Friday, October 10, 2014

Let it Go (13 Weeks + 4 Days)

For no particular reason, I'm having a good day. In fact, I saw my orthopedist this morning, and basically he was not helpful at all, yet I'm feeling a lot happier than I have in a while. Maybe it is the residual effects of book club, which seems to buoy my mood. Or maybe my orthopedist was more helpful than I give him credit for.

For one, he seemed much less rushed than usual, and took the time to really talk. So while I did tell him I had been feeling better over the past few days, I mentioned that I had clusters of good days and bad days, just like I did before the surgery. He seemed cautiously optimistic about the good days and did not dismiss the bad days. We then talked about various things.
  • I explained the motions that really hurt - the combination of flexing my thigh and then putting weight down on it, which occurs when I walk and especially up and even down stairs. He asked if I could ride a bike and I said riding a bike was fine; it definitely seems to be weight-bearing that hurts. He said it was a good sign that riding a bike was okay, but quickly added, 'But I understand that walking is pretty important.' LOL. 
  • I mentioned that the pain usually got progressively worse and was always the worst at the end of the day, especially the days when I teach. I finish my last class at 1:30, then mostly sit in my office for the rest of the afternoon. It's when I get up to go home that the pain is the worst - walking down endless flights of stairs to go to my car. He asked, 'What about when you get home?' I told him that when I get home, I lie on the couch and cover myself with ice and drink beer, which isn't exactly true, but he thought that was pretty funny. Ahhhh, yes, self-medication!
  • Since he seemed to be in listening mode, I also told him that I had gone hiking a few weeks ago and had felt great and really thought I was getting better. Unfortunately, the pain returned after the weekend and after a day of work, and I told him AJ's theory of work being the problem. He did note that it was interesting that the pain came back so long after the actual hiking.
  • He did a few tests and said that my strength was good and that I seemed to have full strength in my hip, so he didn't feel that it was a question of needing to strengthen anything. He also said that my range of motion without pain was much better than the last time, and that it did not appear that I had re-torn my labrum. I supposedly passed the labral impingement test, but we know how that goes.
  • Speaking of which... he also repeated his blood clot test on me (Homan's test) although I don't trust him at all on that one! Fortunately, he ordered a repeat ultrasound so we can see where we stand with my DVT without having to rely on his examination skills (or lack thereof). I did tell him that while my leg was definitely better, I still had some pain when I tried to squat down. I told him I realized this when I tried to put air in my tires the other day, and I ended up crawling around on my hands and knees in front of the gas station.
Other interesting tidbits:
  • While he was examining me, he asked how classes were going. (I'm always amazed he remembers that I teach.) I told him they were going well. He asked if it was midterm time yet, which is interesting, because I feel like a lot of people have asked me that recently, and I don't know anyone in my department who gives 'midterms' - a pretty standard biology course is three or four exams and a final. I told him I don't really give a 'midterm,' but the class had just had their first exam. He asked how they did and I said they did pretty well, that the average was around a 70%. His jaw dropped. Then he asked if I scaled that up at all. I said no, 70% was actually a pretty good average for the first test. He just stared at me with his mouth open, so I added that a lot of people score in the 30s and 40s, which has to mean they aren't even trying, so I never scale up based on the average. I added that I do bump up grades on occasion if I don't have enough As; I like to have at least 10% of the class have an A. He kept staring at me and said, '10%?!' Then he declared, 'I'm glad I didn't have you for biology - I might not be a doctor now!' HA HA! (Have I mentioned that I really value sense of humor?)
  • Before I saw the doctor, I asked the medical assistant if I could get a copy of the surgery report. I added that I knew it was sort of awkward, but I felt like I might have to see a different doctor at some point and would like to have the report. She was understanding. She said she would print it off for me, but then she never came back. After I saw the doctor, I thought she might come back in with the orders for the ultrasound, and hoped I could ask her then, but unfortunately the doctor came back in himself with the orders, which meant that I had to ask him for the surgery report. I could have just ditched the idea at that point, especially since I felt like the visit went well, but. But. But. I asked him for the report and it ended up being fine, but... eh. On an amusing side note, I had to laugh at the very first sentence, This is a very pleasant 39-year-old female... Me? Pleasant? Even very pleasant? Did he just add that in there before giving me a copy? I didn't know they put notes about your personality in surgery reports. Besides, aren't most people pleasant when they are anesthetized? LOL.
So after all this... my doctor seemed a little stumped, just like I am. As he said, physical therapy doesn't seem to be helping and the cortisone injection didn't help, either. He contemplated the situation for a good while and then said, 'I'm thinking we should just... maybe... give it a rest.' I immediately understood, and agreed. Let it go. While this isn't exactly helpful, it sort of is. I was thinking about this before my appointment: What exactly is it that I want my doctor to say or do that would satisfy me? Yes, I suppose he could order more X-rays or another MRI, but I'm not sure that's really what I want right now. I sort of just want a break. I think this is what I was getting at about a week ago, when I wrote about just trying to accept my pain for what it is, and stop stressing about it so much. That actually helped me a little. And hearing this from my doctor validates it a little more.

It felt different than the other times when he just told me I needed more time. He didn't say that I was going to be fine, he just suggested trying to take it easy for a month, and after a month we would see where we were and re-evaluate. It is sort of ironic that not hearing him tell me that I was going to be fine made me feel better. I guess that made me feel like he was listening more carefully than before. He did say his usual hope was to have people back to normal after three months but that, of course, everyone is different.

So the plan is:
  • Stop PT. Overall, it's just not helping and seems to be making everyone frustrated. (I stopped by the PT room after my appointment and both AJ and Beth agreed this might be a good thing.)
  • Continue non-weight bearing or minimally weight-bearing activities that do not hurt, such as a stationary bike or elliptical. I'll have to work on this one - perhaps carve out some time to go to the Y.
  • Continue taking meloxicam. It is probably helping a little bit, even if I don't notice any obvious benefits. He also suggested taking it in the morning, which I haven't been doing because I'm afraid of the side effects making me goofy. However, I've been taking it long enough now that I'm pretty sure it doesn't make me goofy.
  • Get an ultrasound on my leg (which I scheduled for next Friday) and try to get off Xarelto sometime in the near future if the blood clot has resolved (fingers crossed).
  • Avoid activities that cause pain. This is hard when walking is one of those things, but fortunately he did not mention the 'c' word. He did recommend perhaps not hiking for a while though. Ha. I need to try getting rest when I can to give my hip a chance to calm down. It's not as if I need bed rest or to go back to crutches, but... I just generally need to try to take it easy.
I'm surprisingly okay with this plan. I also feel as if somehow, in all of this, I was able to let go of some of my anger. I've been feeling a lot of frustration toward my orthopedist over the past few months, and I don't like feeling that way. I felt like he redeemed himself today, and I'm happy to be able to let go of my anger towards him. He truly is a super nice guy, and I do believe that he's trying to help me in the best way he knows how. He seemed concerned today, and ironically, that has renewed my faith in him.

So... onward.

No comments:

Post a Comment