I mentioned in my last post that I've been ridiculously sick for two weeks now. I started taking an antibiotic on Wednesday and that has helped a lot, but I haven't had a good night's sleep in, like, forever due to incessant coughing. But that's not actually what I came here to write about.
My hips. are. killing. me.
And I'm really unhappy about this. In fact, I sort of want to cry. It's not the pain so much as the reality that is sinking in that I'm basically not any better off than I was before the surgery. I know I've had a lot of ups and downs since surgery, and I'm currently in a 'down,' but I also had a lot of ups and downs before surgery. And... the pain that I've been having for the past week is exactly the same as the pain I had before the surgery. And... my snapping hip has returned with a vengeance. WTF?
When I think about the fact that post-surgery I have had a cortisone injection and have regularly been taking either a pain killer or anti-inflammatory or both, it's actually possible that I'm worse off than before the surgery. Also, my left hip didn't hurt pre-surgery, nor did I have 'chronic thrombus.' So all in all, this is an epic fail. While I'm thankful that this is nothing life-threatening, and not even something that threatens my daily routine (unless you count extreme grouchiness due to chronic pain as a disruption), I'm starting to feel a little bit uneasy about all of this.
At this point, my uneasiness mostly centers around feelings of what do I do now? I'm obviously super duper anti-surgery at this point, but at the same time, I have this level of pain that OMGIcannotlivewith for another 40 years. I mean, it's the same pain I had that led me to have surgery in the first place. At the same time, PT hasn't helped and cortisone injections and cortisone patches haven't helped, so what can I do? If this is as good as it gets, that's, well... depressing.
I think a lot of things are contributing to my current levels of pain. One is that I stopped taking meloxicam again. When I started taking an antibiotic on Wednesday, along with cough medicine + Xarelto + Vitamin D, somehow it just seemed like too many pills. I started to feel like my mother-in-law, so I temporarily ditched the meloxicam. I understand there is absolutely no logic behind this, I'm just sort of phobic of pharmaceuticals in general. I guess the good news is that the meloxicam does seem to help, because both times I've stopped taking it, my hip pain gets worse. The bad news is that I feel like four months post-surgery, I should not be this reliant on medication to get me through the day, especially considering I've also had a cortisone injection that should be keeping the inflammation in check. Part of the reason I opted to have the surgery is so I wouldn't have to rely on pain medications and anti-inflammatories for the next 40 years. So while I do realize I could start taking meloxicam again, and that it would probably help, that doesn't fix the cause, just the symptoms. (And over break, I just finished reading The Story of the Human Body, so I'm very much into treating causes as opposed to managing symptoms.)
The other contributing factor to my pain is that I've been trying to do a lot of yard work this weekend. I normally take very good care of our yard, but I wasn't able to this summer. Our yard got very overgrown and slightly embarrassing. Since we had some warm weather over Thanksgiving break, I at least wanted to clean up all the dead vegetation and put the yard to sleep for winter in a proper manner. Unfortunately, the squatting down and bending over associated with yard work has resulted in ridiculous amounts of pain. I know my physical therapist would tell me not to do things that cause pain, but I really don't feel like squatting down to pull up crab grass or pick up leaves should be causing this much pain at this point. Again... WTF?
So here I am. And I have no idea what to do.
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