Post Re-Excision Lumpectomy: Day 1

I've alternated today between feeling super tired and kind of out of it, and feeling really good ( = went downstairs, outside, walked around my yard, and even pulled a few weeds). I woke up at 6 AM, took a hydrocodone, then - more out of fear than actual pain - took another one at 10 AM. I still have a lot of throbbing pain, which I don't remember from last time, but I've been able to manage it well all day with ice. Overall, I'm still thrilled with how good I feel.

I feel like during the original lumpectomy, I was still reeling from the shock of my diagnosis and in the hysterical mode of GET THIS SHIT OUT OF ME! This time around, there was a much more ho-hum feeling. I know that due to the timing of my surgeon's vacation and our vacation and the ability for us to schedule appointments with various med oncs, there was not much flexibility for when this surgery would be. My surgeon had to squeeze me in, and... it definitely had that feel to it. Dr. L was her usual wonderful self, she just seemed a little more rushed than usual. From a patient's perspective, surgery is such a big deal, you sort of imagine that everyone's day centers around you and you alone, and it's hard to imagine that your surgery is so simple and routine that it's something your surgeon is squeezing in during what is normally her lunch break. It's a little unnerving to think that before she carves you out, she probably did at least 2-3 other surgeries. But then you have to figure that if it didn't work that way, it would probably be 2-3 months before you could get in for surgery.

Anyway, my surgery was tentatively scheduled for 2:15 PM, with a 1:00 check-in time. However, during my pre-op phone consult, I was asked to come in at 12:30 instead, because there was a chance the surgery could happen earlier, depending on how my surgeon's day unfolded. In the end, I think it ended up being pretty close to 2:15, since I didn't get to even start my pre-op stuff until 1:00. And apparently my surgeon had another surgery after mine, because normally she checks in with whoever is out in the waiting room immediately afterward, but she didn't. The good news is that I was awake and semi-coherent by the time she came by, so I got to hear the low down and ask her questions.

Waiting all morning was torture. I was hungry, not to mention thirsty, especially after a, um, fun night with my friends the night before. LOL. Supposedly I could have sips of water up until 8 AM, only I woke up a little after 8 AM feeling slightly dehydrated, so... basically I was thirsty the whole day. My husband had a lunch meeting he just couldn't miss, so my mom took me to the surgery while my dad took the kids. Needless to say, that was interesting. I've written about my parents before, and while it was good they could be involved and feel helpful, it definitely added an element of stress that would not otherwise have been there. Fortunately, my mom behaved herself very well. Unfortunately, my son... not so much. Let's just say that it will be a long, long time before my dad watches the kids again. My parents weren't going to tell me that my son had been a hellion, but of course my daughter informed me after I asked. My son had actually been a pain all morning, and was in the middle of a mega meltdown when my parents came over, which I didn't tell my dad, because I didn't want him to be freaked out about having the kids by himself. Eh, you win some, you lose some.

Before going in for surgery, I had the usual encounters with the patient care tech, nurse, anesthesiologist, and surgeon, and found that when you have surgery mid-day, no one is as chatty, and everyone seems like they can't wait for the day to be over. This is slightly unnerving, but I found solace in the fact that I was having a very simple, 30-minute procedure done, and not a double mastectomy with reconstruction.

I mentioned being a little weirded out the last time because I was fully conscious when they took me into the OR. This time, since the OR was only about 20 feet from where I was doing my pre-op stuff, the nurse just had me walk myself into the OR. I was actually carrying my own IV bag, too, until they realized I wasn't holding up high enough. LOL. The nurse showed me how she was checking herself and another nurse into the surgery on the computer, then had me crawl up and lie down on the operating table. Eventually my surgeon and the anesthesiologist came in, and the anesthesiologist said she was starting the meds that were going to make me go to sleep. I remembered from the last time that it only took 10 seconds before I was out, but this doctor did it in a little different order, I think. She told me one of the meds was going to burn, which I definitely don't remember from last time. When she administered it, I said 'Yooooow!' just to let her know that I felt it. She replied, 'The good news is that you won't remember this,' so I then used my 10 seconds to inform them that I remembered having the LMA taken out of me the last time, even though I wasn't supposed to. LOL. I bet they were super happy when the meds kicked in and I was knocked out. (And for the record, I DO remember the stinging, burning pain.)

And that was it.

I woke up with extreme, throbbing pain all over my chest, so of course my first thought was they had done a complete mastectomy. I immediately held my hand up to feel if I still had a breast at all. Ha. After what felt like forever - it was definitely BUSY - a nurse came over and offered me some pain meds, which helped a lot. Then she asked if I was ready for my mom to come in, and I said that I was not. LOL. After the pain meds kicked in and I was able to go to my Happy Place, they went and got my mom. My husband had also arrived, so that made it a little easier  - though he had to leave fairly quickly again. After a while, Dr. L came by and said everything had gone well and 'You did great!' which I've never understood. How does one 'do great' during surgery under general anesthesia?! Hopefully it is the surgeon who does great, and not the patient. LOL. Anyway, since I'm not going to see her for my post-op visit, since she is going on vacation, I asked her what would happen if the margins weren't clean this time, even though I didn't really want to think about this possibility. She said it really depended. If they weren't clean by just a little, she'd be fine going back in yet another time. But if they weren't clean as in there was carcinoma all over the place, she said she would recommend a mastectomy, adding that, 'You don't have very large breasts, so if there is still extensive carcinoma, you wouldn't get good cosmetic results.' So my mom asked her if she felt optimistic about clean margins, and she said, 'I do!' then added. 'I always feel optimistic!' So... I guess all that is left is to try to feel optimistic and pray for clean margins.

I feel like had to wait around forever before I could leave this time. This was different from the last time, when I feel like they were anxious to get rid of me, and I actually left before I felt ready. Maybe it just seemed like forever, though, because I feel like I was home by 5 PM. I dozed and watched videos for the rest of the night, which is pretty much what I did all day today, too. I did, however, actually get dressed and put my contacts in this morning, which is more than I could do the last time. And now... I am off to pop a hydrocodone and hopefully be able to get a good night's sleep.