For the Love of God...

I was up all night coughing, and therefore woke up in a ridiculously bad mood, even for me. I woke up in a coughing fit seven times between when I turned the lights out (11 PM) and when I had to get out of bed to go the bathroom (3 AM) due to the huge mug of herbal tea with honey I drank right before I went to bed. Along with my bouts of waking, I was also having some sort of angst-filled dream, which I don't really remember, and wouldn't recount here even if I did, because IMO there is nothing more boring than listening to people blab on about their dreams. But the relevance of the angst-filled dream is that every time I woke up, in that delirious half-dreaming, half-awake state of not really knowing what is real and what isn't, I was certain I was having a pulmonary embolism, and was ready to call 911, until I finally woke up enough to realize that I was only dying in my dream. Oddly enough, I went through this same thing all seven times that I woke up. How does that saying go? Fool me one, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me seven times, shame on me, shame on me, shame on me, shame on me, shame on me, shame on me, shame on me.

Anyway, I finally caught some sleep between 3 AM and 7 AM; I think waking up enough to go to the bathroom let me shed the I am dying dream, and I moved onto one of my dreams where I actually tried to kill someone. (True story, but I promised not to bore you with my dreams, so I won't say who it was.) Needless to say, I was pretty unhappy and tired when I woke up at 7 AM. My husband told me to try to get some rest - to call my parents to help with the kids and to send them out to his mom's once she woke up. (His mom lives in a cottage in our back yard.) 

Now, here's the thing. Neither my parents nor my husband's mom are super helpful as far as watching the kids goes. My parents are pretty good about watching the kids if I'm in a bind, or if I plan it way ahead of time, but my mom usually makes it way more complicated than it needs to be, to the extent that sometimes it's just easier to not ask. And my parents would never be like, 'I bet you need some rest, let us come get the kids and take them to the park!'

My husband's mom is a different story. She is in her 80s, and has severe arthritis, and can't get around very well. I am fine leaving my nine-year-old with her for a few hours at a time, but my three-year-old is a different story. I'll leave him with her for, like, 20 minutes if I have to run to the grocery store or the pharmacy or something that I can do very quickly without a three-year-old in tow, but otherwise he doesn't spend a lot of time with her.

However, due to the events of the past month, my son has been spending a lot more time with my mother-in-law than usual. This has been a good thing, for the most part, because it has allowed me to grab cat naps here and there, get grading done, get stuff done. Don't get me wrong - I am grateful. Unfortunately, my MIL and I don't see eye-to-eye on a lot of things. I could make a long list of Things That Are Annoying About My MIL (can't we all?), but most of them are pretty benign. For example, my kids watch a lot of videos when they are out at her house, which they rarely get to do, because we aren't big TV-watchers. I've accepted it, and they have an arsenal of videos to choose from at her house. 

Probably the biggest source of tension, and one that has become magnified within the past month, is that neither my husband nor I are religious, whereas my MIL is. It's somewhat of a conflict for us, because neither of us were raised devoid of religion, so it's not necessarily that we want our children to be reared in a bastion of Atheism. But... we aren't church-goers, and I honestly don't see that changing. My MIL has always used her time with my daughter to push her right-wing agenda and introduce her to God and the Bible. (I drew the line at Fox News, LOL. The rule is that they can watch videos, but no TV at her house.) It's mildly annoying, but... like I said, it's not as if I'm opposed to my kids knowing Bible stories or even believing in God. I mean, heck, I grew up going to Sunday School, and I didn't end up marrying a man with six wives at the age of 16 and popping out 12 kids. So... whatever. 

Unfortunately, it has become painfully obvious to me over the past few weeks that my kids have been spending way too much time with my MIL. My daughter keeps going on about the Bible says this and the Bible says that and my son carries around flagstone 'tablets' and a staff and talks to bushes. Yesterday, we were in the car taking my daughter's friend home from a play date (which, by the way, is the first time I have driven since surgery - YAY!), and my son was holding his 'tablets' and his staff, and my daughter was listing the Ten Commandments. My daughter's friend is not religious, so she was just sitting there while my kids carried on like they were part of the Duggar family. 

'No other God,' my daughter declared. Then added, 'No false idols.'

'Set the people free!' my son bellowed out in his deepest, most Godlike, talking bush voice.

'Don't take the Lord's name in vain,' my daughter continued.

'You mean like this?' I said, 'Jesus freaking Christ!'

'How dare you!' she gasped, genuinely shocked.

'No killing,' I reminded her. 'Or stealing,' just to at least make sure she remembered the two I actually don't have a real problem with. Then: 'No TV!' I added, just for kicks.

'That's not one of them, Mom,' she said matter-of-factly. 

'But it's one of mine, and you have to honor me,' I said back, matter-of-factly. 'Honor thy mother and father.'

(Oooooh, this is getting fun!)

Clearly, this presented a conflict. So then she said, 'In one of the stories in the Bible...' 

I cut her off. 'I am SICK of hearing about the Bible! No more Bible for the rest of the trip.' Then, for emphasis, I added, 'For the love of FREAKING GOD, let's talk about something else!' 

I keep asking myself what I did to deserve this, besides get cancer and pawn my kids off on my MIL for a few hours a day, for a few weeks! It is almost like God is punishing me for not believing in Him. LOL. I've said before that I'm not a great mom. I never have been, so I can't blame it on the cancer. I don't purposely try to be a bad mom, but I'm a lazy enough mom that if I have the chance for my kids to spend time away from me, I jump on it. I've always rationalized this by telling myself that my kids are better off spending their time with someone who is warmer and cheerier and more loving than I am, and who actually enjoys playing Go Fish. 

But now it is abundantly clear to me: it's time for me to start working on Mom skills again. Because Jesus H. Christ, enough is enough.