Wow, six weeks. Even more wow: one week until I return to work. Or more specifically, one week until I have to actually teach. I have obviously been up at work, but... that's not the same as actually teaching.
I really thought I'd be doing a lot better at this point, especially given how great I felt so soon after the surgery. I know I've had setbacks, but I'm still sort of alarmed at what a sorry state I am still in, and am still doubting my ability to teach even just two courses.
My doubts have been driven by the fact that I was soooo tired after I went shopping for school supplies, and they intensified after today. It was my daughter's first day of school, so I walked her to school in the morning (about two and a half blocks, so five blocks round trip). Afterward, I took my son up to daycare and then went to my office for a few hours before PT. I had a great PT session, and when I got back home I grabbed a bite to eat, got dinner into the crock pot, and headed back to school to pick my daughter up. By the time I got home, I was in a little pain, but the worst part is that I felt EXHAUSTED. I lay down around 3:00 and fell asleep hard until 4:30. And I am talking about a deep, deep sleep; in fact, I think I only woke up is because my mom came by. I realize that some fatigue is normal, but I'm honestly having a hard time understanding why I am SO TIRED. I cannot think of a physiological explanation for this. I mean, I realize I am out of shape and my muscles are tired and blah blah blah, but should I really be so drop dead tired? Needless to say, being so ridiculously tired after a day of moderate activity is making me nervous.
On a more positive note, PT went very well. My therapist upped the level of intensity of my session, and I was able to do everything without any problem, including leg presses with over 50 pounds of weight. (I'm not sure how much weight I ended up using, I just told the aide 50 pounds wasn't that hard and she added more.) AJ also said my balance was really good - he couldn't tell I'd even had surgery. He seemed very genuine, and I'm trying to hold onto that positivity. One thing he did say is that once I started teaching again, I needed to be really careful not to overdo it. I should plan on coming home from work and resting - not running additional errands like shopping excursions and whatnot. Of course he said he knew that was hard with kids, but that I should really try to take it easy insofar as possible. So many people tell me I need to take it easy and not overdo it that it sort of makes me wonder... What will actually happen if I 'overdo' it? Will I just drop over dead suddenly? LOL
I'm trying to find that elusive balance between getting back into the swing of things and not overdoing it. Unfortunately, I have just a little bit of time to figure it all out. Here's hoping for a productive week.
Monday, August 18, 2014
Sunday, August 17, 2014
Post Surgery: 5 Weeks + 6 Days / 8 Days UIRTW
Today was another day to file under the 'good days' category. We ( = my whole family) went up to my office this morning to rearrange my furniture, and make it more blood clot friendly. Blood clot friendly, ha ha, does that sound weird or what? Basically I need a way to be able to keep my leg propped up when I'm sitting at my computer, which wasn't possible before. And it was time for a change anyway.
Afterward, we went to the pool, and I was actually able to get in - for the first time in a long time (almost six weeks, to be more precise). I couldn't go in for four weeks after the surgery, I'm guessing because of the risk of infection to the incisions. And the last time we went to the pool, I could not go in because of my bleeding. However, I am happy to report that the bleeding is very much under control now, and I am extremely happy that all my hysteria was for naught. I really do not need any more complicating factors in what I hope can get back to a fairly routine rehab.
My hip... well, it is sore, but holding its own. As I was mentioning to my physical therapist on Friday, it's not just that I haven't done certain things since the surgery, it's that I haven't done certain things since long before the surgery simply because they hurt so much. A simple example is standing with my weight equally distributed on both legs. Another is stairs. Stairs are still extremely difficult for me, but they were difficult for me before the surgery. I can't remember the last time I went up or down stairs like a normal person. My therapist said he was glad I had that perspective because he was often having to remind his patients that it's not just the surgery they are recovering from, but oftentimes many months of dysfunction prior to the surgery. For me, it has been almost a year.
With that in mind, it was very exciting at the pool today because I decided to try swimming - as in actually swimming some laps. Although being a diver in a previous life means that I have spent a lot of time around swimming pools, I'm not actually a very good swimmer, and I have not tried 'real' swimming in about six or seven years. (Shortly after my daughter was born, I got talked into doing a team triathlon with my family, and since I do not like biking and hate running, I got stuck with the swimming leg. That was my only experience with 'real' swimming.) And, weirdly enough, since my hip started acting up this past year, swimming has actually hurt my hip, even just regular old freestyle. Breaststroke has been completely out of the question for a very long time. HOWEVER, I was pleasantly surprised to discover today that A. I can still swim, and B. It doesn't hurt at all. I managed to swim a total of 500 yards - not all at once, but I did one set of 100 yards, one of 200 yards, then two more of 100 yards. I got brave and decided to try the breaststroke on the last 25 yards of my last set - admittedly because I was sort of tired, lol - and... I was able to do it and it didn't hurt at all. Amazing! This made me so happy I can't even tell you.
I guess the thing with this blood clot is that it is an annoying (to put it mildly) complication from pretty routine and elective surgery. The blood clot has become a bigger deal than the surgery itself, which of course is constantly causing me to second guess my decision to have the surgery in the first place. However, despite my doubts, I've always believed it was the right thing for me to do, especially looking down the road long-term. On days like today, when I'm able to do something that I haven't been able to do in a very long time, it really confirms that despite everything, the surgery was a good decision for me. And this makes me happy.
And... icing on the cake. While I was swimming my laps during adult swim time, I noticed that there were several kids standing on the edge of the pool around the lap lane. They were standing so close that when I put my hand on the side of the pool to turn around, I actually grabbed one of the girl's toes. I could not figure out what they were doing, and it made me feel sort of self-conscious, as if they were all standing around watching me. However, it turns out that they were all lined up to take a swim test. My daughter saw the line and decided that she wanted to take the test - which is basically so you can go in the deep end of the pool. For her, the biggest thing is being able to go down the water slides, which she hasn't been able to do all summer. She can swim well enough to go from where the slide deposits you back to the edge of the pool, but to pass the test, you have to tread water for 30 seconds, then swim across the deep end, then float on your back for 30 seconds, and then swim back to the edge of pool on your back. It is the treading water part that has kept my daughter from trying the test all summer, but I think watching all the other kids take the test gave her a rare bout of courage. And... she passed! It was NOT pretty, but she did it! My daughter is extremely cautious and has some (minor) physical challenges, so things involving motor skills do not come easily to her. (It took a lot of $40 an hour private swim lessons to get to this point.) I normally try to leave my family out of my blogs, but this was a huge deal for my daughter and I was so proud of her!
All in all, it was a good way to end the summer.
Afterward, we went to the pool, and I was actually able to get in - for the first time in a long time (almost six weeks, to be more precise). I couldn't go in for four weeks after the surgery, I'm guessing because of the risk of infection to the incisions. And the last time we went to the pool, I could not go in because of my bleeding. However, I am happy to report that the bleeding is very much under control now, and I am extremely happy that all my hysteria was for naught. I really do not need any more complicating factors in what I hope can get back to a fairly routine rehab.
My hip... well, it is sore, but holding its own. As I was mentioning to my physical therapist on Friday, it's not just that I haven't done certain things since the surgery, it's that I haven't done certain things since long before the surgery simply because they hurt so much. A simple example is standing with my weight equally distributed on both legs. Another is stairs. Stairs are still extremely difficult for me, but they were difficult for me before the surgery. I can't remember the last time I went up or down stairs like a normal person. My therapist said he was glad I had that perspective because he was often having to remind his patients that it's not just the surgery they are recovering from, but oftentimes many months of dysfunction prior to the surgery. For me, it has been almost a year.
With that in mind, it was very exciting at the pool today because I decided to try swimming - as in actually swimming some laps. Although being a diver in a previous life means that I have spent a lot of time around swimming pools, I'm not actually a very good swimmer, and I have not tried 'real' swimming in about six or seven years. (Shortly after my daughter was born, I got talked into doing a team triathlon with my family, and since I do not like biking and hate running, I got stuck with the swimming leg. That was my only experience with 'real' swimming.) And, weirdly enough, since my hip started acting up this past year, swimming has actually hurt my hip, even just regular old freestyle. Breaststroke has been completely out of the question for a very long time. HOWEVER, I was pleasantly surprised to discover today that A. I can still swim, and B. It doesn't hurt at all. I managed to swim a total of 500 yards - not all at once, but I did one set of 100 yards, one of 200 yards, then two more of 100 yards. I got brave and decided to try the breaststroke on the last 25 yards of my last set - admittedly because I was sort of tired, lol - and... I was able to do it and it didn't hurt at all. Amazing! This made me so happy I can't even tell you.
I guess the thing with this blood clot is that it is an annoying (to put it mildly) complication from pretty routine and elective surgery. The blood clot has become a bigger deal than the surgery itself, which of course is constantly causing me to second guess my decision to have the surgery in the first place. However, despite my doubts, I've always believed it was the right thing for me to do, especially looking down the road long-term. On days like today, when I'm able to do something that I haven't been able to do in a very long time, it really confirms that despite everything, the surgery was a good decision for me. And this makes me happy.
And... icing on the cake. While I was swimming my laps during adult swim time, I noticed that there were several kids standing on the edge of the pool around the lap lane. They were standing so close that when I put my hand on the side of the pool to turn around, I actually grabbed one of the girl's toes. I could not figure out what they were doing, and it made me feel sort of self-conscious, as if they were all standing around watching me. However, it turns out that they were all lined up to take a swim test. My daughter saw the line and decided that she wanted to take the test - which is basically so you can go in the deep end of the pool. For her, the biggest thing is being able to go down the water slides, which she hasn't been able to do all summer. She can swim well enough to go from where the slide deposits you back to the edge of the pool, but to pass the test, you have to tread water for 30 seconds, then swim across the deep end, then float on your back for 30 seconds, and then swim back to the edge of pool on your back. It is the treading water part that has kept my daughter from trying the test all summer, but I think watching all the other kids take the test gave her a rare bout of courage. And... she passed! It was NOT pretty, but she did it! My daughter is extremely cautious and has some (minor) physical challenges, so things involving motor skills do not come easily to her. (It took a lot of $40 an hour private swim lessons to get to this point.) I normally try to leave my family out of my blogs, but this was a huge deal for my daughter and I was so proud of her!
All in all, it was a good way to end the summer.
Post Surgery: 5 Weeks + 5 Days / 9 Days UIRTW
I guess the good news about yesterday is that I was busy enough to miss my daily update. But my original plan was to ditch the daily updates around the time the crutches were supposed to be going away, so we are in bonus material anyway. :)
Anyway, compared to the day before, yesterday was sort of a let-down. My daughter starts school on Monday, so I took her to buy school supplies. This is the longest I've ever waited to buy supplies, but there is not really a way to push a shopping cart on crutches, and this definitely required a shopping cart. This was my first real shopping escapade since surgery, and unfortunately it just about killed me. Okay, so not literally, but by the end, I was quite literally leaning on the shopping cart and using it as a walker. We had to go to a second store to buy black and white composition books, and I had to use a crutch. And I don't mean I had to bring it just as back up; I really had to use it. Ugh, so disheartening, especially considering the shopping trip itself was just over an hour, which is how long my classes are. After we got her school supplies, I took her out to lunch. By the time we got home, I was so exhausted that I lay down on the futon and had to sleep for two hours. Needless to say, I'm feeling slightly panicked about the upcoming semester, even with my reduced teaching load.
The good news is that after the nap, I felt much better and was able to do a little bit of work in my garden. The tough part about the garden is that although I should be able to squat down now - I no longer have restrictions on my thigh flexion - the swelling in my leg still makes that impossible. In fact, trying to squat down is what made me notice the swelling in the first place, which eventually led to the discovery of the blood clot. Although I think the swelling is improving, it's still pretty significant. So if I want to work in the garden or get anything off the floor, my hamstrings get a good stretching. Good thing I'm very flexible. :)
Anyway, compared to the day before, yesterday was sort of a let-down. My daughter starts school on Monday, so I took her to buy school supplies. This is the longest I've ever waited to buy supplies, but there is not really a way to push a shopping cart on crutches, and this definitely required a shopping cart. This was my first real shopping escapade since surgery, and unfortunately it just about killed me. Okay, so not literally, but by the end, I was quite literally leaning on the shopping cart and using it as a walker. We had to go to a second store to buy black and white composition books, and I had to use a crutch. And I don't mean I had to bring it just as back up; I really had to use it. Ugh, so disheartening, especially considering the shopping trip itself was just over an hour, which is how long my classes are. After we got her school supplies, I took her out to lunch. By the time we got home, I was so exhausted that I lay down on the futon and had to sleep for two hours. Needless to say, I'm feeling slightly panicked about the upcoming semester, even with my reduced teaching load.
The good news is that after the nap, I felt much better and was able to do a little bit of work in my garden. The tough part about the garden is that although I should be able to squat down now - I no longer have restrictions on my thigh flexion - the swelling in my leg still makes that impossible. In fact, trying to squat down is what made me notice the swelling in the first place, which eventually led to the discovery of the blood clot. Although I think the swelling is improving, it's still pretty significant. So if I want to work in the garden or get anything off the floor, my hamstrings get a good stretching. Good thing I'm very flexible. :)
Friday, August 15, 2014
Post Surgery: 5 Weeks + 4 Days / 10 Days UIRTW
Oh the ups and downs. I just had a fantastic PT session, and am feeling very happy right now. I know I'm going to sound completely bipolar by writing this, but since most of my recent entries have been gloom and doom, I thought perhaps it was time for something more upbeat. It's a relief to actually feel happy again; I had forgotten what that was like. :)
I wasn't actually feeling too good this morning, as I barely slept last night. I have had a pesky cough for about 10 days that will not go away and is really bad when I'm lying down. Of course, given my risk of pulmonary embolism, coughing sets off my thromboneurosis, but I really think it's just a cold. (But WTF? A cold in the middle of the summer?) Anyway, I worked from home all morning and went to PT in the early afternoon. I was surprised how good I felt when I got there, plus everyone else (PTs, PTAs, PT aides) seemed to be in a really good mood, perhaps because it's Friday.
I rode the bike for six minutes, with resistance, and it was sooo tiring for my poor, pathetic, weak legs, but it felt pretty good. Then I did my standing up exercises and some stretching, and they also felt pretty good. Stair exercises - good. Balancing exercise - good. My left hip actually feels pretty good; it is my right hip that hurts more now. But that's okay, it should hurt, right? And it still feels way better than it did before the surgery. And as AJ pointed out, it's normal that my right hip is sore - I just had surgery on it five weeks ago and am just getting back into walking again. So it's not like my right leg and left hip, which should really not be hurting. And the pain isn't awful or anything; in fact, I actually managed to walk across the entire room without limping, which seemed to genuinely impress AJ.
So...... yay.
Here's the sort of funny thing. I mentioned my bleeding to AJ the other day amidst my hysterics. In my normal state, I would have probably been too embarrassed to say anything, but my mental state was anything but normal on Tuesday. Plus, yeah, he's a guy and all, and not one of my very favorites in the world, lol, but he has a wife and three kids, so I'm sure he knows a few things about female parts. So today, we had a conversation that went something like this.
Him: So I talked to one of our nurse practitioners about your, uh, other problem.
Me: Mmmm, yeah?
Him: She was actually familiar with your case.
Me: Oh man, was I that bad?
Him (sheepishly): She thinks you really need to go see an OB. Besides, at your age and being a mom and all, you really should have one anyway.
Me: Mmmm, yeah, okay.
LOL
We were having this conversation as I was standing on the balance board, and it wasn't exactly private. Not that I care that much, because nothing is private in this PT place, so obviously if I were that sensitive about it, I wouldn't have brought it up in the first place.
BUT THEN, in the middle of it, I saw my orthopedist in the doorway. I immediately looked away and stared at the floor because I sooooo did not want to see him, nor did I want him to see me. I figured it was possible he was just walking by, although admittedly, in almost five weeks of PT, I have never seen him 'just walk by' before. So he walked in and tried to act all casual, saying something like, 'Hey! I just thought I'd pop in and say hi.' Yeah... riiiiiight. (OMG, he was totally checking up on me! And probably doing some CYA by trying show me some love. Either way - sooooo embarrassing!) I kept staring at the floor while holding totally still on the balance board, as if that might prevent him from seeing me. Unfortunately, he came straight over to me, and actually complimented me on my balancing skills. Ha. Then he asked how I was doing. I mumbled something along the lines of 'fine,' still without looking at him. Finally AJ jumped to the rescue.
AJ: She's doing very well functionally, but she isn't feeling that great. (To me) Is that about right?
Me: Mmmmm, yeah.
AJ: She's a little freaked out.
Doc: I know, but you're on medication now, so it's going to be okay. We'll get this taken care of.
Me: Mmmmm, yeah. (Dude, you sound like Tony Soprano, who gets things 'taken care of.' LOL)
AJ: Did you want to talk to him about your other problem?
I had no words at that point, but I just about died on the spot. So I just looked down at the floor harder, if that is even possible, and shook my head vigorously. I couldn't even find my voice enough to say, 'No, thank you.' So much for my teaching persona!
AJ: Oh, okay.
Doc: Okay, well, I was just stopping in to see how things were going... Bye.
And he raced off.
After he left, I told AJ, 'He knows about my problem. He can't deal with it; he's a young, male, orthopedist.'
AJ (sheepishly): Oh... sorry!
Ha ha ha, I know AJ was just trying to be helpful, and in retrospect it's sort of amusing. I wonder how my doctor made it through the OB/GYN rotation in med school.
Anyway, after that little debacle, AJ did some massage on my hip, and it was amazing. I usually prefer the hard core deep tissue massage as far as massage goes, and AJ is extremely gentle, which doesn't usually do much for me. But today he somehow managed to find knots and tender spots that he worked on, and it was actually extremely helpful.
Afterwards, I iced my hip, and while I was icing, one of the PT aides came over to talk to me. She is adorable and super sweet (and is one of the people who is praying for me :)). She told me she had had a birthday that week - which I knew because I was at PT on her actual birthday, and she was telling everyone, lol. So I asked her old she was and she said 22, which was about what I would have guessed because it seems like she just graduated from college, and she had talked to me before about some additional biology courses she would need to apply to PT school (unfortunately I don't teach any of them). I said that I remembered being 22 and it was a very fun time of my life (although thinking back, 22 actually sucked, but 23 and 24 were a lot of fun... oh well). She replied, 'What was that, like, 5 years ago?' HA HA! I informed her that I was 39 and she declared, with genuine surprise, 'WOW! I hope I look like you when I'm 39!' Then she said, 'Can I ask you something?' and sort of leaned in so the whole room didn't hear our conversation. 'What do you do for exercise? You seem really fit for someone who's 39.' She said 39 as if it were practically the same as, like, 60 or 70. LOL. At that point, I could have about died laughing. Hello! I am lying on a table icing my hip, recovering from hip surgery, I have a giant blood clot in my leg, and I just got winded walking across the room! It was as if, at the fresh, young age of 22, 39 seems so old that a 39-year-old who is able to recover from hip surgery and walk normally again 'seems really fit.' It brought me back to my first visit to the orthopedist about my hip problems when I was around her age. I didn't think twice when he told me I was going to need a double hip replacement by the age of 30, because 30 seemed so far away I just figured... whatever. Regardless, she was very genuine and said it so innocently, it just made my day... no matter how misguided she was. It was a much needed dose of unintentional humor.
I left walking sooo much better than I've been able to walk in, like, forever, and that was a really great feeling. Not bad for a 39-year-old. :)
I wasn't actually feeling too good this morning, as I barely slept last night. I have had a pesky cough for about 10 days that will not go away and is really bad when I'm lying down. Of course, given my risk of pulmonary embolism, coughing sets off my thromboneurosis, but I really think it's just a cold. (But WTF? A cold in the middle of the summer?) Anyway, I worked from home all morning and went to PT in the early afternoon. I was surprised how good I felt when I got there, plus everyone else (PTs, PTAs, PT aides) seemed to be in a really good mood, perhaps because it's Friday.
I rode the bike for six minutes, with resistance, and it was sooo tiring for my poor, pathetic, weak legs, but it felt pretty good. Then I did my standing up exercises and some stretching, and they also felt pretty good. Stair exercises - good. Balancing exercise - good. My left hip actually feels pretty good; it is my right hip that hurts more now. But that's okay, it should hurt, right? And it still feels way better than it did before the surgery. And as AJ pointed out, it's normal that my right hip is sore - I just had surgery on it five weeks ago and am just getting back into walking again. So it's not like my right leg and left hip, which should really not be hurting. And the pain isn't awful or anything; in fact, I actually managed to walk across the entire room without limping, which seemed to genuinely impress AJ.
So...... yay.
Here's the sort of funny thing. I mentioned my bleeding to AJ the other day amidst my hysterics. In my normal state, I would have probably been too embarrassed to say anything, but my mental state was anything but normal on Tuesday. Plus, yeah, he's a guy and all, and not one of my very favorites in the world, lol, but he has a wife and three kids, so I'm sure he knows a few things about female parts. So today, we had a conversation that went something like this.
Him: So I talked to one of our nurse practitioners about your, uh, other problem.
Me: Mmmm, yeah?
Him: She was actually familiar with your case.
Me: Oh man, was I that bad?
Him (sheepishly): She thinks you really need to go see an OB. Besides, at your age and being a mom and all, you really should have one anyway.
Me: Mmmm, yeah, okay.
LOL
We were having this conversation as I was standing on the balance board, and it wasn't exactly private. Not that I care that much, because nothing is private in this PT place, so obviously if I were that sensitive about it, I wouldn't have brought it up in the first place.
BUT THEN, in the middle of it, I saw my orthopedist in the doorway. I immediately looked away and stared at the floor because I sooooo did not want to see him, nor did I want him to see me. I figured it was possible he was just walking by, although admittedly, in almost five weeks of PT, I have never seen him 'just walk by' before. So he walked in and tried to act all casual, saying something like, 'Hey! I just thought I'd pop in and say hi.' Yeah... riiiiiight. (OMG, he was totally checking up on me! And probably doing some CYA by trying show me some love. Either way - sooooo embarrassing!) I kept staring at the floor while holding totally still on the balance board, as if that might prevent him from seeing me. Unfortunately, he came straight over to me, and actually complimented me on my balancing skills. Ha. Then he asked how I was doing. I mumbled something along the lines of 'fine,' still without looking at him. Finally AJ jumped to the rescue.
AJ: She's doing very well functionally, but she isn't feeling that great. (To me) Is that about right?
Me: Mmmmm, yeah.
AJ: She's a little freaked out.
Doc: I know, but you're on medication now, so it's going to be okay. We'll get this taken care of.
Me: Mmmmm, yeah. (Dude, you sound like Tony Soprano, who gets things 'taken care of.' LOL)
AJ: Did you want to talk to him about your other problem?
I had no words at that point, but I just about died on the spot. So I just looked down at the floor harder, if that is even possible, and shook my head vigorously. I couldn't even find my voice enough to say, 'No, thank you.' So much for my teaching persona!
AJ: Oh, okay.
Doc: Okay, well, I was just stopping in to see how things were going... Bye.
And he raced off.
After he left, I told AJ, 'He knows about my problem. He can't deal with it; he's a young, male, orthopedist.'
AJ (sheepishly): Oh... sorry!
Ha ha ha, I know AJ was just trying to be helpful, and in retrospect it's sort of amusing. I wonder how my doctor made it through the OB/GYN rotation in med school.
Anyway, after that little debacle, AJ did some massage on my hip, and it was amazing. I usually prefer the hard core deep tissue massage as far as massage goes, and AJ is extremely gentle, which doesn't usually do much for me. But today he somehow managed to find knots and tender spots that he worked on, and it was actually extremely helpful.
Afterwards, I iced my hip, and while I was icing, one of the PT aides came over to talk to me. She is adorable and super sweet (and is one of the people who is praying for me :)). She told me she had had a birthday that week - which I knew because I was at PT on her actual birthday, and she was telling everyone, lol. So I asked her old she was and she said 22, which was about what I would have guessed because it seems like she just graduated from college, and she had talked to me before about some additional biology courses she would need to apply to PT school (unfortunately I don't teach any of them). I said that I remembered being 22 and it was a very fun time of my life (although thinking back, 22 actually sucked, but 23 and 24 were a lot of fun... oh well). She replied, 'What was that, like, 5 years ago?' HA HA! I informed her that I was 39 and she declared, with genuine surprise, 'WOW! I hope I look like you when I'm 39!' Then she said, 'Can I ask you something?' and sort of leaned in so the whole room didn't hear our conversation. 'What do you do for exercise? You seem really fit for someone who's 39.' She said 39 as if it were practically the same as, like, 60 or 70. LOL. At that point, I could have about died laughing. Hello! I am lying on a table icing my hip, recovering from hip surgery, I have a giant blood clot in my leg, and I just got winded walking across the room! It was as if, at the fresh, young age of 22, 39 seems so old that a 39-year-old who is able to recover from hip surgery and walk normally again 'seems really fit.' It brought me back to my first visit to the orthopedist about my hip problems when I was around her age. I didn't think twice when he told me I was going to need a double hip replacement by the age of 30, because 30 seemed so far away I just figured... whatever. Regardless, she was very genuine and said it so innocently, it just made my day... no matter how misguided she was. It was a much needed dose of unintentional humor.
I left walking sooo much better than I've been able to walk in, like, forever, and that was a really great feeling. Not bad for a 39-year-old. :)
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Post Surgery: 5 Weeks + 3 Days / 11 Days UIRTW
Yup, I'm still alive. I'm still wrong, and still happy about. I'm still bleeding, but the good news is that if I am bleeding to death, it is very slowly. :)
And I have some sort of good news. It is mostly good news, I just have some mixed feelings about it. I've decided to drop to 1/2 time this semester. I e-mailed my Chair two nights ago in the midst of my hysteria, which was not the best idea, but I re-read the e-mail later and it wasn't too embarrassingly hysterical (although he did reply that we would deal with a certain issue in the future, but For now we need to manage your stress).
I've written more about this over here: http://dontcallmeprofessor.blogspot.com/2014/08/im-not-dead-yet.html.
On Wednesday, my PT asked me about the class I was teaching. I was surprised he remembered. When I told him I had to get someone else to teach it, he nodded knowingly, as if he had seen it coming. Then he asked about the rest of my classes, and he asked in such a way that suggested he didn't think it was the greatest idea for me to be teaching at all (granted, that was the day that I looked reeeeaaallly terrible). I said that I was trying to get a reduced teaching load and he said that was definitely a good idea. So, I have an endorsement from one medical professional.
I guess my biggest concern right now is over the possible long-term effects of this if I don't take care of it properly. For one, there is a realistic possibility the clot won't actually resolve, even with the medication. There's also a chance of it getting bigger, and if it spreads up to the iliac vein, it's really dangerous, even with the medication. It can also damage the veins, leading to recurrent episodes of DVT. I really don't want to have to take anticoagulants for my entire life. And besides, what if we ever need to change insurance? $400/month for life is way too much; my kids will never go to college. The saddest part of all this is that I had this hip surgery because I felt like 39 was too young to be having such terrible hip pain, yet now there is a possibility of me dealing with DVT for the rest of my life, and I feel like I'm definitely waaaaay too young for that. I feel like every time I talk to people about being on an anticoagulant, they are like, 'Yeah, my grandma has to take Coumadin and it sucks,' or, some of my colleagues who are, like, 60, tell me, 'Yeah, my dad has had to take blood thinners ever since he had his stroke; what a pain.' Seriously, this is medication that only grandparents and the parents of people who are my parents' age take!
Meanwhile, my hip is killing me.
Ahhhhh, I'm totally dying my hair tomorrow. I need a morale boost.
And I have some sort of good news. It is mostly good news, I just have some mixed feelings about it. I've decided to drop to 1/2 time this semester. I e-mailed my Chair two nights ago in the midst of my hysteria, which was not the best idea, but I re-read the e-mail later and it wasn't too embarrassingly hysterical (although he did reply that we would deal with a certain issue in the future, but For now we need to manage your stress).
I've written more about this over here: http://dontcallmeprofessor.blogspot.com/2014/08/im-not-dead-yet.html.
On Wednesday, my PT asked me about the class I was teaching. I was surprised he remembered. When I told him I had to get someone else to teach it, he nodded knowingly, as if he had seen it coming. Then he asked about the rest of my classes, and he asked in such a way that suggested he didn't think it was the greatest idea for me to be teaching at all (granted, that was the day that I looked reeeeaaallly terrible). I said that I was trying to get a reduced teaching load and he said that was definitely a good idea. So, I have an endorsement from one medical professional.
I guess my biggest concern right now is over the possible long-term effects of this if I don't take care of it properly. For one, there is a realistic possibility the clot won't actually resolve, even with the medication. There's also a chance of it getting bigger, and if it spreads up to the iliac vein, it's really dangerous, even with the medication. It can also damage the veins, leading to recurrent episodes of DVT. I really don't want to have to take anticoagulants for my entire life. And besides, what if we ever need to change insurance? $400/month for life is way too much; my kids will never go to college. The saddest part of all this is that I had this hip surgery because I felt like 39 was too young to be having such terrible hip pain, yet now there is a possibility of me dealing with DVT for the rest of my life, and I feel like I'm definitely waaaaay too young for that. I feel like every time I talk to people about being on an anticoagulant, they are like, 'Yeah, my grandma has to take Coumadin and it sucks,' or, some of my colleagues who are, like, 60, tell me, 'Yeah, my dad has had to take blood thinners ever since he had his stroke; what a pain.' Seriously, this is medication that only grandparents and the parents of people who are my parents' age take!
Meanwhile, my hip is killing me.
Ahhhhh, I'm totally dying my hair tomorrow. I need a morale boost.
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
I AM okay! (5 Weeks + 2 Days / 12 Days UIRTW)
I've never been so happy to be wrong before. So I live to tell about another day. :)
I'm still bleeding, but not alarmingly so. However, I lost so much blood over the past 24 hours I looked like a Geisha girl this morning. Three different people told me before 10 AM that they would pray for me. Seriously, did I look that bad?!
I went to PT this morning, and it felt good to try to get back into the swing of things. Unfortunately, my hip (oh yeah, remember my hip?) is not stellar. It's not terrible, either, but it is actually noticeably sore. Maybe it is just because the pain in my leg is actually improving so now I notice my hip pain more. At any rate, my therapist suggested taking it easy and not pushing things too hard. I was able to do a reasonable amount of exercises; the only thing I can absolutely not do right now is go up on my toes. That causes excruciating pain in my calf.
My day-to-day plan is to just go about my daily routine, but not do anything crazy. I should try to be active, but not hard core. My PT also advised against long shopping trips to the mall. Fortunately, I don't really like shopping and I definitely don't like the mall. Ha. It's logical to think that rigorous activity might make a blood clot break loose, although there are no data that I can find about this one way or another. But better safe than sorry. Not that I have anything hard core planned considering my hip still limits me significantly (oh yeah, remember my hip?). Apparently the idea of bed rest versus ambulation is unresolved in the management of DVT, but there is little evidence to suggest that just walking around increases the chances of pulmonary embolism. And bed rest may actually make the clot grow. So... moderation seems to be the best plan.
Also, my additional consultation with Dr. Google made me realize that the ultrasound tech was right when she said it was a good thing we caught this. I mean, duh, of course it is, but when she said it, she really meant it. Given where the blood clot begins, in the proximal femoral vein, I had a huge risk of pulmonary embolism. According to this article: It has been suggested that about one half of patients with an untreated proximal DVT will develop a pulmonary embolism (PE) within 3 months. Yikes. I've been trying to find literature on the risk of PE while on an anticoagulant, and while it's obviously much improved over a 50% chance of PE, some of the articles aren't that encouraging about the long-term prognosis. It's not like once you're on medication you're totally fine. But for now I'm just trying to stay in the present, and praying all the prayers will send some healing powers my way. :)
I'm still bleeding, but not alarmingly so. However, I lost so much blood over the past 24 hours I looked like a Geisha girl this morning. Three different people told me before 10 AM that they would pray for me. Seriously, did I look that bad?!
I went to PT this morning, and it felt good to try to get back into the swing of things. Unfortunately, my hip (oh yeah, remember my hip?) is not stellar. It's not terrible, either, but it is actually noticeably sore. Maybe it is just because the pain in my leg is actually improving so now I notice my hip pain more. At any rate, my therapist suggested taking it easy and not pushing things too hard. I was able to do a reasonable amount of exercises; the only thing I can absolutely not do right now is go up on my toes. That causes excruciating pain in my calf.
My day-to-day plan is to just go about my daily routine, but not do anything crazy. I should try to be active, but not hard core. My PT also advised against long shopping trips to the mall. Fortunately, I don't really like shopping and I definitely don't like the mall. Ha. It's logical to think that rigorous activity might make a blood clot break loose, although there are no data that I can find about this one way or another. But better safe than sorry. Not that I have anything hard core planned considering my hip still limits me significantly (oh yeah, remember my hip?). Apparently the idea of bed rest versus ambulation is unresolved in the management of DVT, but there is little evidence to suggest that just walking around increases the chances of pulmonary embolism. And bed rest may actually make the clot grow. So... moderation seems to be the best plan.
Also, my additional consultation with Dr. Google made me realize that the ultrasound tech was right when she said it was a good thing we caught this. I mean, duh, of course it is, but when she said it, she really meant it. Given where the blood clot begins, in the proximal femoral vein, I had a huge risk of pulmonary embolism. According to this article: It has been suggested that about one half of patients with an untreated proximal DVT will develop a pulmonary embolism (PE) within 3 months. Yikes. I've been trying to find literature on the risk of PE while on an anticoagulant, and while it's obviously much improved over a 50% chance of PE, some of the articles aren't that encouraging about the long-term prognosis. It's not like once you're on medication you're totally fine. But for now I'm just trying to stay in the present, and praying all the prayers will send some healing powers my way. :)
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
I am NOT okay! (5 Weeks + 1 Day / 13 Days UIRTW)
I know I may seem hysterical and melodramatic, but I really don't think I am. In fact, one time one of my best friends from college wrote me a letter (back in the day of letters) telling me that when it came to trying to decipher my emotions, I was a 'Houdini.' This happened as a result of the fact that I went to visit her in California after we graduated from college, and had a great time. Unfortunately, I didn't write her a thank-you note soon enough telling her that I had had a great time, and apparently I didn't make it obvious enough that I had had a great time while I was there, and she interpreted my lack of prompt thank-you note to mean that I had had a terrible time, and wrote me a nasty letter telling me that she was sorry I had had such a terrible time. The sort of funny thing is that her letter and my thank-you letter crossed in the mail. Right after she sent her letter, she got mine, and promptly wrote me an apology, but said that I was a 'Houdini,' so how could she have known what I was thinking?
So this blog is evolving into a blog about everything except for my hip. If you are really reading this out of interest for hip arthroscopy, I do apologize.
At any rate, I feel like I need to tell a story to put what I am about to write into context. Fortunately, I've already written the story. It is here: http://39andhip.blogspot.com/p/somethings.html. The first paragraph. Yesterday I mentioned that I was nervous about taking an anticoagulant because of my occasional propensity to hemorrhage. The irony is that I stopped that entry to eat dinner, then in the middle of dinner, it started. It was as if I brought it on by writing about my worries. Now, I do realize that A. I stopped taking my birth control pills on Thursday night after the initial concern over having a blood clot, and I have not taken them since then, which could mess up my cycle; and B. I am on an anticoagulant, which will likely make me bleed more than normal. However, I am NOT okay with how much blood I have lost between last night and today. The thing is that it isn't necessarily alarming in itself - I am not bleeding to death - BUT, it is literally exactly the same as it was after my daughter was born, and that did not end well. And that feeling of losing a bowlful of Jell-O out of my uterus is something I don't care to experience again in my lifetime. It's worse than the shot in the stomach, and even worse than the cortisone shot, not to mention it is damn messy. My doctor kept telling me I would be okay, and ultimately I guess I was (I'm here to tell the story, after all), yet I was NOT okay with how it ended - with a lot of trauma and a totally unnecessary $10,000 hospital stay.
I'm also feeling a little put off because I feel like I've been voicing concern for my leg pain for a long time now, and everyone told me it would be okay. And because I try very hard to NOT be hysterical and melodramatic, I just went with the flow and tried really hard to be positive about it, even though my gut felt like I should not be having that much pain so long after the surgery. And look where that got me. My gut was right; there WAS something wrong. And while I am okay - again, 'okay' as in I'm NOT DEAD or permanently disabled - I'm sort of NOT okay with the fact that I had a blood clot that likely went undiagnosed for four weeks and now extends into my proximal femoral vein, which makes it much more risky to be toting around.
And for this same reason, I'm sort of NOT okay with everyone telling me this bleeding is going to be fine. And I'm sort of NOT okay with everyone telling me this blood clot is going to be fine. Of course, I absolutely hope everyone is right and I am wrong, but most other times when I have felt like I feel now, I'm the one who has been right.
So. I went and saw my orthopedist today. Before my appointment, I stopped by the PT room and brought my therapist some flowers from the yard, just as a little thank you for... well, finally realizing that things might NOT be okay. He was his usual stoic self, but who am I to talk? LOL.
At my appointment, I told the medical assistant about my bleeding so I at least didn't have to bring it up directly with the doctor. She reacted exactly like I figured she would: she told me it would be okay. I'm soooo sick of everyone telling me this, I just burst into tears after she left the room. I am not kidding. And even though I tried and tried and tried, and pulled out every stress management technique I have ever attempted (there are a lot of them), I could not stop crying before the doctor came in. And I cried the whole time he was in the room, which was fortunately only about three minutes. After the appointment, I kept on crying. In fact, I saw the doctor at 11:30, and it is now 3:30 and I am still crying. If I were more lucid, I would be really embarrassed, but at this point I don't even really care that much. My orthopedist didn't seem to care too much, either. He just kept talking at me as I kept crying, and it didn't matter that I wasn't paying that much attention because he wasn't telling me anything useful anyway. A summary of what he said:
So this blog is evolving into a blog about everything except for my hip. If you are really reading this out of interest for hip arthroscopy, I do apologize.
At any rate, I feel like I need to tell a story to put what I am about to write into context. Fortunately, I've already written the story. It is here: http://39andhip.blogspot.com/p/somethings.html. The first paragraph. Yesterday I mentioned that I was nervous about taking an anticoagulant because of my occasional propensity to hemorrhage. The irony is that I stopped that entry to eat dinner, then in the middle of dinner, it started. It was as if I brought it on by writing about my worries. Now, I do realize that A. I stopped taking my birth control pills on Thursday night after the initial concern over having a blood clot, and I have not taken them since then, which could mess up my cycle; and B. I am on an anticoagulant, which will likely make me bleed more than normal. However, I am NOT okay with how much blood I have lost between last night and today. The thing is that it isn't necessarily alarming in itself - I am not bleeding to death - BUT, it is literally exactly the same as it was after my daughter was born, and that did not end well. And that feeling of losing a bowlful of Jell-O out of my uterus is something I don't care to experience again in my lifetime. It's worse than the shot in the stomach, and even worse than the cortisone shot, not to mention it is damn messy. My doctor kept telling me I would be okay, and ultimately I guess I was (I'm here to tell the story, after all), yet I was NOT okay with how it ended - with a lot of trauma and a totally unnecessary $10,000 hospital stay.
I'm also feeling a little put off because I feel like I've been voicing concern for my leg pain for a long time now, and everyone told me it would be okay. And because I try very hard to NOT be hysterical and melodramatic, I just went with the flow and tried really hard to be positive about it, even though my gut felt like I should not be having that much pain so long after the surgery. And look where that got me. My gut was right; there WAS something wrong. And while I am okay - again, 'okay' as in I'm NOT DEAD or permanently disabled - I'm sort of NOT okay with the fact that I had a blood clot that likely went undiagnosed for four weeks and now extends into my proximal femoral vein, which makes it much more risky to be toting around.
And for this same reason, I'm sort of NOT okay with everyone telling me this bleeding is going to be fine. And I'm sort of NOT okay with everyone telling me this blood clot is going to be fine. Of course, I absolutely hope everyone is right and I am wrong, but most other times when I have felt like I feel now, I'm the one who has been right.
So. I went and saw my orthopedist today. Before my appointment, I stopped by the PT room and brought my therapist some flowers from the yard, just as a little thank you for... well, finally realizing that things might NOT be okay. He was his usual stoic self, but who am I to talk? LOL.
At my appointment, I told the medical assistant about my bleeding so I at least didn't have to bring it up directly with the doctor. She reacted exactly like I figured she would: she told me it would be okay. I'm soooo sick of everyone telling me this, I just burst into tears after she left the room. I am not kidding. And even though I tried and tried and tried, and pulled out every stress management technique I have ever attempted (there are a lot of them), I could not stop crying before the doctor came in. And I cried the whole time he was in the room, which was fortunately only about three minutes. After the appointment, I kept on crying. In fact, I saw the doctor at 11:30, and it is now 3:30 and I am still crying. If I were more lucid, I would be really embarrassed, but at this point I don't even really care that much. My orthopedist didn't seem to care too much, either. He just kept talking at me as I kept crying, and it didn't matter that I wasn't paying that much attention because he wasn't telling me anything useful anyway. A summary of what he said:
- These things happen; there was a 1% chance of developing a blood clot, and I did. But it's going to be fine.
- We'll get you through this. (Yeah............. right. I'll get myself through this.)
- The bleeding is probably nothing to worry about, and it's going to be fine, but if I'm really worried ( = that much of a hypochondriac), I should see my (nonexistent) OB/GYN.
- My hip seems great.
- I should keep doing PT - I should not let the blood clot get in the way of my hip rehab.
- Do you need some Kleenex?
- If I had had my wits about me, I would have had the doctor look at my incisions, which seem a little infected to me, but... I'm sure they are fine, just like everything else.
- I GET that an orthopedist, especially a young male orthopedist who for all I know is a virgin, doesn't know much about vaginal bleeding. At the same time, I am SO SICK of people being sooo specialized in their jobs that they literally can't tell you ANYTHING about ANYTHING other than the one little teeny tiny area they specialize in. It's no wonder my students are always asking me bizarre medical questions, as if I should know the answer to a mystery that stumped someone with at least seven freaking years of medical education and training.
- On a side note, one of my friends and former colleagues left the university to go to PA school. As a gay male, let me tell you he was dreading the OB/GYN rotation like nothing else, ha ha ha. Thinking back on the conversation we had about it at least got me to stop crying for a minute. :) (The way I see it, females are at an advantage because they have all those parts. And straight men have at least played around with all those parts!)
- The doctor did try his hand at due diligence, and asked around the office and came back to me with the name of an OB/GYN some of the females recommended.
- But, I'm sooooo over doctors right now. The last thing I have the time or energy for is another useless appointment. If everyone else is right, and the bleeding is just because I stopped taking the birth control, then it will stop within the next few days. If my gut is right, I will end up having a massive hemorrhage, and I will have to go to the ER where I will just see the OB/GYN on call, so it doesn't matter.
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