DIEP Reconstruction Aftermath: 4 Weeks

Four weeks, wow.

I feel really good. I mean seriously, I feel human and half normal again. Maybe even 3/4 normal. At least 3/4 of my new normal. (God I hate that term already.)

This is not to say there are not still bumps and some major challenges ahead, but I do feel like the third week came with some massive improvements. I can stand up straight for most of the day, my massive back pain has subsided, and my energy is returning. It's as if I woke up one morning and I was just... better. In reality, it probably was more gradual. I keep thinking of how my husband likes to tell everyone that our daughter didn't talk until she was three, then one day she was speaking in full sentences. Ummmmm, no. He's obviously not the one who took her to speech therapy twice a week between the age of 18 months and three years old! But it's true: she did go from being in, like, the second percentile at 18 months to being totally caught up by three. But still. She didn't just wake up normal one day, and I doubt I did, either.

Regardless, there are a lot things going right for me, and I'm so grateful for that. Besides what I already mentioned, here are some things that are good:

• My nipple is well on its way to recovery. Even after Dr. T determined it was viable, it went through various phases of grossness, then bled for a good week or so, with no sign of healing. However, over the past few days, it seems that a new layer of skin is finally growing over the top. Only about 1/3 of it is still bleeding. It looks like the pigment might even return. Dr. T was unsure about this, and told me at my last appointment that we could always tattoo pigment back into it, which gives me the heebie jeebies just to think about. My husband said it was okay if I didn't want to; an albino nipple would be easy to find in the dark. HA! 
• I've been seeing a really great massage therapist that one of my colleagues recommended to me. Now that I can drive again, I've gone to see him three times, and he is fabulous. I realize that getting a massage so often is an activity that is not sustainable (financially, that is), but for now, whatever. If the cancer kills me in a few years, I'd definitely regret not getting massages while I was alive. LOL.
• I've been slowly returning to my normal activities: taking my son to preschool, cooking, doing laundry, etc. Today, I dropped my son off in the morning, went to get a massage, met a friend downtown for lunch, and picked my son up. We just got home, and I feel good, despite the fact that A. We got caught in a seriously scary hailstorm/downpour on the way home, and I actually thought we might die. (Luckily, we got home intact, with the only obvious damage being that part of the underbelly of the car is now dragging on the ground.) and B. I slept three hours last night, from around 11 until 2, and that's it. 

The latter point is a good segue into things that are still a work in progress.

• I'm still having insane insomnia. It was better for a while; I would take a pain pill at night, because my pain does tend to get bad at night, AND it would help me sleep. For about a week, I was able to get away with the hydrocodone only, or on some nights the hydrocodone + melatonin. However, the past few days, my pain has been minimal, even by the end of the day, so I decided to ditch the hydrocodone, which led me back to needing a sleeping pill. I can't decide which dependency is worse - the hydrocodone or the temazepam. LOL. Last night, I went back to the hydrocodone + melatonin, and woke up at 2 AM. Of course, I started thinking about having to start tamoxifen, which led my stress levels to spike, and I was never able to get back to sleep. Aaaaaargh. I joke that I am sleep training. 
• At my last appointment, Dr. T brought up the possibility of doing a second, revision surgery to add fat to the reconstructed breast to make it softer. I do have to say it is rather rigid; I call it my coconut boob. At the same time, I am so over surgery right now. There is really no rush, but Dr. T suggested doing it before the end of the year - while it's 'free.' (I'm pretty sure we met my individual out-of-pocket maximum of $3,500 with the first surgery.) Part of me just wants to leave well enough alone, but the other part of me thinks that if I went through all of this, maybe I should go the extra bit and let him polish his results. After all, if my goal was simply to be acceptable-looking in everyday clothes, I could have just gone with no reconstruction and used a prosthetic. So... it's another thing to think about. 

Regardless, things are good! Really good. I am happy. :)