Post Surgery: 4 Weeks + 1 Day

The highlights of today:

• I took my daughter to get a back-to-school hair cut, and I also got a hair cut. For the first time in a long time, I got bangs cut. I haven't had bangs in a long time, but I decided I needed a change. Here is why: the reason I haven't had bangs in long time is because I've always felt that bangs make me look a lot younger. Apparently I already look young for my age, and back in my bang days, I was actually asked for ID to buy a can of spray paint when I was in my 30s. (In California, you have to be 18 to buy spray paint, as I learned.) I know I must officially be old now, because I actually feel a compelling need to look and feel younger. Since I started my current job, I've acquired a massive amount of gray hair (which my old hairdresser affectionately referred to as 'hair bling'). Somehow all this gray hair plus having hip surgery before my 40th birthday has made me feel a little uneasy. I'm not ready to be a gray-haired old lady with a limp. 
• So yesterday, while I was picking up a refill for my pain medication, I bought some hair dye as well. I mean, what the heck? I have never dyed my hair before, aside from one brief dabble with henna when I was in college, which did nothing because, hello, my hair is black as black can be. But my current mental state is telling me that the gray hair has to go. Like I said before, I'm not ready to be a gray-haired old lady with a limp. And since it is a real possibility that I will be a lady with a limp or a crutch (or both) once school starts, I should at least have a cute hair cut and no gray hair? I don't know. Whatever.
• I made up my mind a while ago that I needed a hair cut, and had imagined this as my getting off crutches reward. But, it couldn't wait. While I am 'allowed' to walk as much as I can, retraining my body to walk again is going to take longer than I had hoped, no matter how well my physical therapist tells me I'm doing. I get my hair cut at the mall, which is somewhat of a trek (at least, more than 3-4 feet, lol), so I used a crutch. Just one, though. Progress!
• I bought a cane. I can't believe I'm even admitting to this; canes definitely fit into the same category as raised toilet seats in my mind. And because my daughter was with me, I bought a ridiculous zebra cover for it, because having a cane when you look like you are 20-something isn't attention-grabbing enough. LOL. However, the cane is really to use around the house. The thing is that I'm finding that there is a big difference between walking with even one crutch and walking totally crutch free. I feel like I need something in between. When I was at PT, I had to do all my walking in front of a mirror to make sure I had good posture and wasn't limping, but it's harder to do that when you're trying to navigate through a house. Without a crutch, it's really hard for me to have good posture and not limp. Not because of pain, but because of muscle weakness, and because either the surgery or being on crutches so long has really thrown off my sense of balance. And since limping is something that I'm not allowed to do, I feel like I need some sort of aid to help me not limp that is not a major as a crutch. So there you go.
• This does sort of bring me to another worry. You always hear people say, 'Well so and so is totally using this as a crutch.' I feel sort of alarmed right about now that I'm not having a little easier time walking, and I'm worried I'm using my crutch (literally) as a... crutch (figuratively). I know I am only one day past my official 100% weight bearing date, but I am feeling anxious about how tentative I feel on two legs with no support. I feel like if I just suck it up and force myself to walk around with no walking aids, my body will remember how to walk, yet at the same time, I don't want to overdo it. As my PT said, the one thing I really don't want is any pain. It is just hard to find that balance between pushing yourself enough and pushing yourself too hard.
• I'm sure I'll figure it out, though, one way or another. :)