Cancer, DVT, and Hip Pain (in that order)

I saw my primary care doctor today; I'm not exactly sure why. Ever since his PA left, he has been overwhelmed, and it has been ridiculously hard to get an appointment. I set up this appointment several weeks ago, I'm sure as a follow up to one test or another. (I lose track.) I was going to cancel the appointment, but then my husband suggested that I keep it, so I did, more for him than for me. He picked me up at the university so I didn't have to give up my parking spot, and when we went into the doctor's office, he signed in as if he were the one being seen. LOL.

The appointment was fine. Basically it was a lot of hand-holding, and a lot of 'this is what you should expect,' which was actually good, because this is new territory for both of us. Dr. A apologized for not having more information, and said that he understood that waiting was the worst part. However, all he had was the preliminary pathology report stating that I had an invasive ductal carcinoma, so we would have to wait a bit more for specific information. He did say that no matter what, the priority at this point was having surgery to have the tumor removed, and that future treatment would depend upon what was found during surgery, as well as the more specific results from pathology. There are some more specific things I could discuss, but... I'm too tired. I love being surrounded by a bunch of people who know a bunch of stuff about cancer, but it is also tiring. While most normal people ask about the stage of cancer, my colleagues are curious if I have a TNM stage or HER2 results or... other things I haven't heard of before. It's enough to make my head explode.

Toward the end of the visit, Dr. A noted that my husband looked worse than I did. My husband shrugged and mentioned that 'it comes and goes.' Since I didn't want his male ego to be damaged, I offered that the anxiety seemed to bounce back and forth between us (which is true). Finally, Dr. A asked how the rest of my body was doing. I gave him the abbreviated version of my hip saga, then we talked briefly about my DVT. As I was talking, he pointed to his chest, then his leg, then his hip, and said, 'I know your hips are affecting you a lot, but the priority is the cancer first, then the DVT, and then the hips.' I know this is true. My hips will not kill me, but DVT and cancer definitely can. The irony is that at any given moment, it is my hips that give me the most grief, but I can't think about them right now. Dr. A did say we would have to talk about alternatives to Xarelto once I had the surgery scheduled. He concluded by asking if I need prescriptions for anything and I said I needed a refill for Xarelto. Then is asked me if I needed anything for anxiety. LOL. I joked that I had plenty of wine. Later, when I mentioned to my colleague that it would terrible if I could not drink wine while doing chemo, she reminded me that I could always smoke pot, haha. Oh the awesomeness of living in a place with no money to fix roads, but where you can go to the local dispensary and buy pot - pot candies, pot brownies, pot soap, you name it.

All in all, I am feeling pretty positive right now. Seeing my doctor and talking to a few colleagues and friends about the ordeal has helped me so much, which is actually surprising, but in a good way. The colleague who is covering my classes tomorrow - the one with whom I have a questionable relationship - has been amazing. I hate to say it, but it's true. The thing is I'm not sure I would have even told her except that on Monday, I had a little extra time between my classes, so I came up to my office and checked my e-mail and discovered that I had an appointment with the surgeon at 9:00 AM on Wednesday, which is pretty much the worst time ever for me in terms of my work obligations. When I told my second class that I would unfortunately not be able to make it to class on Wednesday, they were really upset (which I get, seeing as how it is the last class of the semester and a review day, but still... college kids being upset about a class being canceled? WTF?). So I told them I would try to get a colleague to cover for me, and while they were watching a video, I ran upstairs, and this particular colleague happened to be in her office, so I unloaded on her. I knew I only had 10 minutes until the video ended, so it all just came out. In the end, it was a good thing.

Anyway. I have been investigating the surgeon with whom I am meeting tomorrow and have so far turned up nothing but good information, so I hope that she is as awesome as she appears to be in the virtual world. If I hate her, I'm not sure what I will do. At this point, I'm inclined to take a kitchen knife and just saw myself open. However, my recent experience also makes me understand the importance of a good surgeon, especially with something as weighty as this. But I guess all I can do is wait and see. And think lots of good thoughts.