your problem will go away' situation. It is something that will require long-term treatment or at least monitoring.
- Ugh. Depressing. And sort of scary.
- I mentioned the cost of the medicine in my previous post; that the PA told me it could be $300-$400, even with insurance. What I didn't add is that she actually said $300-$400 a month, which at the time didn't register with me, because I figured you take this for about a month, so $300-$400 a month means $300-$400 total, right?
- Wrong. Apparently the standard course of treatment is 3-6 months. Like I said, I feel fortunate that I only had a $50 copay for the tablets with my particular insurance plan, because $400 a month for six months might push me to consider stomach injections instead.
- But back to the present moment.
- Of course, this all came down on a Friday, and I find myself not knowing what to do for the next few days. Am I supposed to be resting or walking? Heat or ice or neither? I assume massage is out, lol, but other than this, I feel like I. know. nothing. And it's not a question of icing your ankle when heat might have been better; what I do could have serious consequences.
- And apparently a pulmonary embolism as the result of DVT is not actually that uncommon.
- I have follow-up appointments on Monday and Tuesday, one with a PCP and one with my orthopedist. I don't know which one is better for this, but I'm not taking any chances, so I'm going to see both of them. Considering my orthopedist is the one who missed this two weeks ago because his little test didn't inflict massive pain on me, I'm not exactly feeling strong love toward him right now. Ha.
- On a sort of funny note, I mentioned the blood clot test to the PA in the ER and she knew exactly what test I was talking about. (She told me the name, but I forgot.) Then she added, 'Yeah, that test doesn't work on tough girls.' LOL. (Just an interesting observation: the PA was at least partly Asian, and about my age.)
- I mentioned that my personal PA moved recently - literally, a few days ago (see: http://39andhip.blogspot.com/2014/08/post-surgery-3-weeks-5-days.html). So I actually have no PCP at the moment. However, I do have an appointment with her supervising physician, who is my husband's primary care doctor. And my husband is pretty picky.
- My husband texted this doctor last night, who suggested elevating my leg to reduce swelling, low heat, and absolutely no massage, so at least that is SOMETHING.
- According to Dr. Google, elevating the leg is a standard suggestion, but so are walking and exercising. Can someone explain how that works?! Ha.
- So basically as far as I can tell I should be elevating my leg when I'm sitting, but I should be walking as much as I can to improve circulation and keep the clot from getting even bigger.
- The problem is that the swelling is still really bad and causing a lot of pain, which makes walking very difficult. The pain was actually really bad this morning, which is sort of weird. Looking back, I am certain this problem has been developing over the course of the past few weeks, ever since I started to complain about my leg pain about a week after surgery. Yet I can't help but wonder if something set this off so that it became really bad recently, or if it just hurts more now because I know what it is and am freaked out about it. In other words, is it all in my head?
- Regardless of whether it's a psychological phenomenon or not, I could not walk this morning without a crutch, and even that was very painful. At the same time, I was reading all this stuff on the Internet about how sitting still would only make this condition worse.
- Finally my husband suggested taking pain medication so that I can walk, so that's what I've been doing. The way I see it is that I'd rather be drunk from pain medication than have a pulmonary embolism.
- It's all just a little frustrating, though.
- Also, when I talked to the pharmacist on Friday when I was having my prescriptions filled, she asked me what specific directions I had gotten for what I was supposed to be doing other than taking the medication, and I said I really didn't get any. She went on and on about how I was soooo young to have a blood clot, and this was serious, and I needed to find out what else I should be doing ASAP. All in all, it was slightly alarming.
- When I left PT on Thursday afternoon, both the PT assistant and PT asked me to please call them as soon as I had any news and let them know what was up. Even though the PT office is associated with the orthopedic office, which is why my therapist was able to find a PA so quickly to do an exam and write a script for an ultrasound, I'm sure they're probably the last people to get information. Before I left, both the PTA and PT repeatedly requested that I call them directly with any results ASAP.
- So I called the office from the ER on Friday. I figured I was there because of them - and I don't mean that in a bad way - so common courtesy told me that I at least owed them the phone call they had requested. I wasn't quite sure how to leave a message, but fortunately the secretary seemed familiar with my story, so I didn't have to do an assload of explaining. At least, when I told her, Please tell Jay and AJ that they were right, I do have a blood clot, and apparently it's pretty massive. In fact, I'm at the hospital right now getting treated, she seemed to know what I was talking about.
- My therapist actually called me on Friday afternoon. He kept apologizing, saying that he was soooo sorry things turned out this way, and I had to keep telling him that I was thankful that he was on top of things, and that it certainly wasn't his fault. I guess he was sort of freaked out because somehow at the hospital got conveyed to him as in the hospital, which worried him. I assured him that I was fine, and that death wasn't imminent, at least not that I knew of. LOL.
- It was good that he called, because I was actually sort of wondering if this changes PT, and if so, how, and apparently he doesn't have much experience with DVT, either. I mentioned that I was supposed to come in for PT on Monday at 9:15, but he confirmed that we should cancel that appointment until he had had a chance to talk to my orthopedist. He said he had tried to find him today, but that he wasn't in, which I already knew due to my ER ordeal. I asked if I needed to call and cancel the appointment or if he could take care of it. He told me he wasn't actually at work - I just left - but that he would take care of it when he got in on Monday morning. So he called me from his cell phone on the way home... how sweet. And for once I'm not actually being snarky! Seriously, I'm getting a lot of feel good vibes from my PT lately.
Friday, August 8, 2014
Deep Vein Thrombosis (4 Weeks + 4 Days / 5 Days UIRTW)
I guess I'm not quite out of material for this blog yet.
I barely slept last night: A. because I was stressed and B. because my leg hurt quite a bit. I had a book club meeting, which is really more of a girls' night in with some of my neighborhood friends/fellow moms. We mostly just eat and drink wine, with a little bit of book talk thrown in. My friend, colleague, and neighbor hosted this month's book club. Her house is five blocks away, and I was determined to walk there with one of my other book club buddies, who lives up the street from me. I ALMOST backed out of walking because I wasn't feeling stellar when I got back from PT, but then I decided to suck it up, mostly to give me the option of drinking wine freely :). I brought a crutch with me, but I ended up carrying it the whole way there, and back! That is the good news. The bad news is that my leg hurt quite a bit when I got back, and somehow the pain + the wine + the stress made for a pretty sleepless night.
Needless to say, I was reeeeaaallly tired when I got up this morning and had to drag myself to my 7:45 AM ultrasound appointment. But, I figured that I would just come home afterward and take a nap, seeing as how the rest of my family is still camping. Unfortunately, my morning unraveled in a very different way than I had imagined.
During the ultrasound, I tried to follow what the tech was doing, but like I've mentioned before, I can never make sense of those things. So instead of watching the screen, I watched the tech's face for telltale signs of... something. She seemed a little concerned throughout the ultrasound, although I couldn't tell if it was actual concern or just concentration. It turns out it was the former. When she told me she was done, I asked if she had found anything interesting. Sometimes techs will tell you stuff and sometimes they won't, but I always ask anyway. She looked at me and took a deep breath and replied, 'Yes. I did.' Then she went on to say that she found clotting, and that it was very extensive, going all the way from above my knee down most of my calf, which would explain why my leg hurts and is so swollen. After that she added, 'That's the bad news.' I asked what the good news was, and she said, 'It's a really good thing we caught this.'
She called my doctor, who wasn't in, and after some ado, she sent me to the ER to get treated, along with a diagram of where the clotting was and a CD of the ultrasound. The ER involved quite a bit of waiting, although I've definitely had worse ER waits. Eventually, I saw a PA, then the physician on duty, who was communicating with the physician on call for my surgeon. The PA told me I was going to get a shot of an anticoagulant, Lovenox, in my stomach, and after that I would need to administer the shots to myself twice a day. I would also need to modify my diet substantially (e.g., cut out leafy greens, wtf?) and have my blood drawn for testing every week. I think I sat there staring at her with my mouth open. Because then she added that there was actually an alternative; I could take a tablet twice a day with no changes to my diet and no need to draw blood. So of course, I'm thinking, Are you crazy? Do you even have to ASK which one I'd prefer?! Until she added, 'The only problem with the tablet is that insurance companies don't like to pay for it, and it's very expensive.' She asked what insurance I had, and when I told her, she said they were actually pretty good about paying for the tablet medication, but that it might still be $300-$400. I decided that I didn't care; I would consider it $400 well spent, and the next time I am miserable at work, I will remind myself that I am working so I don't have to inject myself in the f-ing stomach twice a day. OMG.
Eventually I got the shot, and it was super unpleasant, let me tell you. I'm pretty sure that if I hadn't already decided to suck it up and pay whatever it took to avoid the shots, I would have changed my mind after the shot. It wasn't as bad as the cortisone injection, but it pretty much sucked, and I seriously can't imagine inflicting that on myself. Once a week, maybe, but two times a day?! Uh, no thanks. And, the good news is that it turns out I have pretty stellar insurance, and the medication, rivaroxaban/Xarelto, only cost me $50, so it was a good decision.
So, to sum it up.
Bad news: Extensive clotting with the risk of it traveling to my lungs, heart, kidneys, or brain, and killing me. LOL. Lots of swelling and pain. Though apparently not as much pain as this should be causing, which is likely why it took so long to figure out. The PA actually prescribed oxycodone for pain. Seriously, it doesn't hurt that bad, which is apparently why I passed the surgeon's blood clot test with such flying colors, and no one has been worried about this for the past four weeks.
Good news: Lucky to have caught this. Thank God for my observant and competent PT assistant and my PT. And thank God, too, for good insurance. And, I guess, thank God I finally have an explanation for this pain that has been plaguing on and off since 1 Week + 1 Day post-surgery. Apparently it is going to take a long time for the clotting to resolve and for the pain to go away, but at least knowing what it is makes it a little easier to deal with.
I barely slept last night: A. because I was stressed and B. because my leg hurt quite a bit. I had a book club meeting, which is really more of a girls' night in with some of my neighborhood friends/fellow moms. We mostly just eat and drink wine, with a little bit of book talk thrown in. My friend, colleague, and neighbor hosted this month's book club. Her house is five blocks away, and I was determined to walk there with one of my other book club buddies, who lives up the street from me. I ALMOST backed out of walking because I wasn't feeling stellar when I got back from PT, but then I decided to suck it up, mostly to give me the option of drinking wine freely :). I brought a crutch with me, but I ended up carrying it the whole way there, and back! That is the good news. The bad news is that my leg hurt quite a bit when I got back, and somehow the pain + the wine + the stress made for a pretty sleepless night.
Needless to say, I was reeeeaaallly tired when I got up this morning and had to drag myself to my 7:45 AM ultrasound appointment. But, I figured that I would just come home afterward and take a nap, seeing as how the rest of my family is still camping. Unfortunately, my morning unraveled in a very different way than I had imagined.
During the ultrasound, I tried to follow what the tech was doing, but like I've mentioned before, I can never make sense of those things. So instead of watching the screen, I watched the tech's face for telltale signs of... something. She seemed a little concerned throughout the ultrasound, although I couldn't tell if it was actual concern or just concentration. It turns out it was the former. When she told me she was done, I asked if she had found anything interesting. Sometimes techs will tell you stuff and sometimes they won't, but I always ask anyway. She looked at me and took a deep breath and replied, 'Yes. I did.' Then she went on to say that she found clotting, and that it was very extensive, going all the way from above my knee down most of my calf, which would explain why my leg hurts and is so swollen. After that she added, 'That's the bad news.' I asked what the good news was, and she said, 'It's a really good thing we caught this.'
She called my doctor, who wasn't in, and after some ado, she sent me to the ER to get treated, along with a diagram of where the clotting was and a CD of the ultrasound. The ER involved quite a bit of waiting, although I've definitely had worse ER waits. Eventually, I saw a PA, then the physician on duty, who was communicating with the physician on call for my surgeon. The PA told me I was going to get a shot of an anticoagulant, Lovenox, in my stomach, and after that I would need to administer the shots to myself twice a day. I would also need to modify my diet substantially (e.g., cut out leafy greens, wtf?) and have my blood drawn for testing every week. I think I sat there staring at her with my mouth open. Because then she added that there was actually an alternative; I could take a tablet twice a day with no changes to my diet and no need to draw blood. So of course, I'm thinking, Are you crazy? Do you even have to ASK which one I'd prefer?! Until she added, 'The only problem with the tablet is that insurance companies don't like to pay for it, and it's very expensive.' She asked what insurance I had, and when I told her, she said they were actually pretty good about paying for the tablet medication, but that it might still be $300-$400. I decided that I didn't care; I would consider it $400 well spent, and the next time I am miserable at work, I will remind myself that I am working so I don't have to inject myself in the f-ing stomach twice a day. OMG.
Eventually I got the shot, and it was super unpleasant, let me tell you. I'm pretty sure that if I hadn't already decided to suck it up and pay whatever it took to avoid the shots, I would have changed my mind after the shot. It wasn't as bad as the cortisone injection, but it pretty much sucked, and I seriously can't imagine inflicting that on myself. Once a week, maybe, but two times a day?! Uh, no thanks. And, the good news is that it turns out I have pretty stellar insurance, and the medication, rivaroxaban/Xarelto, only cost me $50, so it was a good decision.
So, to sum it up.
Bad news: Extensive clotting with the risk of it traveling to my lungs, heart, kidneys, or brain, and killing me. LOL. Lots of swelling and pain. Though apparently not as much pain as this should be causing, which is likely why it took so long to figure out. The PA actually prescribed oxycodone for pain. Seriously, it doesn't hurt that bad, which is apparently why I passed the surgeon's blood clot test with such flying colors, and no one has been worried about this for the past four weeks.
Good news: Lucky to have caught this. Thank God for my observant and competent PT assistant and my PT. And thank God, too, for good insurance. And, I guess, thank God I finally have an explanation for this pain that has been plaguing on and off since 1 Week + 1 Day post-surgery. Apparently it is going to take a long time for the clotting to resolve and for the pain to go away, but at least knowing what it is makes it a little easier to deal with.
Thursday, August 7, 2014
Post Surgery: 4 Weeks + 3 Days / 6 Days UIRTW
This damn pain in my right leg.
A while back, while my husband was working on my calf muscle, he mentioned that my calf muscle was really hot. He acted all freaked out and told me I should call my surgeon. Of course, this is my husband, who freaks out worse than I do over teeny tiny things. I told him I would, but then I didn't, and fortunately my husband has a short memory. I have to admit that my calf did feel warm to the touch, but that didn't seem like something my surgeon needed to know about.
Anyway, fast forward to today. My husband and daughter left yesterday to go camping with some friends, and this morning I drove my son up to drop him off at the camp site. (The camp site is right next to the river, and we thought two nights with an almost three year old next to a river would be a bit much, but that one night would be okay.) When I woke up, I noticed that the pain in my leg was probably a little worse than yesterday, but still manageable. I did a lot of walking yesterday, so I was thinking I was just sore. Or whatever.
I got back from dropping my son off this afternoon and realized I needed to eat something before going to PT. I decided to fix myself some potatoes, only I went into the pantry to discover that my husband had taken the whole freaking bag of potatoes with him. Since my stomach was set on potatoes, I decided to dig some out of my garden; after all, the restrictions on my thigh flexion have been lifted, so I can squat now as long as it doesn't hurt. Unfortunately, as I squatted down, I noticed that it did hurt, and quite a bit, but not because of my hip. It hurt when the back of my thigh pushed up against my calf, which I quickly realized was because the back of my leg, and especially the back of my knee, are totally swollen. Nevertheless, I managed to dig the potatoes out and grab a bite to eat before heading off to PT. While I was eating, I iced the back of my knee, because I really wanted to have a great PT session.
My appointment today was with the friendly PT assistant, Jay, whom I just adore. (I'm pretty sure everyone does.) However, I was a little worried because although he is the life of the PT room, I've only worked with him once before, so I wasn't sure how aware he was of my ongoing leg pain, and I felt like it was important for him to at least know. My regular PT knows about this pain and although he has never specifically done anything about it, he is aware of it. So I told Jay about the pain and swelling first thing, and he took a 'let's proceed with caution' attitude, which was fine. I rode the bike and then did some standing up exercises and felt okay. However, while I was doing them, Jay commented, 'Your right ankle is really swollen.' I looked down, and sure enough, it really was. WTF? My ankle doesn't even hurt, yet it was definitely ballooned out to the point that Jay noticed it from across the room.
After that, I went to do some stretching, and there was one particular stretch that was soooo uncomfortable, I actually started crying. I don't know why I started crying; honestly, it didn't hurt that bad. I think it was more just because I am soooo stressed out right about now and also frustrated because I feel like this damn leg pain is the only thing that is really holding me back. And while the pain is not horrendous, it just won't let up no matter what I do, and no one seems to know what it is. Fortunately no one actually saw me crying, but Jay could tell I was in pain and told me to stop. Then he said that he was going to try to do some soft tissue work, AKA massage, on my leg, to see if that would help.
So I rolled over, and he put some massage cream on the back of my knee and on my calf, asked me a few questions about where my pain was, and then said he would be right back. A few minutes later, he returned with AJ, my 'regular' PT. They both stood there for a minute, then AJ asked me to roll over, and poked around a little bit, and asked me a few more questions. Eventually, Jay apologized, and said he would be right back, and he and AJ stepped around the corner. At that point I was thinking, Just give me my damn massage so we can get this show on the road. LOL. When Jay came back, it was him, AJ, and some other guy, who introduced himself as Kevin, a physician assistant. Kevin repeated a lot of what Jay and AJ had done, then spoke briefly with AJ. They asked me to sit up, and then told me that while they did not want alarm me, they all agreed that I needed to go to the hospital and have an ultrasound to rule out the possibility that I had a blood clot. As Kevin explained (which I sort of already knew), there are three huge risk factors for blood clots: smoking, birth control, and surgery. And I had two of the three, plus pain and swelling in the most common area for blood clots. So while they did not really think this is what it was, and were hopeful that the ultrasound would 'just be a waste of my time,' they could not rule it out, and were not okay proceeding with any sort of treatment until this had been ruled out.
I mentioned that I had told my doctor about my pain at my two-week post-op appointment, and he seemed confident it wasn't a blood clot. Although, interestingly enough, the stretching exercise that I was doing with the PTA that brought me to tears was very similar to the 'test' that my surgeon did on me at my post-op appointment. And one of the reasons he definitively concluded that it was not a blood clot was because 'If it were a blood clot, that would have hurt a lot.' (These are times when I worry about a high pain tolerance.) Anyways, both AJ and Kevin said that although my doctor wasn't in this afternoon, they were certain this was what he would have wanted as well. They repeated that they really didn't think it was a blood clot, and that I should not freak out, but that they needed to rule it out for sure. Because if it's not a blood clot, it's just a waste of time (and money, I add), but if it IS a blood clot, it is a potentially life-threatening situation, so it is worth it to know for sure.
Apparently it was too late in the afternoon to schedule an ultrasound, so I am going in tomorrow at 7:45 AM. This was actually good news for me, because I have book club tonight, which I sooo look forward to, and I did not want to miss book club while stuck in the hospital waiting to have some ultrasound for a condition I probably don't have. And with that said, I am off to book club. It is five blocks away, and I am attempting to walk there, so wish me luck.
A while back, while my husband was working on my calf muscle, he mentioned that my calf muscle was really hot. He acted all freaked out and told me I should call my surgeon. Of course, this is my husband, who freaks out worse than I do over teeny tiny things. I told him I would, but then I didn't, and fortunately my husband has a short memory. I have to admit that my calf did feel warm to the touch, but that didn't seem like something my surgeon needed to know about.
Anyway, fast forward to today. My husband and daughter left yesterday to go camping with some friends, and this morning I drove my son up to drop him off at the camp site. (The camp site is right next to the river, and we thought two nights with an almost three year old next to a river would be a bit much, but that one night would be okay.) When I woke up, I noticed that the pain in my leg was probably a little worse than yesterday, but still manageable. I did a lot of walking yesterday, so I was thinking I was just sore. Or whatever.
I got back from dropping my son off this afternoon and realized I needed to eat something before going to PT. I decided to fix myself some potatoes, only I went into the pantry to discover that my husband had taken the whole freaking bag of potatoes with him. Since my stomach was set on potatoes, I decided to dig some out of my garden; after all, the restrictions on my thigh flexion have been lifted, so I can squat now as long as it doesn't hurt. Unfortunately, as I squatted down, I noticed that it did hurt, and quite a bit, but not because of my hip. It hurt when the back of my thigh pushed up against my calf, which I quickly realized was because the back of my leg, and especially the back of my knee, are totally swollen. Nevertheless, I managed to dig the potatoes out and grab a bite to eat before heading off to PT. While I was eating, I iced the back of my knee, because I really wanted to have a great PT session.
My appointment today was with the friendly PT assistant, Jay, whom I just adore. (I'm pretty sure everyone does.) However, I was a little worried because although he is the life of the PT room, I've only worked with him once before, so I wasn't sure how aware he was of my ongoing leg pain, and I felt like it was important for him to at least know. My regular PT knows about this pain and although he has never specifically done anything about it, he is aware of it. So I told Jay about the pain and swelling first thing, and he took a 'let's proceed with caution' attitude, which was fine. I rode the bike and then did some standing up exercises and felt okay. However, while I was doing them, Jay commented, 'Your right ankle is really swollen.' I looked down, and sure enough, it really was. WTF? My ankle doesn't even hurt, yet it was definitely ballooned out to the point that Jay noticed it from across the room.
After that, I went to do some stretching, and there was one particular stretch that was soooo uncomfortable, I actually started crying. I don't know why I started crying; honestly, it didn't hurt that bad. I think it was more just because I am soooo stressed out right about now and also frustrated because I feel like this damn leg pain is the only thing that is really holding me back. And while the pain is not horrendous, it just won't let up no matter what I do, and no one seems to know what it is. Fortunately no one actually saw me crying, but Jay could tell I was in pain and told me to stop. Then he said that he was going to try to do some soft tissue work, AKA massage, on my leg, to see if that would help.
So I rolled over, and he put some massage cream on the back of my knee and on my calf, asked me a few questions about where my pain was, and then said he would be right back. A few minutes later, he returned with AJ, my 'regular' PT. They both stood there for a minute, then AJ asked me to roll over, and poked around a little bit, and asked me a few more questions. Eventually, Jay apologized, and said he would be right back, and he and AJ stepped around the corner. At that point I was thinking, Just give me my damn massage so we can get this show on the road. LOL. When Jay came back, it was him, AJ, and some other guy, who introduced himself as Kevin, a physician assistant. Kevin repeated a lot of what Jay and AJ had done, then spoke briefly with AJ. They asked me to sit up, and then told me that while they did not want alarm me, they all agreed that I needed to go to the hospital and have an ultrasound to rule out the possibility that I had a blood clot. As Kevin explained (which I sort of already knew), there are three huge risk factors for blood clots: smoking, birth control, and surgery. And I had two of the three, plus pain and swelling in the most common area for blood clots. So while they did not really think this is what it was, and were hopeful that the ultrasound would 'just be a waste of my time,' they could not rule it out, and were not okay proceeding with any sort of treatment until this had been ruled out.
I mentioned that I had told my doctor about my pain at my two-week post-op appointment, and he seemed confident it wasn't a blood clot. Although, interestingly enough, the stretching exercise that I was doing with the PTA that brought me to tears was very similar to the 'test' that my surgeon did on me at my post-op appointment. And one of the reasons he definitively concluded that it was not a blood clot was because 'If it were a blood clot, that would have hurt a lot.' (These are times when I worry about a high pain tolerance.) Anyways, both AJ and Kevin said that although my doctor wasn't in this afternoon, they were certain this was what he would have wanted as well. They repeated that they really didn't think it was a blood clot, and that I should not freak out, but that they needed to rule it out for sure. Because if it's not a blood clot, it's just a waste of time (and money, I add), but if it IS a blood clot, it is a potentially life-threatening situation, so it is worth it to know for sure.
Apparently it was too late in the afternoon to schedule an ultrasound, so I am going in tomorrow at 7:45 AM. This was actually good news for me, because I have book club tonight, which I sooo look forward to, and I did not want to miss book club while stuck in the hospital waiting to have some ultrasound for a condition I probably don't have. And with that said, I am off to book club. It is five blocks away, and I am attempting to walk there, so wish me luck.
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Post Surgery: 4 Weeks + 2 Days / One Week UIRTW
On Monday, I had a glass of wine with a dear family friend, who used to have a high-up position in administration at my school but is now retired. We talked about life stuff and job stuff and other stuff, but mostly job stuff. She gave me some good perspective on some job concerns I have, but never mind that; that is material for my other blog. The point is perspective. At several points in my life, I've had heart-to-hearts with Wise People, who have told me to take a step back and look at the big picture. So with that said, in the Big Picture of my hip, things really are going great. Nagging pain in my left hip and ridiculous consistent pain down the back of my right leg aside, I feel pretty good. Almost all of my anxiety is centered around having to start teaching in a week, which even in the absence of hip surgery would be causing me anxiety. And of course my overall mood affects my ability to deal with pain and the anxiety that comes with that pain and so on and so forth.
But to put things in perspective, I have really come a long way in the past month. In reading old entries, I was mostly focused on little things, simply because I didn't have to be thinking about big things, like my job. Now I have to be thinking about those things. I'm concerned with things such as how will my hip hold up when I have to teach from 8-5 for five days? What will my pain be like? What will it be like if I have to teach on crutches? And if it comes down to that, will I actually suck up my pride and do it or will I be stupid and push through the pain and jeopardize my whole recovery just because crutches don't jive with my teaching persona? These are the things that keep me awake at night.
In the interest of big picture perspective and positivity, I wanted to reflect on a few things that gave me a lot of trouble post-surgery but are now no longer a problem, or at least getting better.
But to put things in perspective, I have really come a long way in the past month. In reading old entries, I was mostly focused on little things, simply because I didn't have to be thinking about big things, like my job. Now I have to be thinking about those things. I'm concerned with things such as how will my hip hold up when I have to teach from 8-5 for five days? What will my pain be like? What will it be like if I have to teach on crutches? And if it comes down to that, will I actually suck up my pride and do it or will I be stupid and push through the pain and jeopardize my whole recovery just because crutches don't jive with my teaching persona? These are the things that keep me awake at night.
In the interest of big picture perspective and positivity, I wanted to reflect on a few things that gave me a lot of trouble post-surgery but are now no longer a problem, or at least getting better.
- It took me a while to settle into physical therapy and feel good about it. But I'm now in a good place as far as PT goes. I feel like PT is playing a very positive role in my recovery, which is what I had hoped for.
- Post-surgery, I had a lot of pain in my right knee when I sat. That pain is gone now. I do still stretch my quads out as my PT showed me how to do, and maybe that is what made the pain go away, or maybe it really was just one of those post-surgery freak-outs your body has that resolves with time. I think I've just read too many horror stories on the Internet about how people have been promised their pain will go away eventually, then it never does, which just drives home the point that you must proceed with caution on the Internet. Not that there is anything wrong with reading things on the Internet, I just think Internet blogs are inherently biased toward people who have negative versus positive experiences. Positive experiences, by nature, provide less material to blog about.
- The pain in my right leg, although persistent and annoying, is nothing like it was at its worst a few weeks ago. I still feel this low-level squeezing pain in my hamstrings and especially my calf muscles, but it is nothing like the all-out muscle spasms I used to have. Also, I have not taken a pain pill in few days. I am ditching the pain pills.
- The fact that my knee pain went away with time gives me hope that my leg pain will also go away, given a little more time. My left hip is a different story, but I can't think about that right now.
- Right after surgery, I had a lot trouble sleeping and getting into regular sleep pattern. That's over now. My sleep problems are now no worse than they were pre-surgery.
- A few weeks ago, it seems as if I was tired all the time. I now feel like my energy levels are pretty normal. And I am doing a lot more than I was before. I'm pretty much in a normal routine now.
- I rarely use two crutches anymore, except on stairs. (Damn those stairs.)
- When I wake up and am groggy, it takes me a while to 'find my legs.' No way I can jump out of bed and walk crutch-free. I need a crutch first thing in the morning.
- I need a crutch to go long distances ('long' being more than 10 feet, lol). Now, this is apparently sort of weird territory, and fortunately there are many blogs out there to make me realize I'm not a freak. The thing is that I can actually walk pretty well now, for a while. The problem is that I don't know what 'a while' is, as there are many factors that go into this, including but not limited to: Is the distance flat or hilly? Are stairs involved? Are children involved? Is carrying things involved? What time of day is it - i.e., what was my energy level to begin with? And so on. And I don't want to start off thinking, wow, I feel great, and then get stuck realizing, whoa, I really pushed it too hard, now I'm stuck three blocks from where I need to be and I can't walk without passing out. So my crutch comes with me for security if I have to go more than, like, 30 feet. And I use it, even if I don't really need it, because apparently if you don't use it, people will think you are faking it. Admittedly, it does look sort of weird if you are just walking along carrying a crutch.
- On this topic, I read a post by That Crazy Crippled Chick that was extremely interesting. Now, I am not in any way trying to compare myself to Crazy Crippled Chick; we have completely different circumstances. But the take home message is applicable many situations, and that is that it is that things are often more complicated than they appear. Also, in reading blogs by people who have had hip surgery, it can be difficult because sometimes you need crutches and sometimes you don't and people just can't deal with this back-and-forth. In their minds, you either need crutches or you don't. So if you are using a crutch, you should appear to be in extreme pain or leaning heavily on your crutch, or both.
- It is Wednesday today, so I went to the farmers market. This was the first time since my surgery that I just walked (with one crutch) from where my dad parked to the market, and then back again. Again, I wasn't SURE I needed the crutch, but better safe than sorry.
- I feel like I am improving logarithmically. I feel 10x better today than yesterday and hope that I feel 10x better tomorrow. I was initially a little discouraged by how totally weird it was to try to walk on Monday, especially since I had already prepared myself for the fact that it was going to weird. For it to be weird on top of the weirdness I had already prepared for was sort of a bummer.
- However, now that I am past that weirdness, I feel... good. The only thing really holding me back right now is my left hip pain and my right leg pain. Fortunately, those pain levels are manageable, and I am holding on to the thought that just like my knee pain, those, too, will resolve.
- Sooner would be better than later.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Post Surgery: 4 Weeks + 1 Day
The highlights of today:
- I took my daughter to get a back-to-school hair cut, and I also got a hair cut. For the first time in a long time, I got bangs cut. I haven't had bangs in a long time, but I decided I needed a change. Here is why: the reason I haven't had bangs in long time is because I've always felt that bangs make me look a lot younger. Apparently I already look young for my age, and back in my bang days, I was actually asked for ID to buy a can of spray paint when I was in my 30s. (In California, you have to be 18 to buy spray paint, as I learned.) I know I must officially be old now, because I actually feel a compelling need to look and feel younger. Since I started my current job, I've acquired a massive amount of gray hair (which my old hairdresser affectionately referred to as 'hair bling'). Somehow all this gray hair plus having hip surgery before my 40th birthday has made me feel a little uneasy. I'm not ready to be a gray-haired old lady with a limp.
- So yesterday, while I was picking up a refill for my pain medication, I bought some hair dye as well. I mean, what the heck? I have never dyed my hair before, aside from one brief dabble with henna when I was in college, which did nothing because, hello, my hair is black as black can be. But my current mental state is telling me that the gray hair has to go. Like I said before, I'm not ready to be a gray-haired old lady with a limp. And since it is a real possibility that I will be a lady with a limp or a crutch (or both) once school starts, I should at least have a cute hair cut and no gray hair? I don't know. Whatever.
- I made up my mind a while ago that I needed a hair cut, and had imagined this as my getting off crutches reward. But, it couldn't wait. While I am 'allowed' to walk as much as I can, retraining my body to walk again is going to take longer than I had hoped, no matter how well my physical therapist tells me I'm doing. I get my hair cut at the mall, which is somewhat of a trek (at least, more than 3-4 feet, lol), so I used a crutch. Just one, though. Progress!
- I bought a cane. I can't believe I'm even admitting to this; canes definitely fit into the same category as raised toilet seats in my mind. And because my daughter was with me, I bought a ridiculous zebra cover for it, because having a cane when you look like you are 20-something isn't attention-grabbing enough. LOL. However, the cane is really to use around the house. The thing is that I'm finding that there is a big difference between walking with even one crutch and walking totally crutch free. I feel like I need something in between. When I was at PT, I had to do all my walking in front of a mirror to make sure I had good posture and wasn't limping, but it's harder to do that when you're trying to navigate through a house. Without a crutch, it's really hard for me to have good posture and not limp. Not because of pain, but because of muscle weakness, and because either the surgery or being on crutches so long has really thrown off my sense of balance. And since limping is something that I'm not allowed to do, I feel like I need some sort of aid to help me not limp that is not a major as a crutch. So there you go.
- This does sort of bring me to another worry. You always hear people say, 'Well so and so is totally using this as a crutch.' I feel sort of alarmed right about now that I'm not having a little easier time walking, and I'm worried I'm using my crutch (literally) as a... crutch (figuratively). I know I am only one day past my official 100% weight bearing date, but I am feeling anxious about how tentative I feel on two legs with no support. I feel like if I just suck it up and force myself to walk around with no walking aids, my body will remember how to walk, yet at the same time, I don't want to overdo it. As my PT said, the one thing I really don't want is any pain. It is just hard to find that balance between pushing yourself enough and pushing yourself too hard.
- I'm sure I'll figure it out, though, one way or another. :)
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